i didnt want to update. but as allah promised, he will post his abandoned essay on his blog. haha loadsa people would have great fun and enjoyment reading this length and erotic compo. ok lah my england not that powderful so dont blame me if it fails to satisfy ur lust. dont claw me hor u. haha Abandoned Standing on the rooftop of the hospital, I wanted to take the plunge, to end it all. Memories of the haunting past played through my mind... I was a career-minded woman in my prime. A success in many aspects of life, or so i thought. I had many suitors, all of whom I rejected, as i wanted to climb up the corporate ladder. I was basically the woman of the company and everyone looked up to me. How successful i was. However, nothing lasts. I met him, a new clerk in my company. He was the perfect catch for women of my age. He was young, hot, sexy, brilliant in many aspects and so on. You name it, he got it. I could not help but get turned on by his charming personality and...hot body. However, being the level-headed woman i was, i managed to shake myself clear of all my fantasies of him. I had to keep up with success. He seemed to like me. He started asking me out on dates with his irresistible voice and alluring eyes. He managed to attract me. He and I, we started on this relationship to my doom. Dates after dates, movies after movies, my liking for him deepened. He then invited me to his house for dinner. Blushing(or was he?) as he spoke, I found him way too cute to resist. And so i agreed. I was to reach his house at around 5pm. On that fateful day, the hopeful me drove my car to his condominium. The silhouette of the dark huge tower loomed over me ominously as I stepped out of my car. All this seem ominous to me now, but I was not going to know what is in store for me. Everything seemed hospitable, not hostile. All those people smiling at me when i walked past them, was it a gesture of welcome, or mocking me, a prelude to my doom? I entered the lift. The door creaked close. The motors, pulleys, ropes...they all worked in motion as they sent me up the 69 floors up his house. I rang his bell. He opened the door with his hands at his back. A nice smell of food wafted to my nose. Pleasant. And looking at him with his hands behind his back, I expected a pleasant surprise. He presented a bouquet of roses to me. I blush easily, and I did just that. He, too. And so we proceeded on to dinner, his home-made, 'lovers' meal. After the sumptuous and rather drowsy meal, coupled with red wine, we were both red in the face. There and then, he popped the question. With his half-kneel and(seemingly) hopeful eyes, well, he won me over. I accepted his proposal to the eventual destruction of me. I was elated. Now, in my clear state of mind, I can laugh at my foolish actions and beliefs that he loved me. But at that time, I was in love, and alcohol was acting on me. We proceeded to his master bedroom. The haze in my mind, it clogged up my senses. I enjoyed every moment of it, flesh on flesh, sweat dripping all over. I lay sprawled on the bed as he came into me. It hurt, but the pain set us free. We tried many different styles and positions. No, we did not want to stop. To waste this night would be wasting our lives, what we have loved for(or so i thought). We were both spent from our efforts. And then, we lay, cocooned with our sweet secretions of my lust and his. Time to time, we woke up and continued with our lovemaking. That, was my first night. The next day, when I opened my eyes, I saw him lying soundly asleep by my side. I smiled. So thats what he looks like when he's asleep. (How i wish i killed him there and then...) He promised to marry me, didn't he? He promised to take responsibility. And i was more than willing to marry him. All seemed well. 2 months later, I got nauseous. I was pregnant. I told him about it. He promised to marry me, and I found solace in the bare fact that those words fell from his mouth. Leonard was going to marry me! A week later, when i broached the subject, he simply shut me up. He told me that he is now in love with another woman, nad told me to 'f*ck off'. I was in shock. Traumatized. I could not bring myself to believe him. All this while, I thought he loved me. I felt like a condom-used, and disposed off. He abandoned me, and the fruit of our love-the foetus in my womb... 'Oi! Don't do anything stupid!' I woke up from the realm of my memories, and back to the rooftop of the hospital. My feet shuffled me to the parapet in my subconscious state. Having woken up, I know. I cannot die now. I have to clear up the mess he made of my life. If not for me, at least for my baby, and my family. I have decided to live on.
comments. ok. the sex part was 'totally unacceptable' and 'some uses of words and control of tenses can be improved'. and i corrected some other mistakes lah. and added abit more here and there. haha. anything lah. not so much sex though. nvm. there's always a next time i guess. haha.
enjoy.
-- 4/20/2007 11:05:00 PM
ego?
so i was on 156 just now. and then i saw a mother and the child. the child is those mentally challenged kind i guess. then the mother, or i think its the mother, is trying to keep him in check. she let the son sit down. got another guy sitting against the window lah. then that guy sitting against the window should just get up and let the child sit inside, and the mother to sit down beside the son innit? maybe the guy couldnt think properly or smth. maybe too awkward. maybe he thinks that if he does wat i thought i would do, the mother would feel like humiliated. maybe if i stepped forward to tell the other guy nicely to let the mother and son sit together, the guy would do so. but the mother might feel humiliated that every1 knows she got a mentally challenged son? very weird. thats when human pride kicks in. she might feel like 'hey i dont need any help stay out of this'. but if i didnt do anything in my capacity to help, i'd feel guilty. i dont know wat im blabbering in abt but i guess enlightened people will know and understand the words of allah-star. haha. anyway i couldnt sleep yesternight. simply tossing and turning abt in the bed. dont know why. nvm. then got to school, slept till assembly. then wanted to sleep during assembly but the mr heng keep making noise so i couldnt sleep. then lessons, blah blah. then after maths! woob! RECESS! i fell asleep almost immediately haha. damn fun. i love sleeping in school haha. cheers.
-- 4/16/2007 09:57:00 PM
i dont know wats the prob
well i feel like some kind of toy lah. not sex toy. just a normal toy. why? coz toys r stuff we use to tide over a certain period of our lives, and then chucked away into the dark recesses of the storeroom. then years later, exhumed and relocated to the rubbish chute. and if i try to make myself noticed, like walking out of the storeroom, im just courting an earlier death. throw away immediately. it happened b4. i know it'd happen again if im not careful. is there a point in this vicious cycle in which there is only 1 victim? why do i torture myself so? i think too much i guess. i think i should stop thinking anymore. ah yes. once bitten twice shy i guess. haha. so i dont dare to push my luck. coz even if i did so, i get dao-ed. u wont die if from replying with a 1word reply, yes or no. well if that would kill u then for u to talk would place u in mortal danger. nvm. wat a depressing subject. haha. but seriously lah. i feel weird. i cant seem to manage my relationships. no, not bgr, im perfectly fine with my gf(headgear). well i just cant help but...aiya watever lah. and my body is kinda breaking apart. the rheumatism might b getting better but all in all, it still hurts. then my headgear makes me feel weird. kinda nice though. and im always hungry, even now. and i got weird sleeping hrs. and i think i should sleep now. rawr. which reminds me. that link alvin sent me, well, it shocked me. i didnt have time to react at all. lets c whether i can sleep not. haha. sorry i dont have that much balls. i mean, guts. haha. weakhearted i guess. and no abt to b 3am liao. the...worst hr supposedly? rawr. but nvm lah haha i think abt sex then everything ok liao. then have wet dreams instead of nightmares. i hope. haha. i like the bleach new theme song. mehehe. smile for urself arh. dont need fake ur smiles. :)
-- 4/15/2007 02:42:00 AM
ah sengkang
ok so i moved back lah duh. then no internet. then i managed to suppress the urge and hunger for internet. by playing com games haha. ok nvm i managed to control myself in short. then today. yes, today. i finally came online. for a brief 5mins. then net crash for some unknown reason =.= then managed to fix this at around 9 haha. im damn scared the net crash. haha. anyway im diagnosed with rheumatism. all my fault. never take care of my body these years. and then acupuncture quite pain. haha. ok nvm. hm. then ah i got my headgear haha used for pushing my teeth. rawr. im wearing it now haha. ok nvm i dont know wat to say liao. just that people, do take care of ur legs arh. later u become like me then u know. no PE for 1mth =.= haha
-- 4/12/2007 10:06:00 PM
discrimination?
its weird innit, how people starts to ostracize others who're different from them. discriminate them coz they're different. ah enough abt difference. it might b more of a struggle to try to show that u're better. people do discriminate the supposedly 'weaker' people. why? just to show that they're better. bullies too. they just want to prove that they're better humans? its like 'im better than u coz i can do this better. so live under me' that kind of thing. wat more to expect of humans? and every1 is tainted by this vicious cycle of discrimination. the girl from that school wont go out with that guy from the other school coz the schools' reputation vastly different. cheers to that. woob. and that guy from this school tells the other guy from another school to back off coz his school better. ah and racial discrimination. u know, i know. watever. enough of that crap. i was abt to blog abt yesterday. bathically i didnt know wat to do during training. standing in front of my fellow platoon mates, i couldnt help but feel abashed. then daryl starts calling me ic and that made things worse. rawr. and ye i was shouting like some madman. ok nvm abt that haha. im just being the joker i am. then clean up store until quite late. ok i left early but got home late lah duh. 90mins then get home. haha.
-- 4/05/2007 10:30:00 PM
sj flag day 07
ok i woke up at like 6? then blah blah. got to school. then sleep on the steps. being me, i didnt sleep much that morning lah haha. i think 2-6? or 3. i also not sure. haha. then we set off lor. then got to dhoby ghaut. go eat ljs haha. keith, leo and kaisheng koupe my hashbrown like free =.= then we went to harbourfront. i stalker. allegedly rude stalker. ah yes. no we went to walk around vivo. i never been there b4 mah. barney loves sleeping in the caves. cave dino. ah anyway after walking around quite abit(leonard was like kouping all the potential 'customers') then we go arcade. me not arcade go-er so i just stood around. then the aunty c me not comfy(direct translation, to chinese of course) then send me out. then i called kaisheng, coz i wanted his ds. then i go toilet hide. haha. he also got booted out lah so sad. then suddenly i was, like, asked to stalk so ya lor. dilly-dally awhile more then set off. ah yes. then kaisheng and i were walking around with our tin cans in our bags. then the other ks-ers wants us donate then we just jingle and say 'we also collecting'. haha. then go bus interchange. keith/leonard keep calling me =.= so my barney was being blasted. hp ringtone mah. wat to do? haha. then ya lor. then we go back. then i did smth spectacular. i was backwalking lah. and i never check my back. then kaisheng walking normally. then i walk walk walk and somehow knocked into the...chair-like structures there. and i fell and lay down there. damn funny haha. then ya lor haha then we go back c leo and keith then we go back j8. change money to coins and pump the cans with our own money. so much for 'cip'. then leo and kaisheng had a sticker fight. HAHA we damn AA 1 lah public nuisances muahaha. then i got plastered by stickers too haha and i was like parading around in my new entity-the sj ambassador(in ncc shirt). ah yes. ah then we got back to school after some wrong maneuvering around the estates near school lah. full blast of sun+walking=thirst. haha we played at the playground there and i stupidly stuffed sand into the can. that brewed trouble for later though. bugger. haha we had our fun at the playground there then got lost lah. then found our way and ya lor. then hand in our tin cans. and they shake mine and said that it sounds weird(coz got sand). then i just say i dont know anything. then blah blah blah. i cleared my sand liao then ms tan call me back talk to me. ya lah i came clean lah. im not that irresponsible. just bit the cheeky haha. then ya lor go home. haha. why so cold? -- 4/01/2007 01:06:00 AM