I want to be devastating.
There's always the story about the comedian who repeated a joke, got no laughter, and came up with the million-dollar question of why people can't get happy over the same thing, but can get sad over the same thing.
I think I have a proper retort to that now. It'd take some time to get though, I didn't quite know how to phrase it myself initially. Ideas don't really translate into words these days, I think being deprived of my NDS is bad for my brain.
Skipping one meal makes me hungry. Skipping one meal, in another time frame, also makes me hungry. This only makes sense, because sadness is a form of hunger, born from need. And we more or less need similar things all the time--attention and sex.
We can't compare apples with oranges. We do, however, get wowed whenever someone makes a witty comparison between the two, and we go like "Ya hor how come we never think of it that way ah", as if the wow factor by itself can overcome the distinct barrier between apples and oranges.
I was reading the newspapers in camp a few days back when a certain Clara Chung appeared on the Life section. I was quite intrigued, because I never fail to love Asians, so I tried to find her on Youtube when I got home. It wasn't too difficult even though I forgot her name.
Apparently, she got famous because of her covers on other peoples' songs. I really don't understand this whole business of "covers". Someone famous sang it once. You don't have to do it again. It doesn't really inject something new into the song. How does it help? What are you trying to do, riding on the coattails of someone famous? Are you unable to become famous by yourself, with your own effort? I'm not saying that doing covers and all doesn't require effort, but making a cover doesn't sound all that intimidating compared to coming up with your own song.
Let's look at this blog for example. If I were someone famous, this blog would be read by more people. I'm not someone famous, so this blog isn't really all that hot, despite the fact that my literary abilities (or lack thereof) would be the same as if I were famous.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's more of a feat to become a renowned musician if you create your own pieces that are able to get people's attention, rather than to do the same only after you've gotten famous through riding on the coattails of other more accomplished musicians.
And thus, I cannot bring myself to respect these "cover artistes".
She is quite pretty though. As she was making the cover (the music video was about her...singing to the song), I was pretty much undressing her in my mind, thinking of the microphone as my penis (because I have a micropenis). Then I realized that she was pretty and that I'm not watching the MV for the right reasons, so I stopped watching. I'm not charmed over by good looks easily. I mean, it's hard to get charmed over when I have/am a limp dick.
Maybe that's why WK's attempt to baptize me into the cult of AKB48 isn't working out. I was bribed into watching their concert last Sunday with free tickets (he blew $100 on me, a pretty gay thing to do but kind of appreciated nevertheless). Although I don't understand a single shit, he managed to remind me of the mantra "We live only once", and I managed to psycho myself into thinking just that.
And so we bought light sticks and went crazy.
But I'm still not charmed over. Their crowd control was good though, and they were a charismatic bunch, able to drive the crowd crazy. I like that. It reminds me of this song that I have on my MP3:
You don't have to hear the full song if you don't understand Chinese, but in the opening, their fans were all humming along to the tune that everyone knows. I feel slightly moved whenever I hear this on my MP3, because in the comfort of my world, the voices of their fans reaches into me, pulling out something that I've always been repressing:
I want that power over people. It doesn't have to be on such a huge stage. It doesn't have to be on any stage at all. I just want to be heard.
I know my ambition now, and it's really ambitious. I want to be able to move the masses. I want so much from so many, it's impossible. And maybe that's why I repress this ambition of mine.
Maybe that's why I'm always shortchanging myself.
I remember the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, who was able to lure rats into drowning themselves (and subsequently, children). I want that power. For better or worse, I want that power. Not on the children lah.
And maybe that's why I can relate to what one of my friends once posted
"One day, I will be devastating."
Sometimes I wonder what people feel when they're in a relationship. Being in a relationship is an art, just like being alone. One of my friends got very depressed when her boyfriend left something out, she couldn't live properly for awhile even with all the attention her friends showered her with. It was weird observing her, and how futile her friends' efforts on her were.
To have so much power over someone else is obscene.
This reminds me of the aforementioned song:
就算是这个世界 把我抛弃 而至少快乐伤心我自己决定
所以我说 就让它去 我知道潮落之后一定有潮起 有什么了不起
I guess that's the perks of being alone--not getting too affected by any one person. But this would lead to a second problem:
Resorting to prostitutes for sex. This article is very interesting. I was simply looking for the market rate of blowjobs, because I'm looking for one, and I chanced upon this and realized that I'm much like the other 81% of the other perverts around:
I'll just quote one part of it, which makes this whole section look like a complete joke, but I think it's funny:
"14. This is all very informative. So where can I find prostitutes?
You can find prostitutes in brothels. A couple of legal examples are the (NSFW) Kit Kat Guest Ranch and the Bunny Ranch in Nevada."
Talk about being obvious.
I just saw this. I can't help it. I need to add this:
"TYPE YOUR NAME:
TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE
SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD:
Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did."
TYPE YOUR NAME: Alastair Lee
TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW: Alastair Lee
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED: Alastair Lee
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE: Alastair Lee
SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD: Alastair Lee
Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did.
No shit? I got them all correct.
But wait. What the fuck. Why would I ever want to type with my elbow? Why would I want to slam my palm on the keyboard?
That'd spoil my laptop.
Posting that as your status only shows that you...are brainless enough to destroy your property. I can only imagine the look of horror in your parents' eyes when they see you doing weird things on your computer.
Even watching porn is healthier.
Talking about watching porn with parents around reminds me of our last book out, in which we kena cock blocked. We were ready to be dismissed at 1715, when one of the higher ups suddenly decided to call us back (trudge up 4 levels into our bunk) for area cleaning. We did that dutifully, and we groused about that with great vehemence.
"Wah this is like watching porn and masturbating halfway then mother suddenly at the door, come back from shopping. Damn sian know."
A few minutes into the area cleaning:
"This is when she open the door already."
"Eeyer. This is like getting caught lor. Fuck."
-- 11/26/2011 12:40:00 AM
