Imma go missing (;
I find it disturbing how I always want to reach out to people. Facebook further exacerbates this issue of mine, because I'd feel more inclined to write on someone's wall randomly, but I won't because of various reasons, ranging from a lack of reason to pride. Then I end up sulking away and going off to try to login to Battleon which is always full.
I find reaching out a very tough thing to do. I enjoy talking to people, I enjoy their company. I enjoy my exchanges with them. But reaching out is kinda out of my comfort zone. I like to wait for people to come to me. And I don't want to appear like I'm interested in anybody's affairs, because I'm supposed to be like aloof, indifferent. I try to think of myself as some wise sage, because wise sages always wait for people to come to them to give them business, and they don't ply their trade, but I'm not sure how often that works.
And then I see my friends doing weird stuff to my distant friends. I try to defend them, but I get lambasted instead, and I've never gotten any recognition for my EQ efforts, and although I'm not complaining, some form commendation for my endeavors(fruitless) would be nice for a change every now and then, especially from the people who do matter, which, to be honest, don't exist.
What really riles me is when I see people doing stuff, getting close to people, for a personal vendetta, but get lauded all the same. I don't like to preach on what's wrong or what's right, because I know my definition differs from others, but I'd like to censure such people if I could.
But I can't, for various reasons, and everything I can never say, remains unsaid. There are times when I do want to tell people stuff but I'm not sure how often they care, and I think this is one thing I should learn to give up on.
And there are times when I keep trying to change people to suit myself, because I am such, but I keep failing. I kick and try, but it never works. It's depressing and then I wonder about the power of my own influence. I always picture certain dramatic pictures of something like myself in my mind, maybe that's why I'm constantly bugged by nightmares.
Circumstances never seem to go with me, but as a gamer I've learnt the importance of 'Urgent Optimism', and to be honest, that's really one of the most important thing I've learnt.
Bah. Your problems make mine seem smaller than they actually are...because it's you.This is such a depressing post I'm going to spice it up with what happened today and what's going to happen from later to Monday.
Went for the NS checkup thingum today, and there were many firsts, like I've never had a pee test or a blood test before, and..
...a 3 fucking hours worth of MCQ questions testing one's ability to:
1) seek patterns
2) comprehend English
3) comprehend instructions
4) do algebra
5) do arithmetic progression/geometric progression
6) discover orientations
and what else I forgot.
Such a chore, and there's a break after every test, and every time I get to the end of a test I'd be hoping for the end of the entire process, only to be disappointed time and again because it is a 'battery of tests', and it didn't end until it ended(duh), and it took damn fucking long =.=
I think I took 2 hours. Dreary process. Not to mention boring.
Yawns.
I met LKS there though <3 so I'm not complaining. I thought I'd be going only with ET, but I don't mind third parties(;
Here's an extract from the Recruit's Handbook. It's quite colloquial and damn funny:
"For example, you could get fat, which isn't good, because fat cells do not get along well with your vital organ - the heart. Then you jmight have to check yourself into hospital and allow the doctors to perform some life-saving emergency procedure on you."
I'm going overseas from Saturday to Monday. Hope I'm not bothered enough to come online ahaha.
-- 6/04/2010 11:45:00 PM
