The desperate need for release.
I had this sudden urge to shit when I was walking home from Sengkang MRT station. It was so intense that I had to slow down because walking fast kinda relaxes the sphincter muscles or so I thought, so I did walk slowly but with the 'Omg-I'm-pregnant' face, because I didn't have the luxury or strength to rearrange my face to show an emotion that doesn't reflect pain/extreme discomfort.When I reached home, I was like 'OMG PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR', but no, I had to do that myself which I did because waiting for the inhabitants to come to the door would be like taking a huge gamble--the enemy was at the gates, except that instead of humans it's fecal matter.
Then I took my stuff and got ready to rush into the sanctuary that is otherwise known as Toilet, but...
it was occupied.
So I had to go to the other toilet which I'm not used to -whines- and I felt some shit seeping through my chocolate starfish, but there were many buttons to the uniform and the buckle and zipper were not getting undone as fast as I'd hope for them to, but when I finally got naked and ready, I didn't have time to sit down to enjoy the smooth delivery of my cake--it just spluttered out.
When you shit normally, your shit goes vertically downwards. That's because gravity works well on an object with a greater mass. But when I spluttered my shit out, it came at an angle, nearly 50 degrees, so I nearly soiled the toilet seat when I was shitting while half-sitting because of the urgency of the..matter.
It's an experience I'd never want to relieve.
Yea enough of that humanshit. As everyone here knows, I play Runescape. A lot. And I was bored a few days back so I went to the main Singapore chat on Runescape, where one leader was going like:
You like a girl for her looks for what? Does looks matter? No. Such a love won't last. Looks? Hah. Looks don't matter at all, average can liao.'
or something along those lines.
Spot the irony in the last line. Seriously, looks is important. Imagine waking up to a horror movie everyday. Quite wtf right? If looks isn't important, why should you care if she's 'average' or not? Get like Sadako or something lah. Wow, looks isn't important.
Some dude in the chat then said something like 'Wow then get someone twice your size lah', to which the dude replied 'I said looks, not mass'.
Wao.
And then he goes on about horoscopes. That was when I got riled enough to question him about it, as he was talking about how he doesn't like stereotyping people(but is a horoscope maniac--he wants a Libra girlfriend.) Wow, looks isn't important, but horoscope is. And horoscope, which in crude and more un-horoscopic terms, is simply the categorizing of people born under different stars/planets/months? And you really want to base your future spouse on something which normally girls do--horoscopes?
I mean I do believe that there are certain characteristic traits in certain horoscopes, as I've seen them in my wide network of friends, but to base your 'true love' on someone as fictitious as horoscopes? Wao.
Moral of the story? Any Libras who wants a life partner can ask me for his contact details, I'm pretty sure you people would click well because of horoscope compatibility.
And the chat I went to is rather self-contradictory. The chat name is 'We Are Sg', and I'm apparently from Singapore, just that on Runescape I'm in a clan different from the mainstream. And 'We Are Sg' hates us, and bans us. Wow, what discrimination, almost as if I didn't help them in wars before.
And the whole chat is supposed to...argh never mind let's not bitch about online tyrants =.=
I am hungry.
To me, humiliation comes only when you're hit where it hurts. Like, if you're attacked somewhere which matters to you. Something like if I care about my virtual assets and you attack me by saying that 'You suck at Runescape', I'd feel hurt, and humiliated, should the person suaning me be better than me in Runescape. OK that's a lam example coz I don't really care that much about Runescape, but yea, that's my idea of humiliation.
Yet everyone has his own sources of pride, meaning everyone takes pride in many things. And when too many people take pride in the same thing, they compete. There could also be others who doubt your ability in a certain aspect in life which you have utmost confident in. That's humiliating. I get stuff like that thrown at me all the time though. Very often when I think I'm quite OK with a certain thing people would laugh me off and I'd feel humiliated but I never show what matters to me so they'd have to keep guessing if they bother. Not that they would but yea.
I am very hungry. I will finish this blog post in this sentence and check mangastream.
-- 3/31/2010 08:57:00 PM
Used by the things we're used to.
I was ready to change my phone on Sunday.Actually, no.
I didn't delete my phone messages for a long time, like since I got it, and when I was clearing my messages I decided to sort-by-contacts and see who I've messaged the most for the past 2 years, and read through most of the messages, when I found a message from Yap Chien and his gratitude towards me for being such a stud. Though it's probably for everyone else, the 'awwww' factor was still present and it brought a huge lump to my throat, the kind which you get when you have a huge dick forced into your throat. It was in public so I had to put on my normal face and not appear excited or otherwise disturbed.
Then I started looking through all the pictures I've taken, and all the women I've stalked with my 3.2mega-pixel camera without autofocus. And all my videos and my games and my applications and my songs, and wondered whether I'd have a good 2 years with my new phone or not. Then I had doubts about trading in my old phone, because that'd mean a lot of memories gone just like that, but money > phone, until
we found out that the trade-in value of a w890 is $10 =.=
So I got to keep my phone even though it's a cranky piece of shit <3
I have been bitching about my old phone for quite some time, because of
1) bad connection point, it won't stay connected to the USB port well enough
2) keeps crashing for some unknown reason, and overheating and taking out a chunk of battery when it does
3) laggy
and it's a very true stereotype of Sony Ericsson phones, and I've been bitching about it too. But I still chose a Sony phone.
Why?
Because I am too much of a pussy to change this inherent value of my life, or what appears to have an intrinsic value in my life.
Humans are weird in this way, like in a recent update in Runescape, everyone got quite pissed. Runescape players used to have, at max, 99 hitpoints, meaning they can take 99 damage before dying. But the update made it such that everyone has 10x more hitpoints, and does 10x more damage, and the food they eat heals 10x more hitpoints, except that instead of hitpoints, it's called
life points. So I have 990LP, which is quite scary. I believe that LP has some phallic references in Hokkien, not sure.
Naturally, people who got pissed decided to hold protest in a certain city in Runescape, and Jagex put down such protests by banning those players.
I got quite pissed with the update too, now I don't know when should I eat my food because my math sucks and I can't handle numbers 10x of what I used to be able to handle.
But I still play Runescape. Jagex is cunning, they understand that players probably won't just stop playing altogether due to one small update, so they keep changing what we're used to, because there would still be a lot more things we were used to. And slowly, what we all started out with would be changed, but we'd have learnt to get used to the first few changes, and take that as what we've started out with.
Life's very much like that, we get scammed, things change without us knowing, and we can't do a shit about it but the mind does get delusional and think that yea, it's alright, nothing much changed.
Humans are born to be scammed, to get used to things, to be used by the things they are used to.
-- 3/29/2010 12:53:00 PM
Beware of charismatic people.
My sis was telling me about her friend's recent family dispute.Her friend is in a Buddhist family, and recently one of her sisters went to the City Harvest church, and fell in love with the church, cell group, and the general population of the church.
As everyone can see, the stage has been set for future conflicts, and the stage wasn't left unused.
After the sister declared her intentions to get baptized, the world was still at peace. But her family members were quite skeptical about it, because they were all Buddhists and thus cannot relate to this sudden deviation from their norm. Then things escalated when she started those before-food prayers or something, because she'd be thanking god, while her father smoulders with indignance as he was the one who bought the food for her in the first place, why thank a god that's not even his? That was his source of anger I guess. I would be angry too if gratitude for the food placed on my child's table isn't for me, but for some divine presence whom I cannot feel.
That's not the only conflict.
Then the sister started appreciating god on her facebook alot, and there was once her status went like 'with Him i see', and my sis' friend's boyfriend went to comment on that status something along the lines of 'wah you can fly ah?', to which she replied 'not funny.', and her friend commented something like 'yea you go girl! take that!'
From a very objective perspective I can say that the friend's reaction was a bit...crazed. Was 'not funny' something that epic to cheer about?
My sis' friend also got into some dispute with her over her worshiping tendencies. It got so bad that the sister deleted her. It's kinda resolved now or so I heard, but still, it's weird right?
Isn't religion supposed to unite? Don't all religions have the same thing in mind--to bring to people a (good) way of living? It's really very weird that people these days seem to be missing the point in religion as a way of life, but claim that they are actively worshipping the religion they place their faith in, and when they mean active, they mean like bringing it to other people (not just evangelism, I know other religions do their own advertising too). And then religious leaders start comparing the amount of followers they have, almost as if it's like comparing the number of Facebook friends one has. I am no ardent fan or follower(at all) of any religion, but I just find it weird that people can bring themselves to despise another religion.
About the sister in question here, I do believe that she has her rights to choosing of her own religion, and that her family shouldn't try to influence her on her own religious choices, but I'm often kept wondering why did she suddenly decide to like going to church?
I've heard that the pastor is very charismatic, but does one really want to make a lifetime of commitment over someone's charisma?
-- 3/25/2010 10:31:00 PM
Evolution is a lie.
There's biology lecture test tomorrow on DNA and paper 3 or whatever shit it's called. I wanted to study for it, but realized that I1) don't know what notes to study
2) know(think that I'm too lazy to move) that I can't absorb
3) find that it doesn't matter.
There are actually 3 tests tomorrow, out of the 5hour lessons I'm having in total.
1) Biology lecture test
2) NAPFA test
3) H1 maths test
and all I'm worried is about 2.4km, standing broad jump and pull-ups. I think I need to get between 11.50-12.50mins for silver for 2.4, and that kinda sucks because I haven't stopped failing it since the start of the year. People accumulate more fats throughout the holidays than usual, even more so should they stagnate and play Runescape all the time.
This is the only test I'm worried. This is like, the only school test I'm worried about because my after-A's Runescape plans hinges on this shit and I don't want to get into NS earlier because I want to play more Runescape.
This is what education is doing to me =\ I just want to get it over and done with.
There's always a gap between reality and dreams, and it depends on the dreamer to make up for this difference should he want the dream to come through.
What if the dreamer is too lazy? Then he'd live in regret for the rest of his life because he didn't try to bridge the gap.
Then there are times when the gap seems insurmountable, like Mt Everest square. Then you feel that despair welling up within you and you wonder whether you should move on, dream another dream, or you just end up quivering in fear not knowing whether you want to proceed onwards to what seems like a certain doom or move back, retreat back into your comfort zone and live with the regret of not having attempted. You want to know that you've tried your best but you can't bring yourself to do that because you're afraid of failing, and even if you try you won't dare to put in your all because you're afraid your efforts would be all for naught, and you end up telling your friends that you 'don't really care about the results, have fun can liao'. This half-arsed mentality is present in certain amounts in everyone, and it just so happens to be present in excess within me.
People who suffer from this syndrome normally understand that the supposed 'Mt Everest square' may not be that insurmountable after all, but they are too damned lazy to even bother trying to change their perspective. Humans are...such.
Humans should be happy, and cavemen are happy despite their many discomforts--flies, no bed, no air-conditioning, might be eaten by animals at night, etc. Evolution is a lie.
-- 3/23/2010 11:24:00 PM
Laugh too much.
I'm currently hiding in the National Library. Yes this means I'm at Bugis while my mum and sis are shopping, I'm hiding at the library using the library's electricity to power my sis' laptop for me to play Runescape and to blog. I don't find that this comes under 'cheap thrills', I find that this comes under 'cheap'.I've been told since young that if I had nightmares, I must say it out to someone else if not it'd become true. I have had weird random nightmares ranging from me being lost, raped, killed, and all the feelings of involvement were very real. But I've never actually woken up from such nightmares, I don't know why either.
But this morning was horrible. I think it was because of the mad laughing session on Friday night, but whatever the case was it was horrible enough to wake me up and render me speechless because it was a nightmare of something which has a high chance of happening in real life, and which seems to be set in motion already. It's actually damn embarrassing to say it out, and between embarrassment and the actual horror of it happening I choose the actual horror of it happening. Even if it does happen it's only to my misfortune and besides, seriously, it doesn't really affect me at all.
The raw recollection of it is quite scary though. I don't like such vivid dreams, but I'm scared it'd really turn into reality if the memory of the dream fades completely. Bah.
How self-conflicted of me.
There's this bunch of school girls sitting around me now. I shall start watching porn just to scare them off. Seriously, do they not have the slightest sense of Brain? A virile and smelly young man is typing furtively away at the keyboard and of all places they choose to sit around him?! They need to be taught a lesson. Someone rape them please.
-- 3/20/2010 04:54:00 PM
Friendly match. Friendly.
AJC bowling had some form of 'friendly' match with 3 other JCs, namely YJ, TJ, VJ.My lane was playing against a TJC team, and we got thrashed. Like, steamrollered. Completely no redeeming factor. It was humiliating. And when I checked other lanes I could see that AJ was like 'no fight'. No point fighting, seriously. Some lanes did well, yes, but our best is their average. I know I'm not exactly an AJ-loving dude, because it's too stifling, but even I felt like our already not-so-wholesome pride on AJC just got smashed.
Then I wondered, what's so extraordinary about the other JCs that allows them to train their students to such standards in bowling? I mean, I've had one year of training in AJ bowling, and so have they. Why are they like so zai as compared to me? OK, maybe I'm abit slower than the rest in picking up the sport, but even the best of AJ bowling falls to their average bowler. It can't be mass-illiteracy in the game, right?
Even though I may not appear to have much pride, I do have a lot of it. I cannot stand how we got steamrollered. So I began wondering why are we so weak.
Is it the lack of practice? Is it because we don't bowl > 2 times a week for the better half of last year? Is it a coach problem? Is it the lack of subsidy and thus less incentives to buy better balls?(Our TJC counterparts brought 3, while the most of us only have 1)
Which reminds me of a rather depressing story. Last year, I was called forth to my bio teacher because I failed a lecture test(quite badly). He asked me whether it's CCA commitment, and I said that I was in bowling. I didn't even have to include the information that I was in the recreational team(meaning non-competitive --> no need train as hard) to have him retort 'But bowling isn't AJC's niche CCA what. That's not a reason for your lousy results.' or something along those lines.
Even the teachers know that bowling as a CCA sucks in AJC.
You may not see what I'm driving at yet. Here's it: Why the fuck does AJC want to set up 'Bowling' as a CCA if it doesn't even wish for it to excel? Bowling funds is always non-existent, save for the name. Is it just to make it seem like AJC has a lot of different CCA choices? The members of bowling do have pride you know. We are OK with losing, but not OK with getting thrashed. By setting up this CCA and not allowing it to flourish it's like trapping the members of the CCA in this 'Ha we have bowling members, we make our presence known in the bowling arena, end of story' trap. I get this feeling that AJC just wants a foot in everything, whether or not students benefit from it. In this case, yes, AJC's presence in the bowling arena is felt. But we're known as a lousy CCA.
I don't really know what to tell people when they ask me for my past CCA.
For the bowling people from AJC who might be reading this: You have to admit that we sucked. Even if you didn't, the most of us did, and what I'm saying is that 'most of us' is representative of 'all of us'. Meaning if 75% of us did badly on our lanes, the 25% won't get much glory for doing well because the 75% defines the view other JCs would have on the 25% of the better players in AJC bowling.
And I can only angst and complain about it and no one really cares anyway.
On a lighter note, the TJ dudes we were playing against were good and friendly.
And..that's about all the good thing in the friendly match.
Fuck. The dude who failed at cybersex yesterday is talking to me again. 'Lol can u talk or trainin mage? Lol u wer gd last night :o'
-- 3/20/2010 12:52:00 AM
Delwin > Zezima
I was bored on Runescape yesterday. These days I get damn bored easily, so I hardly play Runescape anymore--just login at times, maybe AFK train at fleshies, etc. People who don't play won't understand what I just said.But what I just said wasn't the main point--the part about me being damn bored is.
So there was this guy who tried to hit on me. I have this highly-desirable female character on Runescape, and as everyone knows, I'm a highly-desirable female in real life too. So being highly-desirable, he added me and started asking me out on Runescape. And as all bored and highly-desirable females do, I agreed to meet him.
Then I tried baiting him, with stuff like 'I can grant you anything...', 'I'm yours for tonight...', 'Take me..', those should be enough to turn any real (loser) guy on. But he didn't really take the bait. He just kept going like 'Idm'<--I don't mind (for the slow), almost as if expecting me, the desirable female, to admit that I want him in me.
Guys, learn something from this dude. When a girl gets lusty enough to tell you 'I want you in me', you can be like this asshole and make the girl declare that she wants you even more. This is a way of keeping your cool, and it could make the girl slightly impressed. But...
the irritating part came when he just kept going 'Idm..', 'Idm...'. It's fucked up because it became me being the proactive one. It's weird because the guy should take charge every once in a while but he just lies down there enjoying. Don't learn from this, it's a turn off. You want to show that you have certain opinions of your own, and not just go like 'I don't mind'.
The worst part was when I talked to him 'So what do you want to do to me now...?', and after a pregnant pause, he replied 'Sorry was afk'<--afk = away from keyboard. WTF? YOU ARE HAVING CYBER SEX AND HALFWAY THROUGH YOU LEAVE?!
That was the ultimate insult..
So I left.
He wanted me to be his permanent girlfriend, and claimed to have had 10 girlfriend per day on Runescape. I checked his stats, his stats suck. In Runescape, there's a Highscore section for the no-lifers, and he only had one stat on the highscore. I have 24.<--no-lifer.
And he's a level 4, I'm a level 125.
And he claimed to have had a level 126+10 girlfriend. Big wow.
Seriously, kids and noobs these days tend to think too highly of themselves. It's infuriating how much ego they have. It's fucked up if you think about it, so don't. They just go around thinking that they own the place, they should have a right to their own opinion when in the past kids get electrocuted for insisting on something. Kids need to be beaten to learn. Or electrocuted, whichever wires them to becoming a better person.
Talking about the Runescape Highscores reminds me of Zezima. He is a Runescape player(duh), and here's the definition of him on urbandictionary.com:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zezima
He is quite a legend. Somehow even though he's not the best player anymore, he's like wow. But my friend managed to defeat one of his stats, and here is proof:
Yep, I guess that's about it for today.
-- 3/19/2010 10:25:00 AM
Just another chopstick?
Everything that a human does to assert control is an action done to cover up for a certain aspect he is lacking in. Think about all those people who self-mutilate. They are proving a point that they have control over their own bodies by mutilating it. This can be considered a form of self-assertion, and that makes them feel better and they can officially say that they do have control over a certain aspect of their lives.Then think about those people who wish to control other peoples' lives. All control freaks are trying to assert their control over something, just because they can. It's never about the betterment of society or something equally noble--there's something primal about dominating. And why would they want to dominate if they are wholesome humans with wholesome souls?
Everyone's show of strength is an indication of insecurity. Like, during every countries' national day parade, they parade their military might for the world to see as a form of deterrence, to scare off people that might be stronger than them. Why else would Singapore bother so much about NDP?
And if you're up-to-date with the news you can see the Bangkok situation in which protesters are donating blood just to spill it all over the governmental buildings. It's quite a novel idea, I was quite taken aback by the pure novelty of it, but isn't it just saying that:
Hey I don't have the balls to kill myself so I'm going to throw a bit of blood as a symbolic gesture so that you people would know that I am serious when I'm actually quite reluctant to give up my life for this cause.
I'm not trying to demean the protesters, but I'm pretty sure most of the demonstrators are not going to give up their lives for an ideal government. Frankly speaking, I wouldn't. But that's me, and I'm quite apathetic about politics.
Moving on from that, you can look at rapists. They normally have something lacking in their lives, like social confidence, or perhaps suffer from trauma by a slutty ex-girlfriend, or something along those lines. Then they exact their revenge on other females just because they can, and want to show that they can.
I'm pretty sure that I've proven my point about a display of strength as an indication of weakness.
Everyone would have seen couples before. Couples making out, couples having sex, couples having sex on trains/buses/taxis, couples roaming around holding hands muttering sweet-nothings into each others' ears, males coaxing their female partners into bed, etc. Why are they coupling? I think it's just to feel better about themselves, to assuage the loneliness they feel from being just a part of society, a cold, unfeeling, emotionless machine. Your special friend is just a buffer from what you're trying to hide--yourself. You only want to escape from a certain unfeeling factor in your life, and perhaps get what you're missing in your life from your partner. That's why they always say mushy stuff like 'missing piece'. It's because you're imperfect alone that's why you need someone else to complete the whole of you.
-points at Alastair and says 'sour grapes'-
But I feel that that's true. And everyone isn't perfect. Except me (;
Everyone should have met a gang before. Like, those you see off the streets always picking a fight with anyone that they don't find pleasing to their eyes. Why do they band together? And why do they pick fights with individuals most of the time, and not other gangs?
Most people would have heard about the 'unity is strength' philosophy. Like, 'one chopstick alone can be broken, but many chopsticks banded together would be hard to break', etc. Just because it's hard to break so many things together doesn't change the fact that the thing itself is weak. Gangs, formidable though they look, simply reflects the fact that the members, as individuals, are weak.
Unity is strength, that is irrefutable. But do you really want to be known as a weak person? Just another chopstick? A disposable cog in the grand machine of what is called 'society'?
If Superman is Superman he wouldn't need Justice League.
-- 3/18/2010 12:46:00 AM
I want school. At least I get to eat.
I was suddenly reminded of a chain mail sent to me a few years back. I have a very random mind and it just flitted in and I finally managed to get its otherwise unintended message.It was about the differences between Heaven and Hell, or something along those lines.
So in hell, there's this room full of malnourished prisoners. There is an abundance of soup in the middle of the room, and the prisoners are all chained and unable to reach the soup. Everyone in the room is given a long spoon, long enough to reach the soup but too long to feed themselves.
So they are all malnourished as they can't eat the food themselves.
In heaven, the same situation is in place. But all the prisoners are well-fed, and you're left to wonder why is there such a huge difference.
Then at the end of the email they reveal the answer to your unasked question: the prisoners in heaven feed each other using the long spoons, so they are well-fat.
But doesn't it just mean that people in heaven are scary? They are feeding you just so that you can feed them, and not because they want you to survive. They are using you just to save themselves, even if they don't like you and would love seeing you starve. I find it scary that people in a supposedly better situation normally reflects their ability to adapt and mask themselves so that they can reach their true intention--to survive.
People in hell are so much more direct. They don't like you, they don't feed you, they suffer but at least their 'values' are not compromised. They don't bend their rules just to get you to help them, they don't expressing their hate even though they suffer for it.
Do we really want to live in a place where everyone's intentions are unknown?
At least in hell you know. You know the extent of their malice and you know how to guard against them, but in a society where everyone masks themselves for an unseen agenda(unseen by you), how are you supposed to defend yourself? The person feeding you might poison you anytime.
Went to school just now, and I finally realized what does school holiday mean for AJC: A break for the canteen stallholders/vendors/shopkeeper/aunties/uncles/whatever-you-call-them.
Seriously, break for the students? Naw, AJC is far too noble to give us a break. I must put you readers into my perspective first though, and I'm trying to not look at this whole shit as a pack of lies. I'm not exaggerating things, and I'm not going to flame the school, but....
here's a comparison between an Average day in Average JC, and school holidays:
Average day: 2hours of tutorial/lecture, 1hour break, 2hours tutorial/lecture, 1hour break, 2hours of tutorial/lecture.
Today(school holiday): 2 hours of lecture, 30mins break, 2hours of lecture, 30mins break, and another 1.5hours of tutorial.
And by the way, the breaks were pointless. There's nowhere we can buy food except from outside, and if we were to travel out for food 30mins is hardly enough.
I was rendered speechless by the timetable, and out of the 4hour lectures I'm pretty sure I slept at least 1hour away. I blame it on the lack of food.
Seriously though, I get released at around 3 everyday. Yea I know that sounds kinda early but I was released at 3 today so it just didn't seem like school holidays for me. C'mon it's just one fucking week, 5 days of the curriculum. =.=
I would rather do without this 'March holidays'. I am serious, and am not saying this out of spite. I would rather have a normal school week and do without this holidays altogether. At least I get to eat.
The only difference between school, and non-school, is that when there's school there's PE. And in holidays there's no PE. That's the only benefits of holidays.
I sound like such a whiny wuss, but I'm serious about the take-away-holidays part. It's either you give and give it well, or not at all. Such a half-arsed approach only shows how pretentious the school/every school is, and as exemplified by the values my chain mail example showed, YOU CAN'T SPELL SCHOOL WITHOUT 'MALICE'(although I just did).
Yea.
-- 3/15/2010 08:08:00 PM
And that pillar you leaned on.
I hate Singapore. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite patriotic(I always hum Kit Chan's 'Home' when I'm wearing clothes after my shower, don't ask me why). But that's not the point. I don't like Singapore's small size and transport system and roads.Yea, sure, they are all quite well-developed and stuff, but there's hardly more than 2 ways for you to get from one place to another.
Which means that you'd be like taking the same bus home every single day.
That's normal, perfectly normal as everyone already knows, until you graduate from school or something. Like, when I graduated from Cat High I actually felt something for the bus services 156 and 88. I feel detached from reality when I see those heaps of metal with heaps of flesh within it drive past me, almost as if it's a 'I should be on those buses' kind of thing. It's quite retarded, really, and it's pointless feeling so much for, of all things, bus services. This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands and don't feel like wanking--you do weird stuff.
So anyway, that's still not really the point yet.
I was on my way home yesterday(I seem to be always on my way home. Duh. Where else but home? Guess that sexplains my tendencies to hum that song =\) when I realized that I'm taking 88 from Pasir Ris. Horror of horrors. The last time I was on that accursed bus service was after NCC chalet I think. Either way, it's the bus service you take after chalets, because it drives past Pasir Ris, Sengkang, Hougang, AMK, Bishan, and that about covers everyone who bothers to attend. And then we'd be on the bus making noise, ridiculing people blasting their songs 'No money buy earphone', etc etc. Then I'd laugh at the rest who have to alight much later, meaning I get to go home, shower, and sleep before the rest of the world does. And LS would be the happiest since he lives in Pasir Ris and he'd laugh at us all.
And so much more memories, from just a bus service.
That's why I can't stand Singapore for its small size and limited choice of transport, because every bus service reminds me of something that happened or something that might have, when everything reminds you of your childhood and what made you who you are.
It's kinda sad but you still want to remain living in where you are, because
1) you don't want to move house. Moving is painful because you'd be practically leaving behind everything that you lived in--the 4 walls, your neighbourhood, your neighbours, the toilet you wanked in, your toilet bowl which eats your seed, etc.
2) it's pointless, because as time goes by you'd have exhausted all the possible ways you can go home with on the public transport. It's impossible for a human to not be attached to anything that surrounds them or accompanies them, be it a wonderful friend or a perpetually-belching classmate you dislike. It'd be tiring to keep moving on and moving on and it's definitely not in the nature of humans to do so, because humans like to stagnate.
So I guess I'd have to suck on it and carry on living in Sengkang despite the constant painful reminders of the past. It's not the past that's painful, but the juxtaposition of the past with the present that makes you feel like you shouldn't have grown up, but you can't admit that because you're supposed to be mature and willing to grow up, to accept the changing of times, to just bear with it because life is about tolerating everything Life throws at you. To be honest, I just find the lack of memorable events in JC that's regretful, because JC life is too short and rushed to be enjoyed slowly. It could be meaningful, it could be fun, but the curriculum and academically-oriented school would have none of that. Fun is not in the dictionary of students nor teachers.
To be honest I didn't start off with the intention of bashing JC life at all. It's just that..I kinda miss the past. That's all. Everything that was part of me is now..lost? It's pointless being reminded of all these stupid things, and that pillar you leaned on.
-- 3/14/2010 11:26:00 PM
Birthdays.
I'd like to attribute all the series of unfortunate events today to 'bad hair day' but I realized that I don't have much of 'hair' to talk about. I can't really attribute my bad luck to something that I don't even think exists, right?It's not just you, but you and you and you and you and you and you and you and them. I don't really know what I'm talking about but I just kinda realized that I have 2 main points today:
1) Facebook.
I've recently taken to changing my birthday every week. Like, today is March 10, and my birthday is March 10. I'm going to update my birthday to read as March 17 or something similar soon enough.
And I hope everyone starts spamming my Facebook wall all over again.
It's weird because people you hardly talk to in real life, or on MSN, or whom you don't even have on MSN start sending birthday greetings.
It's weird because they never bothered to find out whether it's really the case or not. I mean, normally if I see someone's birthday coming I'd just drop him a message on MSN, and if he responds then good enough, I don't have to post on his wall and make my presence known. I'd rather wish someone on MSN than through just Facebook, you can see how boring it can get when you're scrawling on someone else's wall and wait for a reply. It's like writing emails, except shorter ones, and you send and wait, except that you're not waiting for a reply, you're waiting for that person to dao you.
You just want to wish the recipient a happy birthday, then move on in life, feel better about yourself like 'I wished my ex-friend happy birthday', and this emotional masturbation keeps you glowing for the rest of the day. It's all fake, but it works. As long as it makes you feel better about yourself, you're not making a loss--so why not just post the damned message?
Sincerity comes in many forms, and Facebook wall posts does not count as one of it.
Though, honestly speaking, I am quite shocked by the amount of people writing on my wall. It's weird but it was flattering. But thinking about the points mentioned above is a major turn off--perhaps they do that for everyone.
And I do that too =\
We're all humans in need of tender loving care by other humans be it male or female or both.
The second point isn't really a point and it isn't directed to anyone I've ever met in real life.
It is understandable how humans have always been able to protect themselves whenever possible. But sometimes I try to guide you into the topic but you're simply inert. And then you blame it on me and claim that I'm not letting you know enough. You don't even ask, where do I begin?
-- 3/10/2010 10:42:00 PM
Just as well.
There's this member's feature on Runescape that informs you of your play time.Till date, I've played around 300days of Runescape. That means 300*24hours = 7200hours.
And counting.
If I had used 1/10th of this portion of life spent on Runescape on other fields in Life, I might have:
1) become the next chess champion of Singapore
2) gotten scholarships
3) invented 103 different kinds of light bulbs
4) impressed teachers with my brilliance instead of sleeping in school due to lack of sleep
5) become some musically-inclined person
6) become some artsey-fartsey guy
7) passed maths instead of failing it by 6/100.
8) achieved all the aforementioned stuff instead of thinking that I might have been able to achieve them.
But I play on anyway, because I don't want to be reminded of the fact that I don't have any of those aforementioned qualities, because I want to think that I could've achieved those, because I know that I haven't tried and thus my potential hasn't been realized/activated at all. This is a rather uncomfortable, but still present, boost to my otherwise battered ego(battered due to a certain Jermaine), and this masturbation for my ego kinda really keeps me sane.
It's quite sad at times how I don't want to work, not because I'm lazy but because I'm scared of failing, because I want to get away thinking that I didn't put in at all so I'm good enough as it is, a force to be reckoned with because I haven't been touched at all, etc.
Years down the road I'd look back and realize that perhaps I should have at least tried to right a few wrongs in my life instead of sweeping them under the carpet(though I don't actually have one at home but it's a figure of speech) and carrying on leading a fruitful but ultimately pointless virtual life.
Games should be played for the fun of it and not because you want to escape from something. But human nature dictates human to use it for its otherwise unintended purpose, and it fits the bill perfectly. Just as well.
However, a virtual life isn't as pointless as it seems. I've learnt how to mindrape people(kinda), and how to interrogate/get things out of people.
It's all about confidence, and if you sound more confident about your friend than your friend is about himself, your friend would be forced to take a step back and reassess his life.
When he does that he's vulnerable. You've learnt from empirical observations that people are normally interested in asking others 'Um do you find me a nice person?', 'What do you find nice about me?', 'How should I improve myself?', etc. That's a very malleable state for a human to be in, and as the mind-rapist it is your job to configure your prey to how you want him to be.
So, let's say that there's a certain moral issue involved, like, sex with a hot girl your friend met off the streets. It could go something like:
You: You sure this is your final answer?
Victim: Yea.
You: Think about it, is 1 + 1 really 2? Would we really be asking such a simple question?
Victim: It's kinda unbelievable but logically speaking I can't think of any other questions.
You: There are many variations to how you put 1 + 1, so what makes you think it's 2?
Victim: It was the first thing that came to mind.
You: The first thing that comes to mind doesn't mean that it's the correct answer, that's why teachers tell you to double-check your answers.
Victim: Yea, but so? If not 11 meh?
You: I'm not saying that it's 11 or 2, but think about it really. Good luck.
That's already throwing your victim into a state of confusion, because you know the answer and he doesn't. K it's kinda crappy but as long as your foe is easily shaken and your acting skills don't suck, it makes for a good entertaining moment for 2.
And when your victim gets tired of such mind games he'd give up and probably tell you what you want to know, such as
1) who he likes
2) his financial status
3) virginal status
4) credit card pin
You can get rich this way.
Which reminds me of a friend who managed to scam money off horny adults by acting as a teenage girl willing to give blowjobs for PIN numbers.
He went about it in a very cool manner, like , or 'It's ok if you don't trust me, we'd just end this conversation here and I can move on to my queue of more business-worthy people', or something like 'It's your loss, you know you want a teenage mouth wrapped around your hotrod'.
Making assumptions and acting like you know it's right helps alot, it's unnerving to see a person trying to read your thoughts, and it makes you think whether you subconsciously want the blowjob or not.
Yea.
G'night.
-- 3/04/2010 10:55:00 PM