I want to be devastating.
There's always the story about the comedian who repeated a joke, got no laughter, and came up with the million-dollar question of why people can't get happy over the same thing, but can get sad over the same thing.I think I have a proper retort to that now. It'd take some time to get though, I didn't quite know how to phrase it myself initially. Ideas don't really translate into words these days, I think being deprived of my NDS is bad for my brain.
Skipping one meal makes me hungry. Skipping one meal, in another time frame, also makes me hungry. This only makes sense, because sadness is a form of hunger, born from need. And we more or less need similar things all the time--attention and sex.
We can't compare apples with oranges. We do, however, get wowed whenever someone makes a witty comparison between the two, and we go like "Ya hor how come we never think of it that way ah", as if the wow factor by itself can overcome the distinct barrier between apples and oranges.
I was reading the newspapers in camp a few days back when a certain Clara Chung appeared on the Life section. I was quite intrigued, because I never fail to love Asians, so I tried to find her on Youtube when I got home. It wasn't too difficult even though I forgot her name.
Apparently, she got famous because of her covers on other peoples' songs. I really don't understand this whole business of "covers". Someone famous sang it once. You don't have to do it again. It doesn't really inject something new into the song. How does it help? What are you trying to do, riding on the coattails of someone famous? Are you unable to become famous by yourself, with your own effort? I'm not saying that doing covers and all doesn't require effort, but making a cover doesn't sound all that intimidating compared to coming up with your own song.
Let's look at this blog for example. If I were someone famous, this blog would be read by more people. I'm not someone famous, so this blog isn't really all that hot, despite the fact that my literary abilities (or lack thereof) would be the same as if I were famous.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's more of a feat to become a renowned musician if you create your own pieces that are able to get people's attention, rather than to do the same only after you've gotten famous through riding on the coattails of other more accomplished musicians.
And thus, I cannot bring myself to respect these "cover artistes".
She is quite pretty though. As she was making the cover (the music video was about her...singing to the song), I was pretty much undressing her in my mind, thinking of the microphone as my penis (because I have a micropenis). Then I realized that she was pretty and that I'm not watching the MV for the right reasons, so I stopped watching. I'm not charmed over by good looks easily. I mean, it's hard to get charmed over when I have/am a limp dick.
Maybe that's why WK's attempt to baptize me into the cult of AKB48 isn't working out. I was bribed into watching their concert last Sunday with free tickets (he blew $100 on me, a pretty gay thing to do but kind of appreciated nevertheless). Although I don't understand a single shit, he managed to remind me of the mantra "We live only once", and I managed to psycho myself into thinking just that.
And so we bought light sticks and went crazy.
But I'm still not charmed over. Their crowd control was good though, and they were a charismatic bunch, able to drive the crowd crazy. I like that. It reminds me of this song that I have on my MP3:
You don't have to hear the full song if you don't understand Chinese, but in the opening, their fans were all humming along to the tune that everyone knows. I feel slightly moved whenever I hear this on my MP3, because in the comfort of my world, the voices of their fans reaches into me, pulling out something that I've always been repressing:
I want that power over people. It doesn't have to be on such a huge stage. It doesn't have to be on any stage at all. I just want to be heard.
I know my ambition now, and it's really ambitious. I want to be able to move the masses. I want so much from so many, it's impossible. And maybe that's why I repress this ambition of mine.
Maybe that's why I'm always shortchanging myself.
I remember the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, who was able to lure rats into drowning themselves (and subsequently, children). I want that power. For better or worse, I want that power. Not on the children lah.
And maybe that's why I can relate to what one of my friends once posted
"One day, I will be devastating."
Sometimes I wonder what people feel when they're in a relationship. Being in a relationship is an art, just like being alone. One of my friends got very depressed when her boyfriend left something out, she couldn't live properly for awhile even with all the attention her friends showered her with. It was weird observing her, and how futile her friends' efforts on her were.
To have so much power over someone else is obscene.
This reminds me of the aforementioned song:
就算是这个世界 把我抛弃 而至少快乐伤心我自己决定
所以我说 就让它去 我知道潮落之后一定有潮起 有什么了不起
所以我说 就让它去 我知道潮落之后一定有潮起 有什么了不起
I guess that's the perks of being alone--not getting too affected by any one person. But this would lead to a second problem:
Resorting to prostitutes for sex. This article is very interesting. I was simply looking for the market rate of blowjobs, because I'm looking for one, and I chanced upon this and realized that I'm much like the other 81% of the other perverts around:
I'll just quote one part of it, which makes this whole section look like a complete joke, but I think it's funny:
"14. This is all very informative. So where can I find prostitutes?
You can find prostitutes in brothels. A couple of legal examples are the (NSFW) Kit Kat Guest Ranch and the Bunny Ranch in Nevada."
Talk about being obvious.
I just saw this. I can't help it. I need to add this:
"TYPE YOUR NAME:
TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE
SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD:
Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did."
TYPE YOUR NAME: Alastair Lee
TYPER YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW: Alastair Lee
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED: Alastair Lee
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH 1 FINGER WITH UR EYE CLOSE: Alastair Lee
SLAM YOUR PALM ON THE KEYBOARD: Alastair Lee
Copy this status, delete my answers, and see how you did.
No shit? I got them all correct.
But wait. What the fuck. Why would I ever want to type with my elbow? Why would I want to slam my palm on the keyboard?
That'd spoil my laptop.
Posting that as your status only shows that you...are brainless enough to destroy your property. I can only imagine the look of horror in your parents' eyes when they see you doing weird things on your computer.
Even watching porn is healthier.
Talking about watching porn with parents around reminds me of our last book out, in which we kena cock blocked. We were ready to be dismissed at 1715, when one of the higher ups suddenly decided to call us back (trudge up 4 levels into our bunk) for area cleaning. We did that dutifully, and we groused about that with great vehemence.
"Wah this is like watching porn and masturbating halfway then mother suddenly at the door, come back from shopping. Damn sian know."
A few minutes into the area cleaning:
"This is when she open the door already."
"Eeyer. This is like getting caught lor. Fuck."
-- 11/26/2011 12:40:00 AM
Ideas for future AFA-s
I went for Anime Fest Asia just now, and although it wasn't a blast, it was quite an interesting experience filled with countless possibilities now that I've compiled a list of things that can be done next year. I credit E and WK with some items on this list:1) Dress up as Snorlax and lie down on the floor, blocking the exit, or anywhere with a crowd. Snore as loud as possible.
2) Dress up as Ash and throw Pokeballs at everyone.
3) Dress up as an old man selling Pokeflutes to solve the Snorlax problem in 1.
4) Point at random cosplayers who are not from _____ and go "Is that from _____?"
5) Go naked and say you're being a porn star.
6) Dress up as a Spartan warrior and shout "THIS IS SPARTA!!!111!!!" before jumping at other cosplayers.
7) Dress up as Ip Man and go "我要打十个!" Remember to include the half-eaten potato, and a bloodied rice sack.
Any other ideas? I'd include them. We need to have fun.
-- 11/13/2011 07:21:00 PM
My only sunshine.
Interest without commitment is meaningless. Commitment without passion is pointless. Passion without qualification is ignored.That's probably why I try my best not to get committed to anything, and even when I do, I get ignored.
There was a girl who caught my eye in the train last week on my way home. I was quite intrigued by her, and her seemingly perpetual attention on whatever porn her iPhone was playing. Then I thought to myself, perhaps I could grope her and get away with it because she'd be too slow or engrossed to react.
At this point, you might be shocked or disgusted by my instincts, but I don't think I'm that abhorrent. Men are born to be more enthusiastic about reproduction, spreading of his seed, et cetera. I'm just exhibiting what it is to be a real man. I'm just being the way Nature wants me to be.
But of course, I managed to beat back those instincts of mine and acted like a true gentleman, which includes opening the MRT door for her, putting into motion the gears and cogs of the escalator, ensuring that the barrier doors open for her, et cetera, but as usual my efforts came to naught.
So I just walked on thinking that such people are better off out of sight, out of mind, but to my dismay she followed me, right to the same block. I was quite surprised actually. It must be fate that brought us together, and it doesn't make sense to throw away this perfect opportunity to get to know a neighbour.
Unfortunately my balls disagree, shrank and I didn't say anything to her throughout the lift ride.
It did keep me wondering what things would be like if I were to have a girlfriend who happens to be my neighbour though. Like, if I were depressed at any time I could just ask her to come down and comfort me or something. That does sound comforting, having a bitch I can bitch on 24/7. It's like 999, you know its presence and feel safe, but you don't actually use it (most of the time). It's just a comforting thought that I, unfortunately, don't get to experience.
Sometimes, I feel the need to tear down everyone else's facade or any semblance of glamour. I cannot stand anything pretentious, and it pushes my EQ to its limits every time I see someone like that. You can be part of the executive committee for something, the prom king/queen, the god/goddess of a cult that worships you, the elite of the elite, et cetera.
But you're definitely not someone of central importance in my life. I don't have any of the aforementioned credentials, but I get pissed when people flaunt. I cannot relate to it, I don't have any additional respect to you for whatever you had done, I don't give a fuck.
Besides, who gives a shit about these things? In the grand scheme of things, people come and go. You're nothing, you'd be reduced to nothing, why bother with all these self-important delusions? Does it make you feel happy? Nope, it only makes you feel important. Does that always lead to happiness? Not always.
There are occifers, and there are cadet occifers. Cadet occifers piss me off the most. They think that it's only natural that since they have been "commissioned", they will go OCS when they actually enlist. I can only hope that they don't have too high an expectation of themselves, because NCC is really nothing compared to NS. Besides, cadet occifers are really screwed up. I know one, and he is screwed up. He goes on about how army is all good, how he'd prefer if Singapore went to war because then he won't need to study, how he wants to sign on, et cetera. I found NCC fun. I find SAF not fun. I can only hope he won't be too disappointed when he realizes that he has zero EQ, not much leadership (none that I saw at least), and won't get that bar he wants so much. Oh, you're a cadet occifer, big deal.
People try to tear me down quite often. They like to watch me fall, I like to get up. It's a mutual-parasitic relationship. This reminds me of the song "Skyscraper", but instead of me trying to rise up from the ground to stand tall, I'd rather tear down everyone else too.
I prefer keeping both feet on the ground, I have a fear of height, and I think it's better for everyone else to be at a level in which I don't have to look up to them.
Why wish for additional height if you can wish for everyone else to be short?
My mum used to sing "You are my sunshine" to me. Of course, being a son (son shine) and all, I think I'm entitled to that song. She always sings it in a soothing and somehow prideful manner, and even though I was young (maybe like what, 7?), I kinda felt the underlying melancholy behind the lyrics of the song, which isn't that hard to detect if you read the lyrics. I always felt proud, that I was her sunshine and that she values me so much, and I also felt pressured because as "sunshine", I'd have to keep shining.
I stopped shining a long time ago.
-- 11/12/2011 06:07:00 PM
Chinese < English? How about a big fuck you?
I cannot understand why some kids are so stubborn. I cannot imagine what gives them the illusion that not saying sorry when they're in the wrong is an appropriate way of exhibiting pride.
If you did something wrong, you better fucking apologize. If my kid shows me cheek by like...watching porn, I sure as hell would cane him until he is limp and senseless. Kids shouldn't be allowed to watch porn until they're 14. They sure as hell should learn how not to get caught too. If they aren't able to mask their lustful activities, they ought to be caned for good measure.
I just saw for myself a case of sparing the rod and spoiling the child. A cute little female toddler did something wrong (tore some homework or some shit, I don't really know), and her mother told her to apologize to her victim. Her mum didn't even scold her on the spot for vandalism, she simply asked her to do what is only right and reasonable--apologize.
She refused, and just went around doing toddler-ish stuff, trying to digress or act cute or otherwise diverting attention from the fact that she did something wrong and didn't apologize. It was entertaining to see how she was trying to get off the hook so I looked on. After awhile, her mum didn't seem to forget the blood that was owed and asked her, insistently, to apologize.
She refused again. Then she started bawling and crying and sobbing uncontrollably, and eventually she burst a vessel or something and her nose started bleeding and she still refused to apologize. At this point when she was bawling, her parents were trying to placate her with sweets and tidbits and whatnot. It was disturbing. If I did something wrong and refused to apologize, I'd get rewarded with bruised legs and the embarrassment of it when I go to school, not sweets. In fact I'd be rebellious just to get sweets. OK maybe not.
I'm not perfect. I know I do things that piss people off and I apologize when it's my fault and sometimes I apologize even when it's not my fault because sometimes, it's the right thing to do to avoid any sticky/awkward situations. My pride is worth a lot, but it's not right to build it on other peoples' pain. I do stupid stuff all the time. I don't behave in a socially acceptable way most of the time. Like I said, I'm not perfect.
I'm only flawless.
Which I'd attribute to the hell of a childhood I've been through, which consists of being whipped by a variety of objects (from hangers to belts), being thrown like a marble around the house, and death by being suspended over a boiling pot, steamboat style.
This makes me wonder: Would that toddler turn out all right when she grows up? Would she know about EQ, about the importance of apologizing, and when is it appropriate to stand up for herself? Would she be able to tell when to do the right thing?
Is it possible to teach all these without proper caning?
If we were to extrapolate what she's like now to what she'd be like in the future, the future for her is bleak. But who am I to judge?
I came across this and I found it quite interesting. There are other pictures like these around of course, and what's most disturbing is that they are normally posted on pages which have airy-fairy names like "A picture paints a thousand words" or something equally profound. They try their best to stick to posting pictures or photos or whatever, but they normally end up posting a picture...of words. Like the one I'm posting below:
This "picture" doesn't come from an album or page that tries to sell itself as an album/page advocating pictures, but I'm just saying that most do. It's really retarded how they do it. I could come up with thousands of pictures this way by simply framing up certain words and declaring it to a picture. I don't even know how to articulate this properly.
Someone pissed me off too. He posted on Facebook:
A casual study would make the vast disparity in rationality and eloquence between the English- and Chinese-educated obvious, thereby proving the superiority of an English-language education.
Oh really? And what casual study may that be? If he were to write that for any GP paper (which is weird, general paper paper?) he'd probably write out of point and fail because he couldn't substantiate, and if simply declaring that any "casual study" could substantiate his point, I could also say that "This guy is an idiot because the newspapers said so".
Eloquence? What eloquence is he talking about? I went to search on the definition of eloquence and it is basically "the practice or art of using language with fluency and aptness." WHICH COMPLETELY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. If I don't understand French, I can't say that French-educated people are not eloquent BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND FRENCH. How the fuck do you even judge "eloquence"? I could say that the French language sucks, and that the French are not eloquent, but it's like I'm saying that chickens are tastier than mammoths BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW DOES A MAMMOTH TASTE LIKE.
If you don't understand a language, or if you only have an elementary grasp of the language, you cannot grasp the nuances of the language and thus find the language ugly. The "picture" I posted above should exemplify how the Chinese language can be eloquent in its own right, especially in point number 4. I'm guessing if I showed him that picture he would catch no ball.
But then again he might be more retarded than I imagined and meant that Chinese-educated people are not eloquent in English as compared to English-educated people. Then I'd pronounce this as "case closed" and move on in life.
But then again maybe this Facebook friend of mine is quite shrewd and took into consideration the fact that the US (a fine example of an English-educated society/government) owes China (a fine example of a Chinese-educated society/government) a lot of money, so much that America's problems becomes China's problem because USA is "too big to fail".
Yep. China is stupid (and thus irrational) for throwing so much money into a bottomless pit.
In other news...
Some random bird shat on me some time back this week, and my friends all around me were quite surprised by my good luck and made no attempt to hide this surprise of theirs. So they told me "whoa you damn lucky". I've heard of the theory of birdshit = luck, and if this is really true, I wish you all the best in your A levels and that's the extent of goodwill I can provide.
-- 11/06/2011 04:51:00 PM