Teenage magazine is bullshit.
I've always wondered why the magazine 'Teenage' doesn't go out of business, with a sizable chunk of the magazine devoted to 'Kelly' and her replies to teens who are 'lost'. Bullshit, any sane person who reads those letters sent in would know that most of them are fake. After all, I can write a letter in to Kelly, claiming to be a damsel in distress of my...chek ko pek of a neighbour who would always ask me over to his house for tea while fondling my genitals. And that I'm a girl. Yes, that would be perfect.
Every story in the column has a plot similar to the next, but varies slightly. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's always about how some girl comes across a scene at home which she should never have witnessed. Or about how a guy wants a ravaged-by-brothers girlfriend while the girlfriend continues getting ravaged.
Really, it's damn stupid and I don't see a point in reading the replies and all. I can come up with a story now. I won't bother sending it in to 'Kelly' but you might want to help me do it.
I shall write about how I'm insecure about my dick size, and that I cut myself everyday because I think it's cool and can cover up my obvious flaw of having a small dick.
'Dear Kelly, I've been a loyal fan of yours since P6. I find your replies very intelligent and wise, and I hope that you'd be able to impart some of your wisdom on what I should do. I need help. My friends have been laughing at me ever since they pulled me away from the uriner in mid-stream just to check out the size of my package. I was shocked when they did that, and I was even more shock to find them laughing about how small my genital is. Ever since then, they've been laughing at me all along for my 'small dick', and more insults came in as they started calling me 'Lame dick', or 'Smallie'. Now even the girls in my class know about this, and have joined in in the name-calling. I find it hard to even look at my classmates in the face now. I don't know what to do, it's so painful just sitting in the classroom while everyone around me laughs at me. I cannot live with this, and whenever a classmate whispers to someone else, I'd think that it's something negative about me. I am so hurt by their actions and name-calling that I started cutting myself to relieve the pain. But it's no use, the more I cut, the more I cry. Now I have scars on me, and those are the only thing I could be proud of--that I've gone through pain that no normal human would inflict on himself. But I'm still agonized by the name-calling, no matter how I hide it. What should I do? Awaiting your reply..Emo'
Would someone go post it?
If it really gets posted I'd laugh my teeth off. I'd have proven that Teenage is crap, posting crap written by a crappy guy.
Oh yea, something like the 'life-experience' I elaborated above was posted. It was about some crappy girl who cut herself because her classmates called her ugly. What a bitch, scars don't beautify people's skin. Get a life and get used to your face already.
'Oh, my classmates laughed at me and I cannot take it anymore so I'd cut myself'.
I don't even have to elaborate any further--you already know how crappy that is. 'I cannot take my facial features anymore, I'm going to cut!'
You know what? The facial features STAY, and if you really hate your genes so much, do something constructive, like take a plunge. There's no honour in cutting yourself over skin-deep issues. See the irony? If you really hate your face so much, express your anger by cutting your face and making it look as if you've escaped from a hentai samurai or something. That's definitely a more plausible excuse for those scars on your face. Hell, I don't mind scars on my face. I already have one on my throat, there's nothing to lose already.
But hey emo girl, if you're going to cut yourself over the hideocity of your face, just jump. No one would miss you, and I'd remember you as the most environmental-friendly person. Thanks for not wasting my oxygen.
OK I know that the letter might be crap sent by crappy people such as myself, but I'm just saying that if such a person who would cut herself over her face exists, I'm thinking along the lines of the above.
Of course, there might be real cases in the letters sent, but I think that those are few and far between. Sure, I'm narrow-minded, don't have foresight, don't see the sufferings of people, blah blah. But really, read that column yourself and tell me how you feel about it.
I remember having read Teenage when I was P5 or smaller. I first came across the term 'Masturbation', which I checked up on the dick. The definition was 'Fingering of one's genitals' or something along those lines. I didn't know what was a 'genital', so I went to check and I found my answer. From then on, I knew that masturbation was a bad word. And what genitals refer to.
I guess I should thank Teenage for giving me the knowledge before most children of my age at that point of time. I feel truly blessed.
Oh, the story was about how a girl masturbated with her boyfriend, and how the boyfriend eventually broke up with her because he 'missed his ex'. Then she feels dirty and all. Quite stupid. What's done is already done, there's no honour in feeling dirty and there's no money to be earnt. So just shut up and get on with life. You did something stupid, you reflect, you know what not to do next time, then get on with life. Just because you feel dirty doesn't change the fact that you were once fingered by a guy who didn't love you at all. So are you going to just whine about it, wallow in self-pity and remain stagnant? No point, just shut up about it and stop spamming a fictitious column with your whiney letters. 'Oh, it hurts.' Who doesn't smart from the suanages of the world? It's an absurd world we're living in, and I'm sure that there is no 'worst case scenario' because anything and everything can worsen at any point of time. And what'd you do when it does? Whine? Stop and stare and cry? Shut up. Just shut up, I can't believe that I'm living on oxygen as you are. Urgh.
The mere thought riled me. Never mind, I'm hungry at 1.16AM, I think I should have my late night supper before sleep. Then I'd wake up hungry enough for a heavy breakfast because I hope that Mrs. Chew would treat us breakfast, as usual.
Not going for the annual camp after all. Like no one going like that.
-- 6/06/2008 12:33:00 AM
