because self-assured people constantly assure themselves that they are indeed self-assured.
I was helping out with Rivervale Primary's torchbearer event thingum, and man, it was a shitty rainy day. Here's a picture of the gloomy sky, perhaps reflective of my mood these days (pathetic fallacy):
But it was quite OK, as in the the torch relay went by smoothly, no screw-ups, but it really made me wonder what's the point. I know the fact that the flame was from Athens. but it didn't really burn a very distinctive colour from the one I see lighting up the stove of my kitchen. Why is there so much fanfare over this event, and why does traffic have to be stopped for a person running on the road? Can't he run on the pathway like normal humans? Are they actually teaching us that running along roads (on the road itself) means you're important?
If that's what they are educating, that's kinda bullshit--I walked on the expressway, on the road itself, and we didn't get much recognition besides the frequent horning because we were dangerously close to the cars coming from behind we can feel gravel spewed up by the wheels hitting our calves, and the wind from incoming cars...not that important now are we?
But that's not the point. I still don't really get how symbolic this is, OK, it's a sacred flame which made its way from 2000km away (or so), but so what? We see forest fires destroying forests and travelling large distances too, but we don't cheer for such natural fires right?
OK to be honest I'm kind bullshitting now. What I mean is, is there really a need to hold up traffic =.= and this resembles a cult, seriously, look:
It kinda scared the shit out of me when I saw the overhead bridge being spammed with people. Sure, it's once-in-a-lifetime, but that doesn't mean it's a must-do, right?
But I guess that's what makes Singapore Singapore <3
AND REALLY, FUCK THE 'OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH HEY' SHIT. I WAS STANDING THERE WAITING FOR THE TORCHBEARER TO APPEAR IN ORDER TO CALL BACK TO SCHOOL TO INFORM THEM OF THE PROCEEDINGS WHEN THEY WERE BLARING IT OUT FROM SPEAKERS, MUCH LIKE WHAT I'M DOING NOW IN CAPS. It was irritating as hell I tells you. I could swear I puked blood from my ears. Such auditory vomit should not be allowed in Singapore, someone shoot the perpetrator please =\
Besides that, I still can't get over the fact that traffic should give way to YOG-related vehicles. Like, OK, you need the road, so do I, why not you stop being lazy and get up earlier so you won't be late, just like what the rest of us have to do? Are athletes trained to be lazy, that they can hog roads? Are their coaches being lazy too? Are the VIPs being lazy? What, can't get up? Can't rush to the next venue fast enough? Boohoo, suck on it you piece of shit. Learn to prioritize, plan things, or just be lazy enough not to do anything at all.
The only vehicles allowed to have preferential treatment on roads should be civil defence related vehicles. Which brings to mind an interesting scenario--who should get priority treatment, an ambulance with a patient in critical condition, or a bus-load of lazy-assed athletes who 'need their rest'.
Also, what if a YOG bus driver decides, under the orders of the coach of whatever-shit-sport he is coaching in, to ignore traffic lights because YOG > Traffic rules, and knocks an innocent road user down? Does the bus have to stop to deal with the police and subsequent arrangements (ie arrest), or does the driver drive on in a case of legalized hit-and-run?
The discrimination is apparent, I should hang for exposing these flaws.
I was involved in a conversation that was much about females asserting themselves against men. It's a really strong-headed move that requires a lot of energy, and I salute her for asserting herself that way. Doesn't stop me from wondering why won't she just siam totally, but to be able to tolerate such shit on a one-on-one basis is something altogether.
But I won't ever be able to replicate what she did. I won't ever assert myself that way, because I'm too damned lazy to do that. In fact, I think I'm quite immune to agitation. It's hard to agitate me into doing something, because I don't see a need to assert myself, to prove that I can do what others say I can't. It's quite hard for me to be antagonized, while it's easy for me to antagonize people simply by my inability to be antagonized. Like, when people feel a lot but I don't feel much and this disparity between what we are feeling makes people pissed, because it makes me seem more detached.
But come to think of it, it's not that I'm too assured of myself. It's just that I'm too lazy to do anything to assert my rights. Just because I don't do things doesn't mean I'm not capable of doing them, and I won't bother to go out of my way to prove that I can.
I don't know, I think that whenever someone tries to prove a point, he's showing that he can't otherwise make people believe he is capable of the point he is trying to prove. This brings to mind this scene from 4 years back, when I was Sec 2: A classmate who once went around telling other classmates "My English more better than Alastair's". I didn't have to assert myself back then; he defeated his own purpose.
But this begs a few questions: Is constantly asserting oneself a sign of inferiority complex or just plain competitiveness? If so, what does being competitive mean then? Why the insistent need to prove that one is better? And is the lack at attempting to assert oneself a sign of assuredness, or just a worse case of inferiority complex?
I'd really like to think of myself as one assured enough not to bother asserting myself at all, and not bother with competing with others, but I'm not too sure if this is me being assured or me being a pig.
I always like to ask myself questions before starting on anything. I'd wonder why would I bother doing something first before I actually chuck it away/do it. I'd like to say that I'm quite good at masking my intentions (;
If eyes are the windows to one's soul, I've drawn the curtains to mask mine.