CNY COS.
I didn't sleep the whole night because I had to book in for duty and thought that I might as well sleep while doing this COS duty. So if what I say doesn't make sense, it probably doesn't.You know how some people like to wear their jackets without really wearing them? You pull the jacket over your shoulders but you don't bother putting your hands into the sleeves?
I'm kinda stuck in the office for COS duty on the first day of Chinese New Year, so this translates to a bored young man emulating things he doesn't normally emulate.
In case you don't really know what I'm talking about, here's a picture that exemplifies the very sense of fashion I tried to describe:
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| I like his mouth shape. |
So yea, that's what I meant.
It doesn't keep me warm =.=
I heard this story last Friday over the radio. It was about an experiment done on children. A teacher was feeling sadistic and decided to give every child a piece of candy. She (for it must be a female to come up with something of such diabolical intentions) told all the students that if they didn't eat the candy bestowed by the end of that period, she'd give them all another piece of candy to reward them for not yielding to temptation.
At this point, I was quite confused. I mean, I think it's quite obvious that she's trying to make a point that kids who resist temptation have a higher potential of growing up to become better people, but I couldn't fathom
1) Why the deadline?
2) Why the reward?
Let's face it, candy isn't like potato chips. OK, maybe it is to you, but I don't eat sweets like free. Let's look at lollipops. If a woman gave me a lollipop and gave me conditions similar to the aforementioned, I would definitely eat the lollipop immediately because
1) Women renege on their promises
2) I don't want diabetes.
I think that as a child, I'd definitely take into consideration at least point 2, which is for health reasons. I mean, when I was young I probably thought females weren't very different from us. They didn't have boobs back then, and I didn't watch porn.
If the reward was something really great, or something that can be discussed monetarily, then I might consider not eating that lollipop immediately...
..but since it's a woman, I'll still take whatever I can first (namely, the lollipop).
I was suspicious of the world even as a child. Me, eating the candy immediately after the teacher set the conditions is my way of saying "Fuck the second piece of candy, it's not here it's not going to happen and you're lying". It's not my way of saying "I have no control over my penis".
They then went on to state how the children who didn't eat their candy survived. Were they tempted to eat? Of course they were, it's recess time and they're held back by a bitch with nothing better to do. OK I made that up. But yea they were supposedly tempted, and they distracted themselves by doing work, playing with their pencils, or sleeping. Yes, they specifically mentioned sleeping. I want to be a teacher. I will host this experiment every lesson I have, just to legitimize sleeping in class.
The bottom line here is that the children who resisted suffered lots, like an itch they can't reach. For that amount of torture, how is a second piece of candy going to help?
I'd rather eat the first candy that comes my way and be done with it. I don't care much about candy what =.=
They then charted the progress of this class of kids, and differentiated between those who "resisted temptation", and those who "succumbed to temptation". They found out that -surprise surprise-
1) The "stronger" children grew up to be more successful
2) The "weaker" children remained weak.
What nonsense. If naivety is a talent, the stronger children are damn gifted. Just because a teacher said she's going to give you a candy doesn't mean she would. How does this even relate to future successes? I'm beginning to doubt the verity of this experiment. The presenter (the DJ) might've composed this story on the spot just to finish her homework.
Do you guys get what I'm saying? I'm only half-getting what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to articulate your thoughts before you can understand them. I'm doing just that, but I'm still not making sense of my thoughts and as Fi always says, if you can't convince, confuse and I'm trying to confuse you.
I want to sleep.
And happy Chinese New Year to everyone (:
I really love Chinese New Year. It's amazing how much effort every Chinese puts into taking time off for reunion dinner, family gatherings, stuff like that. It's also commendable that we always pray to our ancestors before celebrating. I like how humility/gratitude is always within our culture. It makes me feel proud to be Chinese.
I've decided that I enjoy going to the temple. There's this...sense of peace. When you close your eyes to pray you feel like someone's really listening to you. I try my best not to articulate what I wish for in words, because if the gods do exist, they should know me better than myself. I'll give them the raw emotions to work with.
The only problem is that I'm too self-conscious. I'm worried that I'll be caught in that kneeling position for too long. My mum and sis prays for some time, and I spend a lot of my time kneeling down squinting and hoping that they'd stand up so that I can take the cue to stand up too. It's a bit weird to stand around waiting for others to be done, and it's very weird to make 2 people stand around you waiting for you to be done.
I think this speaks volumes of a need I have:
I need a lot of time alone.
-- 1/23/2012 09:16:00 PM
Dignity.
According to dictionary.com,Dignity:
1.
bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2.
nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.
3.
elevated rank, office, station, etc.
4.
relative standing; rank.
5.
a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.
According to Pascal Mercier,
"That there are things a person wouldn't do or allow at any price: maybe that's what dignity consisted of. It didn't need to be moral boundaries. You could forfeit your dignity in other ways: A teacher who played the crowing cock in the variety show out of subjection. Asskissing for the sake of a career. Unbounded opportunism. Duplicity and avoiding conflict to save a marriage. Such things."
This brings to mind one question:
What would you not do or allow at any price?
There's a dilemma that I've been facing for quite awhile. I've only sourced for one opinion so far, and the source of that opinion has been quite an asshole :c
My dilemma: I have the opportunity to play with tits, real life ones, but I don't want to jump on the opportunity just because I want boobs. I'm a creep, but I don't really want to suffer with the guilt of exploiting someone that I never set out to exploit in the first place.
I'm not engaging other opinions, because I know what I must do, I know what I need to do.
I'm going to force myself into an impasse with my following declaration, and I might grow to regret it because I'm effectively rejecting hedonism, but I have to do it if not I'll accept what might come my way, and exploit the innocence presented to me. I have to write this down if not I'd turn into a monster that I don't want to see myself as.
I'm staking my dignity, and that's all that a man needs. If I lose it, I'm effectively emasculated.
Read my proclamation, be my witness.
I will not exploit any girls who are unintentionally charmed by me.
It sounds egotistic and much like a joke, but I'm fucking serious. If I don't put the effort into charming a girl, but she gets charmed anyway, she's collateral and thus should not be touched. I don't want unintentional casualties of Indiana Jones. Every shot should be an aimed shot, and if it misses the target and ends up hitting another, I'm not going to simply settle for a consolation prize. It's like if I'm aiming for a bird but I end up hitting a deer, I'm not going to pick up the deer for its meat. If it's not what I want, I won't settle for less.
I might not seem to make sense to you but that's fine as long as I make sense to myself, as long as I remember the thing I'll never do.
Because a man who can't keep his penis under control is not fit to be a man.
-- 1/20/2012 12:38:00 AM
Girls are wrong when they are.
I get this feeling that I'm treating people like accessories. I'm not asking them out to accompany them, I'm asking them out to accompany me..if that even makes sense to you.And when they do turn up, I'm...not sure I'm comfortable with their presence.
There's so many things I'd like to say but don't know how to articulate. I'll attribute this to my inability to organize my thoughts in a more coherent format.
I shall go on to lament about not knowing the German language. Why this sudden lamentation? I mentioned how meanings are made murky, things made difficult to understand, words getting lost in translation before. I don't exceptionally like going into book reviews and all that nonsense, but I'd say this much:
Night Train to Lisbon is orgasmic.
So orgasmic I regret picking it up at the library, because it's poisoning my thoughts with melancholy. It's filling my blood with contempt for others. It's a book you read to get mindfucked, and my mind is fucked, and the language is beautiful, so beautiful in its translated version that I want to know what it is in its original language.
And yes, I judge books by their covers and titles, and I'm normally right.
In other news, I'm becoming a misogynist. I hate females. When you criticize them, they take offence, get angry, start to dao you, play the If-I'm-so-bad-then-why-should-I-change card (even when they never had the plans to change--you know that from the past 6 years you've known her for), and then wait for you to apologize and take back your words, because they cannot bear to see the truth about themselves--that they care more about themselves than others.
I think this describes what most people feel about girls:
 |
| Whoever came up with this is a pussy. |
Not to me, not in my book. If you're in the wrong, you fucking apologize, and we can move on from that matter. Excuses do not work on me. Crying and whining irks me and hardens my Resolve to rape you. Yep, that's my dick's middle name. Indiana "Resolve" Jones.
I can be so bold and harsh with my words because, simply put, I don't give a fuck. It's something weighing on my mind for a long time, and I don't need incorrigible friends who, in turn, don't give a fuck about me, to weigh me down. It's like free consultation, you never have to put in the effort for the friendship but you get the comfort of one, and I hate having to pay all the time. Friendship takes 2 hands to clap.
If you think you fit the description of an asshole, you can consult me on a one-to-one basis. I'll tell you whether you are an asshole, and if you are, how to stop being one. I like people who can face up to themselves, who can look into their mirror and point out all their flaws objectively and not go like "No lah this one actually not that bad, I never blah blah blah, it's there lah but I never exhibit it intentionally, and since it's unintentional, so are its consequences, and so I'm not evil by nature, so it's really like not there like that, blah blah blah...."
_|_
-- 1/07/2012 02:26:00 PM
A new year resolution.
New Year resolution? Mine's simple. I'll start off quoting from "Night Train to Lisbon", which in turned quoted from Marcus Aurelius' "The Meditations"."Do wrong to thyself, do wrong to thyself, my soul; but thou wilt no longer have the opportunity of honouring thyself. Every man's life is sufficient. But thine is nearly finished, though thy soul reverences not itself but places thy felicity in the souls of others. "
And I'll end off with another quote, from the same
"Through not observing what is in the mind of another a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy. "
-- 1/02/2012 12:48:00 AM