End of AYG 09
I don't let people bother me if I'm not bothering them. Don't take that at face level, what I mean is that I don't let what others do affect me(emotionally/spiritually at least), if what I do to them does not.
Meaning I go for shared experience, otherwise known as feel together.
I don't like the idea of, y'know, one pining for the other while the other remains, or at least unaffected. Life isn't fair in this way, and I enjoy leveling this unfairness by being unaffected myself.
Like, I try to feel only when others feel, but if they don't, I'd probably try to shut my emotions down.
I can see this doctrine of mine failing. I'm pining for her. I used to think that it is fucking far to travel from Sengkang to Boon Lay, but I realized that's a fucking short distance when compared to the distance between Sengkang and Bangkok.
FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK.
Somebody shoot me already.
She walked by me twice. Once with her friends, and I was filled with excitement, so much that it petrified me and rendered me tongue-thaied. I simply couldn't move as perfection walked by me. Even my eyeballs couldn't swivel. She had that much power over me, which is quite a lot because as stated above, I don't enjoy self-destruction.
That was the first time.
Then her mother appeared, and started talking to her. She just got a watch with the Thailand flag colours on it. Which was quite unique, but the watch wasn't the subject. I heard her sweet voice, and I was arrested speechless by her beauty.
Then she went to the toilet the second time. Alone this time, but her mother has already made her appearance. That's not the point. When she came back, I tried to catch her eye by looking at her. What I felt this time wasn't excitement, but resignation.
She just isn't meant to be mine. I keep telling myself that I don't have to have her to love her, but I know this is just a random infatuation, and that I'd go back to the 'main pain course' soon, but I didn't expect this brief respite to hurt this intensely.
After that I was more or less just floating around. I was supposed to only get to Orchid Country Club at 6PM, but I got there with Gang Hao at around 2PM so that I could experience perfection for the last day. For the next 3.5hours I was just stoning around watching her cheer the Thailand team on in her perfect way.
New rule: Girls cheering while standing on chairs are perfect.
No there's seriously no sarcasm intended. She was doing it, and she was cute. OK she's cute in everything she does, perfect indeed, but..yea.
Anyway, all the teams went to rest at around 4.30PM. I went to stone outside the place they were resting in, and I saw as the teams came out. Saw familiar faces and..yea.
And the heartbreak came when the Thai team went to the porch instead. That means they're going back. The Thai girls got to ride the buggy driven by a random dude, and I was very depressed at that time, because:
1) She's going off. I'd never get the chance to see her again.
2) She's made happy by another guy. If only I were the person driving the buggy.
As I watched her scream in joy, I was playing 知足 in my head. It was the song that best fits the occasion. Quite..no wait, very, sad.
Went to the porch staircase to watch as they leave. The sense of bereavement was there, even though it's not a funeral hearse. Choy ah touch wood. She'd live for many years to come. And probably a better life I'd have.
Took a video of the bus leaving. Waved at them, and I think she waved back.
Farewell, perfection. Farewell, Sathean Tanaprang. =\
Went back with a heavy heart to watch the rest of the stepladder matches. Cheered the Korean girl as she fought New Huifen and Krishna to get Gold. Really, experience told me to cheer the humble Korean girl on.
I like watching people's faces as they concentrate/fail in the game they are playing in. It is epic. I remember watching the beach volleyball Thai boys playing. They were damn relaxed, even when they only had a one point lead. They just took things easy, screwed up here and there and laughed about it, and enjoyed the game.
Not like how somebody missed pin10(it's humiliating to miss it if you're in the national team) and gave a FML face.
The Korean girl just kept smiling, and gave a blur smile when she didn't strike, almost as if it's a friendly match. Like the 'Oh shit ahahahahahaahahahahahaha' kind of face. Sheepish, yes, that's the word.
Isn't that what the games is about? To have fun?
Oh yea, here's something interesting I observed when the athletes were sitting at the athletes-viewing area. The different countries were mixing around and hitting each other with those blown-up-sticks-which-comes-in-pairs, which you use to whack each other to make noise. Didn't know they mixed so well. It was interesting, really. Wonder where Singapore was though. A cut above the rest maybe?
Oh yea and the Koreans are really nice. One of the girls accidentally brushed me with one of those provocative sticks, and I turned around. She just started apologizing and upon recognizing my face, she made some interesting movements gesticulating at her hair and shouting 'cut?!' because I just cut my hair and she noticed the difference. I'm quite proud of the fact that she remembered me, which might fulfill the first part of this post about shared experiences.
And Park Ji Soo remembered too! 'You cut hair?'
(:
I used to have a bad impression of Koreans, because I thought the guys were all metrosexuals and you know my impression of metrosexuals, and I didn't like them much because of Korean drama, but I guess my perception of them has changed. They are really nice people.
Which reminds me. We presented the boys their medals first, and Singapore got Gold for boys stepladder. So someone fucking threw the Singapore flag at Basil.
Being in uniformed group tells me that that is grossly humiliating to the Singapore flag.
Common sense tells me that that is just wrong. You do not treat the flag with such utter disdain.
Anyway, what the media did was quite fucked up. They made Mr. Silver from Korea and Mr. Bronze from Philippines wait while they took pictures of Mr. Gold from Singapore holding the Singapore flag.
Don't they have the common sense to let the ceremony move on? I mean like I want to get home and finish up this blog post early so I can go to sleep earlier, right? Jamming the ceremony there and making the other 2 winners wait like stupid fucks just isn't 'civic-minded'.
I don't know whether China did when they hosted the Olympics, but y'know what? My guess is no. So don't suan China people for being uncivilized when you're all just barbarians wearing suits.
Oh yea another interesting thing to note is that at the end of all the Korean cheers, there'd be one random guy who is supporting Singapore who would shout 'YEAHH' with guttural sounds. I really wonder what's his fucking point. Is he trying to be funny? If I were the Koreans I'd be damn pissed with this guy's apparent lack of sportsmanship. And the weird thing is that many Singaporeans think that's funny. One of them even took pictures of the guy who did that.
It's never funny. It's supposed to be more of a jeer in this case. He is destroying Singapore's reputation and you guys find it funny? The Singaporean sense of humour is disgusting.
And even if it's funny, repeated humour just don't go well with most occasions, especially this.
I'm just glad that the Koreans took is as an added cheer for them, so they YEAAAAH-ed back at that guy and was all smiles.
Doesn't stop me from cursing that idiot though.
On my way home, I got quite sad. It's like, ended. They'd be flying home to wherever they belong to. They'd probably forget the stuff that happened here as they move on to experience even more things. Stuff like that always happens. People move on. I find it hard to but I force myself to, but every time I do that I feel that I've left a part of me behind.
'Within a mile Ennis felt like someone was pulling his guts out hand over hand a yard at a time. He stopped at the side of the road and, in the whirling new snow, tried to puke but nothing came up. He felt about as bad as he ever had and it took a long time for the feeling to wear off.'
--Close Range, Brokeback Mountain.
That's what I felt. That's what I feel, and I hope it doesn't last. I do want to see her again =\
-- 7/06/2009 11:23:00 PM
