A Novel Way of Pissing All Over the Place
I've finally decided to do this. I've decided to challenge a fundamental law of the universe, and I urge you guys to attempt my great feat too. Girls, go away, look elsewhere, for what I'm going to expose is way too much for females to handle.
Presenting to you: A Novel Way of Pissing All Over the Place.
Note the difference in facial expressions.
This idea came to mind when I was standing around doing my usual stuff in the toilet after a successful attempt at being a ninja. The after-effects of being a ninja lingered, and I had to get rid of any possible residues still stuck in my sword, so I had to clean my sword after the bloody incident. Naturally speaking, the after-effects stopped me from being able to clean my sword properly, and as a result, I had to tilt my aiming so that I can clean my sword out.
That ensued. That, which I've painstakingly painted in Paint.
Isn't it plain boring to aim low whenever you piss? It's so mechanical, there is no life to it, and peeing has become a mindless thing--something even zombies can do (if they can get their pants off in the first place). I really hate how monotonous this art of peeing has become.
In Chinese Kungfu, there is always talk about different "styles" of martial arts, developed by different people from different regions. And they all converge on a random fine day to spar with each other to see which "style" is the best.
I believe that peeing is as diverse an act as martial arts. There are many ways to peeing. Some people force all their chi into their nether regions to expel their jet as vehemently as possible. Some prefer taking their time to release their metabolic waste products as slowly as possible, because they wish to damage their bladder. Some prefer not to think about what they're doing at all, and just switch off whenever they are in front of a urinal.
Every self-respecting guy would've tried any of the 3 aforementioned styles.
But has every real man tried out my newly-invented style yet?
If you've tried playing "Worms"* before, you'd know what I'm talking about. There are 4 variables to being successful in your conquest of the urinal/toilet bowl, namely 1) Strength, 2) Angle, 3) Wind, 4) Dick conditions.
We won't go into details of the 3rd variable, because toilets are normally in a controlled condition due to privacy reasons, so there's no wind to speak of (normally).
Angle and strength of your peeing apparatus is however cause for concern, especially if you've got your foreskin intact. That, or a lot of pubes. The pee simply sprays all over the place when there's too many of 4), and you'd end up having to clean up after yourself.
Which was what happened when I first tried it out. C'mon, it was my first try at such aesthetic peeing. It was a truly novel experience that I'd cherish and try to recreate whenever I can. And as a wise man once said--Good things must share one.
So, to all the guys, please try out this new Worm-style of shooting from your worm.
Or anaconda, whatever you wish to name your wiener.
*For those who don't know what "Worms" is, you can check it out on Wikipedia. That, or I can simply tell you that it is similar to "Angry Birds", the retarded game widely circulated and much spammed on Apple products. Whoever invented the application ought to look out for infringements of copyrights or something.
-- 1/06/2011 02:07:00 AM