Talking is the worst form of communication.
EDITED.
So I was on the bus just now when I met this cute girl. She was young, like around 7, and she was with her mother. But being on a double-decked bus and having limited seats, they sat separately.
So the little girl was seated to my right, I was on the left side of the bus and the aisle was the only thing separating her mother from her.
I was plugged in at that time and didn't realize my situation until she started making noise. So I turned around and smiled. She was so cute, so adorable, not unlike perfection herself. I wanted to put my arms around her, to protect her should she fall from the bus' jerkiness. I wanted to make her feel safe, even though I don't know her.
It's a weird feeling, this desire to protect one close to me even though she's not altogether that close to me. I really wanted to talk to her then, to protect her, and perhaps to possess her(not in a sexual way of course, sex is boring).
And I don't know how to even begin to convey my emotions to her at that time. I couldn't possibly hold her and tell her that I want to protect her, right? She's just a child, she wouldn't understand. And words would only serve to dilute the meaning, words are used so often in drama serials, by random men who may only be interested in the sex, by almost every male that could talk.
It's so direct it's stupid.
"Hey kid, I want to protect you. I could be your never-bursting, indestructible bubble, protecting you from whatever you wish to be protected from. I'd protect you from harm. I could be whatever you want, whenever you want me, wherever you want me. I could be by your side whenever you need me to, and I'd share weal and woe with you, and we could have some form of telepathic link for our emotions such that I could know when you're sad and be sad with you, and be happy with you when you are. I would give up my life and balls for you if need be, because I love you enough to forgo even procreation and my life. In the scheme of things, you're definitely top priority. Everything, everyone else pales in comparison.
And I swear, like the shadow that's by your side, I'll be there. For better or worse, till death do us apart, I'll love you with every beat of my heart, and I swear.'
It sounds like a TYS essay answer. It's copied wholesale, manufactured, and mass-published. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't convey feelings.
Words thus dilute meaning. I read about a scam on the newspapers involving Love. It was something like the man finds a girl, a lonely middle-aged woman with a child in tow, and who is having financial difficulties. He courts her, he claims to love her, he beds her, he pays for a lot of things, he gets her heart, then he gets her to smuggle drugs. And because the girl is blinded by love, she does what she's told. For the money and the supposed love.
Words mean nothing now. It's too cheap. It's too easily abused. I cannot understand how can anyone fall for mere words. These days, whenever I'm presented with a story, I consider the motives and possible benefits the provider could gain. Edward told me something about 'input manipulation', and I somehow enjoy guarding myself well. Guess I simply don't like being changed by people or being manipulated. That's why I don't trust words. I'm more into feelings and logic, which doesn't make sense.
I wanted to give off a trusting aura, an aura which could make her trust me. I don't know how I was going to pull that off and I think I failed. She did look at me, and I did smile, but I'm not quite sure what impact my grimace can have on one so young as her.
If I can't make her feel safe, I can't love her, right? If you can't make the person feel safe you have failed that person and you have failed as a person.
I always get that feeling but oh well, it's not like anyone has made me feel safe. All you losers! >(
I watched the last episode of 肥田喜事. It was crappy beyond imagination. It was an entire mind rape. It really puts into perspective what I said just now about words. A couple can get married in a couple of hours simply because the guy transformed from a fat man to a man and is able to play the guitar and sing, and because she liked him a bit(they were never in a relationship in the first place) and then he says some touching stuff and they get married.
It effing doesn't make sense.
I once watched a show, and I forgot what it was about but I think it was some drama based on a budding pianist. His teacher told him that:
Talking is the worst form of communication.
But we only know how to talk.
I learnt in Sec 4 biology something about evolution. If you have a population of guppies and you remove its predators, after a few generations, the guppies would lose its survival traits.
Like, it becomes more colourful, and thus unable to blend into its surroundings. It loses its ability to turn quickly when danger arises.
When you re-introduce its predator, the entire population is wiped out.
Humans are going down that stage. I watched a commercial on Colgate, claiming that the toothpaste can kill germs and disinfect your mouth for around 12 hours. Of course, they fell short of stating the hypothetical(non-existent) health benefits of a cleaner, more germ-free mouth because it'd be unethical to scam.
But really, since there's no point in a germ-free mouth, why bother trying to achieve it? And if we really do achieve it, what would become of us then?
I keep wondering about the many things we have now that our cavemen ancestors didn't have. They didn't have, and thus they didn't need.
They didn't have good food, they didn't have much clothes, they didn't have so many things. What we have as a necessity would be their godsend relic.
They didn't have. Thus they didn't need.
What we have now slowly consumes us. We may be the 'consumer' but we're actually the ones 'consumed' by the want to have, and eventually, the need to have.
Life is interesting in this way. You think you're manipulating when you're manipulated to think that you're manipulating. You think that something/someone needs you when you're the on in need of that object. It's all fun to observe and get involved.
Alright this is very random.
EDIT: Which reminds me. I was on the bus just now when I saw a kid on the bus with a teenage boy, who might be older than he looks. The kid looks P6-ish, and she is definitely in primary school based on her school uniform. So the guy was talking to her, being very close to her and perhaps brushing her hands past her all the time. Not sure though, might have parallax error so I can't be sure. So anyway they kept talking and talking and talking.
Soon, the guy alighted, and motioned for the girl to alight, who did so reluctantly. Perhaps I was watching a young innocent girl walking down a path of no return, but I didn't stop her from alighting. I mean, how could I anyway? In what capacity, as a random commuter on the same bus? I don't even know her, except her name which I shouldn't write here.
And I was standing on the bus like an idiot, thinking whether I should get down the bus and see what they are going to do when I realized that I'm no ninja or a master at stealth. And if they went to someone's house?
And then I realized what was really holding me back. I wanted to go home and watch Yi Nan Wang.
I really am a lousy man. I can't even be arsed to get off the bus to chase after someone to protect her, simply because I wanted to go home and watch TV. Perhaps one day I'd curse myself to death, but I realized that I can't possibly protect everyone around me right? And it's not like I could anyway. My friends all fall at some point in time and I stand around like an idiot not knowing how to support them.
Not that that would want to but that's not the point anyway.
And on my walk home after the bus ride(yes I have to walk, I live in a cave), I saw a couple. The guy was walking in front of the girl and motioned for her to move faster with a grin that could only be seen in grown men when they are thinking of procreation, or the process of procreation. The girl was reluctant, and her reluctance was the kind that could only be observed in women not at all interested in the prospects of having a penis enter her vagina.
So I walked along and I saw the girl following the guy, albeit reluctantly.
Oh, the world is going to the dogs. Someone save us.
And FUCK MY ABRASION. IT BURNS LIKE HELL AND SCRATCHING IT DOESN'T HELP. And I can't scratch the inner folds of my thighs in class anyway.
Oh wait.
-- 8/04/2009 07:00:00 PM
