Say NO! to shitty songs.
I don't know about you, and I don't know how you chose to conclude the year of 2010, but I'd prefer to end it off with a bang.
Before I start though, I'd like to refer you guys to a Youtube video. Please do not be shallow skanks and fail to look past the comedic value of this video, because it'd reveal to you how cheap composers are these days, and how much has music been demeaned to become such a cookie-cutter product:
And thus, I feel that I should start on this crusade against shitty songs. Presenting to you the 4 worst songs of 2010, and another 2 from 2009 (because otherwise the post would seem too short):
From 2010
Just the way you are--Bruno Mars
No, really, I hate this song. I'd like to fork the balls of whoever wrote the lyrics for this song. Yes, that's him. I'd like to slowly remove the sole difference between him and females.
I sourced around, and found that there's nothing redeeming about this song. Look at this part:
"And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"
I'm really sorry, but I refuse to believe that everyone would stare at a girl just because she's smiling--unless she's fucking ugly. The current population of the world is approximately 6,892,000,000. Let's assume that there are as many males as females in the world, and that we are to remove homosexuality from this equation. This means that if the lyrics were true, 3,446,000,000 people would "stop and stare for awhile" at a random girl that smiled, simply because she is "amazing". Then, let us assume that everyone stares for 1 second. That amounts to 3,446,000,000 seconds wasted, which is 57433333minutes wasted, which is 957222hours wasted, which is 39884.26 days wasted, which is 109.27 years wasted. That's a lot of opportunity cost.
I really don't understand why any guy would want to create such a song to please females. Doesn't it remind you of some sort of mental emasculation? It certainly does to me--I can no longer look at him as a man.
If you like this song, you're a female. This song is written for the average female audience, because the average female loves being flattered to outrageous limits, and the most unbelievable thing is that they fucking believe it. Flattery works well in getting laid, guys, this you can note from the song based on the number of women Bruno Mars (what the fuck kind of name is this anyway, sounds like some chocolate brand) made moist with this stupid song. I really have nothing good to say about this song.
There IS one redeeming factor though. A spoof was made of this song, and it captured the essence of the song (or lack thereof, considering that it's so superficial) in its entirety.
News flash--if a song can be parodied to such an extent, it's no longer a song.
I'm not a profound person, I'm a boor who drinks cheap beer, but even I know that this song sucks. Please, stop being so blind. Pry that head of yours from your ass and see the song for what it is--a scam to get you into bed with him.
Oh and another redeeming factor about this song is that it reminded me of another song going by the same name: Just the way you are--Billy Joel. Besides the obvious rip-off from the song name of this classic, and certain elements from this admittedly nice oldie, he has successfully managed to capture the essence of women in general--that they are nothing but fuck toys, because there's only the need to flatter them about their looks and nothing about character.
Just joking, what kind of character can females have? If they like this song, they're admitting that besides looks, they have no other appeal.
And thus, no character to speak of.
Baby--Justin Bieber
I like the colour I chose for this song. It's quite fitting I'd say--fitting for such a pussy. I don't really want to go into the song, but I've done my fair bit of research and found that the lyrics suck. I mean, I do know that the chorus sucked, and that the chorus is normally the most attractive, most heart-rending, most excitable part in any song, but I thought that looking at the full song might help me understand why this song is such a hit.
Alas, I couldn't.
Lyrics:
"I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring
And I'm in pieces, Baby fix me"
Precisely why he can't get more than a one-night stand, if he can stand at all in the first place. From this, it's apparent that females are materialistic--something good if you're interested in whores. Apparently, whoever the target audience of this song is isn't a whore, so I'm guessing that the male protagonist should rethink his life, values, and morals, and definitely re-strategize his dating tactics.
Enough said.
Like a G6--Far East Movement
Um...Seriously? I was actually fairly interested in what a "G6" was, and after some Googling, I found that it's actually a type of plane. So when they go "Feel so fly like a G6", they mean that they feel like an airplane.
Question: What exactly does an airplane feel?
I'm telling you, airplanes prefer being grounded. Airplanes actually suffer from acrophobia. They fear flying, because they don't ever know whether they can make it back into their hangars without bursting into flames or not. Whenever they land, they get a minor orgasm just by feeling the solid ground on their wheels. They seriously hate flying, and they'd love to eat up whoever it piloting in their cock..pits, but they can't because if they really did so, they can't land.
Which sort of object would like to spend its time 9-12KM off the ground, flying alone without birds and other objects near it to mate with?
I know how planes feel because I talked to them. Has Far East Movement done so?
No, because that'd be crazy, so they should shut the fuck up about how planes feel.
I don't even want to go into details of they lyrics of this song, because I don't want to burst my blood vessels with rage at the level of shittiness of songs these days.
I've watched a parody of this song, and I must admit that the parody contains better singing and lyrics than the original. The entertaining value is definitely there, and the lyrics make much more sense.
Firework--Katy Perry
Besides the fact that the singing difficulty of this song is damn high, and that the lyricist means well, it doesn't make sense.
I watched the music video yesterday. It was freaky. I would freak out if anyone turned into fireworks, started fizzing and burning brightly. I would die of shock if such a thing were to happen to anyone around me, or to myself. I would seriously die of shock before I could ever recall that if anyone were to ignite and burst into fireworks, I should grab a fire-extinguisher and try to save what's left of the ignited, firework-ed, person.
The lyricist must have a really warped mind to be able to come up with such lyrics. I think she's a pyromaniac herself, seeing as the music video was so...fiery.
To be honest..I think I only have problems with the music video. They don't have to take the "firework" motif so literally. If the music video didn't do that, it'd have been a much more acceptable song, because we don't have to take the literal meaning of fireworks into context. But now that they went and did it, they should probably include the after-effects of being a firework:
Magnesium oxide.
Let's move onto the songs from 2009.
TikTok--Ke$ha
Uhh...so the $ sign presumably refers to money. OK, got it. How do I pronounce it? It doesn't even make phonetic sense. If you were to read it out, it'd be something like "Ke-dollar sign-ha", and that it retarded. I guess it makes her name more unique, but I'm guessing she'd have a lot of troubles getting that in her actual identification card.
The song isn't so bad...
...if you ignore the fact that it's about a 20+ year old girl advocating alcoholism, getting wasted, and telling other girls to be a trashy whore because that's what hot is. I am an alcoholic myself, but I don't recommend drinking. I leave my drinking to myself, much like my masturbation. There are things you keep to yourself, and alcoholism is one of it. Urgh.
Down--Jay Sean
Enough said. Just refer above to TikTok.
They make radio un-listenable. I was just sitting around at KFC once, not doing much, waiting for a friend to buy me a Chicky Meal, when "Like a G6" struck.
I tore out tufts of hair in my exasperation from having a shitty song blared into my head, and at how civilization is failing me, and I seriously considered turning into a hermit.
Please, stop shitty songs from spreading. Say NO! to shitty songs.
-- 1/05/2011 12:49:00 AM