I am Alastair.
I am Alastair. I won't accept anyone of my age and above to misspell my name. I don't enjoy my wonderful name getting mutilated by imbeciles, because only imbeciles are capable of such atrocities.
I am the fucking great ALASTAIR. Not stuff like ALASTIAR. Can your eyes of cock spot the difference? Dammit. My name's in the dictionary, and the alastiar isn't, and it appears with a zigzagged green underline. Open your Microsoft word and you'd fully appreciate my description.
I can accept 'GLESTER', because it is quite a funny and most far-from-the-truth mangled version of my name. I can take it as a joke, because it is funny. I like funny stuff.
But not stuff that goes 'alastiar'. I hate it. To be fair, I always thought it a funny sight for the bossy/bitchy/head-in-the-ass morons they call 'class monitors' in Primary 2 spelling my wrong name. Alastair to Alastiar. I liked the fact that I can simply tell the teacher that hey, no such person as 'Alastiar' exists in this class, I am Alastair, you shithead.
Which reminds me of when I went absent from school in Primary 2 (no doubt due to some high-profile robbery case in which I'm one of the hostages-turned-hero kiddo. Yes, I'm capable of such heroic acts, even in Primary 2), my form teacher wrote my name as 'Alas' in the absentee box they leave on the whiteboard. It was quite embarrassing the next day I stepped into class. I was already camera shy, but the fact that my name was mutilated made me hate that teacher. And the school, for making the absentee box so small that only the 4 letters can fit in. Now, I know which four letters to fit in. Here's a hint--It starts with an 'F', and ends with 'UCK'.
Of course, the stupid people I had the misfortune to have as 'classmates' slowly turned clever. So the best thing they did was to flaunt their brain power--by spelling my name correctly! That they did, and they were only 11. Maybe even 10.
So when I came in as a Sec 1 student in Catholic High School, I thought that I'd mix with the cleverer people, since the intake standard is quite high. And that means that they can get my name right, making it the best proof of their brain power (or lack thereof).
Now I'm a Sec 3. Next year, Sec 4. Yet there are still fellow students unable to spell my name correctly. And he was my classmate for 2 years. It surprises me to no end that after 2 years with this idiot, I'm still as clever as ever.
Here's an email I sent to him:
Subject: the difference between iar and air.
Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2007 22:33:54 +0800
For a student of Catholic High, you're unbelievably stupid. I can't believe you were my classmate. The worse thing is that I have you on MSN. And I don't talk to stupid people. I don't know why'm I even bothering to email you, because obviously no matter how expressive I am, your level of comprehension would be too low to understand what I'm trying to say.
I'm sorry if this email is insulting to your intelligence (or lack thereof).
I must clarify one thing though--I am not Alastiar. I am Alastair. If you made a typo, or mangled my name, then admit it, apologize, and get on with your question.
In case you didn't notice, I typed alastAIR, just to place extra emphasize for your eyes of cock to spot the difference between alastIAR and alastAIR.
I'm tired of imbeciles typing and spelling my name wrongly. I thought humans would outgrow this stage of the mutilation of my name when I graduated from primary school, but today, I stand corrected.
Even Secondary Fours can't spell my name correctly. Perhaps the top universities in the world can use my name as a subject for research. And perhaps mental institutes would be able to finally answer the question of how long humans can survive without a brain, by simply noting how long you'd live.
I'd choose to stop here. Anymore words would be unnecessary. Learn, to spot the obvious difference between Alastair and Alastiar. I won't say I'm not Alastair. But I'd deny my existence as Alastiar, because as far as I'm concerned, I know no such person.
Sometimes, I really wonder if this world is real. I never knew that people could be this stupid. If you don't know me well enough, I can accept the fact that you cannot get my name right. But if you've known me for such a long time, and even have my MSN, which has my email address, which in turn holds the correct form of my name, I don't see any plausible explanation from you. There's no point denying--you are an idiot. At least check my email before typing my name if there's some problem you have with spelling.
It'd be a great iFea for you to grow a pair of balls and a dick instead of wailing about how pathetic you are. If you are 'the best', and 'the best' can't spell my name correctly, screw 'the best'.
One more thing--Fuck you.
-- 12/30/2007 02:36:00 AM
