Impartiality.
Pitfall traps are normally set up by people. I'm the kind of person who sets up situations only to have it collapse unto me. Which..kinda sucks. I don't really like to have my cards played against me but I don't really have a choice. I mean..I chose to play them in the first place after all.Which is why I don't understand my tendency to set up traps for me to fall into. I guess I'm just asking for trouble. It disturbs me how impartial my cards are--I sometimes forget that they're simply cards and nothing else, in the sense that there's no emotional attachment. Just because you got that Ace 3 games in a row doesn't mean you'd have a higher chance of getting it for the 4th game--you still have the same probability getting it as the other players. Cards get shuffled around all the time, played by different hands. I'm just another hand that had the chance to play said cards.
I tend to dramatize the relationship I have with cards. You know they always say that you shouldn't curse your luck or your mahjong tiles, because it'd only make things worse. Of course it only reflects better on your peace and calm, and that in turn MIGHT help you get better tiles, or at least feel like you didn't get the worst of the lot. We subconsciously form a relationship with the cards/tiles, we hope they'd reciprocate and be dealt to us, but it doesn't happen because it's all up to luck.
 |
| It doesn't love you; it's just its luck. |
That said, we all have this false delusion that if you spend enough time with an object, that object will become attached to you. Nope, it just means you become more attached to the object. It's not going to be your "lucky underwear" simply because you wear it to every major battle you have. We just like to attribute stuff to stuff.
Damn I hate Monopoly Deal. My cards are always stolen from me, right under my nose, and I'm powerless to say anything. I can't just say no if I feel the card doesn't want to stick around, right? I do listen to the cards. I know what they want, I know where they want to end up at, and I don't want to get in the way. In short, cards play me.
In other news, I've officially declared myself an alcoholic. I was at a Christmas party just now, courtesy of my BMT buddy, when there was suddenly free flow of vodka and white wine and beer. I couldn't help myself.
I was a happy man. Except that the more I drank the more sober I got and the aforementioned thoughts appeared and I felt sucky. It's not that much of a blessing being unable to get high, being reasonably sober, when you don't want to be sober. However, I'm glad that no matter how depressed I am, there are still friends that I can rely on, that I can call on whenever I feel the need to. Time might make us drift apart, but even so..I'm glad that a simple phone call can make us closer. I'm just glad that we can bridge whatever time puts between us so easily. I'm glad.
I know I wasn't born with much luck in things that I'd wanted to be lucky in, like perhaps gambling, and I know that I've been complaining for some time about my lack of luck in certain areas, but..
..I can't carry on like that, because that'd be unfair to the friends I'm lucky enough to have. I know you all might not read this, but thanks Fi for...talking me out of my drunken stupor, for giving me your listening ear as I ranted, and thanks Candle for helping me put my life in order. OK it's not that orderly yet, no real goals in sight, but hey..it's a start. Thanks for helping me start.
If I have such great friends, I can hardly suck that badly. (;
-- 12/26/2011 03:46:00 AM