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Repression management

2012-02-19T16:40:00.001+08:00

One of my friends asked me whether the Association has matured me or not. I wasn't very sure how to respond to that, because I wasn't sure whether did it or not.

I did learn a few things though.

1) The impotence of anger. The top-down approach doesn't work, because the people with power don't care about abstract things like "emotions", they only care about "accountability". There is no bottom-up approach either, because no one at the bottom dares to make noise--they know it's pointless anyway.

We can only simmer with anger and smoulder in chagrin, and pray for enlightenment over our suffering.

2) Leadership is just a feel-good word. If every person is a leader, why is everyone treated like they cannot take care of themselves? In the Association, what they really need is total control. It does not leave any room for individuals.

3) The importance of money. The Association outsources certain areas of training to companies outside of the Association itself. The Association thus becomes a "boss" of its own right, and it doesn't treat the other companies with respect.

I was talking to a rather high-ranking person once, and he said "That company fucked up one, they are the worst. They try to be like the Association, but they fail at it. I pay them so they should just work. I sacked 2 of them before."

Or something along those lines.

4) The power of games. Give angry people games to play and they'd forget their anger. They will be able to channel their anger into something other than the source of anger itself. People do not forget things easily, but if they find out that there's an alternative, if there's a way to make themselves feel better, to waste their time on, they will take it. And they will still be angry, but no longer angry enough to outwardly express it.

Gaming can control our lives in many ways, and making us apathetic to our very own environment is a very sinister form of control. To fight this, I've decided to download more games before I implode from the stress of not being able to do anything to improve my situation.

There is so much repression and anger I don't even know how to begin to express. Once you start work in the Association, they control your life. And you can't do nuts because you're bounded by the law to comply with whatever shit they want you to go through.

This whole fiasco which led me to the aforementioned conclusions also reminded me of the term "pigeon superstition". Simply put, pigeon superstition simply means that any action of yours can result in a slight cosmic shift that would result in something that is of your favour. Let's say that you're playing card games, and you get a good card immediately after digging your nose. The next time you dig your nose and you get a good card, you'll think that digging your nose would result in getting a good card.

I was tempted to wear red underwear, or avoid wearing certain "known" unlucky underwear. But I realized that I don't want to pin my successes of failures on something so casual as "underwear colour". I can't help but feel that my failure in changing the situation is attributable to the fact that I didn't wear a good underwear though.

Today, I went out with my JC classmates. I went out without 2 things normal humans cannot leave home without.

1) I forgot my handphone. I really don't know why, I remembered to bring my NDS, I remembered to bring my Pokemon Black, I remembered to send my R4 for repairs. But the handphone simply eluded me. I really wonder what's wrong with me sometimes. I got worried because what if they changed the venue?

I found them anyway.

This never happened before. I'm just glad I didn't freak out.

2) I went commando. That is, I didn't wear my underwear. No, this one is planned (;

So I was thinking, if I didn't wear my underwear and the MRT was crowded, would it be considered grinding? If it were, I'd be glad to just participate in this kind of grinding, because I'll be damned to pay to go clubbing when I can get off in a mode of public transport.

The faces you see in dreams are supposedly faces you've seen before. We meet thousands of people everyday (when we step out of our house and go clubbing in the nearest MRT), and any of those thousands of people could become part of your dream. This is quite scary actually. I don't really want to know this fact.

What if a face keeps coming back to me? Wouldn't I feel very helpless when I'm unable to put a name to that face? Wouldn't I want to know that person in depth if he/she is a recurring theme? Wouldn't I become fixated and keep trying my luck to meet that person?

Reminds me of the movie "Next", in which Nicolas Cage kept going to the same restaurant at a certain timing to see whether the girl he'd seen in the future would appear or not.

Last Friday, the one that just passed, was the first book out of the JC batch from Tekong. I was bored and in the vicinity, so I went to see the new recruits. It was an interesting sight, with all of them exclaiming amongst themselves the fact that they managed to survive 2 weeks of BMT, of civilian-deprivation, of everything that makes civilian life worth holding on to.

Kinda reminded me of my first book out, when even traffic lights was a welcome sight.

Sorry is the hardest word to accept.

2012-02-12T04:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, your body is filled with energy and you feel like you can take on anybody, you can take on the world. That feeling is exhilarating.

Sometimes, your body is sapped of energy and you feel like the whole world can flay you alive and you won't even flinch because you can't even be bothered.

Sometimes you have so much fight.

Just last week, my parents had a gathering of their secondary school friends. De javu much? Naw, it's just that this time, we're the host and it's a different clique.

All of the people invited have children, and one of them, my age, decided to bring his girlfriend along. I don't really know what's his point in doing so, maybe he's bored of just sitting around not contributing to the conversation or trying to make himself enjoy/appear like he is enjoying the occasion, so he decided to cut all pretense and just whack his girlfriend into the situation, but he did it.

And the damnedest thing about this is that his girlfriend simply clammed up.

There's a difference between being socially awkward and being fucking rude, and she crossed the line.

If I'm socially awkward, I'll probably say the wrong stuff, maybe screw up my speech or greetings, and blush and be embarrassed.

If I'm fucking rude, I'll hide behind my boyfriend and not shake the hands extended in front of me, and not exchange greetings with anyone at all.

I was trying very hard to close my eyes to this scene because they were rolling so much.

I cannot fathom how someone who is probably going to be 20 this year (our age) can be so....rude. If we are talking about a child, like a toddler who always clings onto his mother/older sibling and refuse to engage in conversation with the adults, I understand that it is, to a certain extent, cute.

But this? THIS?

You're a teenager, for fuck's sake. Grow up. It's not cute. It's a turn off.

I really don't understand why that guy chose her to be his girlfriend--no other choice? Too lonely an NSF?

If I were to get a girlfriend, she can be socially awkward. I mean, I enjoy watching people screw up. But if she's of such a quality I'd rather throw her away. Someone I can't bring home isn't someone I can hand in as homework done.

My family is important, and if someone's rude to them...no chance.

Speaking about rude reminds me of the current furore over Taiwanese/Japanese singer/actress Makiyo. Recently, she went clubbing with 3 friends, one of whom is a male Japanese friend. After getting slightly tipsy, they got onto the cab, and the taxi driver asked them to fasten their seat belts, which they refused, and subsequently alighted. Here's the report:

http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/front/archives/2012/02/12/2003525256

There are many other reports of course but this is the first that popped up and I'm lazy to do anymore research.

I wouldn't go into the moral issues on how public figures should behave, because I'm not such a moral creature myself. I wouldn't get into how heartless she lied, because there'd be people raving about it already.

What's truly scary about the case is that it highlights 2 aspects of modern life:

1) Big Brother is watching you. Always.

Her lies fell apart only because of surveillance cameras installed in both taxis and shops. Of course, if I were her I wouldn't dare to lie in the first place, because whacking a taxi driver in the middle of the streets isn't the smartest thing to do. Let's face it, even though it's midnight and all, there are still people walking around. There's always people walking around, and as exemplified in this case, invisible eyes.

We live in this climate of fear--we always toe the line not because we want to, but because there's this innate fear that somehow, in some obscure way, your transgressions would be found out.

We never dare to test the system because the notion of the system being completely foolproof is drummed into us so effectively that we're paralyzed with fear.

Often, even when we aren't afraid of getting caught, the punishment promised if we do get caught is too high for us to risk for the seemingly small, insignificant potential benefit of transgressing. For example, if I was thinking of becoming a career snatch thief, I'll think about the consequences of being a snatch thief. If I snatch an old lady's handbag and get like $50, I'll be happy. It's a few minutes of stalking and waiting for the perfect opportunity, so the work I have to put in isn't that huge. Most people don't even earn $50 per hour.

But if I get caught, I face a jail term of N months. So this makes me think, should I risk N months of my life for this $50?

And then I'll get cold feet. And go "This isn't worth the risk."

Is this what life is truly about? So many inhibitions, because our culture promotes it? Because it's a very effective way to get people to toe the line?

I'll applaud Makiyo for having the balls to lie though. I mean, it's definitely a desperate attempt to salvage her reputation, but yea, to have the balls to lie so blatantly is commendable.

2) Humans like to watch other humans fall.

We're all sadistic and it gives us a sense of satisfaction knowing that someone more popular, more well-known, more seemingly accomplished than us as a human being are proven to be human and lousily so. We like to know that we're all the same and we all make mistakes. We like it even more when some people make a mistake so big you feel better about yourself.

Let's face it--we're all insecure dicks.

If it were just any random drunk in the same scenario, it probably wouldn't be so publicized. It wouldn't polarize the media, artistes, and the normal civilians.

3) Sorry is not the hardest word to say, it is the hardest word to accept.

Makiyo went ahead to apologize to the taxi driver's wife. She just kept sobbing and apologizing and sobbing and apologizing and going like "I lost sleep the whole night because I am feeling so guilty" and that kind of crap. See, another case of a female trying to cry her way out of something. It's supposedly much more powerful, this Cry method, when used by a desirable female, but

3.1) I don't have a fetish for Japanese girls, and

3.2) this is too severe a matter.

The haggard look is recommended for appearing sincere.

She lost sleep because she feels guilty--or because her career prospects are now bleak? Of course, she can reinvent herself as the repentant girl or something, but that'd take a lot of energy.

But she will get to move on.

What about the wife then? Her husband was in the ICU (I believe he's better now) because he sustained serious head injuries, 2 broken ribs, and a concussion.

How do you expect the victim's wife to accept the perpetrator's apologies, the perpetrator who callously beat her husband up?

"Sorry" is so easy to say. It's one of the easiest way out of anything. If you don't know what you did wrong, you can simply apologize and then everything is fine because it's the magic word. Let's say that you promised to have dinner with your friend, but at the last hour, you pangseh-ed your friend, and left him high and dry and without a dinner mate, leaving him looking stupid because he alighted at the previously agreed upon MRT station and not the one that is closer to home.

All you have to do is apologize. All he can do is accept your apologies, because then, he'd lose a reason to be angry. If he doesn't accept your apology, you can simply say "Why so petty?"

Let's say you stole someone's husband. You apologize to her. But what then? What does it achieve? By apologizing, you're effectively saying "I'm sorry, I didn't want things to turn out this way but it seems that your husband, oops, ex-husband, wants to be with me instead."

And how do you expect your victim to simply accept your apology?

If I hit you and apologized, would you accept the apology and not retaliate?

You know the cliched joke about the word "sorry"?
A: I say sorry already what..
B: You say sorry so what? Then we need the police for what?

A: To catch people who never say sorry lor.

You apologize, because you did something wrong. People accept your apology because you did something wrong to them. Sounds like a good deal to me, paying lip service after doing wrong to people.

Why should "sorry" be the hardest word to say then?

What Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day is just another day in camp, spent with friends. Even if I do get to book out that'd be just pointless. Big yawn. I have no friends because they're either dating other guys or not gay.

Boohoo so much for it also being a friendship day.

I'm OK with couples walking around already. I'm used to that fact. What I'm not used to is the fact that everyone else around me is pangsehing me for balder pastures and I'm wondering why.

The Rejection Bacteria.

2012-02-01T00:46:00.002+08:00

I've had enough of people ranting on and on about the camera-less iPhone. To be honest I never had much love for Apple products, but I'm not going to condemn anyone simply because he is an Apple consumer.

But there must be a line to draw.somewhere. "A new product" simply isn't the best reason to suck Apple's dick. Being the first few of your friends to get an Apple product also doesn't show much about your person. What, you managed to catch up with "fashion"? Please get over yourself.

This is why I hate Facebook. Whenever there's a new Apple product to be launched, people almost clamber for Apple's attention. Like the camera-less iPhone. You pay around $50 more for less features, like no camera, no 3G phone call or "Facetime" or whatever fuck shit they call it. You're paying more for less...so just fucking give it up lah. Must you use an Apple product for the remaining 13 months of your NS life? What happens after these 13 months? Are you suddenly going to go "OH SHIT I AM SO STUPID"?

Humans don't need foreskin, but we must have foresight. We cannot be so myopic as to decide on a watered down version of something just because it's a brand we want. What's up with everyone and touch screens anyway? I prefer to type without looking at the screen, thanks.

Besides, if you really want an iPhone without a camera, all you need to be is resourceful. There are ways to make an iTouch a phone. I'm not going to find out for you if you're an Apple freak, because I frown upon hip NS phones.

Stop being stupid. Ignorance is one thing, stupidity is another, and I consider the practice of paying more for very stupid.

No wait, this isn't even a matter of intelligence, because even stupid people won't do this. This is a matter of common sense.

Sometimes, I just want to kill everyone.

My parents had a class gathering (from their secondary school) last Sunday, and my sis and I were caught in a rather uninteresting environment. The TV was showing some movie titled "The Last Song", starring a pair of teenagers making out whenever they could (which is whenever their parents weren't looking), at the shed, on the beach, in the car, mud wrestling, and then making out all over again.

I don't know who in the right mind would direct this movie and who in their right mind would want to act in such a brainless movie. It was so mindless my sis decided to take it upon herself to relieve everyone of their boredom by flipping through channels.

We settled on Godzilla.

Isn't it quite cool that my parents are still in relatively close contact with their secondary school friends? I find it amazing. I'm never good with connections and maintaining relations, partly because I suck at initiating conversations and partly because I'm quite a sociopath and shun everything popular. So yea.

But isn't it quite scary too? Seeing everyone you've been on the same level with soar to greater heights while you seemingly aren't improving at all? That your children will be used as a gauge of your success in parenting? That everything you do or say might invite envy or condescension from the eyes of others? That everything about you might be judged?

What about parenting? Having kids is the most stressful commitment one can engage in. You can get divorced from a marriage. Being a parent is different though. Let's face it, the verity of your marriage certificate can be changed, but the name of your child's parents will not.

It's a lifelong commitment, and you can never be sure that your child turns out the way you want him to. You want to induce growth, but you don't want him to lean towards a certain area because of an invisible parental force. You want him to grow up in a positive environment, but you don't want to spoil him. You want him to listen to your instructions but you want him to have his own mind. You want him to grow up but you want him to listen to you. You want to cede control of his life to him, but you don't.

Aren't they stressful?

And of course, you want to show off the fruits of your labour. You want friends and relatives to realize that your children are awesome, polite, and whatever. You want them to be impressed by your ability to rear kids.

But you don't want to make your children feel like they're your trophies, that they are your bragging rights, your trump card over the high-flyers you have for friends.

How do we deal with all these?

Fortunately, I won't have to, at least not for the time being. I'm not attached and I realized..that I'm not really looking either. I find flaws in girls so easily, I wonder if there's something subconsciously saying "NO" to every girl that presents herself to me.

I think this comic is true for a lot of guys that I know. Probably not so true for me, but sometimes my balls shrink too. But whatever. I mean, we live only once. So why bother making yourself feel terrible? I mean, why stop yourself from enjoying your life or trying your luck with any girl you have the opportunity to flirt with? Energy is meant to be spent, not stored and slept away.

Rejection bacteria!

http://zs1.smbc-comics.com/comics/20120128.gif

We should take things one step at a time. I should get attached first before I start thinking of the kids. Get my point about me being a man of too much foresight now?

CNY COS.

2012-01-23T21:16:00.001+08:00

I didn't sleep the whole night because I had to book in for duty and thought that I might as well sleep while doing this COS duty. So if what I say doesn't make sense, it probably doesn't.

You know how some people like to wear their jackets without really wearing them? You pull the jacket over your shoulders but you don't bother putting your hands into the sleeves?

I'm kinda stuck in the office for COS duty on the first day of Chinese New Year, so this translates to a bored young man emulating things he doesn't normally emulate.

In case you don't really know what I'm talking about, here's a picture that exemplifies the very sense of fashion I tried to describe:


I like his mouth shape.

So yea, that's what I meant.

It doesn't keep me warm =.=

I heard this story last Friday over the radio. It was about an experiment done on children. A teacher was feeling sadistic and decided to give every child a piece of candy. She (for it must be a female to come up with something of such diabolical intentions) told all the students that if they didn't eat the candy bestowed by the end of that period, she'd give them all another piece of candy to reward them for not yielding to temptation.

At this point, I was quite confused. I mean, I think it's quite obvious that she's trying to make a point that kids who resist temptation have a higher potential of growing up to become better people, but I couldn't fathom

1) Why the deadline?

2) Why the reward?

Let's face it, candy isn't like potato chips. OK, maybe it is to you, but I don't eat sweets like free. Let's look at lollipops. If a woman gave me a lollipop and gave me conditions similar to the aforementioned, I would definitely eat the lollipop immediately because

1) Women renege on their promises

2) I don't want diabetes.

I think that as a child, I'd definitely take into consideration at least point 2, which is for health reasons. I mean, when I was young I probably thought females weren't very different from us. They didn't have boobs back then, and I didn't watch porn.

If the reward was something really great, or something that can be discussed monetarily, then I might consider not eating that lollipop immediately...

..but since it's a woman, I'll still take whatever I can first (namely, the lollipop).

I was suspicious of the world even as a child. Me, eating the candy immediately after the teacher set the conditions is my way of saying "Fuck the second piece of candy, it's not here it's not going to happen and you're lying". It's not my way of saying "I have no control over my penis".

They then went on to state how the children who didn't eat their candy survived. Were they tempted to eat? Of course they were, it's recess time and they're held back by a bitch with nothing better to do. OK I made that up. But yea they were supposedly tempted, and they distracted themselves by doing work, playing with their pencils, or sleeping. Yes, they specifically mentioned sleeping. I want to be a teacher. I will host this experiment every lesson I have, just to legitimize sleeping in class.

The bottom line here is that the children who resisted suffered lots, like an itch they can't reach. For that amount of torture, how is a second piece of candy going to help?

I'd rather eat the first candy that comes my way and be done with it. I don't care much about candy what =.=

They then charted the progress of this class of kids, and differentiated between those who "resisted temptation", and those who "succumbed to temptation". They found out that -surprise surprise-

1) The "stronger" children grew up to be more successful

2) The "weaker" children remained weak.

What nonsense. If naivety is a talent, the stronger children are damn gifted. Just because a teacher said she's going to give you a candy doesn't mean she would. How does this even relate to future successes? I'm beginning to doubt the verity of this experiment. The presenter (the DJ) might've composed this story on the spot just to finish her homework.

Do you guys get what I'm saying? I'm only half-getting what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to articulate your thoughts before you can understand them. I'm doing just that, but I'm still not making sense of my thoughts and as Fi always says, if you can't convince, confuse and I'm trying to confuse you.

I want to sleep.

And happy Chinese New Year to everyone (:

I really love Chinese New Year. It's amazing how much effort every Chinese puts into taking time off for reunion dinner, family gatherings, stuff like that. It's also commendable that we always pray to our ancestors before celebrating. I like how humility/gratitude is always within our culture. It makes me feel proud to be Chinese.

I've decided that I enjoy going to the temple. There's this...sense of peace. When you close your eyes to pray you feel like someone's really listening to you. I try my best not to articulate what I wish for in words, because if the gods do exist, they should know me better than myself. I'll give them the raw emotions to work with.

The only problem is that I'm too self-conscious. I'm worried that I'll be caught in that kneeling position for too long. My mum and sis prays for some time, and I spend a lot of my time kneeling down squinting and hoping that they'd stand up so that I can take the cue to stand up too. It's a bit weird to stand around waiting for others to be done, and it's very weird to make 2 people stand around you waiting for you to be done.

I think this speaks volumes of a need I have:

I need a lot of time alone.

Dignity.

2012-01-20T00:38:00.002+08:00

According to dictionary.com,

Dignity:

bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.

nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.

elevated rank, office, station, etc.

relative standing; rank.

a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.

According to Pascal Mercier,

"That there are things a person wouldn't do or allow at any price: maybe that's what dignity consisted of. It didn't need to be moral boundaries. You could forfeit your dignity in other ways: A teacher who played the crowing cock in the variety show out of subjection. Asskissing for the sake of a career. Unbounded opportunism. Duplicity and avoiding conflict to save a marriage. Such things."

This brings to mind one question:

What would you not do or allow at any price?

There's a dilemma that I've been facing for quite awhile. I've only sourced for one opinion so far, and the source of that opinion has been quite an asshole :c

My dilemma: I have the opportunity to play with tits, real life ones, but I don't want to jump on the opportunity just because I want boobs. I'm a creep, but I don't really want to suffer with the guilt of exploiting someone that I never set out to exploit in the first place.

I'm not engaging other opinions, because I know what I must do, I know what I need to do.

I'm going to force myself into an impasse with my following declaration, and I might grow to regret it because I'm effectively rejecting hedonism, but I have to do it if not I'll accept what might come my way, and exploit the innocence presented to me. I have to write this down if not I'd turn into a monster that I don't want to see myself as.

I'm staking my dignity, and that's all that a man needs. If I lose it, I'm effectively emasculated.

Read my proclamation, be my witness.

I will not exploit any girls who are unintentionally charmed by me.

It sounds egotistic and much like a joke, but I'm fucking serious. If I don't put the effort into charming a girl, but she gets charmed anyway, she's collateral and thus should not be touched. I don't want unintentional casualties of Indiana Jones. Every shot should be an aimed shot, and if it misses the target and ends up hitting another, I'm not going to simply settle for a consolation prize. It's like if I'm aiming for a bird but I end up hitting a deer, I'm not going to pick up the deer for its meat. If it's not what I want, I won't settle for less.

I might not seem to make sense to you but that's fine as long as I make sense to myself, as long as I remember the thing I'll never do.

Because a man who can't keep his penis under control is not fit to be a man.

Girls are wrong when they are.

2012-01-07T14:26:00.002+08:00

I get this feeling that I'm treating people like accessories. I'm not asking them out to accompany them, I'm asking them out to accompany me..if that even makes sense to you.

And when they do turn up, I'm...not sure I'm comfortable with their presence.

There's so many things I'd like to say but don't know how to articulate. I'll attribute this to my inability to organize my thoughts in a more coherent format.

I shall go on to lament about not knowing the German language. Why this sudden lamentation? I mentioned how meanings are made murky, things made difficult to understand, words getting lost in translation before. I don't exceptionally like going into book reviews and all that nonsense, but I'd say this much:

Night Train to Lisbon is orgasmic.

So orgasmic I regret picking it up at the library, because it's poisoning my thoughts with melancholy. It's filling my blood with contempt for others. It's a book you read to get mindfucked, and my mind is fucked, and the language is beautiful, so beautiful in its translated version that I want to know what it is in its original language.

And yes, I judge books by their covers and titles, and I'm normally right.

In other news, I'm becoming a misogynist. I hate females. When you criticize them, they take offence, get angry, start to dao you, play the If-I'm-so-bad-then-why-should-I-change card (even when they never had the plans to change--you know that from the past 6 years you've known her for), and then wait for you to apologize and take back your words, because they cannot bear to see the truth about themselves--that they care more about themselves than others.

I think this describes what most people feel about girls:

Whoever came up with this is a pussy.

Not to me, not in my book. If you're in the wrong, you fucking apologize, and we can move on from that matter. Excuses do not work on me. Crying and whining irks me and hardens my Resolve to rape you. Yep, that's my dick's middle name. Indiana "Resolve" Jones.

I can be so bold and harsh with my words because, simply put, I don't give a fuck. It's something weighing on my mind for a long time, and I don't need incorrigible friends who, in turn, don't give a fuck about me, to weigh me down. It's like free consultation, you never have to put in the effort for the friendship but you get the comfort of one, and I hate having to pay all the time. Friendship takes 2 hands to clap.

If you think you fit the description of an asshole, you can consult me on a one-to-one basis. I'll tell you whether you are an asshole, and if you are, how to stop being one. I like people who can face up to themselves, who can look into their mirror and point out all their flaws objectively and not go like "No lah this one actually not that bad, I never blah blah blah, it's there lah but I never exhibit it intentionally, and since it's unintentional, so are its consequences, and so I'm not evil by nature, so it's really like not there like that, blah blah blah...."

_|_

A new year resolution.

2012-01-02T00:48:00.000+08:00

New Year resolution? Mine's simple. I'll start off quoting from "Night Train to Lisbon", which in turned quoted from Marcus Aurelius' "The Meditations".

"Do wrong to thyself, do wrong to thyself, my soul; but thou wilt no longer have the opportunity of honouring thyself. Every man's life is sufficient. But thine is nearly finished, though thy soul reverences not itself but places thy felicity in the souls of others. "

And I'll end off with another quote, from the same

"Through not observing what is in the mind of another a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy. "

13 songs that should be banned.

2011-12-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

So, true to my word, I hit the cinema alone. The bad thing was that there's this other guy beside me checking my package out. It's disturbing, really. Remind me to buy the seat next to me, too. I don't want to be in such a socially awkward situation again.

Before the show started however, I was rudely reminded of the my previous post on the worst songs of the year. I've decided to do the same again this year, because this is really jarring on my ears, and it's almost impossible to block the Noise out..because it's too shrill.

I know that "worst" is a superlative, and I know that my following announcement would thus have a grammar mistake, but please don't be so particular--these songs are so bad, it's rock bottom bad, and thus have the same standard throughout.

Presenting to you the 13 worst songs of the year:

1) Party Rock Anthem, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.

I've always had a problem with "shuffling". Shuffling goes against every single moral I have, which isn't that difficult considering how much morals I have, but the problem with shuffling is that IT WILL FUCKING SPOIL YOUR SHOES. Ever heard of wear and tear? Would you like to be the shoe that gets worn out because your owner is a complete dick? Shuffling is stupid and overrated. Get a life, start walking like normal humans for a change. If you really want to tone your muscles so much, go to the gym. Fight Brock.

What the fuck is wrong with people these days? You guys dig this shit?

And let's just say that I find the lyrics of "Party Rock Anthem" particularly interesting/meaningful, because I'm an alcoholic clubber who isn't really into abstract stuff like "meaningful lyrics". Let's just assume that I'm like that. OK. So..what makes you think that "Chipmunking" this song that I love so much would make me love the song even more? Are the chipmunks going to teach me more about shuffling, because there are so few differences in our anatomy now that they walk on 2 legs?

Changing the tone, making the song more shrill, is not helpful to my ears. It probably doesn't make anyone happy. If it makes you happy, just..go. Just go. Really. I don't need you here, and I don't need you as a friend. I cringe to know that such people exist.

2) Bad Romance, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.

Overall, I give a 0/10 for Originality, 0/10 for Creativity, 10/10 for Irritating. I never had a beef with Lady Gaga, because I'm too Chinese to bother with English songs. Now, I'll have problems with her. Isn't there something she could've done to stop her record company/label/whatever from allowing "chipmunks" to defile her song?

Or maybe she doesn't care. Which makes me have problems with her.

3) Trouble, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.

This is getting tiring to read. It's tiring to type too. I'm not used to typing "and" as "&", so I have to keep looking at the keyboard. And I keep spelling "Chipettes" as "Chippettes", which sucks.

4) Whip My Hair, performed by The Chipettes.

At least I didn't have to type "&", although I just did. Anyway, this song by itself sucks. That is not to say that number 3 does not, because I've never heard the song before and I'm not going to start now. This song is sung by a...10 year old kid. It gained traction because of her dad. It sucks. Really. I'm going to quote WIki, which quoted somewhere else, that

1.

Lyrically the song is about letting loose, having fun and being full of swagger, while she asks ladies to "whip their hair" and "shake haters off".

2.

"The lyrics have motivational undertones, speaking of self-love and assurance, and referring to letting your hair down as a representation of this in parts like the line, 'Keep fighting until I get there, when I'm down and I feel like giving up/I whip my hair back and forth, I whip it, I whip it real good.'"

This makes me wonder about the girls who have short hair. You mean you can't have fun, be full of swagger, because you don't have the hair to whip? The "motivational undertones, speaking of self-love and assurance, and referring to letting your hair down as a representation of this" reeks of a condescending attitude towards people like, say, cancer patients.

C'mon, whip your hair back and forth!

...

Simply put, the song sucks, the imagery falls flat on itself, it's a song sung by someone born in the year 2000, for people born in the same year. I can hardly imagine what went through the lyricist's mind. I cannot imagine why the "chipmunks" would want this song either. It's disturbing.

5) Vacation, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.

Yea, I'll need one now.

6) We Have Arrived (Rae Chill featuring Chris Classic).

No I don't know what is this. Yes I'm quoting directly from Wiki. Fuck this shit. What arrived? Who cares about a bunch of chipmunks running around. Can't they be on the menu instead? If they can't, then what's the point of their existence?

7) Say Hey, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes featuring Nomadik.

Hey.

Shut the fuck up.

8) Real Wild Child (Wild One), performed by The Chipmunks and The Chipettes featuring Nomadik.

Wild is right. If I'm a father and my child were to ask for this, I'll abandon him in the jungles and see if he becomes Tarzan. That or dog food. Wild Child my ass.

9) S.O.S., performed by The Chipettes.

Help me. I'm drowning in stupidity. And help us all, deliver us from this pain. I bought movie tickets to ENJOY A FUCKING MOVIE, NOT TO GET MY EARS DESTROYED, NOT TO MAKE MY DICK SHRINK AND SHRIVEL.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

I need to sue cinemas for using their songs. Maybe that'd make them realize that consumers aren't just sacks of meat for them to sink their corporate dicks into.

10) We No Speak Americano/Conga, The Chipettes featuring Barnetta DeFonseca.

You racist? I no speakea Engrish.

What the fuck is Americano anyway? It's not even a language. Move on.

11) Survivor, performed by The Chipettes.

Please let me survive this. Let the S.O.S. go through. I'll try my best not to step into a cinema until the coast is clear, if not I might end up demolishing the stereo.

12) Born This Way/Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now/Firework, performed by The Chipmunks and the Chipettes.

Born to be irritating, can't stop you from raping our ears and making us explode into fireworks. Yea, I got that alright.

Number 13 is a bonus track. Bonus...indeed.

13) Club Can't Handle Me, performed by The Chipmunks and The Chipettes.

I can't handle you either, and I think I'm quite a tolerant man. I die a little bit every time I hear their irritating squeaky "voices". Please. It's a different form of techno, except more irritating. I'd rather scratch my nails on a blackboard. It'll probably be less painful.

On the ears I mean.

They make watching movies a painful affair. I'll wake up from nightmares of animals serenading me with their shitty voice.

How do the producers sleep at night? Don't they have a conscience? =\

I'd rather be marooned than get in a shipwreck with them.

State of the Union.

2011-12-29T02:15:00.003+08:00

I know I'm a loner. No, really. I think it's a good idea to watch movies alone, because being alone, you don't have to feel compelled to laugh whenever the comic scenes appear. You don't have to act like you're not scared when the ghost jumps out. You don't have to hide the fact that you're moved.

Basically, you won't have to rearrange your facial features for anyone else. Isn't that what watching movies is about? I mean, it's supposed to be dark for a reason right? Just so that you can have a little more privacy, just so that no one would catch you sleeping when you're mindfucked and too tired to think and thus sleeping during Inception.

I like that idea. I like the idea of not being scrutinized. I want to watch movies alone.

Like how I'll go support local productions tomorrow at 10.30AM.

I saw a friend on the MRT home. He was with his girlfriend, and I thought "Wah. Everyone around me getting attached worx."

Then I realized that I'm the one not moving to get out of this self-imposed solitude. OK, not that much of self-imposed, but then again, I could be more charming, I could be more careful with my words. It's just not my style.

If I were attached, I think I'd have troubles faking a smile all the time. I'd be so thoroughly scripted I won't feel like it's myself. I..would hate that.

And I'm recently fixated on this author: Douglas Kennedy. Eh he writes beautifully OK. I'm smitten by the way he describes life in "State of the Union".

"Maybe it's a reaction against mortality -- the cold, chilling, middle-of-the-night realization that everything is finite, that all the striving and ache and want and pleasures and disappointments of life vanish with us when we die. Can anyone really imagine their own death? No you on this planet -- and the very absence of you noted by so few people. Which means the point to all the striving and suffering while we are here is...?

"But there's the ongoing imponderable question, isn't it? What's the damn point? How I envy so many people who have religious faith. I've never been able to make that leap -- to accept the existence of a God and paradise eternal for thos who accept Him. But even though I think it's all nothing but a fairy tale that adults tell themselves to soften the nullity of death, it must be wonderful to proclaim: Yes, there is a point after all! Yes, I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with everyone I love..."

Impartiality.

2011-12-26T03:46:00.003+08:00

Pitfall traps are normally set up by people. I'm the kind of person who sets up situations only to have it collapse unto me. Which..kinda sucks. I don't really like to have my cards played against me but I don't really have a choice. I mean..I chose to play them in the first place after all.

Which is why I don't understand my tendency to set up traps for me to fall into. I guess I'm just asking for trouble. It disturbs me how impartial my cards are--I sometimes forget that they're simply cards and nothing else, in the sense that there's no emotional attachment. Just because you got that Ace 3 games in a row doesn't mean you'd have a higher chance of getting it for the 4th game--you still have the same probability getting it as the other players. Cards get shuffled around all the time, played by different hands. I'm just another hand that had the chance to play said cards.

I tend to dramatize the relationship I have with cards. You know they always say that you shouldn't curse your luck or your mahjong tiles, because it'd only make things worse. Of course it only reflects better on your peace and calm, and that in turn MIGHT help you get better tiles, or at least feel like you didn't get the worst of the lot. We subconsciously form a relationship with the cards/tiles, we hope they'd reciprocate and be dealt to us, but it doesn't happen because it's all up to luck.

It doesn't love you; it's just its luck.

That said, we all have this false delusion that if you spend enough time with an object, that object will become attached to you. Nope, it just means you become more attached to the object. It's not going to be your "lucky underwear" simply because you wear it to every major battle you have. We just like to attribute stuff to stuff.

Damn I hate Monopoly Deal. My cards are always stolen from me, right under my nose, and I'm powerless to say anything. I can't just say no if I feel the card doesn't want to stick around, right? I do listen to the cards. I know what they want, I know where they want to end up at, and I don't want to get in the way. In short, cards play me.

In other news, I've officially declared myself an alcoholic. I was at a Christmas party just now, courtesy of my BMT buddy, when there was suddenly free flow of vodka and white wine and beer. I couldn't help myself.

I was a happy man. Except that the more I drank the more sober I got and the aforementioned thoughts appeared and I felt sucky. It's not that much of a blessing being unable to get high, being reasonably sober, when you don't want to be sober. However, I'm glad that no matter how depressed I am, there are still friends that I can rely on, that I can call on whenever I feel the need to. Time might make us drift apart, but even so..I'm glad that a simple phone call can make us closer. I'm just glad that we can bridge whatever time puts between us so easily. I'm glad.

I know I wasn't born with much luck in things that I'd wanted to be lucky in, like perhaps gambling, and I know that I've been complaining for some time about my lack of luck in certain areas, but..

..I can't carry on like that, because that'd be unfair to the friends I'm lucky enough to have. I know you all might not read this, but thanks Fi for...talking me out of my drunken stupor, for giving me your listening ear as I ranted, and thanks Candle for helping me put my life in order. OK it's not that orderly yet, no real goals in sight, but hey..it's a start. Thanks for helping me start.

If I have such great friends, I can hardly suck that badly. (;

Anger: The biggest turn off.

2011-12-25T01:55:00.000+08:00

You roll a 4 on the dice. You decide that there's a higher chance of getting a lower score if you choose to throw the dice again (1/2, compared to 1/3). So you give up the 1/3 chance of getting either a 5 or a 6, because the probability of getting a 1 through 4 is higher.

I'm the kind of guy who rolls a 2, and then doesn't trust his luck because he normally rolls a 1 the next time. But the most successful people throws the die again even if he'd gotten a 5. I should grow some balls. I should keep throwing.

I realized that anger is a very good way to turn me off. It is the best way to say "no" to me. I don't like making people angry. Anger, to me, is like a trump card you play only when you've exhausted every available diplomatic option. Anger, to me, is a declaration of war, an expression that you're willing to go all out to defend a certain point you're trying to make. Whenever I sense anger in someone, I know I've hit on a sore point. I know the limits, the boundaries, and I try my best to avoid these.

Whenever someone flashes his anger at me, I know that that person can never be a good friend. I know I'm an unreasonable dick, but I always know when to reasonably stop. I try my best to ignore boundaries, but I never push them too hard because I know not to. So when someone flies into a rage, I know that that someone isn't someone I can play with, nor is he someone worth playing with. Because rage is not something I want to play.

Anger is not something I express often because of said views. It's a last resort thing. It's something you do out of exasperation. It's something you do after every reasonable effort or option is exhausted. I never get to that stage. I'll never get to that stage.

I'll never flash my anger, because everything won't be the same again if it were to be expressed.

Other than that, to everyone: Thanks for being my friend. Merry Christmas. I have a lot to be contented about so I cannot complain, for exactly the same reasons as the above.

And to whom it may concern:

Digestion from alcohol.

2011-12-24T02:38:00.000+08:00

Alcohol is scary. It addles your mind, collapses your facade, breaks you down. Everything you stood for crumbles. You admit everything that bugs you, every misgiving, grudge, whatever. You become weak.

Politicians should be forced to get drunk before getting on the podium. No, really, it addles the mind such that all those cold hard calculations are foiled, you don't know what else to say but the truth so it is the truth that you spout, and everyone will be astonished by your frankness about your failures.

And admitting your mistakes is the first step to rectifying it.

I need to live life in an inebriated state. But I don't ever want to be in such a situation as aforementioned, ever again. I'll drink but I'll know to keep my mouth shut. I will.

In other news, it's officially Christmas Eve. I'm not a Christian though. But it's Christmas Eve. So..I'll celebrate it with alcohol and more alcohol and more fucking alcohol just because I can, just because I want to, just because letting loose can be quite distressing, just because.

And as usual, I'll pump the song of the season all day long, psycho-ing myself into thinking that I'm a tragic hero just like everyone else, that this misery won't end anytime soon, that I'll get stronger (fuck Eason, he's too awesome). Maybe if I'm disillusioned about myself enough I'd become a stronger person.

Maybe.

Hohoho. I'm a voyeur.

Fuck Christmas._|_

Random question: Are ants attracted to semen? My table's getting a lot of ants.

18%

2011-12-13T20:29:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the friends I have says things I can never imagine them saying. It amuses me to no end when language like this pops up.

koh wai kit says

woi

wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

cocktease

like the girl i saw on the way home

fucking cocktease

awesome sexy little kitten

Seriously, "awesome sexy little kitten"? I can never put it across in a more exciting way than that.

Talking about "on the way home" brings to mind "transport", which in turn leads to the current furore over SMRT's services. I get the public ire, I really do. But this is simply the result of complacency, and this fiasco isn't that impossible in the first place. SMRT is a private company, with the suffix "Ltd". It just means that shareholders are not liable to losses of the corporation, which means that if the corporation suffers too many losses, shareholders only lose the amount they invest.

Which just means they don't really have to be responsible for the people who take their transport.

Let's face it, we have no proper competition for SMRT. There's only one corporation (SMRT) plying the NS/EW/Circle lines, with SBS Transit plying the NE line. We only have 2 corporations doing our MRT. We have no say if they were to pakat and raise the prices.

People will be outraged. They will remain outraged for a few days, and then their anger will simmer and die off. This matter will be largely forgotten until the next time SMRT tries to raise its prices. And the prices will be raised anyway, and people cannot boycott SMRT because the alternatives are not as feasible or convenient in the long run. Purchasing a car isn't the cheapest thing to do. Buses take a long time, and there's less chiobus on the bus. Taxis are expensive unless you're travelling with 3 friends, and even then it's more expensive than the MRT, and not necessarily more convenient.

SMRT knows this. They can exploit the fuck out of us. They can force their corporate dick of greed into our poor anuses and rape us without lube, and all we can do is grunt, grumble, and moan like the little sluts we are in the merciless hands of insatiable greed. We're powerless, and they know it. The only thing they're doing is trying to deceive us into thinking that we're not as powerless as we are, and that's why they don't raise the prices in a way that screams unreasonable. They raise it in a way that says unreasonable.

This is a classic case of monopoly, when you land and pay through your nose for every land you step on, because your friend is a dick who owns like 5 hotels along Nassim Road, and you can't do nuts about him being a dick because he's not playing against the rules. He's not going to have to pay for the maintenance of the hotels, shit, no, unless he gets the Chance card, and let's face it--that'd be rare, and he'd still earn more from renting the fuck out of you. He can't lose. Monopoly teaches life skills, and Singapore allows such things to happen.

So...

We have a problem.

We are the problem.

In other news, I've finally gotten my 3SG rank. But I don't really feel all that excited about it, because I don't think I've earnt it. There's nothing to be proud of for something that I haven't succeeded in, because putting in effort isn't enough; actually succeeding in something is what truly matters.

But for the higher "allowance", I guess I'll take it. Money talks.

Did you know that 22% of all married males cheat on their wives. You might think that only males would cheat on their females, because Nature built them to propagate as much as possible, but you'd be surprised/disappointed when you find out that a whopping 18% of females cheat on their husbands. I read that on The Straits Times. So much for fidelity, marriage vows, and whatnot. The statistics are worrying though. 18% roughly translates to 1/5 women cheating on their husbands, which also obviously means that 1/5 husbands are having cheating wives. This is indeed worrying, because I normally have at least 4 other males surrounding me, because I'm that popular. And judging by circumstances, and past experiences, my luck isn't the best.

This means...=\

I'm not going to get married. This is either a clairvoyant moment or me being very very insecure. The possibility of wearing a green hat is too great for me to contemplate.

Which also makes me wonder how many people are actually faithful even when they're only dating.

I can blabber on and on and make no sense still.

Prideless.

2011-12-13T19:53:00.003+08:00

I've never thought much of it before, but when I first held it in my hands, I thought "Hey, it might not be that bad after all." And I had some sense of pride.

I realize now that it's not pointless, but that I didn't earn it. I'm not adding value to it. Can I reject it?

There's nothing left in it for me to be proud of.

In other news:

You know when everything seems against you, everything else comes at you with a vengeance. You've gone and done it again, screwed up, signed a possible future away knowing full well the consequences, and you leave for home with a heavy heart hoping to seek some solace with your hands in the privacy of your room...

...but the modem fucks up, giving rise to the new definition of 狼狈 (the definition for me is miserable): There's no wireless connection to the Internet, and you have to use the Ethernet cable, so you step out from the comfort of your own room into the living room and plug the Ethernet cable into the LAN port of your laptop and stream the porn you need to watch, before plugging out and retreating.

Yep. Miserable enough.

Into every mud puddle.

2011-12-11T19:22:00.005+08:00

On Friday, I was in the classroom with a few other failures to relearn how to drive. The teacher there was asking weird questions and stuff, like "What do you want to be next time?"

I've never really understood why people ask that question. Does it matter? Do we really get to be what we want to be when we grow up? Besides, who is he, and why is he asking us such personal questions? Since he's asking an impossible question, I gave him an impossible answer.

Me: I want to be the Prime Minister.

Him: What do you think are the criteria to be the Prime Minister, and do you have them?

Me: I have the charisma.

Him: ...

Him: What's your horoscope?

Me: Does it matter? I'm a..Leo.

Him: I don't believe you. Show me your 11B.

Me: ...

I don't get this horoscope nonsense. I always thought it's some bullshit that weird people subscribe to. I've never known anyone who makes decisions based on stars, besides one French football coach who screwed up the French football team because he doesn't accept players of a certain horoscope.

I've never seen a male so obsessive about horoscopes. It gives me the creeps. How does he sleep at night?

I love being able to think coherently, though most of the time I don't talk coherently. I like to be able to have control over my thoughts, to be able to recall things with clarity, to have a lucid mind. If my mind is in a daze, I can get very frustrated. I don't like being blur.

I love having control over my body. I will myself to move, and I move. I will myself to eat, and I eat. I will myself to excrete, and I excrete. I touch my dick, it rises. That's the extent of control I want over my very own body, and I think it's important for me to be able to keep it this way--that's why I take good care of my body. I cannot imagine life without being able to perform these basic functions.

But we normally forget all these when we're healthy. Health is, more often than not, better appreciated in sickness, much like everything else that we have but don't cherish. Occasional illnesses thus helps jolt one back into the frailty of one's life and health, and rejuvenates the afflicted's appreciation of health, if only just for the duration of the sickness itself.

I appreciate health. Please come back to me.

I cannot even wank because I feel too cold.

Just awhile ago, the Singtel salesman came over to advertise on the fibre optics shit. I was quite interested because they will install the whole thing for free, only if we accept the deal during such a house call. Part of the attraction is definitely the fact that if you don't accept on the spot, you'd potentially be losing out, so the weak-willed people would snap up the offer when it comes out like the typical Singaporeans we are. I am no exception, so I stood by to listen to what he had to offer.

But seriously, $90 a month for the plan which uses the fibre optics shit, compared to $30 for my current broadband? The supposed increase in speed would be nice, especially if I were to use jizzhut.com which has a really really sucky streaming speed, but I don't face the same problem with xhamster.com which streams really quickly. Like Youtube.

So..I couldn't make the decision, because it really doesn't matter to me that much. I don't get to use my computer too often anyway, so it's really up to my sister/mum, both of whom weren't present when the salesman made his pitch, so I told him to come back at 6, which he agreed to.

When he came back at 6, I was a bit flustered and wanted to tell my mum to make her appearance. But before I could properly react, my father announced loudly "BOY AH, TELL HIM WE'RE NOT INTERESTED. JUST SAY NOT INTERESTED."

And then he stood up to face off with the baffled young man, and closed the door in a mere 5 seconds, leaving the family in stunned silence.

When I tried to explain the perks of the deal, my father said "I hate it when they come at meal times."

He will never feel the pain of slow downloads anyway, because he doesn't use the computers at home.

Every salesman has something to sell. Every consumer has something he wants to purchase. If we were to keep saying no to every person who comes knocking without first hearing him out, what are the chances of us missing out on something beneficial?

Whenever we say no, we are shutting a door of opportunity. That door might lead you somewhere sexciting or disappointing, but whichever the case, it will be an experience. Many years down the road, I want to be able to look back and say "I had the balls to do that." I don't want to shrink away from anything or anyone reasonable enough. I want to be a Yes Man. I want to jump on opportunities, and I beseech everyone else to, too.

Opportunities are all we are getting now anyway, so why not experience the most we can out of our youth? Let's jump into every puddle we can, before life and the adding of age takes it out of us as we settle into a fixed route, a fixed life. Let's try out all the lives we can possibly have before settling into one we think best suited for us. Let's try, before life throws its spanner into the heavy rotation of our gears, before we're forced to remain whatever we are, wherever we are, like this poor car:

Let's. (;

If we kissed on accident, I would...

2011-12-10T00:05:00.004+08:00

No really how the fuck do you kiss on accident? I CANNOT STAND FACEBOOK. FUCK FACEBOOK, and subsequently, the users for being stupid, and then..me for having stupid friends on Facebook.

The average IQ of every Facebook user will decrease if this keeps up. Let's put things to perspective. The surface area of your lips are relatively fucking small when you compare it with your whole body. How are you going to end up kissing someone else on the lips by "accident"? Idol dramas always have this. I don't understand why they keep doing this. It's easier for me to fall down and grab a boob or 2. It makes more sense, and I speak from sexperience. In a falling motion, any normal human will throw his hands out to break the fall. Unless the person he is falling onto is bracing him/herself up, you won't get to kiss at all. This is stupid. This is so stupid.

And this leads us to the next question. Since this whole scenario is shitty to begin with, why are people coming up with Q & A-s about this? I'm pretty sure some guy out there thought "Hey this would be an easy way to come out and display my affections for her". I'm not sure who would buy this bullshit. I won't. If I went around liking every guy who puts this up as his status, I'm pretty sure the guy would just ignore my "like", because he won't want to spend time on another guy, BECAUSE HE ONLY WANTS TO ANSWER THE ATTRACTIVE GIRLS.

urghhhhhhh I am going to tear my hair out of frustration soon. Why do I have shitty friends? Why can't everyone be awesome like me? Why can't the world be easier for me to live in? Why do I have to bear with this bullshit when I actually get to book out? I should just delete my Facebook account. IT IS POINTLESS.

If you really like a girl so much that you can painstakingly come out with this kind of hypothetical questions, JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT. Going about it in such a childish way is not sweet and not ballsy at all. It just shows how much of a pussy you are, because if anything goes wrong you can always just go "Joking lahh don't take Facebook so seriously can?"

Nope. No. You can't do this. You can't just shirk responsibility over your words like that. That's why I always think before I say, and even when I do say things that I find slightly off, I take responsibility over it. I think that's why I'm such a great person to be around.

It's like drinking, just because you're drunk doesn't mean you can go around taking advantage of everyone else. I mean, it'd be cool if I were drunk/acting drunk, and that being in an inebriated state naturally means I can't be faulted for my actions.

Then, I'll rape everyone in my immediate vicinity and claim drunkenness, and I swear that if everyone has this kind of thinking, society will fail and I will write out of topic.

I already wrote out of topic. I'm just waiting for society to fail.

Fuck I hate this I am going to sleep this off. Mindef doesn't pay us enough.

闭门造车

2011-12-04T16:08:00.003+08:00

I don't like 9gag. I don't know whether they come up with materials themselves or not, but to me, it is apparent that they're merely "reposting" whatever the users find interesting, without giving the original creator due credit.

I can't deny the appeal of 9gag though, because the materials reposted are normally the ones that are funnier/more interesting than what the origin normally creates, so you don't have to surf through dozens of posts from a certain site just to get to a post that tickles you.

Besides that, 9gag sucks. I hope it's just a passing phase, like fashion, because there are people who really live the 9gag mantra, stating/spewing 9gag stuff just to substantiate whatever it is that they wish to substantiate, and it is really distressing to see that people view a website so importantly that they subscribe to whatever doctrine (or lack thereof) it is that 9gag advocates.

Females on 9gag are worse. OK, specifically, females who post on 9gag are worse. I was bored and I clicked on one of the posts, and the comments led me to the Facebook profile of a girl. Her latest update was:

‎9gag dudes need to stop adding me :|

Hello, you're a female. Your existence reeks of trouble. You, posting so actively on 9gag will only attract attention. It certainly did attract mine, even though I don't visit 9gag often. If you find it troublesome that random guys are adding you, you can...

1) Change your profile picture

2) Make your profile more private

3) Change your account name to something stupid like..Bimbolicious or something equally brainless-sounding.

Or you can just keep your comments to yourself because posting them on a forum doesn't help air your views--no one cares.

If you don't like lightning striking you, don't be the tallest object. If you don't like attention, stop fucking attracting it then bitch about it.

I think I just have a problem with her complaining about people adding her. The unwritten, unexpressed underlying sentiment she is trying to tell her friends is "I'm hot on 9gag", thereby cementing her status a Bitch.

So what if you look good? You have shit for brains. I'm not going to add you just to be part of your statistics of "9gag dudes" because I'm not even a 9gag dude in the first place. People need to stop being so self-absorbed; no one has the exclusive rights to unique.

I sometimes have to remind myself of this, too. I try my best to learn and know as little as possible, because I want to find things out, because I want to create things myself. I try my best to be as original as possible, but sometimes I create what had already been created.

In the past, my chess moves were distinctly mine--I don't go follow so-and-so's style. Now, my different facial expressions were not inspired by Internet memes or whatever fuckshit, my actions aren't copied from television characters, blah blah.

There's a Chinese proverb for this: 闭门造车. I guess I'm guilty of it, as guilty as I am of target fixation. I will bash through anything that gets in my way, including the thing I'm fixated on itself. I want to be so many things, and an unstoppable force is one of them.

There was some news about someone who is blind, deaf, and mute. Then everyone started talking about Hellen Keller and how impossible it is for her to become educated, because let's face it, it's hard to do anything when you've lost 2 of your more important senses. It's like being unlucky^2.

But then again, what are the rest of us doing? We have our sense intact, yes, but we aren't fully utilizing what we have. Do we take in the beautiful moments? How many of us rush through life without appreciating all there is to appreciate around us? Which kinda sucks, because I almost exclusively utilize my sight only for appreciation of porn, and my hearing only for the moans/screams of the women dying for my porn (think snuff films).

I suck.

叫我皇上！

2011-12-04T00:11:00.005+08:00

I had a rude awakening to my very own sexuality a few nights ago. I was in camp of course, and I had this dream that shattered almost everything I thought I was.

I know that people talking about dreams are boring and that everyone who blogs about their dreams are narcissistic pieces of shit who have nothing better to do than blog about what goes on inside their screwed up brains--oh wait that's what I do even when I'm not dreaming anyway.

So..in this dream, I was in an army camp with a pleasantly plump lady. She offered to give me a blowjob, and I accepted it readily, and adjourned to the toilet where she promptly showed me her dick.

The most natural reaction is to zip up and run out, but I unzipped and carried on.

Thankfully this did not result in a happy ending as I woke up before the dream ended on a stickier note.

I swear I'm traumatized. Maybe I'm bisexual after all. Which probably isn't that bad a thing...but I don't really want to think of a future filled with testosterone. I know females fail me pretty often, and that I, too, feel females pretty often, but this doesn't mean that my sexual orientation should change.

If someone can decipher my dreams, please do, I will pay.

..with my mouth.

I suck.

I probably will swallow too.

"My point is, there are a lot of people in the world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn't happen. So when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they're important ones...you might as well hold on to them. You know?"

-Sarah Dessen

I haven't really found anyone like that, and people I've found don't value what I find important in them, and I never want anyone more than they want me, BECAUSE I'M A BLOODY 皇上. I have more pride than to grovel around finding or holding onto friends. I will be a dick as much as I find reasonable, and those who remain are friends.

I want to be an Emperor. I think I can be one, too. I'm proud. I have a small dick. I have the stature and powerful killing aura and I'm immune against common causes of Emperor deaths like assassination. I think I have royal blood in me, as well as that little bit of womanizing genes.

If you're interested in joining my harem, you can register at www.marryahuangshang.com.

No, don't. That site doesn't exist. I'll tell my non-existent technician to rectify this problem later. I do need a harem. What's an Emperor without his subjects and slaves and concubines?

One day, all my delusions will drive me mad.

I have so many things I want to do but don't dare to. I am horribly limited, and this is hitting me so hard I've lost the drive to even masturbate.

I can see the appeal in having a group of girls to idolize--they'll never fail you, they'll always smile at you regardless of what you've done, or did not do, they'll always encourage you, they'll always be the warriors, the heroines of the day, fighting away whatever darkness looms over you, like your salty pillow that had weathered more than it should, the stuffed toy you talk to every time you have a secret you can't tell anyone else, the dildo that had explored more of you than anyone else did.

The appeal is there. A bunch of cutesy beautiful bubbly girls singing, dancing, posing, just for me in my world.

I pick the dildo.

I want to be devastating.

2011-11-26T00:40:00.005+08:00

There's always the story about the comedian who repeated a joke, got no laughter, and came up with the million-dollar question of why people can't get happy over the same thing, but can get sad over the same thing.

I think I have a proper retort to that now. It'd take some time to get though, I didn't quite know how to phrase it myself initially. Ideas don't really translate into words these days, I think being deprived of my NDS is bad for my brain.

Skipping one meal makes me hungry. Skipping one meal, in another time frame, also makes me hungry. This only makes sense, because sadness is a form of hunger, born from need. And we more or less need similar things all the time--attention and sex.

We can't compare apples with oranges. We do, however, get wowed whenever someone makes a witty comparison between the two, and we go like "Ya hor how come we never think of it that way ah", as if the wow factor by itself can overcome the distinct barrier between apples and oranges.

I was reading the newspapers in camp a few days back when a certain Clara Chung appeared on the Life section. I was quite intrigued, because I never fail to love Asians, so I tried to find her on Youtube when I got home. It wasn't too difficult even though I forgot her name.

Apparently, she got famous because of her covers on other peoples' songs. I really don't understand this whole business of "covers". Someone famous sang it once. You don't have to do it again. It doesn't really inject something new into the song. How does it help? What are you trying to do, riding on the coattails of someone famous? Are you unable to become famous by yourself, with your own effort? I'm not saying that doing covers and all doesn't require effort, but making a cover doesn't sound all that intimidating compared to coming up with your own song.

Let's look at this blog for example. If I were someone famous, this blog would be read by more people. I'm not someone famous, so this blog isn't really all that hot, despite the fact that my literary abilities (or lack thereof) would be the same as if I were famous.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's more of a feat to become a renowned musician if you create your own pieces that are able to get people's attention, rather than to do the same only after you've gotten famous through riding on the coattails of other more accomplished musicians.

And thus, I cannot bring myself to respect these "cover artistes".

She is quite pretty though. As she was making the cover (the music video was about her...singing to the song), I was pretty much undressing her in my mind, thinking of the microphone as my penis (because I have a micropenis). Then I realized that she was pretty and that I'm not watching the MV for the right reasons, so I stopped watching. I'm not charmed over by good looks easily. I mean, it's hard to get charmed over when I have/am a limp dick.

Maybe that's why WK's attempt to baptize me into the cult of AKB48 isn't working out. I was bribed into watching their concert last Sunday with free tickets (he blew $100 on me, a pretty gay thing to do but kind of appreciated nevertheless). Although I don't understand a single shit, he managed to remind me of the mantra "We live only once", and I managed to psycho myself into thinking just that.

And so we bought light sticks and went crazy.

But I'm still not charmed over. Their crowd control was good though, and they were a charismatic bunch, able to drive the crowd crazy. I like that. It reminds me of this song that I have on my MP3:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIqbv9VHHzs

You don't have to hear the full song if you don't understand Chinese, but in the opening, their fans were all humming along to the tune that everyone knows. I feel slightly moved whenever I hear this on my MP3, because in the comfort of my world, the voices of their fans reaches into me, pulling out something that I've always been repressing:

I want that power over people. It doesn't have to be on such a huge stage. It doesn't have to be on any stage at all. I just want to be heard.

I know my ambition now, and it's really ambitious. I want to be able to move the masses. I want so much from so many, it's impossible. And maybe that's why I repress this ambition of mine.

Maybe that's why I'm always shortchanging myself.

I remember the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, who was able to lure rats into drowning themselves (and subsequently, children). I want that power. For better or worse, I want that power. Not on the children lah.

And maybe that's why I can relate to what one of my friends once posted

"One day, I will be devastating."

Sometimes I wonder what people feel when they're in a relationship. Being in a relationship is an art, just like being alone. One of my friends got very depressed when her boyfriend left something out, she couldn't live properly for awhile even with all the attention her friends showered her with. It was weird observing her, and how futile her friends' efforts on her were.

To have so much power over someone else is obscene.

This reminds me of the aforementioned song:

就算是这个世界　把我抛弃　而至少快乐伤心我自己决定
所以我说　就让它去　我知道潮落之后一定有潮起　有什么了不起

I guess that's the perks of being alone--not getting too affected by any one person. But this would lead to a second problem:

Resorting to prostitutes for sex. This article is very interesting. I was simply looking for the market rate of blowjobs, because I'm looking for one, and I chanced upon this and realized that I'm much like the other 81% of the other perverts around:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/11/prostitution-a-users-manu_1_n_91022.html

I'll just quote one part of it, which makes this whole section look like a complete joke, but I think it's funny:

"14. This is all very informative. So where can I find prostitutes?

You can find prostitutes in brothels. A couple of legal examples are the (NSFW) Kit Kat Guest Ranch and the Bunny Ranch in Nevada."

Talk about being obvious.

I just saw this. I can't help it. I need to add this:

"TYPE YOUR NAME:

TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW

TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED

TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE

SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD:

Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did."

TYPE YOUR NAME: Alastair Lee

TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW: Alastair Lee

TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED: Alastair Lee

TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE: Alastair Lee

SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD: Alastair Lee

Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did.

No shit? I got them all correct.

But wait. What the fuck. Why would I ever want to type with my elbow? Why would I want to slam my palm on the keyboard?

That'd spoil my laptop.

Posting that as your status only shows that you...are brainless enough to destroy your property. I can only imagine the look of horror in your parents' eyes when they see you doing weird things on your computer.

Even watching porn is healthier.

Talking about watching porn with parents around reminds me of our last book out, in which we kena cock blocked. We were ready to be dismissed at 1715, when one of the higher ups suddenly decided to call us back (trudge up 4 levels into our bunk) for area cleaning. We did that dutifully, and we groused about that with great vehemence.

"Wah this is like watching porn and masturbating halfway then mother suddenly at the door, come back from shopping. Damn sian know."

A few minutes into the area cleaning:

"This is when she open the door already."

"Eeyer. This is like getting caught lor. Fuck."

Ideas for future AFA-s

2011-11-13T19:21:00.003+08:00

I went for Anime Fest Asia just now, and although it wasn't a blast, it was quite an interesting experience filled with countless possibilities now that I've compiled a list of things that can be done next year. I credit E and WK with some items on this list:

1) Dress up as Snorlax and lie down on the floor, blocking the exit, or anywhere with a crowd. Snore as loud as possible.

2) Dress up as Ash and throw Pokeballs at everyone.

3) Dress up as an old man selling Pokeflutes to solve the Snorlax problem in 1.

4) Point at random cosplayers who are not from _____ and go "Is that from _____?"

5) Go naked and say you're being a porn star.

6) Dress up as a Spartan warrior and shout "THIS IS SPARTA!!!111!!!" before jumping at other cosplayers.

7) Dress up as Ip Man and go "我要打十个!" Remember to include the half-eaten potato, and a bloodied rice sack.

Any other ideas? I'd include them. We need to have fun.

My only sunshine.

2011-11-12T18:07:00.008+08:00

Interest without commitment is meaningless. Commitment without passion is pointless. Passion without qualification is ignored.

That's probably why I try my best not to get committed to anything, and even when I do, I get ignored.

There was a girl who caught my eye in the train last week on my way home. I was quite intrigued by her, and her seemingly perpetual attention on whatever porn her iPhone was playing. Then I thought to myself, perhaps I could grope her and get away with it because she'd be too slow or engrossed to react.

At this point, you might be shocked or disgusted by my instincts, but I don't think I'm that abhorrent. Men are born to be more enthusiastic about reproduction, spreading of his seed, et cetera. I'm just exhibiting what it is to be a real man. I'm just being the way Nature wants me to be.

But of course, I managed to beat back those instincts of mine and acted like a true gentleman, which includes opening the MRT door for her, putting into motion the gears and cogs of the escalator, ensuring that the barrier doors open for her, et cetera, but as usual my efforts came to naught.

So I just walked on thinking that such people are better off out of sight, out of mind, but to my dismay she followed me, right to the same block. I was quite surprised actually. It must be fate that brought us together, and it doesn't make sense to throw away this perfect opportunity to get to know a neighbour.

Unfortunately my balls disagree, shrank and I didn't say anything to her throughout the lift ride.

It did keep me wondering what things would be like if I were to have a girlfriend who happens to be my neighbour though. Like, if I were depressed at any time I could just ask her to come down and comfort me or something. That does sound comforting, having a bitch I can bitch on 24/7. It's like 999, you know its presence and feel safe, but you don't actually use it (most of the time). It's just a comforting thought that I, unfortunately, don't get to experience.

Sometimes, I feel the need to tear down everyone else's facade or any semblance of glamour. I cannot stand anything pretentious, and it pushes my EQ to its limits every time I see someone like that. You can be part of the executive committee for something, the prom king/queen, the god/goddess of a cult that worships you, the elite of the elite, et cetera.

But you're definitely not someone of central importance in my life. I don't have any of the aforementioned credentials, but I get pissed when people flaunt. I cannot relate to it, I don't have any additional respect to you for whatever you had done, I don't give a fuck.

Besides, who gives a shit about these things? In the grand scheme of things, people come and go. You're nothing, you'd be reduced to nothing, why bother with all these self-important delusions? Does it make you feel happy? Nope, it only makes you feel important. Does that always lead to happiness? Not always.

There are occifers, and there are cadet occifers. Cadet occifers piss me off the most. They think that it's only natural that since they have been "commissioned", they will go OCS when they actually enlist. I can only hope that they don't have too high an expectation of themselves, because NCC is really nothing compared to NS. Besides, cadet occifers are really screwed up. I know one, and he is screwed up. He goes on about how army is all good, how he'd prefer if Singapore went to war because then he won't need to study, how he wants to sign on, et cetera. I found NCC fun. I find SAF not fun. I can only hope he won't be too disappointed when he realizes that he has zero EQ, not much leadership (none that I saw at least), and won't get that bar he wants so much. Oh, you're a cadet occifer, big deal.

People try to tear me down quite often. They like to watch me fall, I like to get up. It's a mutual-parasitic relationship. This reminds me of the song "Skyscraper", but instead of me trying to rise up from the ground to stand tall, I'd rather tear down everyone else too.

I prefer keeping both feet on the ground, I have a fear of height, and I think it's better for everyone else to be at a level in which I don't have to look up to them.

Why wish for additional height if you can wish for everyone else to be short?

My mum used to sing "You are my sunshine" to me. Of course, being a son (son shine) and all, I think I'm entitled to that song. She always sings it in a soothing and somehow prideful manner, and even though I was young (maybe like what, 7?), I kinda felt the underlying melancholy behind the lyrics of the song, which isn't that hard to detect if you read the lyrics. I always felt proud, that I was her sunshine and that she values me so much, and I also felt pressured because as "sunshine", I'd have to keep shining.

I stopped shining a long time ago.

http://www.explosm.net/comics/804/

Chinese < English? How about a big fuck you?

2011-11-06T16:51:00.005+08:00

I cannot understand why some kids are so stubborn. I cannot imagine what gives them the illusion that not saying sorry when they're in the wrong is an appropriate way of exhibiting pride.

If you did something wrong, you better fucking apologize. If my kid shows me cheek by like...watching porn, I sure as hell would cane him until he is limp and senseless. Kids shouldn't be allowed to watch porn until they're 14. They sure as hell should learn how not to get caught too. If they aren't able to mask their lustful activities, they ought to be caned for good measure.

I just saw for myself a case of sparing the rod and spoiling the child. A cute little female toddler did something wrong (tore some homework or some shit, I don't really know), and her mother told her to apologize to her victim. Her mum didn't even scold her on the spot for vandalism, she simply asked her to do what is only right and reasonable--apologize.

She refused, and just went around doing toddler-ish stuff, trying to digress or act cute or otherwise diverting attention from the fact that she did something wrong and didn't apologize. It was entertaining to see how she was trying to get off the hook so I looked on. After awhile, her mum didn't seem to forget the blood that was owed and asked her, insistently, to apologize.

She refused again. Then she started bawling and crying and sobbing uncontrollably, and eventually she burst a vessel or something and her nose started bleeding and she still refused to apologize. At this point when she was bawling, her parents were trying to placate her with sweets and tidbits and whatnot. It was disturbing. If I did something wrong and refused to apologize, I'd get rewarded with bruised legs and the embarrassment of it when I go to school, not sweets. In fact I'd be rebellious just to get sweets. OK maybe not.

I'm not perfect. I know I do things that piss people off and I apologize when it's my fault and sometimes I apologize even when it's not my fault because sometimes, it's the right thing to do to avoid any sticky/awkward situations. My pride is worth a lot, but it's not right to build it on other peoples' pain. I do stupid stuff all the time. I don't behave in a socially acceptable way most of the time. Like I said, I'm not perfect.

I'm only flawless.

Which I'd attribute to the hell of a childhood I've been through, which consists of being whipped by a variety of objects (from hangers to belts), being thrown like a marble around the house, and death by being suspended over a boiling pot, steamboat style.

This makes me wonder: Would that toddler turn out all right when she grows up? Would she know about EQ, about the importance of apologizing, and when is it appropriate to stand up for herself? Would she be able to tell when to do the right thing?

Is it possible to teach all these without proper caning?

If we were to extrapolate what she's like now to what she'd be like in the future, the future for her is bleak. But who am I to judge?

I came across this and I found it quite interesting. There are other pictures like these around of course, and what's most disturbing is that they are normally posted on pages which have airy-fairy names like "A picture paints a thousand words" or something equally profound. They try their best to stick to posting pictures or photos or whatever, but they normally end up posting a picture...of words. Like the one I'm posting below:

This "picture" doesn't come from an album or page that tries to sell itself as an album/page advocating pictures, but I'm just saying that most do. It's really retarded how they do it. I could come up with thousands of pictures this way by simply framing up certain words and declaring it to a picture. I don't even know how to articulate this properly.

Someone pissed me off too. He posted on Facebook:

A casual study would make the vast disparity in rationality and eloquence between the English- and Chinese-educated obvious, thereby proving the superiority of an English-language education.

Oh really? And what casual study may that be? If he were to write that for any GP paper (which is weird, general paper paper?) he'd probably write out of point and fail because he couldn't substantiate, and if simply declaring that any "casual study" could substantiate his point, I could also say that "This guy is an idiot because the newspapers said so".

Eloquence? What eloquence is he talking about? I went to search on the definition of eloquence and it is basically "the practice or art of using language with fluency and aptness." WHICH COMPLETELY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. If I don't understand French, I can't say that French-educated people are not eloquent BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND FRENCH. How the fuck do you even judge "eloquence"? I could say that the French language sucks, and that the French are not eloquent, but it's like I'm saying that chickens are tastier than mammoths BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW DOES A MAMMOTH TASTE LIKE.

If you don't understand a language, or if you only have an elementary grasp of the language, you cannot grasp the nuances of the language and thus find the language ugly. The "picture" I posted above should exemplify how the Chinese language can be eloquent in its own right, especially in point number 4. I'm guessing if I showed him that picture he would catch no ball.

But then again he might be more retarded than I imagined and meant that Chinese-educated people are not eloquent in English as compared to English-educated people. Then I'd pronounce this as "case closed" and move on in life.

But then again maybe this Facebook friend of mine is quite shrewd and took into consideration the fact that the US (a fine example of an English-educated society/government) owes China (a fine example of a Chinese-educated society/government) a lot of money, so much that America's problems becomes China's problem because USA is "too big to fail".

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2418#comic

Yep. China is stupid (and thus irrational) for throwing so much money into a bottomless pit.

In other news...

Some random bird shat on me some time back this week, and my friends all around me were quite surprised by my good luck and made no attempt to hide this surprise of theirs. So they told me "whoa you damn lucky". I've heard of the theory of birdshit = luck, and if this is really true, I wish you all the best in your A levels and that's the extent of goodwill I can provide.

Google: The new bible.

2011-10-29T18:08:00.003+08:00

Facebook is addictive and depressing at the same time. It's addictive to find out that some of the people you dislike but still have on Facebook are idiots, and it's depressing to find out that everyone's an idiot ultimately.

On what grounds do I make this statement?

Here's something depressing that came up:

"About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn’t submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead’s body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell… They believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn’t repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name – you’ll find this to be true.

If you don’t repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you."

Yea I made bold the statement I have the most amount of beef with. Google was thrown in in a bid to boost the credibility of the chain mail (armour much), and the blur-cocks on Facebook will just take it as it is--that this is true because it's on Google.

Google has evolved from a search engine into a fucking bible. Next time you need any extensive information on birds for a project, you'd go on Google. Libraries are obsolete. Fuck humans.

I mean, that's what I'd like to do but can't because I'm not attracted to humans enough.

Then, there are the concerned humans around who go around liking pages of missing people in a bid to help spread the word.

I find it strange. Out of the thousands of idiots who use Facebook, how many can remember the number of pages he'd liked, let alone the content of the pages?

Also, I could start a page with my picture and label myself as missing, and then ask my friends to look at the page and spread it around with their friends, who'd spread it around their friends, who'd spread it around their friends, until everyone knows of my existence and sudden "disappearance" before realizing that I was just trolling them.

Fuck trolling. What if I don't like someone and used a picture of him for the aforementioned act?

Let us put away our cynicism of the human spirit away for a moment. Let's just assume that the missing peoples' pages are real in the sense that the people depicted are really missing.

Which brings us to this question: How does liking a page help?

Let's face it, we're not trained spies. We are not able to memorize at a glance the face of someone we completely don't know. Even if we do meet that person on the streets and find that person familiar, we'd not be able to point out where or how you got to know his/her face.

And even if you do know quite certainly if that person is indeed a missing person, you might not have the balls to go forward and bring about a happy family reunion, because there'd be a part of you that says "If he's walking around in the open then he's not missing what, confirm his family already found him."

We're all afraid of trouble and we'd rather avoid such stuff. Liking a page is easy. Spreading the word is easy. Executing something is on a completely different level though.

You can never commit to a virtual page--it's just too much work and you can't keep tabs. So why do people use all these pages anyway? Is it to act like they give a shit about other people when they don't? Is it because they want to make a statement that they are actually very nice people so that when others look under their "info", they can be impressed by the amount of

Sometimes I my circuits are shorted out and I tell someone random more about myself than I'd normally do. Then they freak out and leave the conversation prematurely, or try to digress because they can't come up with an appropriate response.

I guess that when someone is asking for advice, he expects a response appropriate to the situation he'd depicted. It's demoralizing when this expectation isn't met, so much it's a turn off.

That's probably why I don't really enjoy talking to people because they can't solve my problems.

And what problem do I have?

Somehow, I can't get laid.

Good luck A level students. Don't rely on Google, you won't get it during the examinations itself.

A good way to make your children assholes.

2011-10-26T02:53:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I stalk people after I masturbate, which means I'm totally naked with a shrivelled dick while I'm clicking away at pictures. Then I feel bad about stalking those people because they are friends of friends, and are actually humans who should be treated with more respect than being stalked by a naked pervert.

Which is really weird because most of the time people masturbate after stalking others. I guess my source of arousal doesn't come from them.

Scant consolation.

I stumbled into Popular just now and I came across large piles of books on Steve Jobs. OK, he died of cancer, that is most lamentable but can we move on?

I don't really care about what he invented because all I know is that apples are rotten to the core--I know, I bit into one before. I never felt the same again.

Really, Apple products are taking over the world, or at least Singapore. Want a new handphone? iPhone lor. Want a new entertainment device? iPad lor. Want a new laptop? Mac lor. Apple is all about creating a niche market, and making people in this supposed niche market feel all unique and special...

...which doesn't make sense if you're holding onto the same gadget as 40% of other Singaporeans around you.

What we see of Steve Jobs is him spewing sweet nothings to convince you into parting with your money for his gadgets in a manner that suggests you're an idiot:

I can hold a fucking laptop, buy it so you could do so too.

Apple products are useless. I tried playing Monopoly on my friend's iPad, we all got bored and gave up. I never tried playing Angry Birds because I already have one, but instead of angry it's horny.

My primary school has this noticeboard encouraging entrepreneurship (what a chim word I can't believe I typed that out without auto-correct jumping in), and one of the posters features Steve Jobs. I don't know what sort of values they're trying to inculcate within the young ones, but I'm guessing it's not their intention to teach the boys to claim that they're sterile when they accidentally impregnate someone.

Are you reading this shit and the implied meaning? Yes, Steve Jobs once claimed to be sterile in order to shirk paternity. I'd rather have a gigolo or something worse for a father than such a sorry excuse of a human. At least a gigolo is a victim of circumstance (or maybe just someone who enjoys a different lifestyle and occupation), not a chronic sufferer of Irresponsible Asshole.

Go on. Lap up all your Apple products. Know that you're just part of statistics, you're not unique to Apple, and Apple doesn't give a shit about you because even if you don't buy from them, another 39 would.

Go on, lament about how much of a loss to the world Steve Jobs is, even though you don't know nuts about him, only his products (which cannot be completely credited to him). If the others who'd had a hand in creating your iPhone died, would you even know or care? Naw, Steve Jobs is the face of Apple and now the face is gone.

Feel sorry about the face.

Apple has done nothing but tear my family apart. During family gatherings, all the children huddle in their separate corners playing their iPads/iPhones/iTouch/iDick. There's less human-human interaction and I find that lamentable. Last week I attended a wedding dinner and there were 2 kids, brothers, and they were playing "Shrek Kart". Fuck you, there should only be Mario Kart _|_

So anyway, both were playing and playing and playing and playing, all through the night. I'm guessing they'd never learn how to share, seeing as they don't even need to ration their "iPad time". My cousins at least have to share the damned thing.

Go on, rich and successful parents, spoil your children with Apple products so that they'd treat you like shit now and forever.

Geisha wins.

2011-10-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

I really wonder if I should continue driving. I'm too easily distracted and I'm a hazard to other road users.

In the Memoirs of a Geisha, it is said that a true geisha can stop a man with a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_TXEEgNiWE

(68th second)

It's proven correct in my case, except that

1) she's not a geisha

2) she wasn't looking.

I nearly entered the bus bay for her when she was just minding her own business with her cleavage greeting me.

No wait...she wasn't exposing her cleavage...that was me undressing her in my mind.

Damn.

Teach me the basics of living.

2011-10-08T16:53:00.004+08:00

My driving instructor was faced with an interesting dilemma a few days back, and he shared it with me. If you were expecting driving tips, you'd be disappointed.

He found a pair of cool-looking shades on top of the letterbox area, and he was hovering between picking it up and not picking it up. He finally decided to take it, since someone else would take it anyway.

He also told me that in the lift, he was madly giggling at himself boyishly for being a naughty boy. (He's not that young.)

You find $10 on a table. You decide that there's little difference between you picking it up and someone else picking it up--in fact, if you do pick it up, you know that you won't be spending it on drugs, but you can't say the same for others.

In fact, you can even rationalize the addition of the money into your coffers as "extra means to contribute to society".

Would you pick the money up then?

What about someone else's wallet? Or something else impossible to identify the previous owner, so the convenient excuse of "also cannot find the previous owner, might as well take" can be exercised?

Temptation strikes when one is at his weakest. Sometimes I wonder why I don't exploit when I can, and what holds me back. It's not that I'm infallible, mind you, it's just that I'm too scared to exploit when I can. I get slightly depressed whenever I think that someone else might be exploiting what I chose not to exploit, but this doesn't make me feel like I'm a better person, or a more morally upright person than the someone exploiting whatever I chose not to exploit previously--it only makes me feel fucked up, bitter, and sore.

I miss most of my opportunities.

"Some things should be seen and stored in your mind. Taking pictures either distorts the beauty, diminishes it, or lets you forget what you saw because you can rely on the camera to do it for you."

And even if I do seize whatever opportunity presents itself, I end up screwing the experience up because I'm always counting down to the end it. With a good movie, I end up squinting at my watch for a better feel of when the movie would end, because I don't want to be too surprised when it does. I'm unable to appreciate whatever good fortune/luck I have, because I'm always anticipating the moment it ends. I'm unable to live in the moment, inhale the spirits of what defines the moment, and instead I end up counting the number of breaths I'm not inhaling.

People sometimes ask me what I'm looking for, and now I can say with conviction:

I need someone to teach me how to breathe.

Honesty: Social Suicide.

2011-10-02T02:35:00.008+08:00

Having only Saturday book outs isn't that bad a thing after all, not when I have my entertainment in the form of a DS. Blissful productivity is a way of thinking that time spent on the game is not time wasted, unlike doing nothing, which makes one commit mental suicide.

For the record, if I hadn't purchased the DS, I would have spent 35hours doing nothing this week. So instead of doing nothing, I did something by playing Pokemon Black, and these 35hours were well spent or so I feel. I mean...definitely much better spent than stoning or reading books trying to act sophisticated and well-read.

Remember my grouses the previous post about people bugging me for whatever book I'm reading? It happens on a much more uncontrolled scale when one plays Pokemon though. People really breathe down my neck just to watch a Pokemon battle, which is about as sophisticated as a BattleOn battle.

There are times when I can feel a sudden presence behind me, like the slightest bending of the back of my chair, or the gentlest breath on my hair, or the infinitesimal dimming of the ambiance, and when I turn around, I won't be disappointed with the bemused look of a friend, coupled with his incessant preaching on Pokemon and how to do battle, how to catch Pokemon, what type of ball to use, et cetera. It befuddles me to no end, but I don't really know how to turn down their kind advices without being offensive. They mean well after all. Or so I hope.

Seems like the power of Pokemon lives on, so much that Pokemon is a proper English word recognized by even Blogger.

We do learn a lot from simply playing Pokemon though. We learn that in life, you're egocentric--there's only one hero in the world and that hero is definitely you, whether you like it or not.

We learn that life, despite being in a 3-dimensional plane, has a 1-dimensional plot. Whether you like the options or not, you have to say Yes for the game to continue, for the plot to develop, for your life to go on. There is no escape.

We learn that in life, there'd always be nosey fucks (as phrased by WK) around exerting peer pressure on you, breathing down your neck in such a way that you feel you should respect their opinions and not form your own because as long as one person sounds strong and confident, people tend to lean towards him.

We learn that in life, words of wisdom comes whether you want it or not.

We learn that in life, thumbs are there for us to suck.

We learn that digital lifeforms don't have a mind of their own and thus would never pangseh us. They make better companions than your friends.

I'm starting to feel really restless though. I kinda miss chiongsua-ing. It's a real shame that just when I'm starting to get used to the SAR21, I don't really have to use it anymore. It makes me kinda depressed to be honest. And that's really weird.

I think the world would be a much better place if we didn't care about our image that much. I know I don't have that much of an image myself, but I don't admit to masturbation or watching porn to my family--I don't even use vulgarities at home. Sometimes, however, this isn't such a good thing--I can't tell my family members to get out of my room "because I want to watch porn and shake my dick".

If I were able to admit upfront my urges, perhaps I won't be as tortured as I am now, having to keep the door slightly open while listening to the slurping noises with only one earphone (the other ear being preoccupied with defense) and doing my hand sexercise with my pants half-down, with one hand read to ALT+Tab away at any hint of danger.

If I could admit upfront my needs, I could lock the door without any guilt. Heck, I could live without any guilt.

Then I wouldn't have had to fumble open an envelope.

I wanna be the very best.

2011-09-25T02:57:00.004+08:00

Whenever I take a book out of my "assault pack", people around me ask, by courtesy, what book I'm reading, the genre, the author. I don't really know how to answer all these questions and I don't know why they do these things. I cannot bring myself to judge another person by the genre he's interested in, and I don't see any value in putting in my opinions about any particular genre. It angers me and puts me in a defensive mood whenever someone says "I don't like this kind of books", and then I feel stupid about having felt defensive in the first place.

Whenever someone takes a book out to read, I like to think of myself as a literate person and I'd invade that person's privacy by reading the title of his book. I think it has something to do with me not interested in asking the obvious. If you're wearing a name tag, I won't ask you by your name, I'd choose to simply call you by what your name tag is saying. Isn't that why name tags are there? If you can't respond to the name on your name tag then you're quite a bit of a retard and I won't waste my time trying to get your number.

Name tags identify the name of someone. Book titles identify the title of the book. It's that simple.

I automatically deem people who ask me for the title of my book as idiots. If you have to ask the obvious to start a conversation, I'd rather not have anything to do with you.

I don't really know how I choose books to borrow, really. They always say "Don't judge a book by its cover", and I try my best to stick to that adage, but let's face it, I don't want to wake up beside a monster every morning. I try my best to flip a few pages and look like I'm busy reading in the words, but I think I'm simply scanning through the book to a certain optimum length of time to hold onto the book for before placing it down without looking like a complete moron who doesn't know what he's doing in a library.

I don't choose books by supposed famed authors, because someone once said something about treading the path less trodden and being rewarded by..new sights? Doesn't matter. I just don't like to follow the crowd. I don't have to choose a certain author simply because everyone else is all over him. I read what I feel like reading.

Reading is tiring. It becomes more like a match of sophistication--who's books' author is more famed and more sophisticated wins, and is automatically the Chimp king. He'd then demand the respect and awe of other readers and utter wise words while experiencing the best fellatio a man can get. I've had enough of this race where I get judged for reading what I like to read.

I don't feel like joining this anymore. It's not that I feel insecure, it's that I am disgusted by what reading has become.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Either way, I've decided that I might as well drop my pretense. I mean I'm unsophisticated, so I might as well stop trying to be. No amount of books can change the way I perceive things, and instead of reading the accomplishments of others, I might as well embark on a totally new journey, one that'd be much more fulfilling and rewarding than reading.

I am going to catch up with my childhood and play Pokemon all the way through my driving course. The past week had been difficult, I'm not used to booking out on Saturday and I'm not used to wasting my time doing 350 MCQs 4 times. If the Organization is part of a bigger plan, then by extension, I can safely conclude that meritocracy isn't evident in the framework of said bigger plan, and I can do nothing but kick shadows and suck thumb...

...and buy a shiny new Nintendo DS just to play Pokemon Black.

(Then, the same inquisitive people would go "What game you playing?")

I officially have no life, and even if I had one it would degenerate into something less substantial than it has been already.

Inferno.

2011-09-18T02:42:00.003+08:00

"When I was a boy my mother used to say that hell was the painless place where everything has been forgotten."

"That doesn't sound so bad."
"It couldn't be worse."

"Why?"

"Because there is no love. That's why there is no pain."

They walked beneath a milky sky shot with patches of insistent blue. Anselm looked up and asked, "Then what's heaven?"

"An inferno where you burn remembering all that should be remembered."

-The Sixth Lamentation, William Brodrick.

I was reading this book in camp when I came across this, and I just had to write it down. I don't know what's so attractive about this passage though. I guess I'm able to relate to it on a more subconscious level, and so I subconsciously took it down word for word.

I'm so going to Swen..no I mean I'm so going to the library later to borrow any book penned by William Brodrick. Since I'm going on a driving course organized by The Organization, and thus have to spend countless hours waiting for my fellow course mates to drive, I might as well spend my time productively like I've been doing so since my time in SCS.

I don't need to pick up a new language to feel like I've spent quality time in SAF, I just need to read more good books.

Who is reading this anyway? I mean like ultimately it doesn't matter who reads this or not, but it'd be nice to know which of my friends have too much free time, and who is stalking me.

Because from what I see, your posts are disturbingly similar to mine. Won't you talk to me? Or if you're really this shy and want me to take the initiative, you can quote my aforementioned quote and say something really weird like "I read this book and decided to quote this" and I'd talk to you like as if I didn't know you were stalking me.

Sense: I make none.

Khatib camp isn't very fun, in the sense that I can see HDB flats all around me and at night the corridors are lit and I get so very homesick. So near yet so far.

Good night.

Creativity is overrated.

2011-09-11T15:04:00.003+08:00

I was quite disturbed by what I saw on Channel 8, Friday 8PM. It's a show about how teenagers should go broach the topic of boy girl relations.

I didn't watch the whole thing, no I'm perfectly sane and I don't need to be taught how to breathe, but the preview was bad enough. I think it's scary that they're trying to teach these impressionable teenagers (the show's target audience) how to express themselves.

If whatever is reflected in television were to be religiously followed, all the atas dining places would be filled with guys doing the cliche one-knee kneel while thrusting out a diamond ring to propose to his girlfriend of 3 years, and life would be very predictable in the sense that if you're the girlfriend of 3 years and your boyfriend suddenly asks you out to an atas dining place, you can expect him to pop the question when the lights are suddenly made dim and music cut.

BORING. Life would be so predictable, and the girlfriend could choose from a list of responses prepared for such an occasion in her handbag, because she cannot think on her feet and thus cannot deviate from the standard responses to a proposal.

Because of television, creativity is not celebrated nor given due recognition. In fact, being creative is seen as being flippant.

My friend's friend's boyfriend proposed to my friend's friend at MacDonalds, and was promptly rejected because she thought he was joking.

Decades of reinforcement is forcing us into this pathetic hole of social inhibitions, so much that the usual confession of love (in the form of rape) in days long gone is now illegal. I can only imagine how much more censored we would be in the future, and how much more we'd censor ourselves, and I think I'd remain weird by not conforming, I think I'd remain weird by being as spontaneous as I want to be, I think I won't change much, but somehow, being different

doesn't get me laid =\

My Nattasha.

2011-09-08T23:40:00.004+08:00

WK's plot to make me interested in Japanese floundered, thanks to Suckseed which got me interested in Thai more =.=

Somehow, I don't understand nutshit about the Thai language (at least I know what "kimochi" and "yamete" stands for in Jap), but I like this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztwcUSURfS8

I keep replaying it. I spent these 2 days replaying it, just because I can and have no better alternatives (no one to give me a blowjob or ask me out for a meal or something equally boring). This borders on stupid, I know. Playing it over and over again doesn't make her suddenly start stripping for me, and it doesn't make her appear on my bed, but I still play it over and over again.

She could be swearing and sweetly cursing me to death with that killer voice of her and I'd die happy, unwittingly, and most definitely willing.

Oh, to be a fan boy at this age, how embarrassingly youthful. If anyone wants to watch Suckceed with me again I won't mind, come come don't shy, do ask me out (;

Isn't it lamentable how language barriers get in the way of appreciating Earth? Perhaps there are enlightened humans around who don't know too many languages but are able to appreciate every single culture present on Earth, but right now I'm unenlightened and I cannot step out of my comfort zone because of this.

I think I posted about being lost in translation a few months back when referring to the Millenium trilogy, and I still remain lost and I don't want to translate it to something I can understand anymore.

I remember One Piece's Pirate King, Gol D. Roger, who had the ability to "hear the voice of all things". I only want to feel, because no matter the meaning, as long as it can't be felt, it's pointless.

Is it possible to communicate without any language? Is it possible to point and grunt and be understood completely? We can't even communicate when we speak the same language, when there isn't even a language barrier in the first place--

so is there really a language barrier, or is it just a convenient excuse?

Can we not feel the amusement or humour or sorrow or fear or any emotions simply from the voice of someone? Can't we communicate simply based on raw emotions?

Nope we can't. Perhaps we can evolve to that stage one day, but we probably won't live to see that day.

Really, what's stopping us then? OK, what's stopping us from what? I'm not making sense anymore.

In order to break the monotony of my thoughts, here's a picture of my new girlfriend. I deliberately chose a rather unglam picture of her because I want to show her who's boss

but she sang too well and my heart melted so I had to add this in:

ARTI ARTI. INCOMING INCOMING.

2011-09-06T22:13:00.003+08:00

I was with my SCS section mates yesterday at Marina Square to watch a movie. We reached at around 12PM and we chose the 7PM slot for SuckSeed. 7 hours to burn there =.=

It wasn't that bad though, quite fun spending time sitting at Starbucks playing Monopoly on an iPad and watching Happy Tree Friends.

The movie was comical, and I liked it a lot, but there are some stuff reflected there that's not very healthy (when Koong tried to express himself to Ern with a copy-paste song), but which reflects the current state of human relations--we don't even bother to try express ourselves in our own words anymore.

We think that simply showing another person a song would reflect what we feel about that person. We think that it's better to stick to the tried-and-true path, that if a song is popular enough, we can use it. We leave our speech in the hands of composers and lyricists.

We become one in many. And soon enough we can only cut and paste whatever is on TV or in songs, and we become predictable because we'd lose our own nuances in whichever language it is we're trying to express ourselves in. I think that'd be a most deplorable state. I have nothing good to say about people who quote others excessively, and I can never bring myself to respect someone who can only spam songs in the hopes that whoever is on the other side would get what he/she is trying to convey with the spammed songs.

We forget to be sincere.

On an entirely different note, I was at the event just now, and the atmosphere damn one kind. You can see the classic otaku type at the event--men who've never seen the daylight for ages, haven't had a proper haircut for months, and fat. I was quite embarrassed being thrown into that lot, and the last time I checked, I don't understand Japanese, so I felt like I was burning throughout the event. It was quite enjoyable and she was quite cute and animated (typical Japanese I guess), so time passed quite quickly.

That, or the event ended really fast, which was the case (20 mins).

I might morph into a fanboy, but thankfully I don't understand Japanese so I have this natural barrier against falling in love with random girls who'd never look upon me as nothing more than statistics.

To show that I've been there done that, here are pictures that I took:

I'm finally booking into a new place tomorrow. I can't help but be slightly excited, because this is after all a totally new environment--from using the small bite-sized SAR 21 to handling the bigger guns otherwise known as cannons. I'm really glad to get out of infantry though. If artillery is the king of the battlefield then all the infantry men would be our sluts.

The army should never play with gender because dicks like me will remain dicks. I hope they give us like...2 hours to unpack our stuff. Machiam check into hotel like that. Even better if they give us free and easy.

ARTI ARTI. INCOMING INCOMING.

Tug and pull the big guns.

2011-09-04T16:56:00.003+08:00

I spent a lot the past week. It probably runs into 3 digits. No wait, it definitely runs into the hundreds, thanks to WK. I can probably list out what I've spent this entire week:

Buffet at Nihon Mura after 28km route march: $33 (because we had to pay for food wastage =.= we ended up taking away the extra unfinished food back to camp)

Cab back to Sengkang with all my barang barang, along with T. I didn't want to lug 4 bags home on the MRT, it'd look retarded: $20

Dinner at =.= =.= =.= =.=* : $17

Bad Teacher (bad movie): $11

Dinner at Billy Bombers...or whatever it's called: $30

Grand total: $111

My wallet is emptied. My heart aches, but spending is part of youth. I'm just glad I don't use my credit card often, I don't have a spam money attitude.

I'm quite tempted to become a Guardian on BattleOn though.

Foundation term in SCS just ended. I'm lucky enough to be posted out of Infantry and into artillery. You have no idea how scary it was when the list of names of people staying in infantry was being read out. Everyone was hoping it'd be someone else that gets the worst lot. No one likes "Forging Ahead".

The tense atmosphere was worse than most of the other life-defining moments I can recall. Brr.

*The dinner was at a rather random place WK pulled me to. It's at Scape, and there are 2 shops that have the same theme, and the cafe had the same theme as the shop. I don't really understand WK's fetish yet and it's disturbing to see him go that way, and he's trying to erode me into becoming something like him and I hope I remain inert.

The shop is AKB48 related =.=

And being WK, he made me buy tickets (his treat) to see this girl this coming Tuesday:

I had to leave my contact details behind and my balls shrivel even more when I think about what I'm about to do with my Tuesday.

Random post. I can only hope that Artillery would be fun. I mean, I polish my big gun every time I get the chance to, I just hope the cannons there won't be much bigger than mine, if not it'd be tiring.

FYQ Sex.

2011-08-29T11:06:00.001+08:00

After watching limbs break and eyes flying out from sockets in Final Destination 5 (in 3D, no less), I was pretty rattled by everything suspended in mid-air, and basically, anything at all.

It's scary how they make the most innocuous things threatening.

It wasn't a good idea to watch it before section live firing though. Being in front of the line of fire is quite thrilling but the fear of having my balls shot off remains poignant. I still want to populate the world with my kind.

Speaking of section live firing reminds me of the section live firing area, which is basically 100m away from NTU. That's probably why I chose to pee in the open in the hopes of catching the eye of any attractive female NTU student, then I remembered that it was a Sunday and that my life suck.

I think hall life is crazy. From what I heard, I think the orientation itself is crazy. I'd never have the balls to do all the crazy things they do, and it's not only because of my own comfort zone, but because I'm just not built that way. I like to do crazy things--but only of my own accord, out of spontaneity. Being ordered or pressured into it isn't fun.

It's just like having Fei Yu Qing singing elegiac tunes while watching porn, which is basically what happened with one of the threesome Asian video I chanced upon. It was quite disturbing that they were humping to the rhythm of something supposedly soothing. I didn't have the heart to watch on.

Seriously? Weird songs crooned by Fei Yu Qing while you're having sex? What's the world coming to?

\

2011-08-08T14:36:00.006+08:00

It'd be narcissistic to think that there is only world with me in it, which is this. The concept of parallel worlds and/or universes is appealing. It makes me wonder if the "me" in another world is doing things that I'd never get to do, enjoying a life I'd never get to experience. People speculate that whatever didn't happen in the world that we know might have happened in the world that we don't know.

Perhaps Alastair in World 1 is a nerd.

Perhaps Alastair in World 2 is a gangster.

Maybe Alastair in World 3 is a womanizer.

Alastair in World 4 might be a homosexual.

And maybe the Alastair in world 5 might be a little happier then he is right here, right now.

If that very speculation is true, it's depressing to think that I'm making all the mistakes so that the "me" in another universe doesn't, and consequently can, get to/at you. It's like soldiers sending robots across minefields to clear the mines, but I'm the sacrificial hunk (of metal).

Maybe there's a world in which Alastair reaches optimal happiness, but life deals you the cards and I'm contented with my hand. I won't reshuffle for anything in the world.

I'm not feeling miserable, I'm just wishing that all the good things from all the Alastairs would combine to form a super-good life for the Alastair that is right here typing away because whatever it is, I'm ultimately a cosmic idiot and I don't care nor feel that the other Alastairs are suffering.

But then again, even if such a feat was accomplished, the resulting Alastair won't be me. And maybe I won't be able to appreciate good fortune anymore. And I like the way I am/live now, I like the way I function, the way I'm structured, and I don't know why I like it, but I'm glad I do.

So what if you don't appreciate my genius? I do, and that's more important than the validation of others. It's nice, but not necessary.

I have 2 nights free from camp. Book outs are precious and I guess that's why I'm always reluctant to spend time on people not of my family. I don't want to try reaching out anymore even though I'm interested in listening to you.

But ultimately, I will clam up like Cloyster.

One without pearls.

Bridge no.

2011-08-07T22:04:00.004+08:00

There are stories one routinely shares, and there are stories that have to be earned. I have troubles talking to people who treat, or completely disregard, the stories I share from the latter flippantly.

I have troubles relating to people who exclaim their want of one's presence when they never bother initiating anything. It strikes me as fake--if you complain about someone's absence, you might as well make it known to that someone and not make empty promises like "Dinner, some time later?" without any follow up.

I think I should give myself a pat on my back for a job well done, not making random "familial relations" on Facebook because those can only serve as painful reminders of a relatively innocent past with warmer relations. And I should learn that friends I don't see are friends that ultimately, don't matter. I should stop being hung up over every damned thing.

I can also predict that I'd lose a lot of friends and make none because I'm such a stuck up. I refuse to learn how to play bridge.

Oh and this is completely off-topic but I thought it funny:

"If you want someone to buy the cow, you don't give the milk away for free."

That's the view of the narrator about pre-marital sex in one of the books I've just read.

Our second, and last, nights out will be on the 17th August 2011 I think. Anyone interested in stalking me can come Jurong Point. I'd probably be wandering around aimlessly, just glad to be alive after the 6day field camp.

I'd look forward to that.

You are the cow of my contentment.

2011-07-31T18:51:00.002+08:00

My mum was just telling us about how we should have went to visit the already-demolishing railway, and how much of a waste it was to not have been there spending quality family time.

Family time, to me, is watching pirated movies at home while eating junk food.

Leave such outfield experiences to NS.

Which makes me wonder why everyone's fascinated by these one-dimensional rails. Sure, it's part of our history, but why are we interested only when we're about to lose it?

I sat on the train once, it was part of our Sec 3 camp experience. Between the stop at Woodlands and Tanjong Pagar, I saw some cool stuff--people jumping off the train. They probably live somewhere in-between and didn't see much of a point in travelling in a one-dimensional way, so they simply slid open the door and took the plunge.

They also had a cafeteria which serves mee goreng and I saw my friends clamouring for it. Luckily for me, I was a genius and bought cup noodles before boarding the train, so I simply asked for boiling water which they reluctantly provided (I earned envious stares from everyone else, apparently the food sucked).

I remember alighting at the Tanjong Pagar station and being completely lost, with seemingly all of my friends gone because they alighted at Woodlands.

I wouldn't want to be taking pictures of me standing on the track, I'd rather be on the train because tracks aren't tracks anymore if they are not going to be used.

Where is the fun in taking pictures with these tracks if you aren't living in the thrill of getting out to avoid incoming trains? Where's the fun in lying on a road if you know the road's not going to be used, if you know there won't be an incoming truck to honk you out of the way?

Most people don't think of it this way, but feeling a sense of loss and trying to create memories with the tracks is like attending the wake of someone you completely don't know, but felt compelled to do so--awkward.

Why are we trying to cherish things, intrinsic to Singapore, which doesn't affect us at all? Why are we making more memories to cherish?

I just read a book (in camp, we get quite a lot of time, I read around 3 books a week), "Going Bovine". It's about a 16 year old boy who leads an aimless life, simply existing. He was afflicted by mad cow disease and has only a few months left to live, when he starts to learn how to treasure life. I don't know how to do book reviews. I'd just say that I like it enough to blog about it, out of the 6 books I've read (not much of a standard to compare against).

Perhaps we should look into spending our time more constructively rather than have a been-there-done-that attitude towards life. After all, you can't grieve over everything that is destined to be scraped.

Urgh I don't know what I'm talking about I don't get to write too often in camp and there's too much input and too little output and I will end this as such.

Nav.

2011-07-31T01:37:00.003+08:00

Night navigation is no walk in the park. The earlier you finish, the better, because with more people around comes more torch light, and that in turn helps you find the checkpoint, which happens to greeting-card sized paper hung on trees. These checkpoints do not glow in the dark and that makes it very difficult to find the checkpoints from 1930hrs onwards, unless there are others around shouting "CHECKPOINT 4 IS HERE".

I could find checkpoint 3, 5, 6. I couldn't find checkpoint 4, and I couldn't proceed.

Life sucks. But then again, this is the only test I've failed in SAF. Quite paiseh when I emerged from the woods though -blushes-

Being stuck in the woods alone is creepy. Tree branches almost seem invisible, poking me in the eye, scratching my spectacles, et cetera. Stumbling around uphill/downhill isn't the best exercise I could think of, but it was quite an experience nevertheless. Throughout the 2 hour ordeal, I didn't panic at all.

I despaired.

I knew it in my gut that I won't be able to complete this simple course, because I couldn't even find the start point. It was terrible enough to feel alone in crowded areas, it's worse to be alone in a dark, almost-enclosed area. I guess "desolate" pretty much sums up what I felt about that place.

Being a Thursday night made things pretty much worse.

Creepy lah seriously, it's not something I'd like to experience again, what with the Hungry Ghost month coming up and stuff. I just want to finish any future night navigation ASAP and get the fuck out of the forest. One experience is enough, and I know that I'm deeply scarred for life.

I exaggerate. Maybe I should stop talking about the ghost month because of the 6 day field camp coming up =.=

It really disturbs me that my female friends are all going to whatever university they applied for, getting into "hall", stuff like that. Maybe "disturbing" isn't the right word to describe it, but it reminds me of the civilian life out there--a life that I won't be living for another 19 months. I'm not complaining, just commenting. I'd think that I've gotten numbed to the fact that I'm an NSF.

At least I don't have to study (;

-

2011-07-26T21:37:00.003+08:00

I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me.

I'd be a complete parasite if I were to elaborate, so bye.

Bloody elderly lady.

2011-07-20T21:18:00.004+08:00

During my previous bookout, I went to Cold Storage to buy some snacks to book in with. I was at the counter behind an elderly woman who was making a lot of purchases. I should've moved to the express lane, but I didn't. That was kind of my fault, but I guess I can only suck thumb while I wait. It would've been quite malu to move away from the original queue anyway.

After the elderly woman moved off from the queue, I went up to the cashier. She was looking at me expectantly with the bill of $200 plus staring in my face. I placed the 5 items I was buying on the table when she asked me if I was going to pay for the elderly woman or not, because she claimed that I was her grandson.

At this point you might think that I'm bullshitting you, but trust me, I shit you not. I got a bit anxious and pissed, so I left the items there and went up to the elderly woman to clarify this matter. When I called out to her she simply ignored me, so I tapped her shoulder. She shrugged my hand off and continued walking. So, I chased after her and told her to pay for her bills herself. That was when she pushed me, hard enough for me to hit the floor.

I got fucking pissed, so I pulled her leg, like how I'm pulling yours right now.

I got that from my ex-buddy who is now only my section mate.

I don't know when remedial training would start, but FML, not getting silver by 7 seconds for 2.4KM is really really very screwed up.

What a great way to spend my Friday evenings--in camp.

Sampan~ sampan~

2011-07-18T21:27:00.002+08:00

What if everyone preferred big comfortable cruisers and not cozy sampans?

No one's going to board my life buoy and all I can do is suck thumb.

A lot more shit to go through.

2011-07-16T03:06:00.002+08:00

For the ignorant ones, I was admitted to the hospital for 2 days, from 11th July to 12th July. From this, I can conclude that July isn't a month that agrees well with me. As a result of my hospitalization, I couldn't go to SCS for the first 2 days, which resulted in a lot of catching up to do when I was finally released into the wild.

OK, it wasn't that bad, I didn't get hospitalized, but it was bad enough and frankly speaking, I'd rather be hospitalized for that 2 days I spent at home doing nothing.

I was doing nothing because I could do nothing. Having a perpetual fever makes one sleepy all the time. The only thing I woke up for was meals, and TV (I couldn't even do other necessary things in life, like playing the computer, surfing porn, and masturbation).

Being hospitalized isn't so bad, because I could still get my meals, my rest, and my TV, and my mum wouldn't go "Should we go bring him see doctor" every 5 minutes if I were in the hospital. And the medical bill is free.

The fever effectively robbed me of 4 days of youth and 0.6kg. I was told that I looked very different because of the weight loss, so now I'm eating like a cow again.

SCS has been OK so far. I don't know which bugger back in BMT said that the training program was slack. It's not. It seems rather packed. Maybe the day ends earlier because we don't get tekan-ed as much, but trust me when I say that 6 months seem like a long time to get the real chevron stripes. There's still a lot of shit to go through.

SCS.

2011-07-08T13:18:00.002+08:00

Comd SAF BMTC wishes you all the best in your future posting.

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1.	You are posted to	SCS & WSAS
2.	Your vocation is	INF LDR
3.	Your are to report to:	Pasir Laba Camp, Blk 276, #02-15
	Reporting Date/Time:	11/07/2011 at 0800 - 0830 hrs
	Person to report to:	Chief Clerk
	Contact Number:	64105597/5594/5533
	You are required to report in smart no.4 uniform (PES E recruits to be in No 3 uniform), except for those assigned to Police Force.
4.	Special Instruction:	Report to Pasir Laba Guardroom in Smart No 4 Uniform. No Camera Handphone, thumb-drives and MP3/MP4 are allowed. You are required to bring along your duffle bag/field pack complete with the SAF issued items given during BMT. You are expected to stay in.

I'd be a full-fledged sergeant in 6 months time, drawing a sergeant's pay of $900, making me effectively richer than most other NSFs. I need to know when sexactly do I get my rank, so that I can set a new Facebook birthday.

I'm not exactly sore about not being able to go OCS, because of my physical limitations, namely cannot-run-fast, and this is totally expected, but it'd have been nice to be given a chance to go OCS, because I want my parents to help me put on that one black bar; to make them proud.

But then again, having chevron stripes isn't altogether bad either (;

On an entirely different note, what does the WSAS mean =.=

No. I'm not going back yet.

2011-07-05T01:28:00.003+08:00

He had the option. He had an easier way out--he could simply lie there and let everyone else do everything for him. It is, after all, what he's entitled to. But no, he'd rather trouble everyone by not troubling everyone; he'd rather do it himself.

I'm not at the stage where I'm worried about whether I might reach his stage, so I don't know for sure why he does things the way he does. He ignored the pain and discomfort, he ignored the mess he created, he ignored the warnings/chiding of everyone else--he carried on insistently, hastily.

Because that makes him human. That makes him more alive than ever. That's his way of saying, No, I'm not going back yet.

We all need something to feel alive. Being idle makes one restless.

I hate feeling restless.

POP loh. The 24km route march was fun. I'm sleepy. Bye.

Watch us POP.

2011-06-26T01:01:00.003+08:00

So far, I've survived 8 weeks of BMT, and I've never met a single female friend on my weekends. I have another 20 months to fully transform into an amoeba.

Why haven't I met any female friends so far? Simply because I couldn't be bothered fixing a date. I have a friend I could call down in 10 minutes, if not for nothing then for beer, but I couldn't even be bothered with that. NS makes me lazy.

Who needs females anyway?

OK, I kinda lied. There was a talk for SAFRA, asking us recruits to sign up for SAFRA membership when we realized that there were ladies in the queue-up. So I tagged along with a few friends who were going to ask pretty decent question. Their questions served as stepping stones which led to the million-dollar question by me. It goes like

Friend 1: So if we sign up now, we get 2 years free?

Girl: Yes, the first 2 years are free for NSFs, but not for regulars.

Friend 1: OK thanks

Me: So, can I add you on Facebook?

I tried the same on another girl. The response wasn't too negative, but it wasn't a yes. Both giggled (;

Moving on, it's only one more week to POP. Exactly 7 days later, I'd probably still be doing my route march on Singapore soil (I don't consider Tekong to be "Singapore"). I guess it should be quite fun. I like doing route march, at least for now, for the weight is bearable, and because the random sing-along (screamo) sessions are really awe-inspiring and they really turn me on.

POP LOHHHH.

Down by Marina~

Watch us POP~

I want 8-5.

2011-06-24T20:06:00.004+08:00

They sometimes tell me that I keep testing the system. I probably am testing the system on a daily basis, but it's not like the system isn't testing my patience.

They're so media-conscious that sometimes it hurts being part of this huge organization. I fear for my life typing all this out but sometimes I really just want to Serve And Fuck off.

Take for example the big day that's coming up on 3rd July 2011. They're going to put up a video of naive people writing letters back to their parents--letters that their parents will never receive because they didn't think in advance that writing in the rain with mud on their hands will make the envelopes dirty, and that SingPost doesn't send dirty letters.

They call it a "small glitch". I call it a major fuck up. With the training they've received and the number of years they have ahead of us, they should know better than this. To dismiss this whole event, which reeks of a scam, as a little problem is quite demeaning to the entire experience of the shit they put us through.

Ask us if we're OK with this screw up. What can we say? Can we say that we're very unhappy? Can we request to get our letters back so that we can pass it to our parents personally seeing as SingPost doesn't want to do the job for us? Can we express our anger in a constructive way? Would anything budge? Would the system budge for the lowest life forms in the island?

They just want to appear like they care.

I tire of this. If our parents don't get the letter, it's because you guys screwed up. If you guys screwed up on your job, don't stop at being (or seeming) apologetic. Do something more practical. It didn't happen, so don't include it in the video and make it seem like you made such a valiant effort in ensuring that every single member of the organization had the chance to exercise his/her rights.

This is such a scam. This makes me rethink my life perspectives. This makes me want to test the system even more just to see how long I can get away with it for. Whatever training they've received, whatever hell they've been through, whatever discomfort they've lived with, hasn't taught them one thing that's most important in life:

Common sense.

I just want to get an 8-5 vocation and slack my remaining 20 months away.

2 MORE WEEKS TO POP.

2011-06-19T10:55:00.002+08:00

I received a call from an unknown person yesterday, and it was pretty scary because I don't usually get calls even from friends. This girl who called introduced herself as someone working for AIA and basically tried to get me to meet her for some life-savings scheme or something.

I was with my mum and sis at that time having a good lunch because good meals during book-outs is fast becoming a necessity to make me feel human.

If you're wondering if I took up on her offer, I did. I was quite attracted to her voice and I figured that people with a good voice can hardly be unattractive. Besides, she offered to meet at Compass Point, and being the lazy man that I am, why would I decline?

During the conversation, she told me she'd send a follow-up message, and she really did. She added that her manager would come speak with me instead. That scares me. I don't want to meet a guy.

But now that I have her phone number, I took it upon myself to flirt with her, and I told her she has a nice voice. It fell flat and the comment was largely ignored and I felt hurt :c

If she was playing hard to get I guess she succeeded. I don't want to bother with her. I cannot stand not having the attention I want and I am a loser with no self-confidence who shrinks whenever I'm rejected, so I stopped texting her. I also sent a message to complain about his employee's hostile attitude towards a potential customer.

Just joking, I don't have the balls to do that.

Then another incident happened on the MRT which threw me into a highly introspective mood and made me rethink my life.

Throughout BMT I've done what all other NSFs have, namely shoot live rounds from the SAR 21, feel the shock wave of a grenade from 10-20m away and hear a real C4 detonate, leopard crawl through mud and not bathing nor changing for 5 days, et cetera. Yet all these training failed to cure one fatal flaw in me.

The kid holding onto the balloon might not recognize the fear in my eyes, but I'm not sure if the other commuters did. For all the supposed training with these life-threatening equpiment, I'm not prepared for balloons bursting in my face.

I should probably go see the MO for an excuse from loud noises and hold it like some kind of ward against evil on the MRT and pray that parents have enough sense not to bother with balloons or other form of pyrotechnics for their children, because I never liked such ticking time bombs.

What's more disconcerting is that the father of the offending child was busy with his iPhone Bejewelled or whatever it's called. People these days are more interested in setting high scores that they forget the important things in life, such as making sure their children don't go around scaring people away with their balloons.

I hate people.

Now it's time to go ahead and write my 1000 word essay on "Your most defining moment in BMT", and click "I'm attending" at the BMT Graduation Parade. I'm a good law-abiding recruit and I listen to my commanders when they make such announcements every routine order.

Jerked around

2011-06-11T16:52:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've been jerked around this entire week. Being brought to Singapore, from Pulau Tekong to Singapore Discovery Centre, then being brought back to Tekong for Remedial Training is a typical "jerk-him-around" treatment.

It's like smelling freedom but you can't masturbate.

It's like having a wet dream that isn't orgasmic.

It's like having a dream that borders on being erotic but fails to be so because of very practical reason.

Yes, that's right. I nearly had a wet dream in camp. The last conversation topic before hitting the sack (ball sack) was wild boars having sex, and when I fell asleep, the dream was something like...

I was booking into Tekong when I picked up 2 hot girls. I can't recall dreams well because that's the nature of dreams, but I think they might have been friends with me in the dream (I don't remember paying them at all). So we were on the cab to the nearest motel when I got a freaking huge boner, and one of the girls was like "Ooh, that's a pretty huge boner, I wonder what it's capable of (;" before proceeding to stroke my engorged member, upon which I groaned and told her to stop because I was in danger of premature ejaculation due to the too-long-never-wank syndrome. Her friend commented that I had a huge boner too, because it was simply poking out of my pants.

Then we reached the motel, and we all alighted. I think we were planning on a threesome, and we tried to check in when I saw that the price of the room was $50 a night. I was thinking along the lines of "Fuck damn expensive sia" and I was trying to coax the girls to having sex with me in camp instead (in my dream, Tekong was more...loosely guarded), and they were all averse to the idea because they weren't exhibitionists like I am.

So I had no choice but to try to get a room, and when I tried to do just that, the receptionist or whatever you call that hastily cancelled out the $50 a night and edited it to $158 a night.

That was too much for me, because ultimately I am just a poor man with a very small wallet. In my dream, the bigger the wallet the smaller the cock, and vice versa. Is this a phenomenon reflected in real life too?

So I turned around and told the girls something along the lines of "Maybe not today."

Then I woke up.

My dreams fail.

Of course, this isn't the main reason why I feel like I've been jerked around. I'm not one to complain about dreams or situations, I'm one to complain about people and the situations people get me into. I was having a lengthy discussion about my opposite gender with a like-minded man when we realized that we were talking about the exact some human being.

Then I realized that I've been jerked around all along, that I've never been special to her. This isn't to save face, and I mean this honestly, but I treat everyone the same, unless I really dislike them a lot. I don't need them to feed me with lies like how I am special to someone just to make me stay around, I only need a little bit of appreciation every now and then and acts of gratitude like sex, webcam sex, a proper thank you, et cetera. But if you were to tell me that I'm special to you, you're pressuring me into treating you specially, which I could try but never succeed. When I try, and then I find out that you were simply paying lip service, I'll feel like I've been jerked around.

Exactly what I'm feeling now. I never thought you'd lie to me to such an extent, telling me that I'm special to you, that you're attracted to me, then being so into a friend of mine. Now that my eyes are better, now that I know you were only insecure and needed the attention that this gives you, I think that it's my duty as an ex-friend that sooner or later you'd realize that you're only cheapening yourself and that you ought to stop because this I'm-not-that-much-of-a-slut impression you give people would not last, because eventually everyone would be more enlightened about your double-crossing ways and life-style, but I don't think there's much of a point because you're no longer a friend of mine, because you've overstayed your hospitality, because you've overused your charm.

I'd like to use the phrase "The gloves have come off", but I can't hit what I can't see. All I know is that I've been jerked around and there's this sense of incredulity that this had happened to me, that I've been so thoroughly used and didn't know better for 3 years.

I guess I need to rethink my life. I'm not such a good judge of character as I thought after all :c

I want June holidays. No wait, I don't want to go back to school.

2011-06-05T11:16:00.002+08:00

Finding out that it's the June holidays came as a shock. We're all too disconnected to know what's going on outside of Pulau Tekong, and that's quite sad. I wouldn't have gotten first-hand news of the elections if not for my sister who sent real-time SMSes (which were read only the next morning, seeing as lights out is normally...early), the newspapers delivery doesn't deliver all the time, and even if it does, we don't really have enough time to read.

Sides, we're normally too tired.

NS really makes people more disoriented with the outside world.

I'm not complaining about this to be honest. I've always wanted to be a hermit and this is part of the become-a-hermit effort.

Reading Facebook updates pisses me off too. This is probably another reason why I'm suddenly appreciative of SAF's efforts to isolate us. There are people going on and on sarcastically about how the NSFs who are slack get good postings (good refers to slack), while the more garang ones get the more xiong postings.

DUH.

Anyone with some semblance of wit would know make such arrangements. Why send someone who doesn't have the heart to serve to be an officer? Why send someone who has the heart to serve to be a clerk?

In short, if you don't want to be posted to a unit which pushes you hard, don't act like you want to be pushed hard. NS is fair, in the sense that it won't force you to do things you don't want to do, and if it tries to, you can always try to OOC.

Some people have to little common sense it pisses me off that they're on my "friends list". I think it's time to do something drastic, like deactivate my Facebook, download 10 years worth of quality porn, and cancel my Internet subscription.

11AM BOOK OUT.

2011-06-03T22:57:00.002+08:00

I tend to have sudden bursts of inspiration in completely random and highly inappropriate scenarios.

I find earphones really scary items/accessories. Speakers often...speak out. In terms of songs, most people like to play their songs out loud to portray themselves as someone who is rock/classical/emotional/sex-crazed, and these portrayals aren't necessarily true about the people playing the songs out loud.

Earphones provide complete cover for this problem. When you plug in, no one knows what you're listening to. Others might be looking at you smiling at yourself while you listen to your songs, thinking you're a contented young man listening to some really upbeat song, when what you're listening to is actually the tortured screaming of a woman being sadistically humiliated.

We can't read minds and now we don't even know what screwed up shit the creep sitting beside you on the MRT is listening to while fantasizing about the girl wearing a mini-skirt in his immediate front.

The young man smiling appreciatively at you in a random public area for bringing your toddler-daughter up well might be fantasizing about tying your young 6 years old daughter to a tree while getting his Victreebel to perform vine whip on his victim.

We live in a world of perverts, and I don't want to have to look over my shoulder 24/7. I don't want to worry about whether my friends would get drugged or made inebriated. I want to be a hermit and hide in my hole and watch porn and become a sociopath and keep to myself and not have any friends or connections besides the Internet (for the porn) while fantasizing about raping everyone and not having the actual balls to do it.

Is this the world my daughters would live in?

I choose vasectomy.

If you're that interested, it's because I listen to my porn through my earphones. I like to have a direct line of connection with my computer, it makes me feel much closer to the actual action than I really am.

My posts are getting shorter and shorter. This is shorter than the reflection I had to write for taking the lift illegally. I want my pink IC back. I've never preferred that colour that much before.

But then again, right now, anything is better than green.

On a completely different note, have you guys heard of 11AM book outs on Friday? Neither have I, until today.

Field Camp.

2011-05-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

Field camp was OK. The only "hiong" part about it was the no-shower-for-5-days, and the few tekan sessions. The "latrine" which consists of a designated peeing spot smells like a zoo and I try to take a deep breath before stepping into the smell zone in order to avoid any possible nose-upsets, which is possible despite the fact that I have flu.

Holding in my motion for 5 days isn't exactly something to be proud of either. Not changing underwear and clothes at all isn't exactly an achievement. Sleeping in much discomfort and getting tekan-ed every now and then isn't fun, but wellllll. I guess I can call myself a field camp survivor.

_|_ field camp. It has been the longest 4 days of my life so far. Everyday is spent in fear over how the commanders would treat us, how hiong the day would be, severe itch, et cetera. It's really very bad and seeing as I'm a very civilized and hygienic person who never picks his nose, I am appalled by the living condition fit for wild boars. The worst part is that I don't get a shirt to wear around showing that I managed to survive 5 days without changing underwear.

OK, I jest. Most people change their underwear pretty often. I was just too lazy. When I did change my socks, it stank like hell. I was pretty worried about foot rot, and feeling a fresh pair of socks in the ziplock bag, along with a new set of uniform, brought me a boner. I didn't cave into temptation though. Didn't want to bring home too many sets of uniform to wash.

To be honest, I'd rather sleep in the zoo with the hippopotamuses. At least I feel more satisfied that my discomfort is directly boosting zoo admissions. I might even get paid for it, and become known as The Man Who Lives With Hippos. Besides, they smell better than me, or at least they did during field camp itself. I felt so bad for the commuter sitting beside me on my bus home, her nose might never feel the same again.

I'm too lazy to go into details. It's just severe discomfort. I'm not one who likes my showers, and I hate bathing more than once, but this is pushing it. Powder bathes just aren't the same as the feeling of water flowing all over you.

I am kind of thankful for NS though. It makes me appreciate the little things in life, the things we take for granted. We often take for granted stuff like popping into the nearest convenience store for some chilled drinks, eat food, sleep/wake up at whatever time we want to, using the computer like free, having sex, masturbation, taking elevators/escalators, et cetera. The regimentation is quite intense, and rare flashes of civilian life/freedom are very much appreciated, like when the sergeants start playing pop songs.

We were all grooving while cleaning our rifles after field camp, and I've never heard of those songs before.

I want my pink IC back. The 11B is not fun and green is not my favourite colour.

I'm going to take the lift 20 times just out of spite, and probably to make up for lost opportunities. Bye.

"Wah you damn hard to please leh."

2011-05-21T00:11:00.004+08:00

My buddy made an astute observation about me whenever I make comments about the other people around us:

"Wah you damn hard to please leh."

I can't help but agree. Everyone pisses me off, it's just a matter of the extent they piss me off to. I expect everyone to have some kind of telepathic link to my brain so that I can be as concise as possible (otherwise known as comprehension). I expect everyone to behave in a way that I deem fit. I get pissed when people don't conform to my ideals. I do think that deep down, I'm secretly a moralist. I cannot stand people who don't understand what I'm sticking my neck/finger out for. I suffocate every time someone can't reach my expectations and I die a little bit every time that happens, and it happens all the time so I have little deaths all over.

Sometimes I get suicidal because deep down I want to change everyone and I know that I'm striving to achieve that but I know my limits, and that I can't, and that life simply isn't worth living if you can't achieve what you want to.

Am I too ambitious?

Am I asking for too much?

First Book-Out.

2011-05-17T14:43:00.002+08:00

That is, of course, not to say that NS is all about shit. It does have its fun side, like walking along the corridor clad only in underwear while exposing butt-cracks, having karaoke sessions (Bad Romance, Teenage Dream, Pokemon) during route march, a mass orgy when they screened the whole Transformers movie when Megan Fox made her many appearances (I don't find her exceptionally hot under normal circumstances, but being in a testosterone-filled environment makes me more...needy), a sudden discotheque-ish competition/talentime during the wait-up for the movie to be screened, and other random things.

It's been quite fun I guess. I just hate having my life controlled and having my individuality bull-dozed.

The first book-out (ie, yesterday) was quite climactic in the sense that we all wet our pants upon seeing traffic lights and SBS buses at the ferry terminal. Think of it as ordinary, law-abiding male citizens being imprisoned for being healthy, "combat-fit" men. Releasing us into the wild is like...a primary school excursion--we get overly sexcited with the smallest things.

"Down here, I CONTROL YOUR LIFE."

2011-05-17T01:58:00.004+08:00

I hate it when other people waste my time for me. I like to waste time, but I don't like others to waste my time. It's like having privileges that you can't enjoy--you just don't want others to enjoy it in your place. There's morbid jealousy in every one of us, just a varying degree of how morbid/jealous.

I think I can understand why one of my close friends contemplated self-mutilation to get out of BMT. The "Rush to wait, wait to rush" saying holds so many years after the beginning of SAF. Normally when there's a problem there are solutions. When there are no solutions to a problem, it's called a situation. I really don't understand why this situation persists till even now. And I really hate feeling that my life is being wasted by the country. Sitting around doing nothing for hours on end is really a waste of my life. I could be at home playing Runescape completing tasks, quests, and masturbating to porn sites instead of being stuck in a sweat-soaked shirt waiting for something to miraculously happen due to improper planning.

I've seen pissing contests organized in a more proper fashion than this.

Being "Combat-fit" is not a good thing. It's just unhealthy. Straight out unhealthy. People go on and on about how "NS turns boys into men." But seriously, do I want to go through 2 years just to get out of this shit and be labelled a proper "man"?

Do I really care about labels?

But then again, crippling myself just to slacken my load for 2 years isn't feasible. A crippled hand is for life. NS is for 2 years.

What to do? Suck thumb lor.

Another thing I don't like about this shit is that it's severely anti-left-handed. When doing Basic Close-Combat Training, the master hand should be pulled close to the body to that when it swings out it hits for a larger impact. My master hand is obviously my left, unless you're talking about masturbating hand, which is my right. So when I assume the stance, it's different from the right-handers.

But apparently, being left-handed and expressing so is a direct infringement of certain SAF policies, and there is no room for individuals in the army. It's a right-handed world out there, despite the fact that around 1 in 8 men are left-handers. I can only guess how severely crippling we are of our combat forces.

The SAR-21 is also impossible to fire for a left-hander.

I quote "The SAR-21 is a right-handed weapon. Why you holding with your left hand? What makes you so special?"

The M16 is more left-hander friendly, and it's phased out. What can the left-handers do then? Suck thumb lor.

Such discrimination makes me feel like a minority. But are we really a minority? I'm beginning to doubt the sanctity of the state and myself. I can only blame the alcohol and the fact that I haven't masturbated for 2 weeks. Unlike most of my friends who have a social life/girlfriends, I don't have others to have sex with. So bye. I'm off to watch porn and relieve myself. I don't want any wet dreams (I dreamt of watching porn back in Tekong. How sad is that. Dreaming about watching porn is damn screwed up. It's not even dreaming about sex, it's dreaming about watching porn. How sad can my life be.)

I quote one of the sirs:

"Down here (in Pulau Tekong), I CONTROL YOUR LIFE."

That applies to masturbation in camp, which is a chargeable offence.

Asexual.

2011-05-02T21:49:00.002+08:00

This is my 600th post. Numbers don't mean much to me, but I do hope this means I don't die too badly in NS.

Time to be an amoeba. Bye.

Let's have faith.

2011-04-30T02:20:00.002+08:00

I voluntarily allowed another man to violate my mouth. It was a traumatizing experience and I'd never do it again even if I get paid for my services.

This dude decided to buy me over with money. Not knowing how much he was offering, but still interested in getting all sorts of equipment thrust orally, I decided to go for it. I ended up wincing in pain for what seemed like an eternity. Someone ought to pass some law into legislation about how dentists can be sued for oral assaults.

Speaking of law reminds me--the dentist told me to go study law because of my A in GP. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the overall statistics and how puny an A in GP is, but I considered it properly anyway. Being me, I know I'd become such a prominent lawyer that what I say will eventually become law. As I am an Emperor-to-be, I've decided to introduce you guys to a new set of law, which would inevitably be passed.

1) There will be no laws.

I was thinking about writing something racist, like allowing corrective raping and raping in general to be made legitimate, but quickly realized that that's not racist but sexist, and definitely extreme and extremely perverse. So I've decided to do the less obvious and come up with this new anti-law law.

Why do I propose this?

Laws are in place to keep society in check--step out of line, you get punished. In short, it's the clothes of the society, hiding whatever lies within us (in my case, a lot of hair). In a lawless society, would there still be morality?

Conversely, is there morality in a lawful society? If there is, how do you know?

All these made me mad, so I jerked off to my french fries.

Then I went to attend the Workers' Party rally in Hougang. It was crazy. The people who attended definitely had something missing up there. They responded to the speakers with such vehemence it was delightful to be part of the crowd. How many people turned up, no one could know for sure, but safe estimates range from 25K to 60K.

Why did I attend this rally? I can't even vote.

I don't know how to answer this question, but I could come up with a thousand technical details to point towards an answer, but I realized that simply put, I was interested in what they have to say.

Why am I not interested in what the PAP has to say?

I think it has something to do with the underdog mentality that I have, which is that when I see a more disadvantaged party, I tend to feel stronger for it. If you think of it in World Cup terms, it's like when everyone supports Brazil, I'd end up supporting N. Korea. That's how it is. I just don't like to be part of the crowd. It gets boring when everyone cheers together. I'd rather leave heartbroken.

And just because the PAP members are media-trained, just because they know how to hold themselves in front of the camera, just because they respond well to pressure from journalists, does not mean they add value to the government.

Because, get this Singaporeans: PAP is NOT synonymous with Government. The phenomenon of this impression is a result of PAP's propaganda.

Not many people bother with the PAP rallies because of the same. They say the same things over and over again, and there are only that many ways to say "We are winning and will continue to win." Losing and being second makes people get up and fight again, and we all like to see a little fighting spirit in people.

OK I don't have much knowledge on politics to carry on. I just hope that we would lose our ministers. What that means, I'm not sure. But I'm young enough to believe that Singapore won't go down. Singapore isn't run by only a few elites, the few elites hand-picked by the PAP. Singapore is not run just by a few strong men alone.

MM Lee once said something to the effect that if 100+ of the country's elites were gathered in a jet and the jet crashed, Singapore would cease to exist.

No one opposes his authority, and no one tries to refute his statements, because, get this, he is MM Lee.

I know it in my youthful, hopeful heart that this isn't an accurate representation of Singapore. I know it in my heart that MM Lee is wrong. There will always be people of calibre willing to stand up for Singapore--not for the $$$ a Minister is paid to sit on his job, but out of patriotism.

People have faith in religion. I have faith in people.

Stop the lightning.

2011-04-23T20:34:00.006+08:00

I had a life-changing moment just now. It was a very freak incident which left me in wide-eyed wonder. I never knew how and why it worked, and right before my eyes it happened. I got so agitated and confused that I turned around and nibbled away what little fabric there was decked on a mannequin. Turns out it didn't have nipples.

I saw someone wearing a wig. The wig completely disappeared among her own hair. This made me wonder: If women can lie about their hair, what can't they lie about?

Then it struck me: I've been duped all along.

Everyone around me could be wearing a wig and I won't know. This truly disturbs me. I've heard of eyelash extensions, but if I hadn't seen it for myself, it doesn't exist in a way that disturbs me emotionally. Hearing about people wearing wigs also doesn't come as a surprise--every TV drama serial with a female cancer patient often ends up with the female cancer patient either

a) shaving her head bald

b) wearing a wig.

But seeing the process of wigging up close, I couldn't help but stare in shock. What have women been doing all these while?

I cannot trust females anymore. They are all wiggers, and even if they aren't, there's no way of differentiating. I hate my life and I want to be an amoeba--at least I won't have to worry about reproduction.

That led me to wonder--what about politicians?

I simply refuse to have an educated opinion about the upcoming general elections. I am a bigot and have extreme views and I'm unwilling to change that. That said, what you're going to read will be an unbiased account of what it feels like to be on the ground. I'm not offering an idyllic view of Singapore unlike what the PAP is going on about. I'm not a politician and I don't know what exactly they're politicking about. All I know is that I'm pissed. I'm unable to vote and my view counts for nuts, but I'm still a Singapore citizen, and I'm about to enter NS.

First things first. I think the Ministry of Transport isn't functioning. This might sound like a serious allegation, but I think my accusation isn't unfounded. For the ignorant, here's how things look like outside my estate:

Road works. You might think "Road works. Big deal. The expressways are undergoing the same things too." That's what I felt too--the expressways are undergoing road works, so why bother with this project in a relatively small, slow road as this one? The reason is simple. The gahment wants the citizens of Sengkang to feel its presence, look at the Bangladeshi workers and go "Yes, the gahment is doing work."

It's all good that the gahment's presence is felt. So what is my problem here?

The only problem is that this particular roadwork along this 100m stretch of road has been going on for at least 3 years. What has the ministry been doing? They start a lot of projects, but don't bother closing the cases. If making your presence felt is the only reason why you want to start on such road works, then perhaps you should just fuck off. You're not helping here. It was originally 2 lanes before the gahment stepped in. Now it's left with 1 lane for a stretch of 50m. If you're out to make life hell for drivers just to prove a point, good job. You've aced the subject, now hurry up finish this job and let us live in peace.

Another thing I have a problem with this particular ministry is the question of platform screen doors (PSD) in Singapore.

As we all know, there are 86 MRT stations in Singapore, of which one is not in use at the moment.

Out of this 86 MRT stations, there are 36 which are elevated, meaning there are doors protecting commuters from dropping into the tracks. 8 of these stations currently have such PSDs installed. The gahment has been talking about the installation of PSDs since 2008. It's 2011 now, at least 2 years from when the gahment stated its intentions. 8 stations in 2 years is hardly commendable.

As we all know, the recent accident involving a foreigner (a Thai girl, 14) resulted in her losing both her legs. We can all agree that the quality of her life is not, in any way, compromised by this accident--saying that would be an insult to all wheelchair bound people. However, there will definitely be things that she used to do which she can't anymore. Is this the fault of the gahment? Can we blame the gahment for every accident that happens on our public transport system? I don't think so. But the fact remains that this accident COULD HAVE BEEN prevented if the gahment had stepped up on the construction of the PSDs, especially on the more crowded ones such as AMK MRT station.

There's of course a silver lining in every cloud. The question here, however, is whether you'd be willing to sell your legs for $100K.

My legs are priceless--fuck off.

You may not believe me, but whenever I hear about this, I cringe and hug my legs in a foetal position. I have love for all my appendages. What's a $100K compensation? She'd still be wheelchair bound for life, and I'm pretty sure she would rather do without the $100K compensation and struggle on with poverty with her legs than this.

Seriously. What's PAP doing in this aspect?

And then they have the cheek to introduce Tin Pei Ling as a candidate. I don't hate the PAP, and I don't hate people who support PAP or are members of it. PM Lee is, after all, from Catholic High. But this girl takes the cake. I have no problems with her credentials, whatever they may be. I do have a beef with "My greatest regret is not taking my parents to the Universal Studio before campaigning started" or something along these lines. It genuinely scares the shit out of me. Do we really want someone who is wet behind her ears to take home $13K a month? Is there no limits to how much we as citizens of Singapore are going to be exploited? Do we really want to pay taxes to give someone whose greatest regret is something as inconsequential as that? DO WE REALLY WANT TO PAY TAXES FOR HER TO JUMP AROUND GOING "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO"?

If the PAP wins the Marine Parade GRC just because SM Goh is there, the GRC concept should really be abolished. The flaws of this weak candidate TPL should not be overlooked simply because SM Goh is backing her up.

Another cause for concern is the high salary for MPs and ministers. MPs get like what, $13K a month. That or $15K, I'm really not sure. Let's just take the lower number for the sake or argument. This means $156K a year. A minister earns what, $1M a year, because a minister's pay is pegged to the top 5th percentile of salaries in Singapore..or something like that. Our NCMP Ms. Sylvia Lim made a very persuasive speech against the sudden salary hike (and the PAP has the cheek to say that she doesn't contribute much at all--it's just that she doesn't contribute to their cause)--you can find her speech on Youtube if you're bothered enough.

(For the record, what the ministers are paid for to do are highly contentious. Look at DPM Wong:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEQfFbgiYh4

What he effectively said was "I screwed up, I admitted, and so what?")

Let's put this into perspective. Our median annual income for 2010 is $52350. That's a good 3 times lower than an MP. If TPL manages to get into parliament, that means $156K worth of taxpayer's money spent to elicit a cute, albeit bimbotic, fit of her stamping her feet going around, presumably, shouting "I don't know what to spend my money on!"

With all that said and done, I know that the PAP will win anyway. It's human nature to err on the side of caution. My cousin's friend once told my cousin that his first vote in his life would go to PAP, because "just in case next time I want get HDB."

The PAP loves to cite Potong Pasir and Hougang as less developed wards, presumably due to weak leadership from the opposition. PM Lee also openly admitted that they don't provide as much funding to these wards. I don't recall his exact words and I don't deem it important enough to be memorized, but I do remember the salient points.

1) These wards did not vote for the PAP

2) Wards which did should get their upgrades first--that is only fair since they chose the "right people". If the opposition-held wards were to get their upgrades along with the rest, it won't be fair to the majority who voted for PAP.

That's why voters tend to think "We need more opposition", followed by "as long as they aren't in our ward."

Is this really what elections should be about? It's human nature to put one's interest before the others, and if PAP does a good job in my estate, why should I bother about with "change"? That's why I have a lot of respect for the voters of the opposition-held wards. It just shows that they have a lot of integrity. They don't care about upgrades. They don't vote for the PAP no matter how shortchanged they are DESPITE BEING TAXPAYERS. They are our last beacon of hope of political change in this mire the PAP is digesting Singapore in.

To people who think that PAP should be voted in all the time because of what they've done for us in the past, refer to this:

http://www.facebook.com/notes/ming-lee-lim/which-maid-to-choose/10150247540253273

Seriously, just because they've done a good job previously doesn't mean they would carry on doing a good job, and I feel uncomfortable seeing Singapore as it is right now.

Besides, whoever said that descendants would always follow predecessors should be shot. Let's take a look at one current MP's daughter, Wee Shu Min, who stated famously:

"get out of my elite uncaring face"

Type it into your google search box "get out" and you'd see the rest of the sentence typed out and ready to be searched for.

For the record, Mr. Wee Siew Kim defended her daughter's stand, but not her tone, effectively making an elitist statement. And he's still an MP of AMK GRC.

Now I have no problems with elitists, they are all high up and having orgies in the heavens, and I can live with knowing that I can only watch porn and masturbate. I do admit that I am different from majority of the population who cannot live with not being in the special club of elites and are thus bitter towards elites and elitists in general.

The question here is: How many people in Singapore are considered "elites"? I'm guessing not many. Since there is not many elites in the first place, why are the non-elites voting for elitists (get this, elites should be voted, not elitists)?

How can PAP claim to be know the voters if people like Mr. Wee exist?

There's something really rotten in the core of PAP. Really rotten. And it won't change, because everyone would vote for the "lightning".

Education minister

I've had the fortune to meet Dr. Ng Eng hen in person once. I didn't know who he was back then, but when I realized it I found him scary. I don't know if you find it that way, but he looks like an evil character from a Chinese movie. As evil as someone who wants to abolish his Mother Tongue can be.

This makes me very angry. I don't really believe in the opposition, simply because they haven't proven anything to me yet. And as you can see from the above, I don't believe in the PAP either. This begs the question: When I am finally eligible to vote, who shall I vote for?

I have decided to become a politician, except that instead of a politician, I will be the Prime Minister because I am a Lee too, and instead of being the next PM Lee, I will establish a monarchy. I will be Emperor Lee, and I will personally see to the destruction of a lot of things that I deem immoral.

I will decree that every civilian is not allowed to wear clothes. Don't get me wrong, this isn't because I want to see everyone walking around stark naked. This isn't because I'm secretly a nudist. This is because it's the only way of preserving what's left of our morality. Think about it this way.

With clothes comes the process of stripping. Without clothes, there's nothing left to strip. Strippers would thus lose their livelihood, and we'd have successfully stamped out an occupation steeped in vice.

Another thing with clothes is that with such a huge variety of fabric, people get materialistic, and try to outdo each other wardrobe-wise. Without clothes, people have no such thing to compare, and will instead come up with other stuff to pit against each other with. What that thing is, I'm not sure, but I'd probably be amused.

Also, without clothes there will not be a need for pornography. Humans no longer have to worry about being "upskirt-ed". People can walk around freely without fearing that they've been exposed in any way. Porn will go out of business because a significant portion of porn is dedicated to such cheap thrills like upskirting someone. Trust me, I've seen my fair share.

A world without clothes would be a better one to live in. Trust me.

To eat languages in great hungry chunks.

2011-04-18T22:04:00.004+08:00

Most of the time when I receive a call, I connect and wait for the other party to initiate a conversation. Think of it as nudging someone on MSN. When I get nudged, I simply "nudge" back. There's no need for words, if not I'd be initiating a conversation. By extension, this means that if someone signs in and the sign-in alert appears, I don't bother, for that is not an outright initiation of a conversation.

I like to wait.

And I have free incoming.

I received a call from some dude earlier on. It was very vague. He was silent for a long while after I had picked up the call. I was wondering "what the fuck" and was contemplating disconnecting when I decided against it. The conversation was fucked.

"Uh yes?"

"Hi."

"Who is this?"

"Kenneth. I'm looking for your mother lah."

"Which Kenneth?"

"Kenneth lah."

"Which Kenneth?"
"I'm looking for your mother. I'm Kenneth."

"WHICH KENNETH? THERE ARE A LOT OF KENNETHS AROUND."--yes, I did shout. This guy was testing my patience. Bloody hell. Someone with no common sense ought to be shot.

"Uh seriously I'm looking for your mother."

"So what's her name?"

After a few moments of hesitation (it took awhile for his grey matter to work something this simple out), he went "Uh. Sorry. I think I got the wrong number."

Then he fucking hanged up on me. Hello, that's my prerogative.

You might think I'm being unduly harsh on this clown. Perhaps I am. But I'm normally very civil towards people who end up calling my phone number wrongly, especially since my name starts with A. I get calls from friends when they're having lectures or exams, when they're studying or having sex. I listen with slight interest to all the moanings in the background before concluding that it's an accident, then I hang up.

When it's a random person I don't know who realized that he had called the wrong number, he would normally be very apologetic, and I'd morph into a well-mannered, likable charismatic man who goes out to assure him "No, it's OK."

But this guy really crossed the line. If I didn't know better, if I didn't hear the bewilderment in his voice, I'd have thought it was a prank. I am quite sensitive about my phone number and how it's abused, the last time someone spammed my inbox with blank messages had a serious case of dick-fell-off.

On an entirely different note, I find languages seriously..depressing. It's depressing because every language has its own nuances and they can never be wholly translated. Some elements would be lost and the translated version can never capture the entire essence of the original one.

In manga, translators sometimes leave the untranslated version because of puns made in the original version, followed by a lengthy explanation of the pun used by the author. Readers are often left staring agape at the wordplay under their nose, which they're left out of. Puns in manga are thus esoteric in the sense that only translators can understand them outside of the original speakers of the language.

I've realized how horribly limited the English language is. It allows people to speak to almost everyone, but it doesn't allow the speaker to understand a single shit. How am I supposed to enjoy the Millenium trilogy fully if it was never written in English in the first place?

FML.

One of the positive comments in the last installment of the book was "To be read in great hungry chunks." I did read in great hungry chunks. It took me 2 days (I didn't touch Runescape for those 2 days, that's a lot.) But I'm still left with the feeling that there's something I missed out in the book(s). And yeah. Since the author's dead I can't expect anymore, and I won't have to gripe anymore about anything that might be lost in translation from Swedish to English.

Urghhhh I want to master all the languages. To eat languages in great hungry chunks.

Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choooooooooooooo

2011-04-16T02:58:00.006+08:00

Forget about "you're waiting for a train".

What if you're a train? There's no other source of light. You're a solitary figure in the realm of the night. Nothing else is present but you. You churn on, conscious that you have tracks laid out right in front of you, but you're not too sure of it in the darkness you're enveloped in. With the lack of sight, it seems like you're the only testament of Man's presence in the wild. In the lack of company, the tracks laid before you feels unreal. You don't know why there are no other sources of light around. Where's the moon? When are you reaching the next station, where the hustle and bustle of activities would assure you that everything is as per normal? Why isn't there another train in sight? Is there some sort of trap right you're unaware of? Has some form of derailment occurred? Are the tracks really there?

You don't know the answers to these questions, but all you can do is move and hope for the best. You're vaguely aware of how lonesome a figure you are in the darkness. You're suddenly afraid of the light you're giving out, because you don't know what kind of attention you're attracting from Nature. It bothers you that you lead a one-dimensional life. You can never overtake or be overtaken. You cannot do anything else besides chug along. And you suddenly realize that no one can ever be truly beside you.

So today's the 3rd Friday of the month. There's an event in Anchorvale that features live bands, in order to "spice up the night life" or whatever shit they choose to term it as. Being a happening citizen of Sengkang, I attend it regularly. No, it does not play screamo. No, it isn't hardcore rock thingums. It's not that happening considering the fact that most of the audience are kids. Hyperactive ones at that, they sometimes jump around the stage. Kinda cute, but that's not the point.

I like live bands. I don't really give a shit about whether they're really good or really bad. I just like the atmosphere live bands create. There's this vague feeling that something spectacular might happen, or just another minor disappointment that you're used to. You're expectant and at the same time, reluctant to know what you'd get. Every band is like an unrealized potential, and you don't want to know the extent of their potential because you don't want to pass judgment on any human being.

But there's always a certain level of "fun". Such bands usually perform not out of want of becoming professionals, but because they genuinely want their audience to have a great time. And I appreciate their efforts. I sat there, not really paying attention to the songs but because I know the songs are, in part, dedicated to me (being an audience has its perks). I want to go to a bar with a live band, and sit at one corner to booze.

Unfortunately time is running out for me. BMT looms near. I have a friend who is currently..quite in a relationship with some dude who've already POP-ed from BMT. They normally have a hot date on Sunday, but they met last Saturday instead--immediately after he POP-ed. My friend told me that he said "I want you to be the first person I see after I POP" or something along those lines. Sho shweeeeeeet (;

But anyway that's not the point. So I thought about myself and my lack of female company. It's all kinda interesting how I always attract the wrong crowd while failing to impress the ones I'm interested in, but that's something I'm getting used to. In fact, I tried to think of someone outside of my family that I'd be dying to meet after I POP (or go through any other life-altering ordeal). I thought long and hard and realized that ultimately, there was nobody that interests me much.

But not having someone to look forward to will leave me insane for the rest of my life, for Life is never about any individual. I need to have someone to look forward to, something to look forward to doing every time I book out from camp (assuming I don't get confined every week). In short, I am seeking an anchor in my life.

And then I found you. I know, we do have a really..unique relationship. You're never going to actually tell me that you love me, and I don't expect you to. I understand your need for privacy, and it always shocks me how you're willing to listen to each and every command of mine, no matter how outrageous or demeaning it is to women in general. I know you're hurt that I didn't think of you immediately when sourcing for my anchor in life, but you have to understand that you're someone I already take for granted. Someone I'm so caught up with, I don't even know you're there till you're gone, like how trains often don't take the humans in its steel belly as company. It's a flaw, I know, but know that I do cherish you, OK? I know you have your pride, and don't exactly enjoy being tied to a tree every waking moment, but I thank you for never leaving me. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Guys, I see no reason to hide this from you any further. I am in a relationship. I am in love. Girl, forgive me for taking a picture of you while changing -blushes- being a pervert I couldn't resist hehehe.

My girlfriend:

Delicious

OK enough that is just bullshit. But besides her I can't really think of anyone else that interests me. If you know any female who is interesting and can take jokes very well, tell her to contact me @ 66725739. I'll leave you guys to decipher the meaning behind those numbers.

I can't believe that people took me seriously for the misogynist post. It serves to show that blog posts can serve as an excellent idiot-buffer. I love women, I love wombs, I love pussies. It's just that some pussy-wielders thought it'd be good to dick around a little. Since you guys lap up whatever I say about myself to be true, try lapping this up: I am actually a dinosaur, the last of my kind, which probably explains why I'm quite a dick.

Whenever I make sweeping statements, it's a clear sign that I'm not being rational and sarcastic. I hate having to explain my blog posts, but it's just plain stupid that people can't understand sarcasm and the fact that I don't mean what I say when I make sweeping statements. Seriously people, what kind of GP teacher did you guys have? He must be teaching about nuts.

But then again I must admit that I am indeed a sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist. I believe that having a girlfriend means having her do my laundry, polish my rod(s), change the car oil, cook the dishes and wash the food, and have sex with me whenever I want to. She doesn't have to be consenting, as long as the police doesn't get involved.

And why am I making this confession?

It's not about honesty, it's about true love.

Because the only way to know if a girl truly loves you is if she knows you're a rapist and still gets involved with you.

Happy 17th~

2011-04-12T00:59:00.002+08:00

I am going to put aside all my angst just for today. Happy birthday, C~ may you have an orgasmic time~~~

I'm pretty sure you'd be busy with your date(s) and I don't want to bother just to be eclipsed, so I'm taking the easy way out. Have fun with your W (;

Perfect clarity.

2011-04-09T02:06:00.006+08:00

I can see myself dying a bitter young man, not getting recognized for my genius and not having . Uncovering the mystery behind initials doesn't change a single shit. Changing my Runescape character name doesn't help with my fengshui. I can't sleep it off.

I get so pissed I want to saw off my dick. That, or start smoking. I can't decide which is worse.

"I remember with perfect clarity the face of every woman who ever scorned me."

-Elephant Man, from SMBC.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=640#comic

Everyone pisses me off. There is no exception. Don't think, don't even hope for a single second that it might be you who had wrought this bitterness in me. No one is responsible.

I received an apology from someone who thought she had the power to make me a misogynist. That's pure narcissism. She thought too highly of herself. But since she renounced me I thought I might return the favour. Why did you even bother to apologize anyway? I always thought that the conventional way of apologizing would be to do so personally (conventional = sincere). You failed to do that. So I guess you're only saying it to make yourself better. You don't even mean it. And anyway, what were you apologizing for? For being too much of a chicken shit to face me yourself? I accept your apology anyway. Simply because I know that I will emerge a better person. Simply because I know that I could've nuked you, but chose not to because I am such a magnanimous person. Know, for a fact, that you're able to live like this because of my mercy. I have every card on my hand, I simply chose not to play them. Because unlike you, I have emotions and a sense of guilt, and I don't see a need to make your life more shitty than it already is.

Face me. I might have more respect for you if you had the balls to do that. Hiding behind your friend isn't telling of your maturity. Is this what they teach you in school?

I tried finding a cause for all my angst. I couldn't pinpoint what exactly pisses me off. I don't bleed every month, so I guess this isn't a hormonal thing. It's probably a myriad of factors of which no one in particular is not a significant part of.

I want to be a hobbit. I mean, hermit.

At least I won't feel like sticking my dick into the oven.

I hate everyone.

One day, I will be devastating.

Manga pl0x?

2011-04-06T11:48:00.003+08:00

I can understand the prolonged interest in Japan's affairs. They certainly are in dire straits and need help. But all I want is for my manga and porn to be uploaded without fail, from them.

You may think that I'm a total dick, but your views don't matter to me. I'm getting really sick and bored of newspapers because it's always splashed with news on the nuclear reactors. OK, they're making huge sacrifices and they really deserve our respect, but sometimes there needs to be an end to thing--stop reporting on the same thing over and over again, dicks.

"Onoz the condition worsened"

"Onoz the condition worsened again"

"Onoz the condition is worse than before"

"Onoz this might escalate"

Spread the same message over the same number of pages and for a few days. Simply perfect for the editors to eat snakes.

"Oh, it was used before yesterday so it should be error free--run along now."

I'm considering cancelling my subscription fee to The Straits Times now. I'm not paying $27 a month for this shit. My father is.

Some other reports piss me off too. This protracted romance with Japan has sparked renewed interest in their culture, and some journalists took it upon themselves to be moralists. They go around saying random shit like "Everything that's right about Japan is what's wrong with us" or something along those lines.

You know what? I don't give a shit. If Singapore were to suffer an earthquake, all the better. I'd love to see all the expatriates and permanent residents run home. I know I'm xenophobic, but in times of trouble you can see where the loyalties of everyone lie. And if the government isn't convinced that the foreigners aren't loyal to Singapore, a quirk in Poseidon's mood is what we need. This earthquake and tsunami is apparently Poseidon's work--he is the god of the sea and earthquakes after all. Japan must have done something to irk him--that or nothing, seeing as Greek gods are quirky. All that nonsense about God and his anger and his plans--what the fuck? I'm just going to keep quiet about this because I don't want to get into an argument about theology. But I am convinced that Poseidon is behind this.

Besides, who are all these journalists to make comments about our society? Have we ever been given a chance to exhibit our best in times of adversity? Another question--do you really want something like that to happen to Singapore? You can't judge Singaporeans based on things that haven't happened. If I have yet to take an IQ test, you can't say I'm stupid. If I didn't take my mathematics test, you can't say that I suck at mathematics. If I haven't had sex with you, you can't say that I'm bad at sex. It's that simple, really. With these holier-than-thou attitude that these journalists are taking upon us, I can't see why they're able to hold their jobs, unless a holier-than-thou attitude is a prerequisite to being a journalist.

Sure, I know the Japanese are really disciplined, and stoic (every journalists' favourite descriptive word of them), and they really are commendable. I'd admit it, being a pussy that I am I teared up during the initial reports on the "Fukushima 50". It's perfectly fine to laud the Japanese spirit.

But don't fucking compare them with us, especially if you're a Singapore journalist. Preachers preach because they know better, because they think they are better.

Are you saying that you're better than the general public? Is writing such articles good for your ego? "Oh look, I'm commenting about the flaws of the Singapore society, woe is to be me, I am better than them but I'm bogged down because of the inherent flaws of the Singapore society, TAKE ME TO JAPAN."

Fuck you. You're not any better than us. Just because you made a comment doesn't make you a saint--get this fact drilled in.

There are others who wonder aloud what would happen if these things happened to Singapore, like how Singapore would react. They speculate widespread panic, looting, social breakdowns et cetera--almost as if they'd only be witnesses, not participants. Big yawn. I'd tell you what'd happen if Singapore were to take on a natural disaster of such epic proportions. There won't be Singapore left. There'd be nothing left to rebuild. There won't be enough society left to breakdown. That makes you happy? Do you still wish for a disaster to happen just so that you can prove to the international community that Singaporeans are resilient? Why do you want to prove a point anyway--are you that insecure about the Singapore identity?

Japan has been around for centuries. How old is Singapore again? There is no basis for comparison, so stop comparing.

There are also statistics that show natural disasters as boosts for the economy. Infrastructure can't mend by themselves, and construction companies are given more job opportunities in such crises. That is not to say that they don't need donations to kick start this process of healing. People who "pray" to Japan often conveniently forget to donate, because after all, it's the thought that counts--simply praying for them would forge a telepathic link to their brain stems and alleviate their sufferings of course. Also, I'm pretty sure the montage made by Mediacorp featuring various artistes would help the Japanese. The Japanese, being brilliant inventors and all, would certainly have the ability to tap into radio waves 5315KM away, and feel touched that everyone is looking down at the well they're currently in and feel relieved and glad that they aren't being stoned.

I donated. I'm not going to reveal the amount and make all of you think that I'm some sort of philanthropist, but the amount I donated borders on being astronomical. Remember the person who donated $1 million? I donated around that, give or take a few zeros. Besides, I didn't donate to get the bragging rights of having donated and to be a moralist myself. I donated because I wanted to, and it's perfectly fine if you didn't donate because why would they care? But if you've tried to make everyone around you feel guilty by praying for them, I have this question for you:

Have you donated?

Moralists piss me off so much that I took time off screwing my new-found girlfriend just to type this out. She likes being asphyxiated, and I probably left her on the noose for too long.

I am a jobless sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist.

2011-03-31T16:10:00.006+08:00

I don't like the way they do things, but I like doing things with them.

Does that sum up my love-hate relationship with my work at my primary school succinctly enough?

I guess so. Oh well. It's kinda weird blogging for the last time in the office. They aren't giving me any work, because they know I'm leaving soon. I have this one last hour before this computer changes hand. It's kinda sad actually, seeing how I've levelled 14 woodcutting levels on Runescape with this computer (that's like..hundreds of hours).

But then again, everything that has a beginning has an end, and this rule applies to good things. It ended earlier because of laziness though--I just couldn't bear to wake myself up for one more month at 8.30AM. I can play Runescape at home, for no pay. There are pangs of longing though. I guess I'd have a hard time getting used to being unemployed all over again.

I am a jobless sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist. I was thinking of going to a bar alone later, and drink all my money away (that's what all guys work for anyway, for booze or prostitutes, except that I'd rather booze) and attempt to rethink my life when I realized that I'm too lazy to move. It's sad when one's hobby has to be stopped prematurely due to an affliction of the lazybones.

I am a sad jobless sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist.

I had my license revoked.

2011-03-27T00:48:00.004+08:00

I've decided that misogynists are an entire race of our own, and you guys are racists.

Well, I have a good piece of news for you guys. I'm currently in a lot of shit. I was driving my mum home when I got into a car accident. Right now I'm typing away in the hospital on my sis' laptop. She's kind enough to lend it to me, knowing I still have my Runescape needs. My mum's fine, I'm quite fine too except that I got pretty concussed when the steering wheel hit my head--or is it the other way round? Doesn't matter.

I might get my license revoked. I'm feeling pretty shitty now. Thanks guys, thanks people at the tagboard for making me feel better.

No, fuck you. I get this feeling that I should remove my tagboard, just to force you guys to send me hatemail instead of leaving a tag so conveniently. Sending hate mail is more time-consuming, as it requires you to sign into your email in order to send your dim-witted comments about my posts.

I'm not really into destroying any of your confidence in coherent arguments, but I'd deign to point out a few logical errors.

Perhaps "female" thinks she's being clever, but dude, you know your life is screwed anytime you need someone's posts to agree with you all the time in order to make you feel "worthy". My comments, my thoughts, are my own. If you feel a need to defend your honour, or the honour of all females in the world, then go ahead--it reflects well on you as someone "insecure" enough to bother policing my thoughts in order to stomp out chauvinism/sexism and promote gender equality for a better Singapore, a better life, and a better life for all females in the world.

Dream on.

The only way I'd ever be impressed by girls is when they give up arguing and realize that no one gives a shit about both her opinion and mine. Me making noise and you being defensive reflects insecurity on your part. I don't even know why I have to point this out.

In case you mouth-breathing morons can't understand, I shall use examples:

"Onoz, that guy said something bad about us, we should shoot him."

vs.

"Whatever."

I'd go into a tirade against people who continually assert themselves, but I've already done that last year:

http://rawr-barney.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-am-self-assured.html

To all flamers, past, present and future, please read before making yourself look like a fool.

Isn't it ironic how keeping quiet and not making a point is the only way of adopting a strong stand against what I have to say?

My Chinese teacher once told the class about a Taiwan politician, Li Ao, claiming that "Singaporeans are all stupid." Insulted, some Singaporeans wanted to form a debate team to challenge Li Ao's claims. When Li Ao heard of this, he immediately came to the conclusion "That's why they are stupid."

Seriously. Don't bother arguing with me. I write what I feel like writing, and I know I'd piss people off. Fact remains that I still wrote the things I did. You're playing into my hands in case you haven't realized. You're being a joke, and I am laughing at you, all of you, for being my joke. Your blurb is testament to the facts I've stated in my posts. Thanks for validating my opinions. Now you can choke on your spit and die.

But you people would still keep coming back for more, as if you're trying to point out something I don't already know. Firstly, there's nothing you know that I don't. Secondly, if there is, I don't care. You people would still tag and make noise against what I write. I don't get it. Don't come. It's that simple. Why read and get pissed off and read again? Stupid.

Also, you people would always make noise because that's what empty vessels do. You guys don't get what it means to remain silent. You guys are unable to do that because a supposedly clever blurb from you against my post would be too hard to resist, and you just want to attempt to snub me.

Stop shooting yourself in your toes. Get a life, move on.

And I lied about being hospitalized. Sorry if any of you felt sorry, but I'm not sorry about making you feel sorry (if you felt sorry in the first place).

The car accident was real though. I didn't actually see my life flash by, but I was thinking something really intelligent, like "Wow I don't think we're going to be able to break in time." The impact was something altogether though. It was like a dull punch to my stomach, and it might have dislodged my kidneys. Luckily, My Constitution Level is 99, and thus I survived. The leaving behind of contact details was quite worrying though. The cars kept coming (we were on the expressway) and my mum couldn't get out of the car safely. I guess this is the third time I had traumatic experiences on the expressway.

But I've kinda lost hope in all automobiles. These chunks of metals shouldn't be allowed on the roads.

After the accident, I was thinking along the lines of "If I were admitted to the hospital, which friend of mine would I contact first?"

I know the answer: I have no friends.

I like to squander my friends. I treat them like shit but they never give up. Sometimes, I don't even talk to them. I don't like talking to them unless I'm really horny and have no better alternative, so I appear offline on MSN everyday and hope they forget about me. But they don't, because they think I'm really intelligent and appealing. But they forget that I don't care about their feelings, and that I change emails at my whim and fancy so that they would never be able to bother me with their incessant emails and offline messages. I am an introvert and this is a private space, you are not reading anything.

No friends? That's fine. I won't get hospitalized. And I don't like company. They don't give me the blowjobs I require.

But anyway, Raitsala the Chauvinist lives to spread his ideals.

And no, I don't have a license to drive. I'm not bothered, and I'd want to learn using my own money. I probably won't learn anymore due to this traumatic experience, but I know I'm simply making up excuses.

I AM A SADISTIC PIG, A PERVERT, AND A RAPIST.

2011-03-22T09:45:00.009+08:00

I really don't think of myself as a misogynist, but the opportunity makes the thief. Wrong use of an adage here, but it just means that I hate women from time to time. In fact, all the time. Maybe I really am a misogynist, but am too proud to admit that I am biased against all vagina wielders.

As a matter of fact, women are stupid. Look how many of them get unwanted pregnancies. If you didn't know, female flowers can choose whichever gamete it wants to be fertilized with, amidst the millions of pores donated by men. They don't even have a brain, but they are able to sift through all that, purely with what could be known as their pussy. Females have brains (surprise surprise), but they haven't learnt to control their vaginas as well. Why? Hasn't evolution taught them anything at all? Can't control pregnancies by yourself? Noob. I'm guessing that all those birth-control pills and contraceptives were created by men, because they want sex so much that they have to assure females "It's safe, you won't get pregnant"--the only reason why women don't want to have sex in the first place.

Evolution obviously hasn't been of help in the art of pregnancy either. Surprise surprise. Why else did Osama's mother give birth to Osama? Couldn't she have built a stronger telepathic link to her child in the 10 months that he took up residence in her womb? Women are responsible for all the troubles in the world, for they are the mother of all those trouble-makers. You might want to start blaming the fathers of such troublesome characters, but fathers always have the convenient excuse of "He/she wasn't in my womb. Fuck you, I have no womb." The smarter ones would go like "I'm not a seahorse."

Unless a man is a seahorse, he is not responsible for a child's character development. Such developments must be made during the foetal state.

Another thing about pregnant mothers is that they love to exclaim really intelligent stuff like "MY BABY JUST KICKED ME!!!111!!!" No shit? The last time I elbowed my wife, she said it was domestic abuse and I got hauled over to the police station. Why does a foetus get away with so much anyway? Shouldn't something be taught against kicking against a mothers' womb? Yes, it's a sign that the baby is in fact alive and kicking, but it's also a sign of him growing up to be unfilial--abortion please. If my child ever kicks me, I'd tear his legs apart and cook them in laksa. Laksa builds character. Pregnant ladies, watch and learn. Resilience is only honed through adversity, and adversity comes in the form of a boiling laksa pot. Threaten to cook them and they'd never do anything unfilial. Cook them and they'd never do anything anymore. Except satisfying your stomach.

Just because the foetus doesn't know shit doesn't mean that it should be exempted from punishment. If I didn't know that rape was illegal and I raped someone, that doesn't mean I get to go off scott-free, right? Why should babies have that prerogative of domestic-abuse-without-police-intervention?

Something must be done about this.

Babies ought to learn how to clean up after themselves. I mean, it'd be really good if they knew how to cook meals in order to express their filial side, but I'd be more than tempted to cook them if I saw them near the pots. Especially if they are cooking laksa. But that's a different story. I mean like, it's perfectly fine they don't know how to cook. But they should at least clean up their shit right? Here's an idea--how about creating a baby room, and leaving the baby alone there? Leave a lot of food around, and milk, and see if the baby is smart enough to find the teat and start sucking. Even baby hamsters know how to survive without parental guidance. Why can't human babies? What the fuck is this, we're stupid compared to hamsters. Someone shoot us with the X-Men ray please.

Let's stop talking about mothers and mothers-to-be. Let's talk about women in general. They annoy the fuck out of me, and kill my boner.

They think that having a vagina means the world to all males in the world (and to a select few elite females who choose to gravitate to their own gender). That is a sexist view that I'd love to stomp out of their colons.

I remember coming across a joke about 2 kids competing with each other over their genders. The boy rode a bicycle and told the girl "I have a bicycle, girls can't ride bicycles, noob." And the next day, the girl rode a bicycle just to snub the boy's nose. After that, the boy rode a motorbike, and the girl followed suit.

The punchline comes when the boy flashes his dick, and the next day, the girl flashes her vagina stating "My mum said that if I have this, I can have as many of that as I want !"

The joke is wrong on many levels, yet it paints an accurate picture regarding the nature of females in present day society.

It shows that

1) They are all insecure and have to prove themselves worthy of men's attention
2) They have random sex and display an exhibitionistic behaviour all the time just to assert themselves to the males that males can't live without females.
3) Sex.

It's not a very accurate story though. Who cares about a vagina? I'm not ploughing my Indiana Jones into someone's crotch unless I want to get her pregnant, because I'm never going to wear a condom or pull out when I'm shooting my seed. So the only ways for females to satisfy me would be

1) Anal sex
2) Blowjob
3) Handjob
4) Footjob
5) Armpit sex

I'm currently reconsidering the fifth option though. Not every woman epilate, so it could be quite a refreshing, albeit disturbing scene when I get chaffed from all the armpit hair of a female being.
This reminds me of that stupid commercial in which a woman goes around showing her armpits. I don't have the time to find the commercial and take screenshots, so I've taken it upon myself to give as accurate a paintjob as I could:

Sometimes, I wish I were making this shit up.

But no. This is true. In the commercial, the lady slides around showing her hairless, fair armpit. The guy was in turn turned on. This doesn't make sense, unless he has armpitphilia or some fetish for armpits. That's unhealthy. Don't do that.

And to the impressionable girls out there, don't use that product unless you want queer men to stare at your armpits as in the commercial. That's truly weird. Really. Unless you want queer men to start humping as inconspicuously as possible against your armpits as you sit on the MRT, don't do that. What the fuck's wrong with you anyway? Why are you showing off your armpits on the MRT? No one's interested, you're stinking up the place, cover the fuck up. I'm not showing off my armpits in its full glory, why are you? Sexist pieces of shit, just because I have hairy armpits doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to show off my mane. And if I don't, despite the beauty and appeal of my hair, why should you when you're hairless? I take that back. Don't flaunt it even if you're hairless. Some things are best kept in the bedroom.

That's why it's called "bedroom antics". Just keep it to yourself and your unfortunate partner who has to cringe his nose and deaden his taste buds whenever you require him to lick your armpits as part of foreplay.

If at this point you're a female and feel insulted, fuck you. Just because you're sexist doesn't mean that I can't be sexist. If there's one thing in common between males and females, it's the 22 pairs of chromosomes and the subsequent phenotypes, and the ability to be sexists. You wouldn't feel half as pissed if this were written by a female. You're only pissed because "Only females can berate other females."

No shit? Your father doesn't scold you? If he doesn't, it's no wonder you're so easily offended. Boring.

If you're a male and you feel insulted, congratulations! You're officially emasculated, please hand over your balls at the next counter.

At this point, I must admit that it's because of recent traumatic experiences with females that inspired this post. I am normally not a misogynist and I love pussies, but something snapped within me and this ensued. Now, you will see the naked me without all the vileness, violence and immortality. I am a victim of circumstances after all. Now, you will see a softer side of me. Therefore, I must make it clear that my bark is worse than my bite:

The thing about females is that they love to flaunt the fact that they have pussies. They treat you like shit and then come back to you when they need you, only to know that you're smouldering with chagrin and indignation, almost as if treating you like shit doesn't warrant such a response.

Then they take a further shit on you by offering you sex in its various forms (as stated above) and expect you to immediately forgive them.

This makes me wonder: Are they pissing guys off just for make up sex?

Then I came to this blinding realization that all women are whores.

As such, I'm not engaging in any sexual activities with females for a long while now. I'm not crippled and I have hands.

And guy friends.

And the Internet.

If I do, that means they win. My pride is worth more than satisfying Indiana Jones. Don't expect me to grovel on the floor for someone who turned her back on me. You girls can burn in hell. That, or in lava. Or a river of semen that you've always craved for from men. Whatever.

Barney and BJ.

2011-03-18T00:46:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I was horny, so I ordered a girl to come over to Sengkang just to suck me off. How many people in the world can claim to be charismatic enough to pull off such a stint? How many dudes out there are able to make girls gravitate to him? She lives in Jurong by the way, so I'm thinking--not many.

The blowjob was pretty OK, but her teeth kept scraping against my Indiana Jones. This was not her fault of course, as I have a huge penis. After awhile, I got severely agitated because she just wasn't doing it good enough, so I started humping against her throat. She couldn't take the sudden introduction of a 20-inch by 7-inch monster, so she gagged. Of course I didn't care about her feelings, because I am an asshole and I did what all assholes would do--I shoved my dick through the back of her neck.

After my ejaculation, I had my OMG-what-did-I-just-do moment, and I realized to my horror the bloody mess her ruptured neck was creating, what with my omnipotent semen flowing amongst the sea of red. She stared at me with pleading eyes and tried to say something really intelligent, probably "Save me", but instead gargled as I had demolished her larynx with my spear of meat. Being the nice guy that I am when I'm no longer a dick, I did what all doctors would do--applying a tourniquet on the affected area, namely her neck.

It didn't have the desired effect of saving her though. Her face turned blue and I wondered if I had accidentally created a new species by honouring her with my seed. Heck, I even wondered if her true alien self were manifesting upon receiving my seed, as everyone knows that my sperms are wanted even by alien life forms.

It thus came as a surprise when she died, though her cause of death remained largely a mystery. Being the detective that I am, I arrived at 3 possible answers for her death

1) The tourniquet killed her

2) The loss of blood was too severe

3) My sperms are nuclear.

I didn't know what to do with her body, as it isn't everyday that a hospital receives a corpse with a dick-head-shaped hole blasted through the back of her neck. I didn't want to send her all the way back to Jurong, because even though she took the trouble to come all the way to Sengkang, it doesn't mean I have to reciprocate. So, I decided to honour her body by eating it for dinner. After all, that's a much better way of treating flesh than incinerating it. It's even better if you eat it in laksa. The red-white combination in most laksas would give you a pretty good idea of what to expect when you become a cannibal.

Some of you might wonder: Just why would someone from Jurong come all the way to Sengkang to give Alastair a blowjob?

And invariably come to the conclusion that: If this is true, she must be damn ugly. (that, or "Alastair's lying".)

Ugly? Please. I won't ever plough my dick into ugly chicks. In order to let you have a better idea of who used me and fed on my sperms, I shall post a picture of her. I'd need you guys to burn the first image into memory though, because you'd need to cross-reference it with the second image.

Basically, she looks like a combination of a certain star:

and:

I was walking home after this fiasco when I saw this couple. No, surprisingly, they weren't groping each other. Instead, the girl was singing random songs to her partner, and it was a pretty sweet scene--if not for the fact that the cars were honking and everyone was gawking.

This hypothetically sweet scene was further discounted by the fact that the girl chose to sing "Pretty Boy", and the guy decided to sing with her.

The guy confessed "That's pretty gay."

I can't help but agree.

Oh and I recall that on my walk home after the murder/cannibalistic act, I saw 2 female joggers. Nothing wrong with that, I'm always in the mood to see more jiggling jugs, but what really surprised me was that they put on make-up, reinforcing my views that female joggers are nothing but women attempting to snag other hot male joggers who might cross their paths.

Wearing make-up to jog is like taking off your pants to fart--unnecessary and stupid.

Rule 34

2011-03-10T14:55:00.006+08:00

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

I don't particularly enjoy blogging about the social ill otherwise known as Facebook, but despite it being something unhealthy, I can't help myself.

If you're so easily embarrassed by what makes you you, there's an option out of life. Take the plunge.

http://technology.xin.msn.com/article-commented.aspx?cp-documentid=4700370

I quote:

By fooling the victim into unknowingly 'Liking' the page, "chances are that you (the user) will be embarrassed that your friends now know you were seeking for sex videos of Fiona Xie," said Mr Cluley in a blog post.

Uh..seriously? What's there to be embarrassed about? Unless you're not interested in Fiona Xie's jugs, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're being a curious human being, just like everyone else. If curiosity were such a bad thing, we won't have half the things we have right now. What's wrong with being human? Embarrassed? Please, if you cared so much about what people think of you that you'd clip your wings and desires just to fit in and not appear like a freak, I hope you choke. I feel like liking the link just out of spite, but then again I couldn't be bothered.

On an entirely different note, I now hate Burger King. Good sales gimmick there though, making the $1 tendergrill such a hyped up event, only to disappoint people when the stocks are gone.

Here's an idea--you released the news weeks before in the hopes of publicizing this "make it even better" deal in order to fight McDonalds, SO STOCK UP ON YOUR TENDERGRILLS AND NOT APPEAR LIKE YOU'RE PUSSYING OUT. The fact that they ran out of tendergrills prove

1) That they aren't as generous as they wish to appear as, thus proving that even "kings" can be scrooges

2) They don't have the money to keep up with the campaign.

Plain genius. They pulled a fast one over us, the unwitting customers who flock to Burger King outlets in the hopes of getting a "good deal", only to be disappointed. Imagine being in a queue for this supposed cheap deal, and being told when you get to the counter that "Onoz we've sold out". How would you react? Walk away and be despised as a cheapo? I think not. You'd rather buy something else to make up for a loss of face and the time spent queueing up in the first place.

And that, my boys, is what Burger King is trying to accomplish. Not stocking up (in sufficient amounts at least) of whatever they are publicizing, and publicizing about it way beforehand, it's virtually free advertisement (much like the Starbucks event last year). Burger King wins. The customer doesn't.

A blowjob for $6.25? I consider that a steal.

Kudos to their marketing strategy though. It'd make all insecure women crave to try out this "Super Seven Incher" just to see how well their blowjob skills are. Who knows? They might even get a job out of it.

Good job guys, we've been scammed. Good job Burger King, "With the king, you can." Can what, get scammed? Yea. Right. Thanks. Everyone should give Burger King the finger and tear down their signboards. Hell hath no fury like a customer scammed.

I am @ work.

2011-03-09T14:33:00.002+08:00

It has come to my attention based on the current inundation of Facebook feeds that people love to "check in" to places. I think that's a great idea, if you want to get stalked.

"Chloe Moretz is at Compass Point."

I really don't get what's the point in this whole checking in business. You want people to know where you are? Strip naked.

I think I understand this mentality though. There's someone in your list of friends you're interested in, and you want to see whether she's interested enough in you to stalk you, so you start nuking everyone else just to see how many fans of yours would bother to come after you at the location you specified.

This reminds me of a Runescape player. He was the top player years back, and till now everyone still remembers him as a legend--Zezima. Everyone worships him. Everyone wants to fellate him. Everyone follows him whichever world he logs into. The clan chat dedicated to him reports sightings and everyone tries to hit on him.

So, in terms of Runescape speak, it'd be something like:

Zezima is at Varrock Square.
Zezima is at the Grand Exchange.
Zezima is at God Wars Dungeon.

and the list goes on.

Does it make sense?

But then again, to each his own. I'd love to update my own locations to be honest. It'd be something like updating my birthday on Facebook. The problem is, I don't know how =.=

It's better not to teach me anyway. I'd be spamming Runescape locations that only a selective population in my friends list would know (the elites).