Mince.
He was lurking behind, packing up his deck of cards that were used to play a particularly painful game of Truth or Dare. I didn't allow him to, I couldn't let him be the last person to leave the room. But maybe I should have. Maybe I should've allowed him that little bit of privacy and not ruin his excuse to be left alone, for just that little while.His face said it all: He's a nice guy. He doesn't seem like a particularly street-smart nice guy, and he definitely isn't what I'd call attractive.
But just because he isn't attractive doesn't mean he can't be attracted to others, and it seems like he's attracted to someone for why else would he be present?
Everyone is fawning over her. Maybe their intentions were pure, as pure as a 16 year old can be, but they all seem to be gathered there to make an impression. To be, in turn, admired. And the boy mentioned above is no exception.
And he knows! He knows that he's not attractive. He knows that he's going to end up bullied, burnt. But he does it anyway, because if he doesn't get burnt now, then when? He's a willing victim. He wants to be burnt, and he just got burnt, and it got a bit painful and he doesn't know if he regrets it and he's trying to rearrange his facial expressions to better suit the mood that he is supposed to be in, and he needed that little bit of privacy. But I denied him even that.
I don't understand this need for birthday parties. It's a birthday, and so? And so you want to hold a massive celebration where your friends are compelled to come because they have to function socially. You make people feel compelled to turn up, even against their wishes, because it is after all your birthday and who can go against the wishes of the one in power? Your friends don't want to disappoint you after all. And so this emotional blackmail is done in the most artful manner, so subtle you can't really call it emotional blackmail.
I hate birthday parties. I like crowds, I like the noise, but I don't ever want to hold a birthday party where everyone is clamouring for any single person's attention, where everyone is fawning over someone, where conversations don't come freely, where there are stupid truth-or-dare games, where awkward moments arise when you confirm your suspicions that your friends like you in a romantic way.
Which means that if there's a birthday party where the main focus is not on the person celebrating the birthday, it sounds good.
Birthdays in general are not good for me. I'm pretty sure there's a ranking system in every Birthdayer's mind. It should go something like
"It's my birthday today, I should spend it with someone I'm in a relationship with."
"It's the day after my birthday today, I should spend it with a close friend."
And so on.
And I understand this ranking system. I would have such a ranking system myself if I were more self-absorbed or popular. Mostly the latter.
So I'm often celebrating birthdays for people weeks after or weeks before, because I'm not important enough for them to clear their schedules for, but important enough for them to use Birthday celebrations as an excuse to play catch up.
And yea there's another thing I don't understand: Truth or Dare.
If I'm your friend and you've something you're keeping from me despite my best efforts to dig it out of you, I definitely won't use this stupid game to extort it out from you. If you're keeping a secret from me there must be a damn good reason why you're keeping a secret in the first place, and forcing it out from you in such a public way is...fucked up.
Dare. Dare? Seriously? I'd rather play strip poker...
...with guys.
It makes things awkward. It's stupid. The inventor of this game has a weird screwed up mind.
If you can't get information out, you don't have to adopt this scorched-earth policy. Don't burn everyone in awkwardness with your stupidity and apparent lack of charm.
Which is probably why you can't get people to confide you in the first place.
I went jogging just now. I haven't ran for..2 whole months already. I thought I'd forgotten how to run, but naw, I still remember.
The weird thing is, I was walking home (uhh...cooling down) when this girl walked beside me. We were walking at the same pace when I had this sudden urge to engage in a conversation with her, because she was wearing a JC shirt, Innova I think, and she was out at 8PM on a Friday night.
So I gathered my balls, I mean, mustered my courage and asked
Hi, just finished training or something?
She was quite startled and blurted something about "You're sexy when coated in sweat", before correcting herself "SORRY THAT WAS MY AUTO-CORRECT. I mean, yes."
So I now have her on Facebook.
Naw I didn't talk to her. I was very tempted to though, but I thought "naw, too young."
And temptation was running high so I just ran off like the pussy I am.
There's this problem that I have. I tend to think of women as accessories. But I don't really find this a problem, except that most people around me think it's a bad way to treat women. But meh.
I mean let's face it, you want a woman to bring around for social and familial situations. You want someone that can bring out a different side of you. You want to seem responsible for the life/progress of someone else.
Shit, OK, women are not accessories. They are pets.
OK never mind they are accessories. Because they...just are. And this is just me stripping down to the essence of a relationship. You want an accessory that can breed good kids, that you can bring out for any kind of situation.
It's the same for women, they want a man that they can bring out and be brought out with.
I've come to the conclusion that I don't make the best accessory to a girl, because I'm too much of an asshole. I'm too blunt. I'm too sexual.
People don't like that, especially women, because they don't want to think, or let other people think, that they are dating a pervert.
But I've realized that being a pervert's the only perverse way to filter out people who are discerning and people who aren't. Except that the people who are discerning more often than not don't make the best accessories themselves, which makes life hard for perverts like myself.
But that's fine, it will sort itself out. I get this feeling that I can charm a lot of people. And some day with a greater pool of people to work with I will be able to strike gold.
Some day.
I don't mince words, I can't mince words, I can't afford to.
-- 3/30/2012 11:20:00 PM
To the God of the Buses.
To the God of the Buses:We all look up to you, because you're the one who decides who gets on the bus first. You're powerful, because if we don't look up to you, you can decide, at whim, to make us the last group to leave. Queuing up has no use, because the placings of who gets to go first are decided by our looks and how good they make your mood.
You can make us take the buses that start coming in at 1815hrs, or the buses that come at 1900hrs, and we'll get back to our place of rest either early or late. We don't have any medium to complain, because you're doing your job and we're all considered as lower life forms--who would listen to us, and even if anyone did, who would do anything about this small, insignificant complain?
We're all kept happy because sometimes we get the first bus out, and that makes us forget that we've been shortchanged for the past few weeks. We're all kept in line with the handheld games we play, because when we're playing our games, everything else seems insignificant, less interesting. We're all kept under the self-delusion, a trick of our own mind, that since we're playing our games anyway, it doesn't make a difference whether we play at our place of rest, or at the place of the course.
You are powerful, and you know it. You don't particularly enjoy making 48 people suffer with Waiting, but you don't particularly mind their suffering. You're oblivious to their pain, because they are just people in green, ugly green, and they're all personnel without a heavy chest.
You don't mind making them suffer, and you don't take it upon yourself to make them happy either. Does this sound familiar to something, someone we've all heard of but are unable to confirm the existence of?
You are God.
You are God in your area of expertise, and you know the immense power you wield over the emotions of the lower life forms.
You're not afraid to flaunt it or use it, because it's one of the few things that separates you from us. This power is a method of control. You end up having an inflated ego, because YOU have the POWER. And weak people in power are often made corrupt by the power they wield. You are not an exception, you will never be an exception.
You will become a slave of this power. You don't even have to abuse it--you simply have to know that you have the power. Knowing it, simply knowing it, gives you the boner you so desire.
It's like stroking the red button--you know you can end millions of lives if you decide to wage a nuclear war. It's all up to you, and knowing you have the power and contemplating the endless suffering that you can cause, all in your mind, makes you happy, makes you content. "This power, what can I do with it?"
An area, a power, in which jurisdiction we'd not be under in the very near future.
Every weak man in power makes himself a God.
And if we have the power, we will strike you down. We will burn you and everything else that we hate so much but are forced to put up with because of this legalized tyranny.
We will get our voices heard. We will get even with you.
Some day.
From: The hapless victims.
I will no longer be a victim of your power. I am no longer under your jurisdiction. I no longer have to worry about your mood or anything that goes on in your life.
I no longer have to suck your cock.
_|_
-- 3/17/2012 03:18:00 PM
Grant me Magic.
Oh god please help me. I know I'm asking for the moon, but I'm not seeking power because I am corrupt. I am seeking power because I want to represent the unrepresented. I want to help the weak, because I am haunted by the sufferings of the weak.I want to learn magic.
I was walking out of my room when the room opposite mine suddenly opened, and a small figure appeared. I thought it was a ghost. Now that I think about it, I'd rather it have been some supernatural being, but no it was...my maid.
She couldn't have chosen a more inopportune moment. Basically, she saw me walking out of my room while I was naked and had a hand full of sperms. I had my pants under my armpits and she had a surprised
"Eh?"
To which I replied with a similar, level "eh?", because I cannot let her hear the fear in my voice if not the game is completely gone. I walked off in a controlled manner too.
All I can hope is that the unlit corridor is dark enough to cover my nakedness =\
Damn, this is so fucked up I'm going to consult the alcohol.
Fuck.
I will die of shame.
=.=
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FACE HER. WHY DOES SHE OPEN HER DOOR SO SOFTLY. WTF.
ALAMAK.
Oh god this is fucked up. Shit.
But I will rise above this.
I will be strong. I will be a giant, I will protect everyone.
Grant me magic.
In other news: Good job. Thanks for leaving me out and then posting the pictures on Facebook. I can't say more, because I don't have the rights to.
-- 3/11/2012 03:31:00 AM
Ambu-lan.
I'm not a chauvinist. I really don't think of myself as one. I let women do things for me, like holding the door open for me. Of course I hold the door open for them if they are staring at my behind, but more often than not I'm lazy to walk fast, so they end up in front of me anyway.And I don't bother rushing forward to open the door for them, because I know they are perfectly capable of opening the doors themselves. I think in this respect, I'm actually quite a feminist.
That's why I hate this next part of the post, because I don't like the fact that it's true:
Bitches need to know their place.
I went out just now to meet a girl, and we both knew it'd lead to sex in her mouth eventually. We were walking over to a faraway (and thus remote) area when she suddenly decided that I pissed her off, because I kept joking about how she wants me so much she would travel continents just to reach me. She couldn't take a joke (a recurring one, I admit), and so she went bonkers and decided to go home. I tried to make her stay, because sex in the mouth is really something I want to try, but she wouldn't listen even when I apologized.
I tried being nice to her, after apologizing I went on to other methods of negotiation like unlawful confinement, restraints (bondage), and eventually rape.
But I got lazy so I stopped after apologizing and asking her the usual
"What's wrong? Are you angry because of what I said? I take back my words, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I was only joking."
"Hey at least tell me why you're angry, so I won't repeat it next time."
"You took such great pains to come over, I really don't want you to leave so unhappily."
It's one thing to play coy, another to play hard to get, and yet another to play fucked up. So I got very pissed and just told her off. I mean, I was being a dick, but I tried to change things around and stop being such a dick. I tried to be nice but she wouldn't recognize that.
I'd rather have sex with a dog than in her mouth, so I left.
I don't understand how men are led by their dicks. Come on man, you have a brain. I refuse to be led by my appendage. It's just gross. I can do things for sex, but I will not give up on important things like my dignity.
Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean that we all want to have sex with you. OK, maybe we all do, but that doesn't mean you can control us. I get tired of guys grovelling for female attention. I want to castrate them all so they won't ever have anything to grovel for.
There's this craze over the show 步步惊心, of which I can make no sense of. I cannot understand how people can bring themselves to watch this show, and that says a lot from someone who can watch Taiwanese 800+ episodes drama serials.
But never mind the show itself, it might be interesting, witty, humorous, or whatever. What I cannot stand is the actual REASON behind watching the show--the handsome boys.
Someone close to me once exclaimed:
I want to start watching 步步惊心! Because there was this scene in which the lead female character nearly got shot by an arrow, and the prince dashes out to push her away from the trajectory of the arrow only to get slightly injured by the arrow. When she asked him why he's willing to risk his own life/body for her, he replied with his usual stoic expression "你受伤我会更痛", and I was like "Awwwww", so I decided to watch the show.
I got freaked out. I cannot believe that I know people like that. When I watch my porn, I don't bother with the looks of the female. Of course she must be presentable, not nightmare-quality, But I don't bother daydreaming about the perfect girl I'd like to watch in my porn, because that is
1) unfair to my future sex partner
2) unrealistic.
Which is why I don't understand females in the sense that they hope for the top quality people, like the someone close mentioned above. She went gaga over a perceived hot guy, and that will heighten her standards, which will in turn eschew perfectly eligible guys from her potential life partner list.
This is the same with all the K-pop actually. Girls go for...whatever boy bands there are, I don't even know any =.=
They are filling the minds of impressionable people that there will always be princes out there waiting for them, so they shouldn't "settle for less".
OK, perhaps that scene was touching, in the sense that it's some kind of selfless behaviour, and I won't go into any arguments over whether it's selfless or just a ploy to get inside her chamber of secrets. I've taken the liberty to take a screenshot of that scene:
 |
| Meh. |
What if it were him who said it instead:
 |
| 你受伤我会更痛 |
I've always liked Kang Kang. But let's face it, you won't have an "Awww" reaction, you'll have an "Eeyer" reaction.
And then you won't watch the show.
A few days back, I was struck with this sudden inspiration--when I get a car, I want my car plate to be simply, number 1. I will have to be very rich to throw money into bidding for such a number. But I want to be so rich I don't mind throwing the money in.
I want it before I turn 25.
I have 5 years to get the...COE is around 80K, the car itself..depends, and the car plate, probably 50K. I don't know.
I'll have to earn a lot.
So, I've decided to come up with a list of things that can help me get rich fast
1) Singapore Pools. Toto/4D is a good way of earning money, and the best way to pay taxes.
2) Casinos
3) Gambling in general
4) Scams
5) Robbery
6) Stocks trading (an informed form of gambling)
7) Male escort
and the list goes on. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like there is no real way to get rich quick unless you want to bend a few life principles of yours. Unless your life principle is to gamble lah.
This sucks, another dream I cannot fulfill.
I keep doing this to myself. I keep screwing myself over. =\
A few days back, I was on the ambulance with a friend. He was being a Merlion, and because he reported sick only at 10PM, they had to send him to another camp where there's a medical occifer to take him. The ambulance doesn't have air-conditioner =.=
And the driver sucked.
And...if I were the injured person lying on the gurney bleeding my intestines out, I'd want to live, because I don't want the depressing innards of an ambulance to be the last scenes of my life.
Imagine bleeding to death with a bunch of people crowding out your face trying to save you. You want to take a last view of your surroundings, of the outside world, before you pass on, but
1) The paramedics are in your face
2) The windows are frosted.
It's for privacy reasons, but I'd also want to be able to take a dying view of my surroundings, to know which avenue I'm dying at, but privacy reasons doesn't afford me that solace.
And of course, there's no air-conditioner.
I don't ever want to go in such a way =\
-- 3/04/2012 04:46:00 PM