Loneliness is a lie.
I was waiting at Northpoint yesterday for KS and L when I saw those commercials/advertisements plastered all over the place persuading people to come back more shouting:BE YOURSELF AT NORTHPOINT.
If at anytime someone tells you to be yourself, that someone is basically saying that the you as you are before his intrusion/comment wasn't yourself, and that you should revert to the you as you were after he rightfully(?) pointed out that you are not you.
But how would he know that you are not you when he isn't you? And if you were to listen to him and revert(?) to the you as you were before you changed(?), you'd probably change to a you as he felt you are/wishes for:
You used to be horny last time. What happened? C'mon, be yourself!
and in the case of commercials:
It's normal to spend money after getting your pay. Head down to X shopping centre and BE YOURSELF!
Note the use of exclamation marks, they are always useful in making the conversation appear more hyped up, sexcited, high, and everything positive, almost as if it's normal to do it and abnormal to not do it, thus scamming people to waste more money at the shopping mall in question.
I guess that about sums up the paradox in the statement of telling someone to 'be yourself'.
And as I was waiting for them, I thought about the feeling that everyone feels at times: Loneliness.
Note that I was 'thinking' and not 'feeling' it.
Why the sudden mention of that feeling?
Because loneliness and associated emotions, are all lies.
Let's revisit the definition of loneliness. From all the dictionary definitions, it means that the person suffering 'loneliness' is feeling lonely because he has nobody with him, or nobody who is willing to sympathize with him, or nobody that he can relate to.
From dictionary.com:
lone·ly [lohn-lee] Show IPA
–adjective,-li·er, -li·est.
1.
affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2.
destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3.
lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4.
remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5.
standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.
They all revolve around the same thing--being alone, not having others share the same feelings as you, unable to relate to others. Which leads to my conclusion:
What you're feeling is never loneliness. It's a statement that you chose to stand apart from others. It's a snobbish act of saying 'I cannot relate to you'.
We've all tried to console someone in our lives before. Our sympathy/empathy for that someone would be apparent from the amount of time we're willing to devote to them to make them feel better. In short, we're always trying to relate to them, make them feel that someone else has 'been there done that', that what the consoled person is feeling is shared by you. You want the consoled person(your victim) to feel that you're quite like them, and so the consoled person would feel the warm fuzzy feeling normally associated with 'love', and go like 'awwww so sweet, someone knows me so intimately now time to give him a blowjob' or some related sentiment.
So if someone with friends feels lonely, he's saying that his friends can't relate to him, and that if they did try, their efforts were for naught.
Thus my statement that such people are snobbish.
But why would such people want to nullify the efforts of similar red-blooded humans? Is it because loneliness is a way to feel good about himself? I mean, it's deemed as 'cool' to be lonely, because being lonely means being in an isolated, emotionally detached state, and that's 'cool' because hardly anyone is in that state..
..or so they think.
Feeling lonely is simply telling of one's passiveness to try to reciprocate the act of relating.
Thus my conviction that loneliness is a lie.
Loneliness is simply an extension of laziness.
Lonely people never try hard enough to be understood. Or perhaps it's cowardice. Or perhaps they just want to feel special.
And because they aren't understood, they think that they are 'lonely', because they are unaccompanied by their friends in a certain state of thought/emotions.
Back to why I went to Northpoint on a Saturday night.
Everyone who've listened to choir performances would know that choirs normally spend their time singing weird songs in languages which normal Singaporeans can't understand. Weird language would be like Italian, German, American, etc. OK you get the drift.
They hardly sing English, and why is that? Is it because they're afraid of forgetting the lyrics and that the average Singaporean could be able to pick on their mistakes? Is that why they don't sing English?
So I was very turned on by the fact that YJC's choir was choir-ing with English yesternight. I mean...yea. It was just intense because I've never heard a choir performance in English before. But it sounded weird because you know the words and how they are supposed to be pronounced, but singing it in a choir would mean pronouncing the words in a slightly different way from everyday speech. That's probably why choirs don't normally speak English, it's just...weird and less mysterious and appears less classy.
But at least it's more honest.
I've always wondered why schools have their orientation camps based on Greek mythologies, legends from the past, constellations, Latin-random-stuff, et cetera. It's all so fanciful and mysterious and interesting, but all so distant, remote. Sure, you want to appear sophisticated, but beyond the realm of normal consciousness? I find that a bit screwed, and too forced.
What happened to the 'houses' of late, named after colours or Singapore islands or founding fathers of the school itself? Why the perseverance in sucking up to random shit that you can never relate to unless you're a _______ ?
(blank filled with: Greek, Latin, German, Italian, blah blah blah)
Why not choose something that everyone can relate to in which no explanation is required?
On the MRT to Serangoon, I was thinking of 'anger'. It's normally a trump card against invading people, it's a form of deterrence too. For example, if I'm bargaining at the market for cheaper prices, and after awhile of bargaining I express my anger/frustration: 'AIYA don't want buy already, I'm off', and if the shop owner is hard-pressed for sales he'd lower his price for you.
But if you keep expressing this anger, people get used to it. They don't know what's the maximum price you're willing to pay, and because they don't understand you they'd give up on you. And then you have no one to buy your meat from.
Anger, and the expression of that, shows the extent of your comfort zone. It demarcates the borders between what 'can be done' unto him, and what 'can't be done'. It's a game of brinkmanship if both parties start exploding with anger trying to make another back down.
Spam it and you become like North Korea--people don't know what you want, and people won't go near you if they have a choice.
Anyway, at the end of the day when the concert ended, I went to Serangoon to wait for WK. Then I bought cup noodles, he treated me to soya milk, and we camped at the lobby waiting for a star to appear.
Sitting on the steps eating cup noodles and dressing casually just seems so..paikia-ish. People going home at 12AM-2AM were like staring at us, but we were bored enough to carry on camping.
We observed a dude going up with a female, staying for around 30minutes, before coming back down to the lobby. With a white umbrella which he wasn't holding previously, and with an air of someone who had just completed yet another conquest(self-importance).
And we both agreed on the fact that if I knew how to whistle,
I'd probably have been parang-ed many times over for whistling at the most inopportune moments(at girls who're already attached).
-- 4/25/2010 03:16:00 AM
Driving ethics(or lack thereof)
This is for all the misunderstood males.It's not rare to watch on TV some heroic, chivalric acts of courage by males when they swerve their cars to the left(when the driver seat is to the right of the car) just to keep the passengers on the left safe.
(By default, all rational drivers would swerve to their right. Think with that assumption in mind.)
Here's a picture to illustrate what I mean, in case my words aren't precise enough and besides a picture paints a thousand words:
The male is supposed to swerve to the right in case of emergencies, because that way the male would be placed in more danger as compared to the delectable pussy on the male's left. Drivers swerve reflexively to their right because that way they'd be further away from whatever it about to knock into them, thus sacrificing the passenger seat on their left instead of the driver's seat and the driver. But for the heroic, chivalric drivers, they are supposed to protect their females, so they're supposed to act against their instincts/reflexes by swerving to their left, thus sacrificing the driver's seat+driver instead of passenger's seat+pussy.
Here's what's supposed to happen:
But the above scenario should only happens when the male is drunk, or in a state of arousal(thus the oversight of one bloody pillar). What if it's a lonely drunk male driving a car chionging towards him and the female he desires to mate with? Here's what's going to happen:
Now consider the case of a rational male with a woman in his car, who is about to get into a car crash with a lonely drunk male:
The most probable result is a bruised bumper, slight concussions and no deaths because the end result is just a graze.
That's why humans all agree that being noble is stupid--you end up sacrificing more lives just to prove that you're a dick--and you end up killing the lonely drunk male in the process.
Of course, there's this scenario in which both males could have a female on their left, but what are the chances of both men being chivalric?
Note that I've always been writing in a male perspective. This is because females are expected to save their own asses in such a scenario by swerving to their right. It is much more damaging to the male's ego should they be saved by the death of their female driver.
Females, if the male in question places your life in danger, it's a good chance that he's thinking of everyone's life on board, and not just trying to show off that he's not an asshole. Sometimes, being an asshole saves everyone. Why not save everyone instead of appearing chivalric in death? What's the point?
Moral of the story: Do not gauge a man's selflessness by his driving reflexes.
-- 4/18/2010 02:40:00 AM
Scratches as proof.
I just realized that I often start off my posts with 'So I was on the bus', so I decided to start off with 'I just realized that I often start off my posts with 'So I was on the bus', so I decided to start off with'.So I was on the bus 2 days back when I saw a couple on the bus. Normally people sit their full seat if they manage to get one because they paid for their transport, but the guy was crushing the girl's petite frame(we can postulate their normal sex positions from this). Then there was this scene in which his hand seemed to be roaming around/on/in her nether regions. Being a voyeur I managed to pay attention to them despite the songs in my head(yes I'm finally back to listening to songs) and I tried to sit straighter so that I'd have a better angle to look down into what they were doing.
But my attempt and it left everything to imagination. His left shoulder was overlapping her right shoulder, and his elbow seemed to be very near her right boob. Then suddenly, his right hand reached out to her and grabbed at something, to which she giggled. Then I saw..
..a handphone on the dude's right hand.
Then I realized that taking things at face value is really too superficial. No one likes being labelled because they 'appear' to be part of that label, and for all I know the couple probably haven't had any form of sexual contact, but it's the way they were acting in public/pubic areas that made normal humans think that way.
I am normal.
I was also thinking about how names of countries were derived. Why is America named America? Why is China named China? Why is Asia named Asia?
I think it's probably just random names thought up by random people. Why would 'Zhong Guo' suddenly become 'China'? Does the name China sound imposing? All-encompassing? Awe-inspiring? I don't think so, but why did the name 'China' come about then? Is it a random English name given by the English people which the Chinese at that time couldn't be bothered to get rid of? Isn't it weird that when we have no power when we are named, much like how Philippines was named simply after a king.
(By the way, that particular king supposedly suffers from syphilis. I read about it in those 'Quote of the week' in Straits times, about how a politician wants to change the name of the country.)
What defines our names then? What people call us, what our parents call ourselves, or what we call ourselves? But what's in a name? Does a name provide some sort of protection, like if a person is called Handsome does he have to be handsome, or if a person is called King, would he have a majestic aura to protect him?
By the way, those names do exist, some humans are really called 'Handsome'/'King'.
I think perhaps an NRIC number would serve as a better name than most. At least no one would bother with another persons' name, nor bother with the meaning behind the name and by extension whether there's anything in their name worth living up for.
Which reminds me--doesn't that make names much like NRIC numbers? They are given to you and you can't change it, and even if you do it's already on your birth certificate and that can't be changed. It's like some legally binding thing, irrefutable whether you like it or not.
At least then people won't be self-obsessed with names like I am. Really, why is Asia Asia? Why is Japan Japan, and not Nippon? Can they make up their minds which name they'd rather be called? Wtf man.
As names and behaviours shape our identity, so do our faces. It was an eventful Monday, with the couple on the bus while I was thinking about names, and an eventful evening as I watched the movie 'Face off'.
For the ignorant, the plot revolves around 2 men, one a cop and one a villain. The cop took the villain's face, who was in an unconscious state, to gain info, but the plan backfired and the villain took over the cop's face and assumed the cop's identity.
What can one do to prove one's identity if one's identity is based purely on how he looks? Let's say I had a nasty experience with acid and destroyed my face and looked completely different and my voice changed coz I..drank the acid(?). What can I do to prove that I'm Zoey then? I can't. But I am. And there's a need for everyone to know that I am because my identity is important, I need it back to carry on with my life--how else am I going to go home if my parents think I'm not Zoey?
OK that's kinda off-topic and impossible to happen in real life, because if you get injured you get sent to the hospital. But I'm trying to be imaginative here, like if someone exchanged EZ-link cards with you and ran away to...loan money from loan sharks before running away. Too bad for you then.
Talking about behaviour reminds me of my sudden desire to submit to societal norms. The enemy was at the gates on Wednesday evening and I went to shit in Northpoint toilets. Reminds me of all the hankypanky I've ever done there, but that's not the main point.
I was taught at a young age that fecal matter is actually a sign of good fortune, because you generally have to be well fed to even be able to shit a lot. And being well-fed is definitely good fortune. There was this once I went to my uncle's house for a stay over because I was that bored. OK I can't really recall why we did that but it's probably because we were young and...bored. Then I had an enemy-at-the-gates moment and I went to shit. And I wondered how that big pile of poop managed to escape from my small anus. It was weird but it happened and it was quite a smooth transition some more. This could prove that shit can actually be compressed--ha sucker scientists, take that!<--here's another matter that's neither liquid nor solid!
But yea, when I went home and told my mum that she told me 'aiyo no wonder they so rich coz you shit in their house'. Or something along those lines. From then on I made a vow to shit at home as much as I can because that'd be accumulating good fortune for my family and I want my family to prosper and live healthy, wealthy, and wise.
I'm not sure how much that worked out because as you can see I failed my NAPFA.
But the idea is there.
Oh I'm sidetracking. So I took a dump at the toilet, and I was thinking of actually taking a picture of how much fortune I've deposited at the shopping centre, but I failed to because there was already a piece of toilet paper covering what could've been deposited at home. And when I stood up, the automated toilet flush..automated. It was terrible watching all the good fortune flushed down the sewers just like that, but I guess that's life and I'd just have to suck on it.
I don't think I'd have posted a picture of my shit on my blog anyway, it'd have been too disgusting...maybe not.
You probably have already forgotten why I started writing about fortune cookies and..cookies in general, but I haven't gotten to the point about my sudden desire to conform to societal normas. So after taking a dump and boosting the economy in Northpoint, I had this sudden itch. My inner thighs were on fire and I had to put them out with my fire but I couldn't because we were in the foodcourt and it's unhealthy to do something that obscene in a sacred place for consumption of food. I tried my best to tame my itch with pure willpower, but since I'm lacking in that I'm not sure how well that worked out.
It was a horrible experience. I was glad to be home, just to put out my fire(s).
Inappropriate itches, seriously.
And on the bus the itch got so bad I didn't know how to fall asleep. I fell asleep anyway but it wasted precious minutes of nap-time because I was contemplating scratching and whether humans were looking or not.
What happened to me =\ why do I care? A sudden collapse of my unnaturally thick hide? I hope I get my balls back soon. It's undergoing maintenance now.
-- 4/13/2010 12:27:00 AM
I don't want to lose my corporeal form.
I had an afternoon nap after an eventful lunch.And I had a nightmare, which wasn't so much of a night as it was a day. But daymare sounds comical. I've always had problems with people blogging about their dreams too, unless it's a wet dream.
It almost was for this day-mare.
I was with my family and somehow there's this random girl who joined us and we got touchy for some unknown reason, probably because I was that charming.
Then we decided to go to some hotel, and my father was leading the way, and somehow the road to the hotel proved to be a long and arduous one because..
..we had to climb 3-storey ladders and crawl through pipes and so on. It was absurd but I didn't think too much about it in the dream because I've had similar dreams before which consisted of me making my way through labyrinths. A true reflection of life indeed.
So we were about to get to the hotel when I fell from the ladder we were climbing. It was similar to the ladder we had to climb in L4D2 at the safehouse in the last campaign, except longer. The colour and setting were similar.
But that's not the point. After falling, I got up and looked around, and shouted to tell my father and the would-be-laid girl that I'm OK, I'm still up for it, and I'm going to re-attempt the ladder.
Except that they couldn't hear me and climbed down the ladder to check on my body. Then I realized I died =.=
Wao. Dying in a dream, how epic. So I tried to reconnect to my body, hoping that it was just like a normal disconnection from Runescape--reconnectable, but it didn't work, and the paramedics arrived declared me dead and I was to be transported to the..
...airport. Yes, how random. And I was following my family members and my body around and I screamed my lungs out, trying to get to them, (because) they're my only ones, but it didn't work. The desperation was much like my previous nightmare which occurred at night, but worse because this time I knew I was dead, I could see my body. It was terrible. But it was a dream. I hope it remains that way.
Then I realized that they can't hear me, duh, so I started shouting random songs hoping for them to hear, and they thought it was a random ghost and not me, and they even attributed it to a lousy radio or something, indicative of how well my vocals are(when I'm dead).
Then after awhile we got to the airport, and then somehow 2 humans in the contingent could sense the presence of an invisible person and started hurling rocks at me.
Then I woke up.
What's the moral of the story?
Never agree to go to the hotel with random people you don't know.
I should become a monk or something related.
I hate that feeling of desperation. This is another reason for me to want to live--I don't want to die, I don't want to lose my corporeal form.
-- 4/11/2010 09:33:00 PM
Pixellated peer pressure.
I always found online diaries to be weird stuff. You expose your life and you hope for someone to respond to a pixellized version of your life.I cannot understand those who pour their lives out(secrets, problems, etc) because they are asking their readers to probe them for such issues. I see that the motives of such blogs to be similar to self-mutilation, because in self-mutilation, one cuts him/herself, exposes the scars to the general public, and grabs the attention of school counselors. People who blog about their misfortunes and plight and unhappy thoughts grab the attention of their friends and they flock to comfort the friend in question.
I can't be bothered with friends who blog about their personal stuff that flippantly. Bloggers always go on and on about how they write out of catharsis, and that their blogs just happens to be a readily available outlet for them to write. So, in short, it's like they HAVE TO WRITE IT OUT. Which is totally acceptable because I write a lot and about myself too, but, if you want to write, write it out fully, laying your story bare. If not, don't hem and haw and say that you've got a huge problem but you're not going to share it with others on a medium that encourages much publicity. I am guilty of this, but shush.
That, or just write it in a personal diary. If you have forgotten, there's always the pen and book for you to rely on. I know of people who keep diaries, and I salute them for their level of maturity and how they find it absolutely unnecessary to post their lives on the line.
I find that people who post their emo-bullshit on their blogs just want people to probe them about it. It's not about solving the problem, but about getting people to be concerned about them. If you want to solve a problem you find a close friend and talk it through. If you want to make it bigger you blog about it and hope for many comments from unsavoury people.
Some blog to get their thoughts sorted out. Some blog to get their emotions sorted out. But blogging about problems just brings everything to a whole new low, because unlike thoughts, you can't agree/disagree with problems, and unlike emotions, you can't empathize with the person.
What are readers left with to feel for or reply to then?
And the worst part comes when said bloggers advertise their blogs and asks their friends to read. If I'm told to read a blog I would, and then I'd probably not refer to it again for some time. That's why I don't go around advertising my blog. It's an additional pressure on my friends, like 'if you want to get to know me, you'd have to read my blog.' That's why I go around repeating jokes said on my blog in real life, because by default I'd think that my friends don't read my blog.
I'd go back to read if I find it interesting, but if it's always about problems I can't be arsed. If help you with a problem, tell your friends about it. They might not be able to solve it, but the solace comes with an outsider trying to help, isn't it?. But if it's on a blog who would be arsed?
You're unhappy? You're suicidal? Your dog just died? Someone wants to rape you?
For me, I don't give a shit until people tell me. I've my own shit to do and it's tiring to ask people about their own shit. I am quite a shit-guzzler but just because I am doesn't mean I go around being proactive about it. And I think most normal humans would be like me--ready to help but won't give a shit until you notify them about it.
So..
..why the fuck are people blogging about problems?
Humans tire me. Endlessly.
Bored at 3.15AM. I decided to search for 'Ain't no mountain high enough', some old song which was used in a movie screened in Cat High so many years back. Anyone still remembers the song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz-UvQYAmbg
-- 4/11/2010 01:53:00 AM
AJI 2010
So concludes the AJ Idol 2010, congratulations to DL, BK, Nai (;So we were booking seats for the women when the councillors started asking us 'where are these people, no booking, get them here in 5 mins, etc'. But it was weird because even though they said it they didn't bother to reinforce it. And so we just ended up staring at our Newsweek (severely outdated) while trying to avoid any form of eye-contact with them.
So we got away with hogging of seats.
Sometimes I wonder why the council is so screwed up. It's true that council is screwed up--look at the number of empty seats during AJI and the lack of any recognizable form of 'order'. People without tickets could get in--what's the point in giving them out in the first place then?
Everyone was seating on steps and some are even relegated to the gallery. Like, wtf? Can they even see what's going on?
I normally pay attention during assembly because that's the time when you're standing, unable to sleep, and bored beyond words so you end up listening to what others have to say, and from what I heard when the new batch of councillors was sworn in, it wasn't promising. They said to the effect of:
The new batch of councillors would be given training as they would be given the chance of running the I & E Day, AJI, etc etc.
(Background information: AJC is normally saturated with events in the first half of the year, and after that it just goes downhill)
Which begs the question--what happens after that then? Like most annual events, annual events occur ONCE A YEAR. Which means that by the time the current batch of J1s are J2s, they'd pass up their chance of running such events to the J1s in the hopes of training them..
..and what's the point of training them in the first place then if their training won't be used anymore?
This idea of passing on the baton is screwed up on so many levels it's no wonder the lack of common sense in the council board is appalling.
This level of retardicity reminds me of my class dynamics. There's only one dude that's not a Chinese, and that dude is an Indian. One thing he told us was that Indian dances are not limited to only those we see in Bollywood. This places much emphasis on the fact that what we know about a certain culture is only limited to what is most publicized about it. We only know about Indian dances from Bollywood.
Likewise, we only know about Japanese people only from their film industry.
And we only know about Koreans from K pop.(reasons for the retardicity stated above found below)
Every weekday, without fail, I'd wake up to a rather disturbing morning with pop songs from Korea being blasted into my ear because I'm always sleeping in the canteen.
Why Korean? Because we're supposedly doing some shit for the Koreans for YOG. That explains a lot.
Similarly, that explains a lot about Koreans and their culture. I really feel that my knowledge on Korean food and dining etiquettes have been enhanced by random boy/girl bands prowling around and singing songs in a language I can't understand through television sets.
But then again there's no other way for anyone to relate to Koreans because who the fuck gives a shit about another culture? What's mass publicized is what's easiest to publicize. It only makes perfect sense to use Korean pop songs I guess.
But it's just disturbing.
And talking about AJ just reminded me of something else--civics electives.
There's this new shit that we're supposed to do. We're supposed to sign up for courses at 10PM yesterday, which is the AJI night. It's at a first-come-first-serve basis, so if you've got a fast computer and you're at home you can get a course of your choice.
As Singaporeans would have it, the choice courses were all snapped up at 10.20PM, while I was still lounging around having dinner.
The best part about the dinner was that we could SMS our friend's mother who was in front of the computer to help us sign up, so we don't have to be physically at home to sign up ourselves, but as luck would have it...
...I forgot my password. Life's a bitch. So yep, I ended up having to choose a course which I have entirely no interest in, and the course description goes something like this:
Learning Outcomes: Students will learn how to have the mindset of a successful person.
Details: This module explores the attitudes behind a successful person. The 7-X factors:1. I can Overcome! 2. I can be Special! 3. I can Win! 4. I can be Strong! 5. I can do Great Things! 6. I can Dream! 7. I can be Happy!
almost as if to say that I can't have done all these without the help of a 5 hours course, and almost as if to say that I'd become suddenly enlightened with a 5 hour course and become a successful person.
Note the ambiguity of the course: 'mindset', 'a successful person'. It did not state that people who attends the course would become successful, but merely have a 'mindset' of 'a'<--singular, person.
Which means that there could be many other types of mindsets to be successful, but they are only choosing what they view as 'best' for the target audience--ignorant people such as myself. It may not work and they're not confident about it working out at all--as is the nature of all such workshops which aspires to transform a person's life with a mere 5 hour long course.
The course description is such a joke. The only reason why I'm choosing this voluntarily is because it's held in a lecture theatre, which means that there's a chance for me to sleep.
See, that's another retarded thing about AJC--they force people to go home earlier to do something very retarded--get a course as it's on a first come first serve basis. We're enjoying AJI, and AJI ended only at like what, 9 plus? Not everybody lives beside the school. The lack of stimulus for students to build a sense of belonging to the school is disappointing. I kinda enjoyed the event although CHMA was on a scale much bigger than this(the tickets do cost something), it was still fun anyway (;
I am getting really sleepy.
-- 4/10/2010 02:08:00 AM
Too young to tyre.
I've always wondered why hearts wouldn't stop beating. Isn't it tiring to keep beating? I've always had a low stamina for things, and I've wondered why throughout the course of my 17 years on Earth does it not cease to beat. It has been beating for that amount of years and isn't it tiring to keep this repetitive cycle up?No this does not mean I'm suicidal. I just...don't really understand teenagers. We're supposed to be youthful, we've only seen 19(max, coz 'teens') years of Life, we can't say that we've seen life, or the world in general. I feel flattered when people tell me that my way of viewing the world is unique, but to be honest I haven't seen much and have seen things I'd rather not see.
Aren't teenagers always trying to put themselves on par with adults? For example, when we were all still kids, we used to go like 'let's hide from the adults'<--my cousin used to play that with me. We used to go like 'don't talk to adults they can't understand kids'.
Then in the rebellious stage we go like 'Fuck adults I can take care of myself(despite not having any financial means), they don't even bother trying to understand how much hardship I'm going through(even though I've only lived for 15 years), so I'm leaving home.'
Then after that stage we'd think that we're on par with adults, because we're only a few years away from adulthood. So we start trying to act like them, and trying to think like them, and trying to act like we've done/seen the things they have done/seen. We start organizing committees, start running elections and campaigns, start doing weirdass stuff almost as if we're trying to run a country, run all those UN models, etc. We start QUESTIONING why adults do stuff in a certain way, and we try to consider all these in a deeper perspective, but we always fail because adults are on an entirely different spectrum. We cannot compare. We always take into consideration the visual impacts, like in the Sri Lanka war, many teenagers thought that 'omg war is so cruel, this is pointless, this is no victory'. We don't know the workings of the world yet. We hold onto age-old qualities, like 'war is bad, period.' 'Violence can never be justified.'
That's why song-writers of the supposedly more profound songs are never teenagers. They've seen enough to write about it.
Teenagers normally try to emulate adults as I've already said. And their perception on adults can only be moulded from what they know about adults, and they learn about adults from the media. That's why young girls are all dying to get their 'perfect' body, while guys are dying for a bigger penis.
What's on reel isn't real. But most humans fail to realize that the world is a scam.
I'm flattered by the comment, but that's about all it could go. I can't accept it because I haven't seen the world, and simply seeing isn't enough--you have to see through it.
Which brings me to my next point.
I don't understand how teenagers can feel jaded by life. You're a teenager. You've hardly seen the world. You've the whole world opened up to you, you have the world at your feet, you haven't made your first step out into society.
You have choices to make, you have things to accomplish, and you have all these to do before you die.
But people normally get demoralized in the face of death. Why bother with all these achievements when you'd die anyway? When people bring in the death card I normally get stumped.
Why are we always looking so forward? Is this something we picked up while trying to learn from adults, except that we're doing it all wrong?
What are you living for?
I know my answer. I don't have to blog about it but I'm sure that although it won't bring me to greater heights, and that I'd screw up, at least I know I have a reason to live and it's not for anyone in particular. I won't say that I'm assured, because I'm not, but that at least this would keep me living, knowing that it's all worth the carbon footprints I'm leaving behind with every letter I type.
Do you know yours?
-- 4/08/2010 11:53:00 PM
I & E day
To be honest I've forgotten what does the I and the E stand for in I & E day. I can't really remember what else happened, except that I was quite pissed with the GP humour-lecture shit, because1) they were showing us a comedy and they kept stopping halfway to ask us 'why did you laugh?' If humour had to be explained it wouldn't be funny any more. 'See, Mr. Bean did this, which isn't what a normal human would do with his/her car keys. This is what makes this act funny.'<--wao.
2) I was sleepy and the row in front of mine was empty rendering me cover-less and as we were supposed to write stuff down on 'Why did you laugh/Why was it funny, etc', I couldn't really go to sleep because if I did get caught I don't know how to worm my way out.
It's like watching porn online and having the video stall and buffer endlessly--exasperating. You're approaching climax, and BAM--your video stalls, your wanking has to stop because you don't know what's going to happen in the next scene. That's about it, more or less. It becomes boring. So boring that I ended up doodling and drawing my trademark Dung.
The rest of the event went on without any issues with me because I was kinda sleepy and thus numbed by the happenings(or lack thereof). It was boring. Just like my blog, coz I'm getting bored(and boring) by the impenetrable mundanity of life.
What else happened? I can't remember.
Oh, on a completely different note, there's this thing that's been bugging me for ages. It's called an ego, and I don't like having my ego trampled all the time. I mean once in awhile isn't acceptable, but for the sake of EQ I am fine with that. But if there's one thing I hate, it's sympathy. I don't do things out of sympathy and I don't want others to do things out of sympathy. I don't give seats to old people because 'oh so poor thing', I give up my seats for them out of respect.
I treat people the way I want them to treat me. Duh. So I don't sympathize with people and when I'm on the receiving end of sympathy I'm normally at a loss of what to do. I don't know what's sympathy and I don't take to receiving it. It's weird. It's not just about pride, it's also a condescending attitude(which is about pride I guess), like the 'oh you need help so I'm going to give it to you because you can't help yourself'.
I don't like to appear helpless but sometimes I can't help it. Then there are rare flashes of anger when I'd just want to leave, like when something stupid suddenly pops up and catches me by surprise(which then turns into severe shock), but can't because it'd appear that I'm affected.
I don't like to appear affected by anything. I want to have this default emotionless expression, because as they say, still water runs deep--and so are people with a lack of facial expressions.
By the double mac spicy. My stomach is aching even after 11hours of consumption. Macdonalds aims to kill.
Oh and the Confucius says jokes are epic lololololol
-- 4/07/2010 09:50:00 PM
For the bored: Way of exploding stick
So we had an exciting day on Friday...kind of. LAN was fun, dinner was a rip-off, and I stoned when we were getting the stuff and cake. That was when I started hoping that I didn't agree to come at all, because I can't stand not doing anything when I'm out. It's weird to stone around blocking the way without a real purpose. I've had this feeling many times when I'm supposed to wait for people etc. It's pointless and I don't like to have others know that I'm doing something pointless.Or maybe I just have a very low stamina for social situations.
And yea that's about it, the only stoney part came when I had nothing to do.
I've been bored. I realized that I don't really have anything to do online, but I don't want to face my homework. So I come online and wait and do nothing and end up playing lame games such as 'Way of exploding stick'. Yes, retarded, I know, thanks. This is what technology is bringing to me, even after years of supposed huge advancements, they can't give me a nice game that can be recalled at the tip of my fingers which isn't too taxing on the computer and requires no downloading.
And now I've resorted to youtube.
Which reminds me of why I wrote about the LAN experience on Friday in the first place. There was this dude who kept blasting Tik Tok and it kinda got stuck in my head and now I youtubed it and found many videos of teenage girls making their own videos to that song...
..and many viewers of said videos.
It's kinda disturbing to see just how attention-deprived these girls are. I mean, they seem to have put in a lot of effort to make it such that their own variations of the MV is similar to the official one. But what's their point? Fame? Much attention would be given to them, but I think the males would be jerking off to them coz some of them are quite cute.
-looks around accusingly-
But I mean, do you really want your parents to know that you're acting like a tramp on youtube? Bit weird right, I mean..yea. I don't know, why is everyone so fame-crazed? I know it's quite exciting to be in the centre of attention but for how long can you stand it?
And if I'm a rapist(which I am, just that I'm not supposed to post about it...hooops.), I might be stalking kids on youtube and they normally leave their contacts out in the open in case of modelling agencies coming after them.
OK actually I'm not that anti-youtube-people, I'm just..sleepy and unable to think straight. I should go now.
-- 4/04/2010 02:18:00 AM