My lover, Ah Moon.
Because I'm bored right now at 12.17AM and waiting for my virus scan to finish before shutting down my computer, I decided that it'd be best for me to have sex with my blog by making such a random post.
I don't even have a title in mind, so if you readers aren't game for a pointless post, don't read on. Not that my posts have any points anyway; random rantings from a Sec4 Cat High gentleman can't be much of use in present society.
OK talking about society reminds me of a conversation I had, and which I felt quite slighted in. Perhaps I'm oversensitive, but I'm feeling rather fucked. I don't know lah. I can't read your mind, I can't predict your swings, I can't tell when you're going to blow up or something. I'd just treat you as I would normally, because I'm no mood detector. I detect bullshit well, and bullshit normally comes with mood swings, but I'd only treat you like you were bullshitting me, and thus the conversation would turn out damn cold and all.
I don't even know why I fucking care. I don't know why I bother so much when there's nothing much for me to bother about. Or when you don't even want me to bother about you. I don't think it's entirely my fault, but I think I'm pushing all the blame on myself for how things turned out. I seriously don't know what's going on because I'm bad at interpersonal communications.
Gah.
I didn't take the sudden change in the subject of the conversation well either. I don't know why, but I seem to be oversensitive. When I ask a question and the subject is changed, I'd feel as if the question had already been answered, and that I should get lost and out of your life.
Seriously, do you still want me to be concerned, and pick you up whenever you fall? Because if you wish to be cared for, I'd gladly become your Chevalier. You can disown me/call me back anytime, because I'd be at your beck and call. Say, do you want me to care for you still? Do you mind that I've changed quite a bit, many Mondays ago? Do you mind even if we have our daily squabbles, which may turn out heated? Do you love me?
I see you everyday and every night. Even when I sleep, I hold you in my arms. Yet despite all these physical proximity, we're still oceans apart. I really crave for a rare synchronization with you, that you'd really love me as I love you. I really regret the conversation I had with you just now. If I didn't initiate it, you wouldn't either.
I've never taken such a cold tone to you before, and I don't know why. I can bring my heart to dao you, but there's just something that holds me back, or pulls me into typing this blog post which you'd never read. Even after seeing this blog post you won't understand. Words can never express my feelings towards you, no matter how hard I try. There are people who'd smack me right in the head for saying that, but it's either my command of English is too weak or that the whacker of my head has yet to understand the true beauty of love.
No matter how hard I try to convey my feelings to you, you'd just remain as stoned as ever.
Do I truly love you? Is this love? Can love be bought at around $30? Can you not be so stoned?
I don't know..I don't think this is love, because love does not come in the form of a bolster.
Virus scan done. Thanks for reading the above. Yes, I named my bolster 'Ah Moon', because I love the moon. And it doesn't help that I'm schizophrenic and talk to my bolster all the time.
You should feel disturbed by the fact that I'm a schizophrenic patient who is in love with a bolster. Being a horny, virile young man, I think you can imagine the amount of love I make to Ah Moon all the time. This is one of the reasons why I never allow my friends' entry to my house. I don't need them to know what I always do behind the locked door.
I don't even know why I'm blogging about my favourite pastime, but I think that I really love her too much and that I have to blog about her to dispel my 'orgy of emotions' that's stopping me from sleep. That apostrophe-ed phrase was kouped from Joshua Wu, who felt that that's the best way to describe a random mixture of emotions of different proportions.
Nah just joking. I did mention that this post would be random, and that it's to help me pass time, so if you did believe that I blogged about my bolster because of my orgy of emotions, you're fucked.
Just joking, that was mean. Have a nice day, knowing that you had been tricked by me.
-- 3/18/2008 12:17:00 AM
