13 songs that should be banned.
So, true to my word, I hit the cinema alone. The bad thing was that there's this other guy beside me checking my package out. It's disturbing, really. Remind me to buy the seat next to me, too. I don't want to be in such a socially awkward situation again.Before the show started however, I was rudely reminded of the my previous post on the worst songs of the year. I've decided to do the same again this year, because this is really jarring on my ears, and it's almost impossible to block the Noise out..because it's too shrill.
I know that "worst" is a superlative, and I know that my following announcement would thus have a grammar mistake, but please don't be so particular--these songs are so bad, it's rock bottom bad, and thus have the same standard throughout.
Presenting to you the 13 worst songs of the year:
1) Party Rock Anthem, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.
I've always had a problem with "shuffling". Shuffling goes against every single moral I have, which isn't that difficult considering how much morals I have, but the problem with shuffling is that IT WILL FUCKING SPOIL YOUR SHOES. Ever heard of wear and tear? Would you like to be the shoe that gets worn out because your owner is a complete dick? Shuffling is stupid and overrated. Get a life, start walking like normal humans for a change. If you really want to tone your muscles so much, go to the gym. Fight Brock.
What the fuck is wrong with people these days? You guys dig this shit?
And let's just say that I find the lyrics of "Party Rock Anthem" particularly interesting/meaningful, because I'm an alcoholic clubber who isn't really into abstract stuff like "meaningful lyrics". Let's just assume that I'm like that. OK. So..what makes you think that "Chipmunking" this song that I love so much would make me love the song even more? Are the chipmunks going to teach me more about shuffling, because there are so few differences in our anatomy now that they walk on 2 legs?
Changing the tone, making the song more shrill, is not helpful to my ears. It probably doesn't make anyone happy. If it makes you happy, just..go. Just go. Really. I don't need you here, and I don't need you as a friend. I cringe to know that such people exist.
2) Bad Romance, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.
Overall, I give a 0/10 for Originality, 0/10 for Creativity, 10/10 for Irritating. I never had a beef with Lady Gaga, because I'm too Chinese to bother with English songs. Now, I'll have problems with her. Isn't there something she could've done to stop her record company/label/whatever from allowing "chipmunks" to defile her song?
Or maybe she doesn't care. Which makes me have problems with her.
3) Trouble, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.
This is getting tiring to read. It's tiring to type too. I'm not used to typing "and" as "&", so I have to keep looking at the keyboard. And I keep spelling "Chipettes" as "Chippettes", which sucks.
4) Whip My Hair, performed by The Chipettes.
At least I didn't have to type "&", although I just did. Anyway, this song by itself sucks. That is not to say that number 3 does not, because I've never heard the song before and I'm not going to start now. This song is sung by a...10 year old kid. It gained traction because of her dad. It sucks. Really. I'm going to quote WIki, which quoted somewhere else, that
1.
Lyrically the song is about letting loose, having fun and being full of swagger, while she asks ladies to "whip their hair" and "shake haters off".
2.
"The lyrics have motivational undertones, speaking of self-love and assurance, and referring to letting your hair down as a representation of this in parts like the line, 'Keep fighting until I get there, when I'm down and I feel like giving up/I whip my hair back and forth, I whip it, I whip it real good.'"
This makes me wonder about the girls who have short hair. You mean you can't have fun, be full of swagger, because you don't have the hair to whip? The "motivational undertones, speaking of self-love and assurance, and referring to letting your hair down as a representation of this" reeks of a condescending attitude towards people like, say, cancer patients.
| C'mon, whip your hair back and forth! |
| ... |
Simply put, the song sucks, the imagery falls flat on itself, it's a song sung by someone born in the year 2000, for people born in the same year. I can hardly imagine what went through the lyricist's mind. I cannot imagine why the "chipmunks" would want this song either. It's disturbing.
5) Vacation, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes.
Yea, I'll need one now.
6) We Have Arrived (Rae Chill featuring Chris Classic).
No I don't know what is this. Yes I'm quoting directly from Wiki. Fuck this shit. What arrived? Who cares about a bunch of chipmunks running around. Can't they be on the menu instead? If they can't, then what's the point of their existence?
7) Say Hey, performed by The Chipmunks & The Chipettes featuring Nomadik.
Hey.
Shut the fuck up.
8) Real Wild Child (Wild One), performed by The Chipmunks and The Chipettes featuring Nomadik.
Wild is right. If I'm a father and my child were to ask for this, I'll abandon him in the jungles and see if he becomes Tarzan. That or dog food. Wild Child my ass.
9) S.O.S., performed by The Chipettes.
Help me. I'm drowning in stupidity. And help us all, deliver us from this pain. I bought movie tickets to ENJOY A FUCKING MOVIE, NOT TO GET MY EARS DESTROYED, NOT TO MAKE MY DICK SHRINK AND SHRIVEL.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
I need to sue cinemas for using their songs. Maybe that'd make them realize that consumers aren't just sacks of meat for them to sink their corporate dicks into.
10) We No Speak Americano/Conga, The Chipettes featuring Barnetta DeFonseca.
You racist? I no speakea Engrish.
What the fuck is Americano anyway? It's not even a language. Move on.
11) Survivor, performed by The Chipettes.
Please let me survive this. Let the S.O.S. go through. I'll try my best not to step into a cinema until the coast is clear, if not I might end up demolishing the stereo.
12) Born This Way/Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now/Firework, performed by The Chipmunks and the Chipettes.
Born to be irritating, can't stop you from raping our ears and making us explode into fireworks. Yea, I got that alright.
Number 13 is a bonus track. Bonus...indeed.
13) Club Can't Handle Me, performed by The Chipmunks and The Chipettes.
I can't handle you either, and I think I'm quite a tolerant man. I die a little bit every time I hear their irritating squeaky "voices". Please. It's a different form of techno, except more irritating. I'd rather scratch my nails on a blackboard. It'll probably be less painful.
| On the ears I mean. |
How do the producers sleep at night? Don't they have a conscience? =\
 |
| I'd rather be marooned than get in a shipwreck with them. |
-- 12/29/2011 10:02:00 PM