Back of your mind.
There are times when you get very affected by inconsequential things, and it's embarrassing to tell people why you're affected in the first place because the 'inconsequential' thing happens to be really inconsequential in nature, like
1) Finding out that there's no more toilet paper only after you're done in a public toilet.
2) Realizing that your friend has made you an April Fool joke.
You're not supposed to take either case seriously, because the nature of jokes isn't to be taken seriously, and although you're quite disturbed by the fact that you've been made a fool, you're not supposed to show it because they didn't mean for it to be that way and you don't want to be a spoilsport.
Or perhaps you don't show it because you're supposed to be a matured individual capable of brushing failed sexperiences aside and not bothering with them and moving on as time passes.
But there are times when these failed sexperiences comes back to haunt you in a variety of ways, and you realize that you're powerless to stop being highly-affected even though you're supposed to have moved on in life. You do not understand why you're behaving or feeling this way, and even if you do, you don't know what to do with your emotions and behaviour.
Then, because it's an embarrassing thing, you act like it's not affecting you although it would affect anyone else of a similar predicament, because you're supposed to be 'matured' and an open admission of being affected isn't too healthy for your matured image.
So you resort to going about life as usual, talking on MSN, playing Mafia Wars and Travian, and being as active as you are previously, but you know that there's no one out of the 95 people online on your MSN that you can share this secret with, because it's embarrassing and because secrets are not meant to be shared.
Then you try to move on and get over this sudden hounding of the past failed sexperience by doing other stuff because what you're doing, the normal stuff, doesn't work--acting normal doesn't make you normal.
But you really don't know what to do, so you make some noise about it and throw it to the back of your mind and hope it doesn't hound you. As long as you don't observe and don't visit, well, out of sight out of mind, but
it's still at the back of your mind.
-- 11/10/2009 11:27:00 PM
