Jerked around
I feel like I've been jerked around this entire week. Being brought to Singapore, from Pulau Tekong to Singapore Discovery Centre, then being brought back to Tekong for Remedial Training is a typical "jerk-him-around" treatment.
It's like smelling freedom but you can't masturbate.
It's like having a wet dream that isn't orgasmic.
It's like having a dream that borders on being erotic but fails to be so because of very practical reason.
Yes, that's right. I nearly had a wet dream in camp. The last conversation topic before hitting the sack (ball sack) was wild boars having sex, and when I fell asleep, the dream was something like...
I was booking into Tekong when I picked up 2 hot girls. I can't recall dreams well because that's the nature of dreams, but I think they might have been friends with me in the dream (I don't remember paying them at all). So we were on the cab to the nearest motel when I got a freaking huge boner, and one of the girls was like "Ooh, that's a pretty huge boner, I wonder what it's capable of (;" before proceeding to stroke my engorged member, upon which I groaned and told her to stop because I was in danger of premature ejaculation due to the too-long-never-wank syndrome. Her friend commented that I had a huge boner too, because it was simply poking out of my pants.
Then we reached the motel, and we all alighted. I think we were planning on a threesome, and we tried to check in when I saw that the price of the room was $50 a night. I was thinking along the lines of "Fuck damn expensive sia" and I was trying to coax the girls to having sex with me in camp instead (in my dream, Tekong was more...loosely guarded), and they were all averse to the idea because they weren't exhibitionists like I am.
So I had no choice but to try to get a room, and when I tried to do just that, the receptionist or whatever you call that hastily cancelled out the $50 a night and edited it to $158 a night.
That was too much for me, because ultimately I am just a poor man with a very small wallet. In my dream, the bigger the wallet the smaller the cock, and vice versa. Is this a phenomenon reflected in real life too?
So I turned around and told the girls something along the lines of "Maybe not today."
Then I woke up.
My dreams fail.
Of course, this isn't the main reason why I feel like I've been jerked around. I'm not one to complain about dreams or situations, I'm one to complain about people and the situations people get me into. I was having a lengthy discussion about my opposite gender with a like-minded man when we realized that we were talking about the exact some human being.
Then I realized that I've been jerked around all along, that I've never been special to her. This isn't to save face, and I mean this honestly, but I treat everyone the same, unless I really dislike them a lot. I don't need them to feed me with lies like how I am special to someone just to make me stay around, I only need a little bit of appreciation every now and then and acts of gratitude like sex, webcam sex, a proper thank you, et cetera. But if you were to tell me that I'm special to you, you're pressuring me into treating you specially, which I could try but never succeed. When I try, and then I find out that you were simply paying lip service, I'll feel like I've been jerked around.
Exactly what I'm feeling now. I never thought you'd lie to me to such an extent, telling me that I'm special to you, that you're attracted to me, then being so into a friend of mine. Now that my eyes are better, now that I know you were only insecure and needed the attention that this gives you, I think that it's my duty as an ex-friend that sooner or later you'd realize that you're only cheapening yourself and that you ought to stop because this I'm-not-that-much-of-a-slut impression you give people would not last, because eventually everyone would be more enlightened about your double-crossing ways and life-style, but I don't think there's much of a point because you're no longer a friend of mine, because you've overstayed your hospitality, because you've overused your charm.
I'd like to use the phrase "The gloves have come off", but I can't hit what I can't see. All I know is that I've been jerked around and there's this sense of incredulity that this had happened to me, that I've been so thoroughly used and didn't know better for 3 years.
I guess I need to rethink my life. I'm not such a good judge of character as I thought after all :c
-- 6/11/2011 04:52:00 PM
