No, seriously. I PMS.
For the people who don't know any girls, or at least any human beings full of estrogen, I envy your ignorance. But then again you'd most probably meet them some other day and make friends, or love, or anything of that matter. So, let's touch on the topic of PMS. It's just an abbreviation of Premenstrual syndrome. It basically justifies the need for the said girl suffering from it to jump down your throat every now and then. And if you refuse to comply, or show the slightest hint of frustration, she'd blog about how much of an asshole you are. Or jerk for that matter. Seriously, it's not good. You can never mess with a girl. After all, there's a Chinese saying that goes '最毒妇人心‘, which means that the person with the most vicious of hearts would undoubtedly be a woman.
Never piss a girl off. You'd be biting off more than you can chew, and you'd be overwhelmed by the number of blog posts she creates with your name included, give or take a few prefix or suffix like 'bastard', 'asshole', 'fucker', 'impotent', blah blah. Seriously, I'm not much of a woman though I'm a hermaphrodite. I can only be grateful for the fact that I have more testosterone than estrogen. I'm glad.
I don't know why, but guys normally put in the sentence, or vow that they'd 'be there for you anytime, anywhere'. By 'you', I mean the girlfriend in question. Seriously, it's getting a bit too cliche. Or however you spell it, with the angle sign on top of the e. I can't be bothered to check it up. Anyway, after that statement, you've suckcessfully sold your soul to the devil. Be prepared for the onslaught of trying to SMS your girlfriend, in attempts to cheer her up. Of course, the contract signed does not state anything about 'worker's welfare', so be prepared to slog your guts out for nothing. Seriously, it's scary. I mean, you can clutch onto your handphone 24/7, and expect any random messages from her to wake you up when you're asleep, just to know every minutia of her inconsequential life. It's like a daily digest of what she did, except that it becomes an hourly event.
Besides the clause of no welfare, be prepared to be her venting ground for her inner angst. Don't expect to be treated like a normal human being with feelings. You're special to her, or at least special in a way that she can use you as much as she likes, or just use you just because she can. And if you get really pissed off because she touched your raw nerve or something, don't expect an apology or anything of that sort. Girls never apologize. Or at least, they don't apologize to guys when they piss them off. They don't understand that humans can feel moody, or depressed, or angsty, even without PMS. PMS thus becomes their justification for anything they do or not do. You can only grovel and die, just because she told you to. You can't do anything. Her words fall like lead on your poor glass-heart. Or cushion. Or anything that's soft in nature. Either way, you get crushed and broken, and she'd just leave you there to rot and die.
You sold your soul to the devil anyway, you can go die already. I don't know about all girls, but I'd just jump to the conclusion that all girls are like that.
If you have a sudden lapse of judgement, I hope you come to your senses after reading this post. You don't get anything out of it, and she gets all the fun. Guys are only supposed to carry heavy things and all. They cannot watch porn, cannot masturbate, cannot be truthful, are supposed to tell white lies, aren't supposed to tell you when some random girl fellates him, can't do this, can't do that.
Guys are seriously overworked, underpaid.
Perhaps I shouldn't even be posting this, because girls are bound to read this blog, seeing as I'm so amusing and all, but seriously. I need to release some of my inner angst. I think I kept it quite well from you. I didn't explode in anger, but anger still leaked out. You can't expect me to not be angry despite being treated like a clown, right? I mean, even robots need maintenance every now and then.
Of course, the easiest way out would be for someone to apologize and the whole fiasco would come to an end, and this blog post to serve as a scar on the friendship you have(or had) with your female friend. But then again, would things ever be the same again? Seriously, I don't know and I don't think I'd want to care because I'm a petty hermaphrodite and hermaphrodites would PMS too.
I mean, I do have my rights to vent my anger or something, right? Therefore, I think, after publishing this post and taking a much needed cold shower to cool myself down, I'd be in a much better state to talk to you. That depends on whether you'd still be able to face me without flinching. Or maybe you'd be so angsty after this post that you'd post again. I don't know. I mean, you are my friend after all. Aye, fuck it lah.
I shall just take my fucking cold shower in a bid to cool myself down. I reserve the rights to be angry and all. I don't see anything wrong. You can, I can.
I'm a petty jerk.
Eat me.
Oh wait. In a hypocritical effort to change the tone of this blog post, I've decided to blog about what happened today. It goes as such.
I somehow woke up at 9AM without the handphone waking me up. It's quite scary, really. Normally, my biological clock rings only when I've had my healthy fill of sleep of around 10hours. But somehow, I woke up at 9. But turned up late for biology remedial anyway. Never mind.
And after the session, Sunny, Chongxin, NKS, Yen Chuan and I went to the Bishan market food court. Sunny's suggestion on the Crazy Angmo's stall. The angmoh is really crazy. I shan't bother explaining in detail his craziness. But then again I don't have to. If you want to experience it, you can go there yourself. If not, you all won't need to read what I'd have to say about him anyway. He's rather charismatic, that's all. The food isn't exactly great, but his charisma makes up for it.
Damn friendly, him.
And I had my dosage of blueberry. It's fun, yo, having your tongue stained blue by the drink. But it isn't fun when you see dog shit on the path you walk. But it's fun if you pour your ice out onto the shit. It gives the oyster-sashimi feeling. I mean, if you go for buffets and all, you might be able to find oysters dumped on heaps of ice. It's all fun, and I was trying to emulate the said scene. And Sunny told me to lie down and he'd pour ice on me =.=
Anyway, I can take such jokes. I mean, I've been trained to take such jokes since the tender age of Primary 1. I love the training I got from my name--Alastair. The kids would go around shouting 'MOLESTER', and I'd simply dismiss the matter in an insouciant manner. That's after a few weeks of training, of course.
But being treated as a toy is something new, and I'm not ready to be invested in something like that. I mean, I'm a proper human being, not your toy or clown.
On a random side not, I didn't have an erection at all throughout this 24hours. I'm rather much shocked. I hope I'm not impotent.
By the way, if you get grossed out by how obscenely blatant I am, just don't read lah. Simple.
Oh by the way, if you are a female, don't read the first part of this post. I don't need teary girls tagging hateful messages on my tagboard, just to remind me how astute my observations are.
And now I'd go watch porn, just to prove that I got the mood to. It says a lot when I don't have the mood to be horny. Which reminds me, I think horniness would be cancelled out if you're emotional or feeling anything else. It's almost as if horniness is just a filler to your emotional graph. Therefore, if you feel horny all the time, you're most probably a loser, and devoid of an emotional life. I hope you choke.
-- 2/24/2008 12:00:00 AM
