Watch us POP.
So far, I've survived 8 weeks of BMT, and I've never met a single female friend on my weekends. I have another 20 months to fully transform into an amoeba.
Why haven't I met any female friends so far? Simply because I couldn't be bothered fixing a date. I have a friend I could call down in 10 minutes, if not for nothing then for beer, but I couldn't even be bothered with that. NS makes me lazy.
Who needs females anyway?
OK, I kinda lied. There was a talk for SAFRA, asking us recruits to sign up for SAFRA membership when we realized that there were ladies in the queue-up. So I tagged along with a few friends who were going to ask pretty decent question. Their questions served as stepping stones which led to the million-dollar question by me. It goes like
Friend 1: So if we sign up now, we get 2 years free?
Girl: Yes, the first 2 years are free for NSFs, but not for regulars.
Friend 1: OK thanks
Me: So, can I add you on Facebook?
I tried the same on another girl. The response wasn't too negative, but it wasn't a yes. Both giggled (;
Moving on, it's only one more week to POP. Exactly 7 days later, I'd probably still be doing my route march on Singapore soil (I don't consider Tekong to be "Singapore"). I guess it should be quite fun. I like doing route march, at least for now, for the weight is bearable, and because the random sing-along (screamo) sessions are really awe-inspiring and they really turn me on.
POP LOHHHH.
Down by Marina~
Watch us POP~
-- 6/26/2011 01:01:00 AM
I want 8-5.
They sometimes tell me that I keep testing the system. I probably am testing the system on a daily basis, but it's not like the system isn't testing my patience.
They're so media-conscious that sometimes it hurts being part of this huge organization. I fear for my life typing all this out but sometimes I really just want to Serve And Fuck off.
Take for example the big day that's coming up on 3rd July 2011. They're going to put up a video of naive people writing letters back to their parents--letters that their parents will never receive because they didn't think in advance that writing in the rain with mud on their hands will make the envelopes dirty, and that SingPost doesn't send dirty letters.
They call it a "small glitch". I call it a major fuck up. With the training they've received and the number of years they have ahead of us, they should know better than this. To dismiss this whole event, which reeks of a scam, as a little problem is quite demeaning to the entire experience of the shit they put us through.
Ask us if we're OK with this screw up. What can we say? Can we say that we're very unhappy? Can we request to get our letters back so that we can pass it to our parents personally seeing as SingPost doesn't want to do the job for us? Can we express our anger in a constructive way? Would anything budge? Would the system budge for the lowest life forms in the island?
They just want to appear like they care.
I tire of this. If our parents don't get the letter, it's because you guys screwed up. If you guys screwed up on your job, don't stop at being (or seeming) apologetic. Do something more practical. It didn't happen, so don't include it in the video and make it seem like you made such a valiant effort in ensuring that every single member of the organization had the chance to exercise his/her rights.
This is such a scam. This makes me rethink my life perspectives. This makes me want to test the system even more just to see how long I can get away with it for. Whatever training they've received, whatever hell they've been through, whatever discomfort they've lived with, hasn't taught them one thing that's most important in life:
Common sense.
I just want to get an 8-5 vocation and slack my remaining 20 months away.
-- 6/24/2011 08:06:00 PM
2 MORE WEEKS TO POP.
I received a call from an unknown person yesterday, and it was pretty scary because I don't usually get calls even from friends. This girl who called introduced herself as someone working for AIA and basically tried to get me to meet her for some life-savings scheme or something.
I was with my mum and sis at that time having a good lunch because good meals during book-outs is fast becoming a necessity to make me feel human.
If you're wondering if I took up on her offer, I did. I was quite attracted to her voice and I figured that people with a good voice can hardly be unattractive. Besides, she offered to meet at Compass Point, and being the lazy man that I am, why would I decline?
During the conversation, she told me she'd send a follow-up message, and she really did. She added that her manager would come speak with me instead. That scares me. I don't want to meet a guy.
But now that I have her phone number, I took it upon myself to flirt with her, and I told her she has a nice voice. It fell flat and the comment was largely ignored and I felt hurt :c
If she was playing hard to get I guess she succeeded. I don't want to bother with her. I cannot stand not having the attention I want and I am a loser with no self-confidence who shrinks whenever I'm rejected, so I stopped texting her. I also sent a message to complain about his employee's hostile attitude towards a potential customer.
Just joking, I don't have the balls to do that.
Then another incident happened on the MRT which threw me into a highly introspective mood and made me rethink my life.
Throughout BMT I've done what all other NSFs have, namely shoot live rounds from the SAR 21, feel the shock wave of a grenade from 10-20m away and hear a real C4 detonate, leopard crawl through mud and not bathing nor changing for 5 days, et cetera. Yet all these training failed to cure one fatal flaw in me.
The kid holding onto the balloon might not recognize the fear in my eyes, but I'm not sure if the other commuters did. For all the supposed training with these life-threatening equpiment, I'm not prepared for balloons bursting in my face.
I should probably go see the MO for an excuse from loud noises and hold it like some kind of ward against evil on the MRT and pray that parents have enough sense not to bother with balloons or other form of pyrotechnics for their children, because I never liked such ticking time bombs.
What's more disconcerting is that the father of the offending child was busy with his iPhone Bejewelled or whatever it's called. People these days are more interested in setting high scores that they forget the important things in life, such as making sure their children don't go around scaring people away with their balloons.
I hate people.
Now it's time to go ahead and write my 1000 word essay on "Your most defining moment in BMT", and click "I'm attending" at the BMT Graduation Parade. I'm a good law-abiding recruit and I listen to my commanders when they make such announcements every routine order.
-- 6/19/2011 10:55:00 AM
Jerked around
I feel like I've been jerked around this entire week. Being brought to Singapore, from Pulau Tekong to Singapore Discovery Centre, then being brought back to Tekong for Remedial Training is a typical "jerk-him-around" treatment.
It's like smelling freedom but you can't masturbate.
It's like having a wet dream that isn't orgasmic.
It's like having a dream that borders on being erotic but fails to be so because of very practical reason.
Yes, that's right. I nearly had a wet dream in camp. The last conversation topic before hitting the sack (ball sack) was wild boars having sex, and when I fell asleep, the dream was something like...
I was booking into Tekong when I picked up 2 hot girls. I can't recall dreams well because that's the nature of dreams, but I think they might have been friends with me in the dream (I don't remember paying them at all). So we were on the cab to the nearest motel when I got a freaking huge boner, and one of the girls was like "Ooh, that's a pretty huge boner, I wonder what it's capable of (;" before proceeding to stroke my engorged member, upon which I groaned and told her to stop because I was in danger of premature ejaculation due to the too-long-never-wank syndrome. Her friend commented that I had a huge boner too, because it was simply poking out of my pants.
Then we reached the motel, and we all alighted. I think we were planning on a threesome, and we tried to check in when I saw that the price of the room was $50 a night. I was thinking along the lines of "Fuck damn expensive sia" and I was trying to coax the girls to having sex with me in camp instead (in my dream, Tekong was more...loosely guarded), and they were all averse to the idea because they weren't exhibitionists like I am.
So I had no choice but to try to get a room, and when I tried to do just that, the receptionist or whatever you call that hastily cancelled out the $50 a night and edited it to $158 a night.
That was too much for me, because ultimately I am just a poor man with a very small wallet. In my dream, the bigger the wallet the smaller the cock, and vice versa. Is this a phenomenon reflected in real life too?
So I turned around and told the girls something along the lines of "Maybe not today."
Then I woke up.
My dreams fail.
Of course, this isn't the main reason why I feel like I've been jerked around. I'm not one to complain about dreams or situations, I'm one to complain about people and the situations people get me into. I was having a lengthy discussion about my opposite gender with a like-minded man when we realized that we were talking about the exact some human being.
Then I realized that I've been jerked around all along, that I've never been special to her. This isn't to save face, and I mean this honestly, but I treat everyone the same, unless I really dislike them a lot. I don't need them to feed me with lies like how I am special to someone just to make me stay around, I only need a little bit of appreciation every now and then and acts of gratitude like sex, webcam sex, a proper thank you, et cetera. But if you were to tell me that I'm special to you, you're pressuring me into treating you specially, which I could try but never succeed. When I try, and then I find out that you were simply paying lip service, I'll feel like I've been jerked around.
Exactly what I'm feeling now. I never thought you'd lie to me to such an extent, telling me that I'm special to you, that you're attracted to me, then being so into a friend of mine. Now that my eyes are better, now that I know you were only insecure and needed the attention that this gives you, I think that it's my duty as an ex-friend that sooner or later you'd realize that you're only cheapening yourself and that you ought to stop because this I'm-not-that-much-of-a-slut impression you give people would not last, because eventually everyone would be more enlightened about your double-crossing ways and life-style, but I don't think there's much of a point because you're no longer a friend of mine, because you've overstayed your hospitality, because you've overused your charm.
I'd like to use the phrase "The gloves have come off", but I can't hit what I can't see. All I know is that I've been jerked around and there's this sense of incredulity that this had happened to me, that I've been so thoroughly used and didn't know better for 3 years.
I guess I need to rethink my life. I'm not such a good judge of character as I thought after all :c
-- 6/11/2011 04:52:00 PM
I want June holidays. No wait, I don't want to go back to school.
Finding out that it's the June holidays came as a shock. We're all too disconnected to know what's going on outside of Pulau Tekong, and that's quite sad. I wouldn't have gotten first-hand news of the elections if not for my sister who sent real-time SMSes (which were read only the next morning, seeing as lights out is normally...early), the newspapers delivery doesn't deliver all the time, and even if it does, we don't really have enough time to read.
Sides, we're normally too tired.
NS really makes people more disoriented with the outside world.
I'm not complaining about this to be honest. I've always wanted to be a hermit and this is part of the become-a-hermit effort.
Reading Facebook updates pisses me off too. This is probably another reason why I'm suddenly appreciative of SAF's efforts to isolate us. There are people going on and on sarcastically about how the NSFs who are slack get good postings (good refers to slack), while the more garang ones get the more xiong postings.
DUH.
Anyone with some semblance of wit would know make such arrangements. Why send someone who doesn't have the heart to serve to be an officer? Why send someone who has the heart to serve to be a clerk?
In short, if you don't want to be posted to a unit which pushes you hard, don't act like you want to be pushed hard. NS is fair, in the sense that it won't force you to do things you don't want to do, and if it tries to, you can always try to OOC.
Some people have to little common sense it pisses me off that they're on my "friends list". I think it's time to do something drastic, like deactivate my Facebook, download 10 years worth of quality porn, and cancel my Internet subscription.
-- 6/05/2011 11:16:00 AM
11AM BOOK OUT.
I tend to have sudden bursts of inspiration in completely random and highly inappropriate scenarios.
I find earphones really scary items/accessories. Speakers often...speak out. In terms of songs, most people like to play their songs out loud to portray themselves as someone who is rock/classical/emotional/sex-crazed, and these portrayals aren't necessarily true about the people playing the songs out loud.
Earphones provide complete cover for this problem. When you plug in, no one knows what you're listening to. Others might be looking at you smiling at yourself while you listen to your songs, thinking you're a contented young man listening to some really upbeat song, when what you're listening to is actually the tortured screaming of a woman being sadistically humiliated.
We can't read minds and now we don't even know what screwed up shit the creep sitting beside you on the MRT is listening to while fantasizing about the girl wearing a mini-skirt in his immediate front.
The young man smiling appreciatively at you in a random public area for bringing your toddler-daughter up well might be fantasizing about tying your young 6 years old daughter to a tree while getting his Victreebel to perform vine whip on his victim.
We live in a world of perverts, and I don't want to have to look over my shoulder 24/7. I don't want to worry about whether my friends would get drugged or made inebriated. I want to be a hermit and hide in my hole and watch porn and become a sociopath and keep to myself and not have any friends or connections besides the Internet (for the porn) while fantasizing about raping everyone and not having the actual balls to do it.
Is this the world my daughters would live in?
I choose vasectomy.
If you're that interested, it's because I listen to my porn through my earphones. I like to have a direct line of connection with my computer, it makes me feel much closer to the actual action than I really am.
My posts are getting shorter and shorter. This is shorter than the reflection I had to write for taking the lift illegally. I want my pink IC back. I've never preferred that colour that much before.
But then again, right now, anything is better than green.
On a completely different note, have you guys heard of 11AM book outs on Friday? Neither have I, until today.
-- 6/03/2011 10:57:00 PM