I AM A SADISTIC PIG, A PERVERT, AND A RAPIST.
I really don't think of myself as a misogynist, but the opportunity makes the thief. Wrong use of an adage here, but it just means that I hate women from time to time. In fact, all the time. Maybe I really am a misogynist, but am too proud to admit that I am biased against all vagina wielders.As a matter of fact, women are stupid. Look how many of them get unwanted pregnancies. If you didn't know, female flowers can choose whichever gamete it wants to be fertilized with, amidst the millions of pores donated by men. They don't even have a brain, but they are able to sift through all that, purely with what could be known as their pussy. Females have brains (surprise surprise), but they haven't learnt to control their vaginas as well. Why? Hasn't evolution taught them anything at all? Can't control pregnancies by yourself? Noob. I'm guessing that all those birth-control pills and contraceptives were created by men, because they want sex so much that they have to assure females "It's safe, you won't get pregnant"--the only reason why women don't want to have sex in the first place.
Evolution obviously hasn't been of help in the art of pregnancy either. Surprise surprise. Why else did Osama's mother give birth to Osama? Couldn't she have built a stronger telepathic link to her child in the 10 months that he took up residence in her womb? Women are responsible for all the troubles in the world, for they are the mother of all those trouble-makers. You might want to start blaming the fathers of such troublesome characters, but fathers always have the convenient excuse of "He/she wasn't in my womb. Fuck you, I have no womb." The smarter ones would go like "I'm not a seahorse."
Unless a man is a seahorse, he is not responsible for a child's character development. Such developments must be made during the foetal state.
Another thing about pregnant mothers is that they love to exclaim really intelligent stuff like "MY BABY JUST KICKED ME!!!111!!!" No shit? The last time I elbowed my wife, she said it was domestic abuse and I got hauled over to the police station. Why does a foetus get away with so much anyway? Shouldn't something be taught against kicking against a mothers' womb? Yes, it's a sign that the baby is in fact alive and kicking, but it's also a sign of him growing up to be unfilial--abortion please. If my child ever kicks me, I'd tear his legs apart and cook them in laksa. Laksa builds character. Pregnant ladies, watch and learn. Resilience is only honed through adversity, and adversity comes in the form of a boiling laksa pot. Threaten to cook them and they'd never do anything unfilial. Cook them and they'd never do anything anymore. Except satisfying your stomach.
Just because the foetus doesn't know shit doesn't mean that it should be exempted from punishment. If I didn't know that rape was illegal and I raped someone, that doesn't mean I get to go off scott-free, right? Why should babies have that prerogative of domestic-abuse-without-police-intervention?
Something must be done about this.
Babies ought to learn how to clean up after themselves. I mean, it'd be really good if they knew how to cook meals in order to express their filial side, but I'd be more than tempted to cook them if I saw them near the pots. Especially if they are cooking laksa. But that's a different story. I mean like, it's perfectly fine they don't know how to cook. But they should at least clean up their shit right? Here's an idea--how about creating a baby room, and leaving the baby alone there? Leave a lot of food around, and milk, and see if the baby is smart enough to find the teat and start sucking. Even baby hamsters know how to survive without parental guidance. Why can't human babies? What the fuck is this, we're stupid compared to hamsters. Someone shoot us with the X-Men ray please.
Let's stop talking about mothers and mothers-to-be. Let's talk about women in general. They annoy the fuck out of me, and kill my boner.
They think that having a vagina means the world to all males in the world (and to a select few elite females who choose to gravitate to their own gender). That is a sexist view that I'd love to stomp out of their colons.
I remember coming across a joke about 2 kids competing with each other over their genders. The boy rode a bicycle and told the girl "I have a bicycle, girls can't ride bicycles, noob." And the next day, the girl rode a bicycle just to snub the boy's nose. After that, the boy rode a motorbike, and the girl followed suit.
The punchline comes when the boy flashes his dick, and the next day, the girl flashes her vagina stating "My mum said that if I have this, I can have as many of that as I want !"
The joke is wrong on many levels, yet it paints an accurate picture regarding the nature of females in present day society.
It shows that
1) They are all insecure and have to prove themselves worthy of men's attention
2) They have random sex and display an exhibitionistic behaviour all the time just to assert themselves to the males that males can't live without females.
3) Sex.
It's not a very accurate story though. Who cares about a vagina? I'm not ploughing my Indiana Jones into someone's crotch unless I want to get her pregnant, because I'm never going to wear a condom or pull out when I'm shooting my seed. So the only ways for females to satisfy me would be
1) Anal sex
2) Blowjob
3) Handjob
4) Footjob
5) Armpit sex
I'm currently reconsidering the fifth option though. Not every woman epilate, so it could be quite a refreshing, albeit disturbing scene when I get chaffed from all the armpit hair of a female being.
This reminds me of that stupid commercial in which a woman goes around showing her armpits. I don't have the time to find the commercial and take screenshots, so I've taken it upon myself to give as accurate a paintjob as I could:
Sometimes, I wish I were making this shit up.
But no. This is true. In the commercial, the lady slides around showing her hairless, fair armpit. The guy was in turn turned on. This doesn't make sense, unless he has armpitphilia or some fetish for armpits. That's unhealthy. Don't do that.
And to the impressionable girls out there, don't use that product unless you want queer men to stare at your armpits as in the commercial. That's truly weird. Really. Unless you want queer men to start humping as inconspicuously as possible against your armpits as you sit on the MRT, don't do that. What the fuck's wrong with you anyway? Why are you showing off your armpits on the MRT? No one's interested, you're stinking up the place, cover the fuck up. I'm not showing off my armpits in its full glory, why are you? Sexist pieces of shit, just because I have hairy armpits doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to show off my mane. And if I don't, despite the beauty and appeal of my hair, why should you when you're hairless? I take that back. Don't flaunt it even if you're hairless. Some things are best kept in the bedroom.
That's why it's called "bedroom antics". Just keep it to yourself and your unfortunate partner who has to cringe his nose and deaden his taste buds whenever you require him to lick your armpits as part of foreplay.
If at this point you're a female and feel insulted, fuck you. Just because you're sexist doesn't mean that I can't be sexist. If there's one thing in common between males and females, it's the 22 pairs of chromosomes and the subsequent phenotypes, and the ability to be sexists. You wouldn't feel half as pissed if this were written by a female. You're only pissed because "Only females can berate other females."
No shit? Your father doesn't scold you? If he doesn't, it's no wonder you're so easily offended. Boring.
If you're a male and you feel insulted, congratulations! You're officially emasculated, please hand over your balls at the next counter.
At this point, I must admit that it's because of recent traumatic experiences with females that inspired this post. I am normally not a misogynist and I love pussies, but something snapped within me and this ensued. Now, you will see the naked me without all the vileness, violence and immortality. I am a victim of circumstances after all. Now, you will see a softer side of me. Therefore, I must make it clear that my bark is worse than my bite:
The thing about females is that they love to flaunt the fact that they have pussies. They treat you like shit and then come back to you when they need you, only to know that you're smouldering with chagrin and indignation, almost as if treating you like shit doesn't warrant such a response.
Then they take a further shit on you by offering you sex in its various forms (as stated above) and expect you to immediately forgive them.
This makes me wonder: Are they pissing guys off just for make up sex?
Then I came to this blinding realization that all women are whores.
As such, I'm not engaging in any sexual activities with females for a long while now. I'm not crippled and I have hands.
And guy friends.
And the Internet.
If I do, that means they win. My pride is worth more than satisfying Indiana Jones. Don't expect me to grovel on the floor for someone who turned her back on me. You girls can burn in hell. That, or in lava. Or a river of semen that you've always craved for from men. Whatever.
-- 3/22/2011 09:45:00 AM