Sexpectations.
It is normal to expect something when someone else knows about something about you. For example, if I am depressed and I tell you that I'm depressed, I expect you to say something, to make an attempt to cheer me up.
If you fall short on my expectations, I probably won't go back to you for counselling. That much is certain--why bother telling someone about your pain when that someone cannot relate to or alleviate your emotional state?
Let's just use this 'counselling' example because I can't think of a better substitute.
Let's say that I use a friend to help myself, because all friends are meant to be utilized. So I use this friend to help cheer me up, and I do feel better, because what he said made sense and I agree with his viewpoint. But perhaps I didn't tell him about my full problem, or that I told him about it on the spot so he couldn't fully formulate a good advice for me, or that he is taken aback by the fact that I am depressed, so he freaks out and becomes quite helpless too, but still makes a valiant attempt to cheer me up.
And I felt good because he cared, even though I didn't really expect him to care given the fact that I didn't tell him the source of my depression until I was prompted to.
Then, I have a friend who has a similar problem, and she didn't expect anyone to solve her problem for her. But her friend did a lot more for her, being more prepared because the friend has discussed this at great lengths with other friends, blahblahblah and came up with a good proposal to help this friend of mine out. So she feels much better about herself and becomes a very happy woman.
Then I look at the difference between the solution of our problems, and I'm taken aback by the huge difference.
What seemed grand, perfect, to me was totally dashed by what she had. It's like me treasuring a bowl of rice when someone else has already upgraded to sharks' fin.
But I realize that it's because I didn't share my problem earlier. Or is it?
And I realized that I didn't want to be probed either, I didn't want a solution to my problem because there is none, because I desired none, but it was forced down my throat by a willing and enthusiastic friend, and I had no choice but to swallow what seemed like the best thing on earth at that time.
It is human nature to compare. I did, even when I don't really care about the quality of the solution, even when I don't want the solution in the first place. Perhaps my expectations shot up, but either way this is unhealthy.
I shouldn't want that much. I shouldn't whine either. I had more than what I expected initially, why should I compare my life with people who live in riches, who don't bother with people still struggling in the slums thinking that they are self-sufficient, self-reliant, and have no use for riches because they do not need them?
When one can have it, one would want to have it, and the want would evolve into an obsession, and the obsession would evolve into a need, and the need would make the person evolve, for better or worse.
This is a bad evolution, I'm cancelling it by pressing B. Or perhaps I could find an Everstone. =\
-- 8/25/2009 12:26:00 AM
