Ways to get her horny.
So I was on the bus yesterday. Then things happen. She happened.
I was just being a pure and innocent boy(as usual), when I found a seat on the bus. Dang rare, so I took it. The girl I was sitting with alighted, so I took over the seat by the window.
Then things happened. Like I said, she happened. I don't even know why I'm repeating myself.
Some RJ girl went up and sat beside me. So on her right was me, and on my left was her. That made sense right? Yea, rare flashes of me making sense. So anyway, she was there, and I was there, and yea.
She started sleeping! I think I exude such manliness and caveman qualities that she felt a sense of security. She was flopping here and there. Quite a joy.
In her deep slumber, her head rested on my left flabs, and although I knew she didn't mean it, I felt loved. Aww. So anyway she was just lying on me. I'd prefer to say that she slept on me. And it was fun. I loved that feeling, and it was dang awkward.
Which really tell you just how little experience I have with girls. Really sad. I'm, like, sobbing my heart out as I right. It's a miracle my keyboard's still intact. Water and electronic stuff don't really mix well right?
Oh and many things happened today, like how I got my new girlfriend suddenly*blushes*
I hope she's reading this now, but I don't really think that she knows how to use the computer, because I go for stupid girls. Egotistic me.
She's lying on my bed now, too. Her name is 'Beloved'. So when I hug her, I'm hugging my beloved. What a convenient name. And sometimes I'd change her name to darling, so I'd be hugging my darling.
I'm such a lucky man, to have RJ girls sleeping on me and to be able to hug my Beloved wherever I go.
By the way, I hate you people. Never give nice nice names for my bag. Yes lah, beloved is my bag's name if you haven't already noticed. I realized that I'm dang fickle-minded, and that if I were to name it after someone I like now, I'd have to change her name every 3months. Just enough for the first trimester. You know, the kind of 'Oh-you're-3-months-pregnant-but-I'm-going-to-dump-you' sort of thing.
Yea I'm hell irresponsible.
So anyway, I decided that my bag needs a name, because I've been lonely for so long...sobs..I'm going to, I don't know, cut myself now or something because that's what lonely people should do. And I think I'd going to become schizophrenic if I really carry on thinking that my bag is a human. Maybe I'd really get a girlfriend, a figment of my imagination, because every male teenager must have a girlfriend and that it's a sin not to have one.
If you didn't sense the sarcasm, that's because it's seriously unintended! Why'm I even blogging about this? I guess it's just to say that I got a name for my bag.
Oh yea I was seriously slighted just now.
I was buying a birthday cake for my father(not with my money of course) when the lady asked me 'How many candles?' in Chinese.
Out of the thousands of questions I anticipated her to ask, I didn't expect her to ask for the number of candles to be used for a birthday cake. What a genius. So I stoned for awhile.
And she thought I didn't understand what '蜡烛' meant. So she said changed to 'How many candles?' OK it has the same meaning but GAH. It's almost as if I didn't know Chinese at all.
I was just trying to recall how many years old my father is! Wahlau I should complain her or something.
Just because I can.
Oh yea I have an erotica. Just came up with it. It's about how girls can cave into their own sexual desires, too.
Oops, spoilered. I shall try using names of porn stars. They chio.
Risa wanted to keep her virginity until after marriage. Then she'd unleash all her sexual desires on the man of her wet dreams, which would invariably be her husband. Something like that. Yea. So she wanted to keep it for her husband, like I mentioned above.
Something along the lines of keeping herself chaste...display of moral fibre...blah blah.
But no one really cares about those these days. Everyone around her sexes every hour or so. Not her. She was brought up in a supposed good family, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
OK so she met...OK I don't really know any guy's name so let me be lucky once in awhile. So what's her name? Oh Risa(I had to scroll up) met Yiwei. That kind of thing. Then she felt dang horny because manliness seeped out of Yiwei. A better word would be 'ooze', because manliness diffuses out of Yiwei in large amounts. Scary right?
So yea she got a bit horny, and went up to talk to him. Then everything her hymen stood for got broken down, leaving that vulnerable piece of membrane standing alone.
But she resisted the temptation, because she barely knew Yiwei and that she still had control over her body. Some sort of control. Yea. So she was just stoning there and stuff like that. She managed to walk away to get home though. Yiwei didn't know that he had such an impact on her of course. He didn't know how to read minds.
But he understood body language perfectly. So on their next meet up(initiated by her), he felt it weird to see her squirming around her seat with a flushed face. OK maybe not flushed. I don't really know how girls react when they get horny. How would I know if anyone got horny or something. Weird. OK so she was dang horny and squirming around her seat and stuff like that.
Body language reader Yiwei pounced on the opportunity to encourage her to have sex, being turned on by how meek and shy she was. Something along those lines. Yea.
(I feel like shitting now, so things would turn out a bit shitty because my rectum dictates my mood.)
So she was already seeping love juices because Yiwei was just too irresistible. And Yiwei noticed the distinct smell and got turned on. His huge 10-inch piece of shit tented his pants and upon seeing it, Risa was petrified. She wanted it in her, yet she was scared of pain.
Yiwei knew just how to get a girl horny even more so than now. He knew how to push the limits and..I don't know. Like, get her to actually have sex with him. Stuff like passionate kissing, followed by full-body massages(or the other way round, doesn't have any chronological order seriously.)
So she got very horny and it all felt so good. Risa needed him and was practically begging him for sex. Then they did it and all that she thought was morally correct, blah blah blah, all were thrown to the winds when she got horny.
I don't really have much time and I don't want to go into details for obvious reasons, so I'm going to end here because I want to shit.
Oh and moral of the story?
1) You can't promise not to have sex.
2) Girls get horny too.
OK I shall teach you people how to get a girl horny, and for girls who don't want to have sex so soon, these are tell-tale signs that a guy wants to be inside you and wants you to want him inside you.
I did some research on the net, and found some porn pictures(I really didn't want to). I intended to just post the URLs here, but I know of girls who don't watch porn, so yea.
Just copying wholesale from some random forum
http://www.funadvice.com/q/10_ways_to_make_a_girl_horny
1. Full body massages
2. Neck kisses
3. Fingers through hair
4. Squeezing thighs..
5. get rock hard and let her see your p*nis stick up through your pants
6. make the room dim and light candles or something
7. bring up subjects about sex
8. Touch her waist or boobs
9. hug her
10. buy her a sexy lingerie and tell her 2 put it on
11. kiss her
12. do a sexy dance (it's underestimated)
Some sound really stupid, but I just replicated it here. Just in case.
-- 8/28/2008 03:53:00 PM
