Cher's day 2010.
Was largely uneventful. I remember going back last year to be greeted by throngs of same-batch people and raping and getting raped et cetera. It was fun, I loved last year and how we all simply turned up without prior arrangements.This year's turnout was quite disappointing though. I know I'm in no position to say this, but I just...miss everyone and I think that gives me the reason to be..frustrated by the fact that this drift is really tearing us all apart and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. People are busy, exam-nervous, and probably bored already, but still..there's just this lingering sense of regret that the people I've spent 4 years with in Cat High are probably going to just remain as memories, people who wouldn't be in my life anymore despite this sense of regret.
On bus 13 to Cat High I was thinking of eating the laksa. I loved the Cat High laksa despite the rather frequent appearance of the uncle's chest hair (he bares quite a bit of chest when preparing the food), but well that's much better than the laksa in AJC definitely. I remember buying laksa illegally during free periods (because it was illegal to buy canteen food during free periods somehow), and eating at the back of the canteen. It was fun, and very filling, so I was like 'mm OK must eat laksa this time'.
But I went to buy Auntie Meng's burgers (2 of them), they only sell on Tuesdays and Saturdays and as today was a Tuesday I bought what I needed to buy. And after that I was too full for the laksa, if they were still around in the first place (I can't quite recognize the stall owner).
Memories are like food--you can't have too much of them even if you've a high capacity for them. It will overflow one day and you're inundated by this influx of memories that you can no longer absorb or be capable of any rational thought processes. It's impossible to take in everything =\
I left after awhile.
Was on bus 88 to Rivervale Primary School. Damn noisy, damn loud, damn crowded, damn slow. Damn infuriating.
When I got to Rivervale, again, not much to do so went to lepak with WK and sat there talk cock.
I am hungry and quite angry and frustrated with myself for not being an asshole. I want to be an asshole, I want to morph into an asshole and go around doing assholic stuff but I can't bring myself to and Indiana won't react anyway. Why are there people going around spoiling the market? Can't they stick to a 1:1 ratio, you pick one and not more? There are things I hold dearly and it's irritating in the sense that it inhibits me and there I engage tripping myself with my own conflicting thoughts all the time. Throw in certain values, and conscience and you have a lethal dilemma between organs. I've gotten headaches from defining myself and my values and wondering what is the point of holding on when there's nothing left to hold onto, and when there's no on else who holds the same values as me for me to wish to carry on holding onto what I am currently holding onto. It ultimately begs this question--what's the point? I've had enough of having this label but it's no easy feat losing it and I want it to go off with a bang. Given a choice, I'd love to spoil the market for the guys as mentioned above but I can't and I can only beg for fair play, which isn't happening because all guys would love to spoil the market.
I am really tired of being so inhibited, so scared of everything. I want to loosen up, but I find myself lacking in balls to do that.
Do teachers teach us these?
-- 8/31/2010 10:14:00 PM
YOG 2010.
I gave my first time to Jalan Besar stadium yesterday, 25th August 2010. It was very different from watching football in the comforts of home, and it was loud and noisy and everything. There were no replays and many WTF moments because some goals were scored without your knowledge, fouls were committed at your peripheral and you simply do not know what happened because you were engaged in conversation with your penis, I mean friend, et cetera.It was fun in the sense that the atmosphere was totally different from home. You could really feel excitement from the crowd, something that cannot be reflected through the TV. Suddenly standing up when Singapore scored was quite fun and making noise and shouting and smacking the clappers together randomly and shouting 'FASHA' or whatever the Singapore goalkeeper's name is was fun (I wanted to distract him, I failed).
And looking at the medic attached to Singapore run out whenever people on the Singapore team got injured was orgasmic and every said moment was historic, simply because the angmoh girl was cute <3>
I know I've been quite skeptical about the success of YOG as in my former blog post about the Opening Ceremony and the cost, but being subjected to the YOG atmosphere itself kinda changed me. So what if it did cost us a lot? So what if we don't get the international recognition we hoped to get? What's wrong with spending money to put on a show for ourselves? It may not not be like the best way to spend the money, but my anger at the waste of taxpayers' money has been dissipated and I find it a justifiable way to spend the money. The time spent there made me feel even more patriotic towards the country somehow, and I really do love Singapore despite my previous cynicism prior to this episode.
The way the crowd cheered Singapore on was very...irritating though. Like, the way Singapore booed Haiti when they came onto the field for warm ups was very...unsporting I guess, if there's such a word in the first place. It was quite scary and embarrassing, like how they totally booed with passion due to the loss Singapore suffered when they faced Haiti. I didn't watch that match but I understand why this anger, but this anger was quite overboard. Why are Singaporeans such?
And guess what? I totally enjoyed the way they booed Haiti. It was a liberating thing, Singaporeans though overboard are not pretentious--they hate and they love and they discriminate between the 2 feelings very well, and they are not afraid to express this. This protectiveness Singaporeans have towards the Singapore team was outwardly exhibited by this anger against Haiti. Although I never did watch that match between Haiti and Singapore, I do believe that Singaporeans are objective enough to not make so much noise against a country who played fairly against us. Others may call us sore losers, but really, I am proud to be a Singaporean and everything that makes every Singaporeans Singaporean.
As things were, Haiti got thrashed, we were cheering Bolivia on, we booed whenever Haiti got near the Bolivia goal. This didn't happen often as Bolivia was a much better team, they were fighting with 10 men after one guy got sent off for elbowing a Haiti dude and still managed to score another 4 goals while not letting in any. It was orgasms.
The only drawback about watching soccer in the stadium itself is that really, goals can be scored without you knowing how it happened. There are no replays. But the atmosphere can make one jizz in his pants.
Fi and I stayed back to watch the presentation of the medals, and as mentioned I was busy snapping (OK, not snapping, I know my camera doesn't make any 'snapping' noises the word 'snapping' encompasses) pictures of the angmoh medic, but after awhile I realized it was 11.10PM and it was late and I had to go to Promenade (on the Circle Line) to watch the YOG flame before it gets extinguished today. So I hurried off with Fi, didn't even walk him to the bus-stop he was heading for (sorry Fi I will suck your cock) and I just went to Lavender while considering the possibility that I will not be able to get on a train that can bring me home--to Sengkang.
When I reached Dhoby Ghaut MRT station I asked the person as the passenger service place when's the last Circle Line train leaving Dhoby Ghaut for Serangoon. He said '12.04AM'. It was 11.30PM at that time I asked, so I decided to take my chances and just go for it.
Upon reaching Promenade (at 11.50PM) I took some time to find my way to the floating platform, or whatever it's called. I jogged there (yes I fucking jogged there with my bag weighing me down and it was quite a sweaty scene), and I marvelled at that spinning flame, and I was really really awed by the grandeur of that source of light. It was...awe-inspiring, really. It doesn't seem like much, but it really moved me in the sense that I cannot think of a better way to spend that fuel or gas or whatever keeps the flame going. That majestic presence of the solitary lighthouse was enough to shut me up about taxpayers' money, once and for all. I just gaped in awe for a few minutes, but I remembered the fact that I have a last train to catch. Regretfully I turned to leave, but not without taking pictures of that historic moment, and even a video because I decided that it's of utmost importance that the flame should be captured as something moving along with the winds, and that it shouldn't be caught simply in a single, immobile frame. The towering lighthouse, the shining beacon of light, the illumination from the surrounding buildings and spotlights on the floating platform itself, all these set in the shade of darkness 12AM afforded was..I don't know. I just..felt awed. Damn, the lack of vocabulary for me to use to describe this emotional scene is glaringly obvious. I never knew that a fire could be so symbolic, so important. I know, I can't really capture the essence of what I felt at that moment in time, but...yea. I guess you people should get what I mean.
Here's a video I took of the flame:
Regretfully I had to turn to leave. I really didn't want to trouble my parents to fetch me home, and it's retarded to want to stay behind to stare at the flame for 5 hours before the train service resumes so that I could go to school/home (if I wanted to pon), so I just turned to run back to Promenade to catch the last train home. I did manage to get back on time, but the guy at the passenger service told me that the last train leaving Serangoon to Punggol would leave at 12.14AM, and I'd be too late for it.
Upon alighting at Serangoon MRT station I was faced with these glaring barriers informing anyone ascending the escalators that the Purple Line has ceased its services.
It was a sad scene and with a heavy heart I decided to walk home from Serangoon. The entire 'hike' took me around 90minutes, and here are pictures as proof:
I know, I screw up often but I normally clean up after myself. I got home at 2AM (;
I watched the YOG Closing Ceremony today. It was..infuriating, in the sense that my father keeps changing channels, only to come back to Channel 5 after missing a bit of the ceremony. But the extinguishing of the flame was..kinda sad. My sis and I were groaning in unison (don't think sick =.=) when the intensity(?) of the flame was lowered till it was simply gone, extinguished. I cannot believe that they simply murdered the flame, but I guess all good things comes to an end, and I have to learn to accept that.
I remember reading a quote from Fi's wallet. It was about cynicism. I will edit this post once I get the quote from him, it succinctly describes what I feel about YOG, about everything in particular. =\
Hope was a pathological part of puberty, like acne and surging hormones. You might sound cynical to the world, but that was just a defense mechanism, cover-up coating a zit, because it was too embarrassing to admit that in spite of the bum deals you kept getting, you hadn't completely given up. –The Tenth Circle
Here's another one:
Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist. -George Carlin
-- 8/26/2010 10:28:00 PM
Pointless pursuits.
Yea well, that's testament to how much of a dick I am--doing things just because I could. Yea, it was really a 'OK I will prove that I don't need Runescape to survive' thing and so I didn't login for 96 days just because of that random notion.
Which makes me wonder about the rationale I have behind doing things--am I really doing things because I want to or am I trying to do them just because I can and want to show that I can? What of the goals after I achieve them then? Would I give up on them, would I still persevere to retain what I've achieved after achieving, or simply give up and say 'I got it before, I don't need it anymore'?
I need to be sure of what I'm looking out for before looking.
I saw this really hot girl just now, and she walked over to me to ask me for some help--to take care of her stuff for her while she went to the toilet (possibly to masturbate to the thought of me). When she walked over to me my heart fell out of my mouth and I simply murmured an 'OK, will do', before trying to hide my face behind my (arguably sleek) handphone and immersing myself with Pokémon Crystal trying to defeat Sabrina from Saffron City Gym.
When she came back she gave me a smile which I hastily returned while trying to rearrange my face such that I don't look too surprised or shocked or unhappy with her lack of sincerity of giving thanks (ie, a blowjob), but I think I did manage to return a good-enough grimace. I can't really smile, I can only smirk, and as is the case of smirks, be condescending. Sigh. Men and their characteristic plank-like face.
She turned over from time to time and when our eyes met we smiled and went back to what we were doing--she with her iPad and me with my phone.
When she left she didn't even say bye =\
Are you just another pointless pursuit of mine? Another goat I'm attempting to sacrifice for my own ego?
Do I really mean what I said? There's only one way to find out, but the consequences.. =\
-- 8/25/2010 12:16:00 AM
'Southpaws'.
I read on the newspapers yesterday about how there's a day for 'southpaws'. Basically it's a term for left-handers, because left-handers are different from the rest and whatnot.It bored me and it reminded me how narcissistic people can be, and I could relate to much ire against French people (the French word for left has some devilish connotation, effectively demonizing left-handers).
I'm not exceptionally proud to be a left-handed, nor do I feel special. I'm not doing exceptionally well in school despite being a left-handed and I'm not talented in the sense that I can't get laid, my queue keeps getting cut, there's no exclusiveness in all my relationships with other people (read: friendships), there's nothing really special about me except that I have (am) an exceptionally huge penis.
Being in a 'right-handers' world, I've learnt to adapt to right-handed stuff like the mouse. Here's a picture of my mouse along with its best friend:
Yea the keyboard is slightly white, I'd like to attribute that to 'dust' but I think the complications of a computer linked to the Internet coupled with a male user makes the origins of white-stuff highly dubious and impossible to simply pass off as dirt.
The mouse is well-worn as can be seen, it had its silvery sheen removed by wear and tear, indicating the level of devotion I have towards my computer, testament to having No Life.
Of course, I've also learnt to deal with stuff like right-handed paddles for kayaks, right-handed flip-up tables in the auditorium/lecture theatres in the sense that I can sleep on them without being caught that often, right-handed wanking style, et cetera. I'd like to think of myself as a person who doesn't really know that such stuff are meant for right-handers. We learn to adapt and after that what we adapted from doesn't matter anymore.
Have I lost my status as a left-hander? Is there a need to assert my left-handed identity by joining Facebook groups proclaiming my 'difference from 80% of the world'? I know it's quite ironic that I'm posting about how I'm a left-hander while making noise at others who make noise about their own left-handed identity, but I think my point is this:
There is no such thing as a left-handed identity.
Just get over yourselves and move on. We don't need special left-handed stuff, I use my mouse with my right hand, I use a right-handed guitar, I use my right hand to wank, in fact I think my clutching power for my right hand is stronger than my left.
What are we trying to do by making ourselves more distinct and less mainstream? There's no difference, I'm not getting laid because I'm a 'southpaw'. We're not freaks, we're as normal as the rest of the population, we simply with different hands. The rest, we can all adapt.
I'd feel very awkward with a left-handed mouse, I'd find it screwed up, I tried doing that before and it was completely off, I couldn't even play Battleon (I can't effing find the 'Attack' button to click continuously).
Why not we just accept our 'differences' and shove it?
An interesting thing happened to me on Saturday night, when my family decided to eat dinner at Sakae Sushi, Compass Point. The service was bordering on being shitty, tempers were running because our fried salmon skin wasn't coming at all despite waiting for like 40mins, but they had a saving grace--a cute waitress <3
Her child-like voice stirred my heartstrings and under the warm, yellow light her smile accentuated her features, making her beauty even more prominent. She had this sense of purpose when she walked (duh, she's working), and she just..simply won me over. So I got busy observing her facial features and everything that makes her her, and she was simply marvellous from her look of concentration when staring at the computer to her relaxed laughter when she makes passing jokes with her colleagues. Everything, everything about her was perfect. So perfect that the picture I took of her tells nothing about her perfection. I was deeply moved by her professionalism and my family caught me staring as I made known my overwhelming feelings for her.
When she came over to count our plates after we've finished eating, she held her head in a lopsided way as if in deep concentration. She took quite a long time counting the plates, reflective of her conscientious attitude towards her work, and that picture of cuteness was too picturesque to not be made a picture of.
So I did what I do best (; not posting though, I'm a voyeur but that doesn't mean I'm making it know that explicitly.
I met her today at KFC. She was with a male colleague also from Sakae. My heart broke. =\
Well there you have it I just made a confession about liking a girl 10 years older than me. I know a lot of people would think that I am joking and assume that I am joking but they shouldn't do that because of the probability that I could be serious. What if I really am serious? The doubters would be trampling on my sincerity and I'd be left a cold, lonely man as I've always been :c I know I don't have a good track record of being serious but that doesn't mean I'm never serious right =\ you've never seen me serious because there are hardly any occasions which requires the serious side of me and I don't enjoy it because being serious is being tiring and I don't like being tiring.
..OK fine I was joking.
-- 8/23/2010 08:41:00 PM
I don't want to need people.
Here's a picture of sincerity, sweetness, and proof of my achievement as a lady-killer:
In the form of free breakfast <3
The vegetarian stall auntie treated me that for free because it was supposed to be a special day for me. Complete with extra tofu and egg which I didn't ask for at all, she just said 'Birthday should eat eggs' and gave it to me. (: she could be my second girlfriend, my first would be the cleaner auntie in Cat High <3
This doesn't mean I'm not loyal to my first girlfriend OK. I still love her, a lot, and I miss her, but I can love both right (;
Well these few days have been quite fun, birthday celebrations are hardly ever boring, and having sword-fights in AMK Hub just outside of Pepper Lunch with E is very amusing and Remi Gaillard-ish. Let's talk about what happened on Friday.
After school on Friday, I went to AMK Hub with G and J, and on the bus E told me that his sword is prepared and he's going to take my life, and that I should unsheathe my sword too. And I did that on the bus, kinda maluating blowing up the balloon, but I did that and when we reached he tried to assassinate me I blocked and we had quite a fun time running around trying to whack each other with the freaking swords.
And after lunch we had the fight and my sword broke :c it had a hole and I couldn't find an appropriate replacement.
Then we watched 'The Expendables' along with KS and V minus E, and it was my first M18 movie ever watched (in the theatre). Quite a novel experience...OK L4D was equally gory.
Dinner was fun, shouldn't elaborate here~ (;
And today, we had a 4-7 get-together, I brought my football Nik brought his pump and my ball became filled with air once again <3
And then there was dinner at KFC with the freaking cake, very surprised ahahahaha I didn't expect there to be a cake <3
-- 8/22/2010 10:52:00 PM
-- 8/21/2010 12:29:00 AM
-- 8/20/2010 12:44:00 AM
And as usual, when they give surveys they have to ensure that each student does the survey only once, thus they are bothered enough to generate a password for every NRIC, in the form of stickers. I took my sticker and pasted here:
I think there'd be people trying to surprise me, not knowing that it's quite tough to surprise me. A close friend of mine would know, my heartbeat was steady throughout a rather intense situation, and the comment that 'why isn't your heart beating faster?' kinda made me realize that I am too inert that it's unhealthy. I wanted it to go faster there and then but you just can't will such stuff and I didn't manage to, so the situation came and went (largely) uneventfully.
-- 8/16/2010 08:52:00 PM
There is an element in being physically present, that cannot be replicated by technology.
-- 8/15/2010 10:09:00 PM
I kinda have a confession to make. It's not exactly unexpected of me, but I think it's time I came out of the closet. It is my virginity after all, and with much regret I've lost it in an inebriated state.
OK, so...today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML.
I guess there is no longer any need for me to have to relate to this comic:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?db=comics&id=1397#comic
(credits to Fi)
-- 8/13/2010 11:29:00 PM
-- 8/11/2010 08:23:00 PM
I still like the idea of complaining though, it's what makes us so Singaporeanish. That's whiney, yes, but don't we all whine, even if it's only in the mind? Being expressive is better than being pretentious. By complaining about how Singaporeans are whiney aren't you being whiney yourself, thus affirming your roots as a Singaporean?
-- 8/09/2010 09:06:00 PM
-- 8/08/2010 11:56:00 PM
..neither did I expect the sudden slice-of-cake smash :c it's such a waste of a good piece of cake so I ate it from my face. Yea then I went to buy condoms for A because he was shy and I cut the queue of a random guy whom I don't know who stared at me with daggers in his eyes. Hooooops. I didn't get paranged anyway.
I was stinking like hell, with mud and cake and sweat all over me and I was on the bus when I realized that I am really quite blessed in the sense that people really do enjoy my company and that my presence is appreciated and that my life is worth living, at least for the people around me.
Is that the point of birthday celebrations? To be reminded that you've aged, time has passed, people bother, be glad?
I'd still prefer to dispense with all these though. It's not that I don't appreciate it, don't get me wrong. I really appreciate and enjoy all these celebrations and the effort my friends have put in, but sometimes these celebrations just sets my weird mind thinking along a more cynical way and that alone kills me and defeats the purpose of celebrating in the first place, thus my previous post.
I don't want to need people.
-- 8/22/2010 10:52:00 PM
Just like a shower with the heater on.
The days have been cold, and the heater has been switched on more often whenever I'm taking my shower.But I'm always afraid of warm showers, because when you're used to the temperature of the water you're showering yourself with, you'd feel even colder after the shower despite the constant temperature. I'm always aware of this, fearfully aware of this, and I've always avoided this situation.
Warm showers are good, they make you relaxed, they make you feel good, they earn you some sense of self-worth. But if it gets too warm this warmth overdose makes you even more sensitive of your current situation--that the weather is cold.
The drizzle on my way home was refreshing. No, it wasn't raining heavily and I wasn't emo. But the cool breeze made me more aware of the night lights (headlights of cars shining brightly into one's eyes), traffic lights lit up for no one in particular, cars coming at me slowly because I was walking slowly, et cetera. I'm not sure what point I'm trying to drive across. But it was a cold night, the walk was awesome, the pitter-patter of the slight drizzle was cold but refreshing, and when I went home I switched on the heater to level 2 (I normally stop at level 1, which makes the water around room temperature).
When I came out I was freezing. I knew I would be, but I chose to do it anyway, because I miss the warmth and I wanted to reconcile with this warmth but it didn't happen, it never did and never would and I'd always be stuck with fear of the cold that bites back every time you fight. Like one of Newton's laws, for every force there is an equal force pushing back or something along those lines.
The more you resist this cold the harsher its revenge.
Energy-consuming, time-consuming, and never able to keep you warm long enough for you to be happy.
And you can't stay in the shower forever. I hate living in bubbles, I hate living in such transient warmth, if it doesn't stay please don't give it to me at all. I hate this impermanence of everything.
I didn't wank yesterday, because it's taboo to wank on a day like that. It's not supposed to happen, wanking is for lonely men and I didn't want to mar the occasion by being one. Now that the occasion is over it's back to reality and thus this comic exemplifies perfectly what I want to say and how I feel about my life:
I switched on my fan, it's giving me a good blow job and I am freezing. This would make warmth more cherished. Much more cherished.
-- 8/21/2010 12:29:00 AM
This is the 2.4KM graph.
So I took NAPFA on Thursday, 19th August 2010. I've taken NAPFA thrice for the past week, once on Monday in which I failed by 4 seconds (2.4KM), on Wednesdays (did not finish), and Thursday (30seconds). I am proud to say that I am resilient in the sense that I keep going back to torture myself, but ashamed of the fact that I have this mental barrier stopping me from excelling, I mean, passing my 2 point fucking 4. As such, I've decided to draw up a graph which can give us a better insight of the mind of a weak-willed 2.4km runner:
As depicted in the graph, my mind follows it perfectly. This graph is an impression of my mind, and this is my explanation:
First round: OK, easy, this is a good timing, I should still be able to hit within 4mins for the second round...hope this lasts.
Second round: Ummm....OK, it'd be fine, I'm going to hit within 4 minutes...but what about after that =\
Third round: Fuck.
Fourth round: Aiya retake another time lah, what's the point of this =.= got war also no need 2.4km right how to run away from bombers this doesn't make sense =.= -carries on grousing-
Fifth round: FML. FML FML FML. Can we end this shit seriously. My stomach is burning. I have no desire to run this and the last round, I can just lie down and die.
Sixth round: Since we've gotten here already we might as well finish this and not appear like a pussy, so I shall run.
Yea so I was thinking along the lines of 'What's the fucking point...' at the 3rd and 4th round, and stuff like 'Aiya die already lah FML I made a girl pregnant and now I'm doing this shit', at the 5th round, but at the 6th round blind optimism would normally catch up, and the foolish thought of 'I CAN DO THIS, I CAN IMPREGNATE THIS PUSSY' take control of every fibre of one's being and he would run as fast as his lactic-leadened legs would carry him across the finishing line to the dramatic applause of everyone else...
...but that didn't happen in my case :c
The 2.4KM passing (for silver) timing is 12mins50seconds for 17, and 12mins40seconds for people aged 18.
Now I've lost the age advantage and will have to deal with taking it at Toa Payoh or something. 2 months, I must not lose 2 months worth of masturbation for this shit! >(
P.S. My graph made so much sense (;
-- 8/20/2010 12:44:00 AM
Don't defeat your purpose--leave me alone.
We were supposed to take some school quality survey shit in the computer lab during civics just now when the survey took a turn towards being dramatic.Q: Do you like your school?
Q: Does your school encourage creative thinking?
Q: Given a choice, would you still choose to go to your current school?
Q: Does your school inculcate within you moral values?
Q: Are your proud of your school?
Q: Do you talk about your school with pride?
et cetera.
I chose 'Strongly disagree' for all these school-related questions, and I think I kinda announced it. I really don't like AJC, it's so stifling, the atmosphere is so suffocating, and my intelligence is asphyxiated. I cannot breathe and I would love to get out of here. Another 3 months. Another 3 months, and I won't have to go back to this rickety building which has cracks on staircases.
Really, no joke, I'm going to take pictures and show you guys some day.
And as usual, when they give surveys they have to ensure that each student does the survey only once, thus they are bothered enough to generate a password for every NRIC, in the form of stickers. I took my sticker and pasted here:
How characteristic of me. But that's not the point. When one wears something long enough, he'd forget that he's wearing something. How often have you 'lost' your sunglasses only to find that they are nesting on your crop of hair (scalp hair)? I've seen retards running around asking their friends to help them find their sunglasses when it's on themselves, and I guess that's human nature as usual. So..
..I naturally forgot that I had that piece of sticker pasted somewhere conspicuous, and as you can see it isn't exactly blending into my pants anytime soon. So it came to me as a surprise when a teacher suddenly flagged me over to talk to me about it. The conversation went something like this:
T: Eh boy, come over.
Me: Uhh...yea?
T: Are you advertising something?
Me: Huh? Advertising what?
T: -gives meaningful look at my groin- That.
Me: Oh. AHAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY I will remove it.
T: What's that for?
Me: Oh, some quiz, it comes with the password for me to access the survey.
T: OK. Can you remove it?
Me: Yea, done. This is so embarrassing, I'm sorry ahahahahaha.
T: ...
Then I scurried off...and placed it back to where it belong. I made sure she (YES, IT'S A SHE, and she was talking about me advertising my dick, and giving me meaningful looks to my groin...wait why was she looking at my groin in the first place?) didn't get to see it when I walked by her again.
I am such a childish ass, little wonder I failed 2.4KM by 4 fucking seconds :c if not I'd be spared of the trouble of taking yet again another retest. FML, if I don't do it soon I'd turn 18 and things would become significantly tougher (10seconds faster). On a brighter note, at least I improved <3
I think there'd be people trying to surprise me, not knowing that it's quite tough to surprise me. A close friend of mine would know, my heartbeat was steady throughout a rather intense situation, and the comment that 'why isn't your heart beating faster?' kinda made me realize that I am too inert that it's unhealthy. I wanted it to go faster there and then but you just can't will such stuff and I didn't manage to, so the situation came and went (largely) uneventfully.
There are reasons why I don't enjoy letting people know where I stay, because if that happens people can stalk me, not knowing that I don't like to be stalked and even if they knew they'd want to stalk me anyway. I'm telling you guys, don't bother, don't bother at all, I won't be home when the day comes so you'd be knocking on the door of an empty house.
There are reasons why I don't tell people things, because when you tell people things you're giving them pressure to do something appropriate in response to the thing you first told them. And should they not do anything appropriate, or be lacking in their response, I'd turn out very disappointed. This pressure is not something I want to feel on both my friends and myself, because it's tiring being a giver and it's tiring being a receiver too. I'd rather dispense with the formalities and not bother with this whole thing at all, but people kick a big fuss out of it because it's supposedly important.
It's better for them to not know, let the whole issue pass, and I'd feel good because I managed to escape an otherwise awkward situation, rather than having them disappoint me totally by a lack of response. I have very...high standards despite my sloppiness, and if such high standards can't be met, don't bother at all please. It's a plea. Don't bother, really.
Because this whole thing, it doesn't matter at all. It's not like I'm suddenly going to be empowered after the thing itself. I've been doing things I could after the thing even before the thing itself. Having such issues on weekdays is tiring. And the fact that people half-know is even worse, now I'm wondering if a response would be made at all or not, and I don't want to be disappointed so don't bother at all thanks. I can do without it.
Everyone has cards in their hands. I choose not to play such cards because I don't like to force people into doing things they otherwise won't. That's why I don't publicize it, that's why I make a mockery out of it, because I really don't care. By caring you're making me have to care, and you're giving yourselves a whole lot of trouble. Try not to bother with me and I won't be bothered. Seriously. Don't plan a response.
I am either apathetic, or very serious about things in general. Don't make me turn serious and expect more, because you know I'd turn out disappointed, thus defeating your purpose in the first place.
-- 8/16/2010 08:52:00 PM
YOG Opening Ceremony.
So I was watching the YOG Opening Ceremony with my family and extended family during a family gathering yesterday. We started watching after they have finished announcing the participating countries, and we cheered loudly when Singapore appeared, almost as if doing that in front of a television would somehow transmit our enthusiasm to the scene itself.So we were watching the superfluous passing of the flame, and the spammage of torches. Not joking, how many torches were there? There were at least what, 4000 runners, evident from the number tag they all have pinned over their shirt. So the last scene was when the phoenix-boat-thingum made its dramatic way to the stage, and we were all quite awed by the beauty of the boat. It's really quite beautiful, especially when it's illuminated in the night like that, and the spraying water effect was good, almost as if they are its wings. Very nicely done and magnificent, but a bloody waste of money. Taxpayers' money all burnt through just like that.
Singapore is always talking about how this is the 'first YOG held', and that we'd be set on the world's stage, the Singapore brand will be widely publicized, et cetera, thus the $387million spent on it is worth it. But that's a fallacious statement.
FUN FACT: This is NOT the first YOG. OK, maybe it is the first 'YOG', but in spirit, there was a "World Youth Games", held in 1998, bearing the same Olympic logo. Wikipedia isn't the most reliable source of information, but it can't lie so much about this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Youth_Games
(Thanks Zapper, for informing me about this)
Why was it discontinued? Would "YOG" suffer the same fate? Are we really "making history" here, seeing as history was already made prior to our attempt at YOG?
Sure, it was majestic, but is it as widely publicized as hoped? If I were to ask people from other countries, would they even know that their country is taking part? I believe that we hosted IMF a few years back, isn't that 'international' enough? We're making so much noise despite our weight, we're making ourselves heard, is there really a need to spend 387million on something like this? Inaugural YOG, yea, beautiful in name. All paid for by our parents as they slog their guts out in work and losing part of their salaries to exploding fireworks.
Enough of that solemn, boring topic of taxpayers' money. If we were to cry over spilt milk all the time we could spend that time licking it up from the floor instead..OK weird analogy. Never mind about that.
So, as I was saying, I was watching the torch relay with my extended family, when the torch bearers had to run on the platforms on the water. My aunt was shouting 'GA LAO ZHUI' (drop into the water!) and we were like chanting it because we did want to observe some kind of drama enfold. It'd be something for the world to remember us by, too, and the best part about that would be us, truly "making history". The platform was lacking in breadth, and there were those drumming things (which to be honest, was spectacular due to the illuminating drumsticks), but we were just hoping for some drama.
And we were all very happy and screamed something along the lines of 'HE DROPPED INTO THE WATER' when the last boy, Darren Choy(?) ran into the water (depth: 5cm) to the foot of the lighthouse-torch-thingum to light it up. It was spectacular, the flame was making revolutions almost as if Charizard used Fire Spin.
My family is full of fun. Kinda retarded, but I guess it runs in the genes (;
Of course, I am proud to be a Singaporean, I am proud that Singapore has the opportunity to host such an event, but I don't think that this is, in any way, 'ground-breaking', or 'making history'. Just because I'm cynical about the packaging of this whole event doesn't mean that I don't love my country. It's just that I find it so...wasteful. I don't know lah. It's fun to watch and fun to see, but it's money we're talking about and I feel the pinch for my parents (because I already tax them by wasting a lot of electricity on the computer).
And..has anyone wondered how much carbon the entire torch relay emits? I'm not a global-warming-activist, I like to pollute the Earth by eating fresh salmon (which may not be fresh..damn I might have been scammed), using the computer and internet excessively, always wasting battery on the phone so I can charge it in school, farting a lot, et cetera, but even I know that this whole thing is just EXCESSIVE^2 pollution. For every runner there's a safety van following, probably more, and there's the people cheering and littering after themselves.
In Singapore it's worse, as mentioned we have at least 4000 runners, we spam torches like free (it changes hands every 100metres...and no, they light another torch instead of simply passing the torch on). Singapore--Not as clean as green as touted eh?
There's so much waste. So so much. Just because it has to be grand doesn't mean it has to be so wasteful.
And I believe that my post on lip-syncing touched some raw nerves a few days back when I posted on National Day, I angered god :c (deliberately left uncapitalized as I don't give a shit about divine references--if they exist they won't be pissed by my insolence anyway). So here's exactly why I don't like lip-syncing. This is also inspired by the YOG Opening Ceremony, in which you can actually hear Sean Kingston's voice despite his apparent absence, bringing to mind the frightening possibility that his spirit resides in the speakers, testament to the power of the 7th lunar month.
(OK I don't really know whether his voice was inside or not, but I'm going to assume that it is.)
For performers, what's important is that they present their best when they are performing. A recorded version could probably be their best yet, but it definitely won't be their best. To simply settle for a recorded version would mean admitting defeat--that their best is such. And to be honest, if I were there at the scene, I'd be contemplating time travel, back to the time when I'm buying the YOG Opening Ceremony tickets to stop myself from doing so. If I want a perfect version of the song, I can watch it on TV, I can download it from the Internet, I can watch it on Youtube, et cetera. There are so many different avenues for me to experience the song in its perfection--why bother going to the live scene for a recorded performance?
If we're willing to accept lip-syncing, why not accept screened drama performances, where people pay to go to a drama theatre to watch the actors seated down watching their own performance beamed by a projector onto a screen? This way we see both perfection and the actors/actresses real life.
If we're willing to accept lip-syncing, what's the point of attending school when we can watch lectures on Youtube or through school portals?
There is an element in being physically present, that cannot be replicated by technology.
Here's another question: Why do people lip-sync? They want to fool the audience. Why would they want to fool the audience? Because they know what they are doing isn't very ethical, but they aren't confident about themselves enough to attempt to replicate what they can do in the studio, live.
I'm not saying that I could be better than them. I really respect performers for what they do, but I don't see a point in lip-syncing. I don't deny that they are talented in their respective fields, and that they will succeed in life while I flail helplessly around, but that doesn't really give them the right to lip-sync and try to pull wool over our eyes.
It's not that bad if they are dancing, at least we know they put in some effort to their performance on stage, but to simply scream into an unplugged microphone, to strum an unplugged guitar, it's kinda senseless and insincere. Anyone can do that. I can do that, I can go online and do the same, while the background music remains their vocals.
That's why I'm quite against lip-syncing. It's just so...sloppy.
-- 8/15/2010 10:09:00 PM
FML.
There are hardly any instances in which I'd ever type out this overrated acronym otherwise known as 'fuck my life', but this is an instance which necessitates the use of such.I kinda have a confession to make. It's not exactly unexpected of me, but I think it's time I came out of the closet. It is my virginity after all, and with much regret I've lost it in an inebriated state.
OK, so...today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML.
I guess there is no longer any need for me to have to relate to this comic:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?db=comics&id=1397#comic
(credits to Fi)
-- 8/13/2010 11:29:00 PM
I am self-assured.
because self-assured people constantly assure themselves that they are indeed self-assured.
I was helping out with Rivervale Primary's torchbearer event thingum, and man, it was a shitty rainy day. Here's a picture of the gloomy sky, perhaps reflective of my mood these days (pathetic fallacy):
But it was quite OK, as in the the torch relay went by smoothly, no screw-ups, but it really made me wonder what's the point. I know the fact that the flame was from Athens. but it didn't really burn a very distinctive colour from the one I see lighting up the stove of my kitchen. Why is there so much fanfare over this event, and why does traffic have to be stopped for a person running on the road? Can't he run on the pathway like normal humans? Are they actually teaching us that running along roads (on the road itself) means you're important?
If that's what they are educating, that's kinda bullshit--I walked on the expressway, on the road itself, and we didn't get much recognition besides the frequent horning because we were dangerously close to the cars coming from behind we can feel gravel spewed up by the wheels hitting our calves, and the wind from incoming cars...not that important now are we?
But that's not the point. I still don't really get how symbolic this is, OK, it's a sacred flame which made its way from 2000km away (or so), but so what? We see forest fires destroying forests and travelling large distances too, but we don't cheer for such natural fires right?
OK to be honest I'm kind bullshitting now. What I mean is, is there really a need to hold up traffic =.= and this resembles a cult, seriously, look:
It kinda scared the shit out of me when I saw the overhead bridge being spammed with people. Sure, it's once-in-a-lifetime, but that doesn't mean it's a must-do, right?
But I guess that's what makes Singapore Singapore <3
But this begs a few questions: Is constantly asserting oneself a sign of inferiority complex or just plain competitiveness? If so, what does being competitive mean then? Why the insistent need to prove that one is better? And is the lack at attempting to assert oneself a sign of assuredness, or just a worse case of inferiority complex?
AND REALLY, FUCK THE 'OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH HEY' SHIT. I WAS STANDING THERE WAITING FOR THE TORCHBEARER TO APPEAR IN ORDER TO CALL BACK TO SCHOOL TO INFORM THEM OF THE PROCEEDINGS WHEN THEY WERE BLARING IT OUT FROM SPEAKERS, MUCH LIKE WHAT I'M DOING NOW IN CAPS. It was irritating as hell I tells you. I could swear I puked blood from my ears. Such auditory vomit should not be allowed in Singapore, someone shoot the perpetrator please =\
Besides that, I still can't get over the fact that traffic should give way to YOG-related vehicles. Like, OK, you need the road, so do I, why not you stop being lazy and get up earlier so you won't be late, just like what the rest of us have to do? Are athletes trained to be lazy, that they can hog roads? Are their coaches being lazy too? Are the VIPs being lazy? What, can't get up? Can't rush to the next venue fast enough? Boohoo, suck on it you piece of shit. Learn to prioritize, plan things, or just be lazy enough not to do anything at all.
The only vehicles allowed to have preferential treatment on roads should be civil defence related vehicles. Which brings to mind an interesting scenario--who should get priority treatment, an ambulance with a patient in critical condition, or a bus-load of lazy-assed athletes who 'need their rest'.
Also, what if a YOG bus driver decides, under the orders of the coach of whatever-shit-sport he is coaching in, to ignore traffic lights because YOG > Traffic rules, and knocks an innocent road user down? Does the bus have to stop to deal with the police and subsequent arrangements (ie arrest), or does the driver drive on in a case of legalized hit-and-run?
The discrimination is apparent, I should hang for exposing these flaws.
I was involved in a conversation that was much about females asserting themselves against men. It's a really strong-headed move that requires a lot of energy, and I salute her for asserting herself that way. Doesn't stop me from wondering why won't she just siam totally, but to be able to tolerate such shit on a one-on-one basis is something altogether.
But I won't ever be able to replicate what she did. I won't ever assert myself that way, because I'm too damned lazy to do that. In fact, I think I'm quite immune to agitation. It's hard to agitate me into doing something, because I don't see a need to assert myself, to prove that I can do what others say I can't. It's quite hard for me to be antagonized, while it's easy for me to antagonize people simply by my inability to be antagonized. Like, when people feel a lot but I don't feel much and this disparity between what we are feeling makes people pissed, because it makes me seem more detached.
But come to think of it, it's not that I'm too assured of myself. It's just that I'm too lazy to do anything to assert my rights. Just because I don't do things doesn't mean I'm not capable of doing them, and I won't bother to go out of my way to prove that I can.
I don't know, I think that whenever someone tries to prove a point, he's showing that he can't otherwise make people believe he is capable of the point he is trying to prove. This brings to mind this scene from 4 years back, when I was Sec 2: A classmate who once went around telling other classmates "My English more better than Alastair's". I didn't have to assert myself back then; he defeated his own purpose.
But this begs a few questions: Is constantly asserting oneself a sign of inferiority complex or just plain competitiveness? If so, what does being competitive mean then? Why the insistent need to prove that one is better? And is the lack at attempting to assert oneself a sign of assuredness, or just a worse case of inferiority complex?
I'd really like to think of myself as one assured enough not to bother asserting myself at all, and not bother with competing with others, but I'm not too sure if this is me being assured or me being a pig.
I always like to ask myself questions before starting on anything. I'd wonder why would I bother doing something first before I actually chuck it away/do it. I'd like to say that I'm quite good at masking my intentions (;
If eyes are the windows to one's soul, I've drawn the curtains to mask mine.
-- 8/11/2010 08:23:00 PM
HUAT AH SINGAPORE HUAT AH
I was on the way to Paragon when I misread it as 'Dragon'. And nearby was Lucky Plaza, and I made this comment on how the name was unsophisticated. It's disturbing how what was once accepted, simplified, is now simply dismissed as unsophisticated and as something to be frowned upon. Is this a desertion from our roots, a paradigm shift, or are all these simply a disease of prosperity?I find such undeserving names unpretentious. I like such names. I don't like names that brings to mind glitzy, glamorous stuff, like 'Paragon'.
And when I stepped into the place it was much too bright. Everything was too bright, the reflection off all the glass within the building, shop fronts, marble floor...everything. Too reflective. Too much. It's a turn off. I really don't like bright places. It's bad for my eyes. I really really really don't enjoy glitzy places. Too reflective, too cold, too distant, too..unattainable.
I prefer dimmer places, because I've spent the better part of my life (childhood) in rather dim shopping malls, running around marbled floors which don't reflect my face, running on escalators which don't always work, observing lizards scaling the innards of such shopping malls, et cetera. I really am not accustomed to bright places.
And I'd love to change this blog colour scheme to black background and yellow font, but I can't be bothered with finding a new 'skin' and I don't know how to do html shit.
As a rule of thumb, if you can't relate the place you're bringing me to with scenes from zombie movies(dark places because zombies normally smash light sources), don't bring me there.
So...Singapore's 45 now. I'm not really sure what to say about this revelation, which isn't much of a revelation since everyone, everything, every country ages. I don't know if the society has brainwashed me enough or not, but I think that if patriotism is a sign of successful brainwashing, I have the symptoms (:
True, I didn't stand up to sing the National Anthem nor say the pledge at 20:10, I didn't really pay attention during NDP, I didn't move my lazy ass to join in the celebrations in Sengkang, I was lacking in passion when the fireworks were spammed, but that doesn't stop this heart from loving Singapore. I mean like, yea sure the lip-syncing SUCKED, FUCK YOU Corrinne May, at least lip-sync better and not treat the audience like idiots. Lip-syncing is very anti-climactic, and it disagrees with the notion of sincerity completely. What, didn't sleep well last night so you have a sore throat? Or what, forgot your lyrics so you have to lip-sync?
I am pissed, because I care. And because I care I find it unacceptable that Kit Chan who sang 'Home' 12 years ago could sing it 'live' while Corrinne May cannot.
If everyone were to lip-sync, what's the point of broadcasting this whole event 'live'? The organizers might as well dig up archives of past year NDPs to broadcast. I'd rather hear an imperfect version of 'Song for Singapore', complete with her being off-tune, off-beat, off-topic, rather than one that's lip-synced to.
Yawns.
I can understand why Singaporeans despise their own kind. Singapore doesn't exactly have what we call a 'gracious society', but that doesn't mean we aren't trying, right? There are things I dislike about Singapore, but by and large I am proud to be a Singaporean. I like Singlish, I like the fact that we all understand each other, I like the fact that even though we aren't that well-established in every area, we try, in our unsophisticated way, to conquer what we are deemed unable to conquer.
I like the fact that we can 'book' tables with packs of tissue papers. No, seriously, I'm not being sarcastic here. It's a very kiasu act, it's not gracious at all, but it's so primal, so territorial, so humane that it's in a way, heartwarming. Really, I'd be quite freaked out if I were to enter a foodcourt without seeing such a scene.
I like the fact that we've got people from all walks of life on our public transports, that the elderly are not really discriminated against, that racial discrimination isn't that apparent, that I can speak in Chinese whenever I want without being stared at weirdly.
I like the fact that we've got an education system here that works. As in, employment wise of course. The true essence of education was ruined when globalization occurred, but what's left of it we excel in.
We live in a very safe place, what's there to complain about? Lack of freedom, lack of freedom of speech, no opposition party? At least what we have here is more...appropriate than what can be seen in most other Asian countries (think about Japan and their ever-changing Prime Ministers). We win some, we lose some, and I think we've won more than we lost.
I still like the idea of complaining though, it's what makes us so Singaporeanish. That's whiney, yes, but don't we all whine, even if it's only in the mind? Being expressive is better than being pretentious. By complaining about how Singaporeans are whiney aren't you being whiney yourself, thus affirming your roots as a Singaporean?
And I like the fact that we can dig our nose in public without being frowned upon.(:
-- 8/09/2010 09:06:00 PM
Guys are as assholic as you allow them to be.
I was on my way home just now when I met this couple quarrelling. It was a very heated argument, and the guy was apparently using power play to force the girl to listen to him. This was all at a safe distance across the road, so I stopped to stare and contemplate if I should shout at him to stop, all the while understanding that couples squabble like that surprisingly often...
..until the quarrel intensified with the guy shouting and screaming and pushing the girl to the floor. Then he walked away, giving an awesome shriek into the air, an indication of his anger, and proceeded to climb the overhead bridge over to my side of the road, with the girl was slumped on the floor, apparently in shock. That's when I started climbing the overhead bridge over to the girl's side because being a gentleman I was worried about her (and if she wanted revenge sex she could take it out on me..I don't mind, she seemed hot from a distance). I was halfway across when she FUCKING WENT TO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD TO CLIMB ACROSS THE RAILING-THING. This is a picture of the road I've painstakingly described:
OK it might not seem impressive, but what I meant was, this is only one side of the road, meaning there's another side of the road for cars going a different direction, which means the girl jaywalked and climbed over the railings in the middle and jaywalked again to join her boyfriend on the other side of the road.
What is depicted in this picture is the guy standing and the girl sitting directly in front of him in a very compromising position, like as if she's ready to perform fellatio. At this point of time I've already crossed the overhead bridge, and looking like an idiot I walked over to a group of ahpeks sitting around a public table who were discussing about it.
So I struck a conversation with them:
Me: Wao watching show ah?
Ah Pek: Ya. They've been at it for a long time. They crossed the road like that a few times already
Me: Pssch. People these days. Tsk tsk tsk.
Ah Pek: Yalor.
Me: OK, I zao first, bye uncles.
All in Chinese of course, I like talking in Chinese.
So after that I decided to leave it to their own devices and carry on with what I was doing.
This brings us back to the age-old question: Are guys allowed to be assholes?
This episode really exemplifies why guys can be assholes--the girls allow them to be. Never blame guys for being assholes. They are what you feed them, and if you feed them complacency they will be humans and be complacent and think that they can have their way, all the time.
If I have a girlfriend I'd want her to be able to stand up against me. I want her to be independent enough to realize that she can piss me off and get away with it. There must be limits in a relationship, and if there aren't any then it's unhealthy.
Guys are only as assholic as you allow them to be. Bear that in mind the next time you point your finger at a guy who appears to be an asshole.
-- 8/08/2010 11:56:00 PM