I am a born Paintist.
Work has helped me realize the latent potential within me. I am actually quite an artist, and very much of an expert in using Paint. Yes, that's the program every machine made using Microsoft have. The one that you'd use to unleash the spray-painter within you, when you finally realize that spray painting on walls is considered vandalism and not art.Behold, my art work:
Seriously, can anyone do Paint better than me? I'm proud of my Paint skills. It's not even photoshop. It's just something so primitive it tells you everything about the creator of these works of art. It is often said that to sound out a chef's cooking level, you don't have to order the signature dish of the chef--just the most primitive dishes would do. If the chef in question is able to create the simple dish well, his culinary skills can't be questioned, because the simpler the food cooked, the easier it is to screw up.
OK that sounds like bullshit. But then again, just because I can't substantiate the saying doesn't mean it's not true.
Moral of the story: I win at life.
-- 2/24/2011 10:39:00 AM
Hot asses hold huge potential.
I'm going to carry on with my Valentine's Day tirade, which was screwed up enough. Apparently a lot of people thought it'd be smart to try to create videos featuring break-ups on such a day. With the advent of Facebook, and the deluge of "Live feed", it's hard to avoid seeing snippets of such videos.It's always interesting to look at such spoofs, and the idiots who actually believe that those videos are real. One of these videos was about a girl breaking up with her two-timing boyfriend because he was using a plastic water bottle. I don't really see what's the "laughing point" of the whole fiasco. I get this feeling that the video was trying to bank on "Irony", in which the audience is led to believe that the victim, the girl who was two-timed, is supposed to be outraged by her boyfriend's sexcapades, and break up with him because of that. The irony comes when she doesn't break up with him because of that, but because of a "plastic water bottle", thus the aptly named "Plastic waterbottle heartbreak :c" or something equally stupid.
Uhh. No? It's not even funny. It's not even worth watching. I can't really see the girls involved. It's just plain retarded. They're doing that to gain attention. Boring. Oh and it doesn't help that the video was started before the confrontation occurred. Connect the dots, idiots.
There was another video featuring a supposed ahlian breaking up with her ahbeng boyfriend because he wasn't sincere enough. It was interesting. At least I saw a reason to laugh, in the form of
"Take back your fake flower lah"
I wouldn't have watched it if the still image of the video was of the girl's hot ass, and as everyone knows, a hot ass holds more promise than totipotent stem cells.
Mmm. The huge potential of such an ass can only be realized by giving birth to my babies.
But this takes the cake.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150092317177056&comments
I watched it, and re-watched it several times to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me and showing me images of sexposed nipples. Yep, there weren't any sexposed nipples, which would've been boring if not for the fact that she has a sizeable cleavage. Coupled with a hidden camera and a mental breakdown of the female involved, I'd think it bordered on softcore porn. That says quite a lot.
I'd re-watch it with the sound on. I haven't heard a woman really moan and scream in surprise. By "really", I mean like "not being paid to do so".
Mm...hot ass. Males should be pranking their beloved females that way, at least everyone laughs and has a good time fantasizing. Not feeling like they've wasted their time watching a "plastic waterbottle heartbreak". Maybe that's why Singaporeans are seen as stupid. They just aren't creative enough, and they try so hard it falls flat on their faces. Stupid, only because it isn't natural, only because we try to emulate the West so much.
But I'd love to emulate what that asshole did in the link provided above (;
-- 2/22/2011 02:09:00 AM
I am bitter because I am single and lonely. Not.
It’s really hard to do office work, or so I feel. I’m so damn bored of sitting around doing nothing. Today’s Total Defence Day, and the only notable thing that happened was the sounding of the siren (the highlight of any day, which could’ve been made a better climax by the shitting of bombs, spluttering motorcycles, and screams from women and children alike). Alas, that was all that happened.
Boring.
I was thinking of coming up with a post that has something to do with Valentine’s Day. I was planning to type it without the capitalization, but I realized that there must be some sort of significance to that day that warrants the capitalization, a significance that no one has discovered yet. I was very much amused by the whole affair going on in Malaysia though—they caught 100+ Muslim couples in budget hotels (the kind that I stayed in when I was in S. Korea). No, it was not a mass orgy, they were couples in different rooms…
..I hope. I don’t understand a single bit of this furore, but whatever floats their boat. Just leave them be lah. They’d be doing it whether it’s Valentine’s or not, it’s not like the day has some great cosmic significance to it that makes everyone experiencing the day itself moist with desire or have their hormones rage so much they cannot stand it.
Look elsewhere. It’s not the day itself =.=
Anyway, after so many years, I’ve decided that
The better times of my life were spent alone, and the best, masturbating.
You can quote me, I think that quote is interesting. I created it, give me credits thanks~
So, to the singles who haven’t been able to see why they shouldn’t be bothered by the alleged significance/way of celebrating today, I’ve decided to come up with a few reasons why you shouldn’t be bothered, and why you should feel proud about being single.
1) You’re saving your money.
No, really, you’re buying gifts for someone, who would reciprocate the gift in return (or die in shame). Flowers are retarded too, I’m watching my colleague sign the receipt of a flower. She’s quite hot, and flowers would do her well, but it’s such a waste of money. Where do all these flowers go when they wilt? They don’t get eaten, their pollen is wasted, and we’re doing the ecosystem a great disservice.
What’s worse is when teenagers date. They don’t bother much about money, because they’re rich or at least their parents want them to think that they are rich. When the time comes for gifts, they splurge. They’re generous in their gifts, forgetting that their parents are the ones giving them the allowance. Of course, they have the “MY ALLOWANCE, MY MONEY” mentality, but really, if you want to indulge yourself in such foolish moments of pride when people praise you for your gifts, stop being the brat that you are and earn your keep. Maybe then you’d realize that your gift translates to a day’s work, and you’d be less inclined to be such an asshole.
What’s with this gifting culture anyway? “I have money, I want my friend to remember me for my gifts”? BORING. If you’re remembered in the form of a pair of earphones for your friend and you like that, there’s another occasion like this. It’s called the Qing Ming festival, and you could be an urn in the columbarium.
If you want to be remembered so much, make it such that your presence would be missed. Be outstanding. Be remembered for who you are and what you do, not what you give.
“Friendship Day gifts” are the worst. If Valentine’s Day were a game and every effort to “celebrate” it were monsters in the game, “Friendship gifts” would be the boss monster.
It has to stop. Really. Friendship Day, when everyone else you know are smooching? I’d rather be shot.
Boss Monster: 1, you: 0
It’s a trap by the way. If you accept any such gifts, you’re basically resigning to the fact that you could only be just a friend to the person giving you a generic gift. You could never get to touch her boobs if you accept the gift.
Don’t pass up that chance.
2) You’re being ironic.
While everyone else is basically in the whole “love is in the air” mood, you could be sullen and withdrawn, making you unique, getting you the attention you want. You will stick out like a sore thumb, because you’re walking alone. That is itself a reward, and you can enjoy feel the envy of all the males who are being lugged around by their meatsacks of females. They will stare at you and wonder “Why does this guy have so much balls?” before hating their lives and whoever is slowing them down by being too lazy/weak to walk on her own. You, on the other hand, can stand tall and proud without additional weight on either side of you. It’d be tits.
3) Personal space
You might be bored, you might be itching to play Runescape, you might be more interested in having sex with your hand, you might be more interested in watching films featuring the most primal act of Sex on your computer screen, but you can never do all these if you’re attached and committed to a girl. You’d have to put aside your masturbation fantasies, pull up your shorts, and get out to have a candlelit dinner (all expenses paid for by you, the man).
Guys, seriously, think about it. Watching porn is free. Masturbating is free. Dating is not. Do you really want to place so much money on a gamble for satisfaction of your dick? What if she says “No, let’s not ruin tonight with the discussion of sex”, and gives you a provocative smile while you start thinking that all hope isn’t lost, because “discussing” is not the same as “act”. When you realize this fact, and that your partner is smiling in that seductive way, the idea of “SEX” clonks back into your head, only to have her state slowly, to your huge disappointment and boner, that
“and the act of it”.
Just go commit suicide or something. It might make you feel better as you die knowing that your friends and your girlfriend would realize that the cause of your death is ultimately their neglect, and you can die in peace knowing that your spirit, and the thoughts of you, would be haunting them for their lives—but don’t bet on it. If they’re willing to neglect you, there must be a good reason why—I’m guessing you’re an idiot.
Who has no friends. BIG YAWN.
Females are unnecessary unless you want to feel like your dick is in a vat of warm phospholipids. Do you really want that? Go buy a sex toy or something, at least it can’t complain when you force your dick into it. Or that you’re too small.
And unlike real females, you don’t need to take them on expensive dates, you don’t have to worry about getting any unwanted pregnancies, you don’t have to worry about being the dick that you are.
As for me, I plan to mate with my hand as often as I can. I plan to impregnate my right hand. And I don’t think any girl is important enough for me to give up Runescape. As long as I’m earning my experience in Runescape and leveling up constantly, I can stand erect.
And until now I haven't gotten myself to reconcile with the fact that the Cupid everyone's so involved with is a baby. And as everyone knows, babies are bad for health, but good for cooking with laksa. As such, I've decided to colour code Cupid. Laksa is red, so Cupid should be red too.
Banned.
No, really, can you believe this shit? A baby flying about shooting people with arrows to make them fall in love? Really? I'd rather get shot in my balls than to believe in this. I'm not that well-versed in Roman/Greek culture, but Cupid is supposed to be a creature born out of pure lust. It's named "Eros" in Greek culture, and everyone knows what "eros" can translate into.
Oh, an interesting side note on why people exclaim "love is blind". If Cupid is really responsible for "love", then we're all fucked, because Cupid is stupid. OK, besides that, he/she/it is also BLIND. I'm not entirely sure about how blind is Cupid, but people around me have mentioned before, and because I can't be bothered to search on Google, I'm just going to take this information granted as true.
"Ooh, Cupid's a baby, how cute, can I breastfeed him?"
No, he'd bite off your tits and cum all over your face before you could even go "Awww so kewt!". If you want to know a culture, know it in its entirety. Don't simply take the easy way out by picking only the good things you see in a certain aspect of something. There are always 2 sides to a coin, and just because you get tails does not mean you don't have to give head.
-- 2/15/2011 03:42:00 PM
It's not permanent. It can be cleaned off.
I know I've deprived you guys of proper posts for a damn long time, because I've got shit to do now and Runescape takes precedence over blogging when I'm on the computer.
In order to set things right and make you guys feel that justice is served (unto me), I've decided to publicly humiliate myself by posting a picture of my pubes:
Joking. It's a picture of my piano-playing angel, who has left Singapore for Melbourne to study. Now I won't presume to say that she's an angel, much less MY angel, because she pisses me off so often I don't even know why I'm friends with her at times. I've grown to hate phone calls because of this BRAT who calls me often enough to grouse about how life is unfair how people are dao-ing her how this and that, and she normally calls at the most inopportune of moments, like when my pants are off (when I'm in the PUBLIC TOILET, PEEING), or in situations equally inconvenient.
But now, with her gone, who knows? I might actually miss these.
And to you. Stay safe. I had things I wanted to say but couldn't because of that farewell crowd of yours, but the time has passed and so yea. Good luck (;
I loitered around in the airport after she left. It's always refreshing to hear different languages at home, and even more refreshing when you come to terms with some of the more shocking things in life, such as the story that I'm about to share with you guys.
I met 2 hot ladies when I was simply loitering around the airport. One of them locked eyes with me, those "FUCK ME" eyes, and I was hooked. I stared back with eyes that said "Come get me", and she did. So I went over to help her take a picture of the 2 of them in the airport, against the board dictating the flight details. Being the socially confident guy that I am, I confidently took over the camera and asked them if they wanted to have the picture contain the entirety of the board, to which they smiled and nodded vigorously as if they wanted to give head.
So I took a picture for them and asked them for a quality check, which passed, before they sent me on my way after giving me a great blowjob.
As I walked away, I came to a blinding realization that one should never pass his camera to any unsuspecting stranger. There's not only the threat of the stranger grabbing your camera and running, there's also the possibility that the stranger was masturbating moments prior to smearing his sperms all over your poor innocent camera.
That, or menstruated eggs, seeing as women bleed so often that one must have had passed his camera to such a woman before.
But I didn't have my sperms all over my hand when I was handling the camera.
I had something more unisexual.
I had snot.
-- 2/13/2011 09:57:00 PM
Male escort for hire.
OK, here's the deal.I will prostitute myself for Valentine's Day. Any interested party can send in their application to win me on Valentine's Day.
Mode of payment: Percy Jackson series.
I cannot stand unfinished stories. I NEED TO KNOW, AND I WILL BE A MALE ESCORT FOR THIS TO COME TRUE.
-- 2/11/2011 10:25:00 PM
I, Amber Brown.
The past week has been taxing. For the ignorant, I've decided to take up a job offer in my primary school. It doesn't require me to do much, and I'm thankful that I can reserve my brain for more intelligent and meaningful discourses regarding moral values and dick size. But it's been taxing as this is taking out time--precious Runescape time, from my curriculum. How do I make up for it? By playing overnight.I sleep 5 hours a day now. It's terrible. Work starts at 9, but I wake up at 7 just to rejuvenate myself that out there, in a virtual world, there's a character earning more than $6.50 per hour. And that makes me feel better about myself.
Now I know the importance of education. If you don't study hard now, if you don't have proper certification, you can't get a good job and have a good life without feeling that you're doing stuff and writing reports to make someone else rich.
The staff are nice of course, and my job scope ranges from laminating papers to reading books.
Yes, I'm getting paid to read books, I feel like a professor in literature right now.
That's the only redeeming factor so far. I can't help but feel proud of myself--that I can earn money by reading books. The only reason why they need me to read books is that they require some questions to be set. The teachers can't read the books themselves because they have their own shit to do, so who do they call?
Ghost busters. I'm not complaining, I enjoy reading, even if the content is juvenile, even if it doesn't really make me wonder about life, humans, and their mysteries. I'm content with reading the Percy Jackson series (The Lightning Thief, and The Sea of Monsters). There are also books meant for lower primary students, which I've had the misfortune to browse through, but I guess I can live with it.
In fact, I can't believe what they're making kids go through.
There's this book about "You can't eat your chickenpox, Amber Brown", or something equally stupid. The protagonist, Amber Brown, enjoys starting her statements with "I, Amber Brown", as in
"I, Amber Brown, am one excited kid."
"I, Amber Brown, am down with chickenpox."
"I, Amber Brown, am moist with desire."
(as quoted from the book)
It's infuriating to see this level of narcissism (and possibly some kind of assertion of her own identity, reflecting an innate insecurity of hers), but I guess that's only to be expected, seeing as it is a book for children.
But I digress--that's not the reason why I don't find the book appropriate for kids. The short story was about how this girl, Amber Brown (duh), was trying to patch things up between her parents who are filing for divorce. I'm not very close-minded, but
1) I don't think divorce is something kids can understand, and seeing as the book is probably meant for Primary 2-3 students, I don't think they can understand the rationale behind divorces (besides themselves being irritating sacks of shit). Adding that element is kind of pointless, because they'd either not understand what's going on and why, or
2) they might freak out.
Never mind. I'm more interested in Percy Jackson anyway. Happy Chinese New Year, HUAT AHHH!!!111!!!
I'm not sure if I want to sleep now or not. 5.18AM, my parents will live long.
I, Alastair Lee, am tired.
-- 2/03/2011 04:55:00 AM