I'd make it exclusive.
I''m getting increasingly jaded by friendships. It's a relationship that bears no fruit. I don't get to have sex with any of the girls I talk to, I don't particularly enjoy pinching my men's nipples anymore, and basically, they can offer nothing that I desire.
And I don't desire much.
Contrary to popular belief, I like to be respected as a human being, and as a friend if you're supposed to be my friend. I don't know why I haven't been acting as such, thus this common misconception that I can be treated like shit, that I don't need to be valued as much, but that would change.
Get this straight--I don't need you in my life. You do.
I'm not going to act like I need anyone in my life anymore. I just realized that I have more spine than that, and that there's no need for me to act in such an ingratiating way so that people can feel better about themselves.
If you can't spare a thought for my dignity, I can't be fucked with a friendship as meaningless as such.
"Shame on you."
I've never moved away from peoples' lives, and they can always come back to me if they want to. I've blended into the surroundings because of this--comfortable to have around, but not of exceptional importance. Recent events have made me rethink my friend-making policy, and I realized that I'm doing it all wrong.
Why should I bother so much when people who don't bother at all gets more than I do?
Any cost-benefit analysis would tell me that I'm chalking up huge losses. Let's face it, given a choice I'd rather have a new computer than a new friend. What I've been doing so far doesn't make sense.
I keep burning and burning but it's not helping. I can keep on burning but would it help?
Do I want to?
I realized that I'm stretching my fire too far. It's regretful, but I'd make it exclusive now.
-- 9/27/2010 11:45:00 PM
